Monday, February 26, 2007

The Academy Awards!: or Time Warner Cable makes me want to hit Daniel Franco in the nuts!

First of all, Other Eric has a brief commentary up on his site about the Academy Awards and may put up some more later, when we've looked at the outfits more. Basically I disagree with everything he says. Just kidding!

I didn't watch the awards so I'll just make up a bunch of stuff. Not really. But I missed the red carpet arrivals and missed the end of the broadcast because the Tivo didn't tape it! After a week and a half of no digital cable, Time Warner finally sent someone out to give us a new DVR box on Saturday. I set it to record Joan and Melissa at 3:00, the red carpet arrivals at 5:00, and the ceremony at 5:30. (That's what time it was live here on the West Coast.) I didn't want to watch television all day so I decided I would start watching the arrivals and then the ceremony at around 7:00 but when I went to start watching there was no sound on the television! I think there is something wrong with the new DVR box. So frustrating! I'm just so glad we didn't have people over to watch, like we did last year.

Fortunately, Eric had set the Tivo in the bedroom for the ceremony so I watched that in the bedroom, NOT in high definition, thank you very much. Argh! It's enough to make me want to hit Daniel Franco in the nuts! (By the way, my new catch-phrase about hitting Daniel Franco in the nuts does not seem to be catching on as I had hoped. You may have seen in it other variations of kicking him in the nuts or punching him in the nuts. I'll keep trying.)

Anyway, I thought Ellen was very funny. Al Gore is really funny, too. I can't believe he got such a bad rap for being boring. If only Democrats were better at letting their true personalities show when they are campaigning. Oh, well.

Who stabbed Catherine Deneuve in the boob? That almost made me barf.

Gwyneth Paltrow is my best dressed! Loved the color and the style of her dress! And I liked her hair. I usually think she looks like crap so I was pleasantly surprised.

Helen Mirren looked so beautiful! She was in the color Tim Gunn recommended for her in the TV Guide, although not the style he recommended. Thank god! That strapless number he suggested would have had her enormous breasts hanging down to her ankles! What was Tim thinking?

I though both Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt looked awful! Hated both of those dresses, though Anne's was worse; it made it look like she had no waist. I think I just hated the color, fabric, and style of Emily's. Other than that, it was fine. No, seriously, at least it was flattering to her figure.

I liked the shadow dance things. They were cool and, most importantly, really brief! So much better than a five minute interpretive dance by Debbie Allen for every damn film.

I agree with Eric about the film clips. Too many of them. I liked the foreign film one and, of course, the one of dead people, but there were a couple where I couldn't even figure out why we were watching them. During one near then end I was asking myself, "Is there a theme for these clips or are they just random. Someone must have introduced them but I've forgotten."

And don't get me started on Jerry Seinfeld! No, really, he was pretty funny. But "there's this new thing the theaters are doing where they ask you to pick up your trash"? Really? Has he just gone to the movies for the first time in twenty years? Ellen's Gilligan's Island jokes were more topical!

The acceptance speeches sucked, as usual. The Golden Globes are so much better!

Seacrest out!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Top Design Recap, Episode Four: Student Projects!

My Top Design recap is up, over on Top Design Blogger! Check it out here!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Project Runway Recap, Season Two, Episode 3: Barbie's Nightmare!

The boys at Project Rungay are blogging season two on DVD while we await the arrival of season four. So, Eric and I are watching and here's my recap:

We start the episode with soft-porn shots of Chloe on a couch.

Lupe, Kara, and Marla are fighting. It goes something like this:

Lupe: "Yo mama!"

Kara: "No; yo mama!"

Lupe: "What did you say, bitch?"

Marla: "I think what Kara is trying to explain to you is, 'Yo mama.'"

Lupe: "You better mind your own business, old lady. This kitchen is full of knives."

Seriously, what the fuck are they arguing about? I think it has to do with the fact that Kara likes to sleep off her anxiety medication and Lupe likes to get up early and bang on pots and pans. So apparently Kara has decided to switch beds so she can sleep in a different room. No big deal, right? Well, for some reason Lupe is still confused and Marla has to clear things up for her:

Lupe: "You want to move to another room? I don't understand."

Marla: "She wants to get away from you, freak! What part of that do you not understand?"

Lupe: "Oh, yeah, Marla, I forgot to tell you there was a message for you. It was 'Yo mama.'"

Meanwhile, next door, the fags are taking a long time getting ready. They all have to exfoliate and do their hair using only one bathroom! They could do a whole reality show about that:

Pitch to Bravo for new reality show set for fall 2007: Five homosexuals are forced to live in an apartment with one bathroom and still manage to look good enough to go out for brunch. The first one to have a complete nervous breakdown wins the title of Top Gay!

Seriously, how are they managing? Eric and I can't get ready in the morning with anything less than two bathrooms, though a third would be nice. Well, not only are they managing the bathroom crisis but they also have time to make fun of all the girls. And by "girls," of course, I mean Andrae. Andrae is taking it well:

Andrae: "My outburst on the runway was a little bit embarrassing."

You think? Anyway, we finally get to Parsons and Tim has an announcement:

Tim: "We are taking a field trip to meet a fashion icon! This is very thrilling! [To the camera] That didn't sound too sarcastic, did it?"

No, Tim; that was perfect. You can make the most silly announcements sound completely convincing.

Tim: "Oh, good. So, we'll be walking to Times Square, where this fashion icon lives!"

Designers: "Oh, god; it's that stupid naked cowboy, isn't it?"

Tim: "No, dummies. Just follow me."

They go to Toys R Us. Emmett is a little worried:

Emmett: "Ew, I hope there won't be any children there."

You're in luck, Emmett. The only person there seems to be a woman who looks like a cheap rip-off of a Bratz doll, which is to say she looks like a My Scene Barbie: vaguely ethnic, with collagen lips, badly highlighted hair, and a trashy, age-inappropriate outfit. Yes, she's a living doll!

Tim: "Surprise! The fashion icon is Barbie! Except that you will actually be designing for My Scene Barbie, who isn't a fashion icon at all. Let's just play along, shall we? OK, so you have to make sure you pick the right doll because it will be your inspiration for the challenge."

The designers rush the dolls, pulling each other's hair and scratching each other's eyes out. They are rolling on the floor, grabbing the dolls out of each other's hands. Marla kicks Daniel Franco in the nuts because she has to have the Asian doll. Lupe stabs Kara - she didn't want Kara's doll; she just got caught up in the excitement. Several designers end up in the emergency room. It's the worst massacre in a Toys R Us since the release of Tickle Me Elmo.

Tim: "By the way, I was just kidding; it doesn't matter which doll you grab. Carry on."

Kara: "If I hadn't lost so much blood I would kill you right now."

So, the designers are finally released from the hospital and go back to the design room. Except for Kara, who has been transferred to the psych ward:

Kara: "Hat, hat, hat! Where's the hat? I need the hat!"

Psychiatrist: "Try to calm down, Kara. Let's be honest here: there never really was a hat, was there? It was all in your imagination."


Psychiatrist: "Nurse, bring the sedative."

Back in the design room Chloe thinks of something really interesting to say:

Chloe: "My Scene Barbie is all about being seen. That's why it's called My Scene. Seen. Get it?"

Yeah, we get it.

Daniel Franco is doing that famous shuffle that was named after him. He stares at his work adoringly from close up and then from far away. Just as I'm thinking he looks like he's studying a painting in an art museum he tells us:

Daniel Franco: "Looking at my clothes is like looking at a Monet in a museum."

The Monet of fashion, ladies and gentlemen! Except that Monet finished his work faster and wasn't quite as full of himself.

Diana, who apparently was in the Marines with Daniel Franco, is whispering "Semper Fi" in his ear to encourage him.

Diana: "No, I was saying 'simplify.'"

Oh. That makes much more sense.

Tim talks to Andrae about his outburst on the runway in the last challenge:

Tim: "There's no crying in fashion."

Andrae: "I think you mean baseball."

Tim: "Right. What did I say?"

The designers are told they will also need to make a miniature version of their outfits for the dolls and Tim "encourages" them to use synthetic platinum blond wigs for their models. Everyone does it except Andrae:

Andrae: "Barbie's hair looks perfectly natural on her but it would look fake on my fabulous model."

Christ, Andrae, are you trying to annoy the judges?

On to the runway:

Santino's is purple and slutty and the skirt looks like the edge of a pie crust. The judges love it. I think the proportions are off but the little doll version is actually really cute.

Lupe's is green and it's not bad.

Chloe's is pink and it's pretty cute but it might actually be a little young for the target audience.

Nick creates a dress for a Puerto Rican hooker and it's very successful. The judges think it's perfect.

Daniel V.'s is kind of a purple nightmare.

Zulema's looks like it was made out of a white bed sheet and it's pretty terrible.

Kara's is adorable but, like Chloe's, might be too young a look.

Emmett's is retro and fabulous and I thought he had a shot at winning.

Marla's is cranberry red and awful.

Raymundo's is just unspeakable. Really, I can't even bring myself to describe it. It makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.

Andrae's has a big bubble skirt. It's kind of cool but no teenage girl would want to wear it.

Diana's is really fantastic! The skirt is perfect and the material of the top, which has a hood, is gorgeous! It's pretty cutting edge but I can still see a girl wanting to wear it. Another possibility for the win.

Daniel Franco's is black and red and way too sophisticated for this challenge.

So, Nick, Marla, Andrae, Kara, and Raymundo are the top and bottom. Again, I'm sorry not to see more of the best up there (this time Emmett and Diana) but this question segment is more about the worst than the best. So we only have Santino and Nick representing the best and Kara, for some reason, is stuck there in the worst, though it clearly wasn't that bad.

Judges: "Nick, tell us a story about your dress and a beach resort!"

Nick: "OK. So, I'm one of those 'special' uncles who likes other uncles and this is the outfit I would make for my little niece for when she goes whoring on the island of Capri."

Judges: "That's adorable!"

The judges think Andrae's is too weird and couture for a teenage girl:

Andrea: "Oh, my god. I can't believe what complete idiots you are!"

Well, at least this is an improvement over his meltdown last week.

Heidi: "Santino, we thought your design was beautiful!"

Santino: "Thank you! Oh, I can't believe this! Thank you so much! Yessss!!"

Heidi: "You're in. You may leave the runway."

Santino: "What?"

Heidi: "I just said we thought your design was beautiful. I didn't say you won, you moron."


Nick wins! And I have my very own special limited edition unsigned Nick Verreos My Scene Barbie to prove it!

Raymundo goes home. The only bad thing about that is now his losing outfit will be displayed in the design room and we'll have to look at it through the rest of the competition. Oh, the humanity!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Top Design Recap: Beach Blanket Bitching!

My Top Design recap is up, over on Top Design Blogger! Check it out here!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Project Runway Recap, Season Two, Episode 2: Please destroy your most treasured garments for our entertainment!

The boys at Project Rungay are blogging season two on DVD while we wait for season four to begin. So I've decided to do recaps again. It is very different from re-watching season one because season two is still so fresh in my mind and, unlike season one, I already felt like I was part of a blogging community over on Blogging Project Runway when I watched it the first time. This makes it a little harder to come up with new things to say but I'll do my best.

We start the episode with the designers moving into the Atlas apartments. For some reason they are divided by gender, although, as John from Top Design would point out, they are all just a bunch of girls anyway. We learn a few random bits of information about the designers:

Nick: "My father was a diplomat. Long story short, that's why I'm interested in fashion design."

Santino: "I'm going to be the Shakespeare of fashion!"

Daniel Franco: "Rasputin was the Che Guevara of Russia. That's why I have his face on my T-shirt."

Does anyone ever know what Daniel Franco is talking about?

Zulema: "I don't believe in fairness. Fairness is for pussies. Now, get your ratty-ass clothes out of my closet, bitches!"

Andrae: "I, sniff, my own, sniff, little boutique, sob, sniff, sniff, emotional year for me, sniff, sob, so happy, sniff, but also sad, sniff, no, I said I wasn't going to cry, sniff, sniff, means so much to me, waaahhhh!"


Then we are subjected to some terrible editing and we are back in the studio, in a scene that was clearly shot right after the last episode's judging segment. Everyone is wearing the same clothes from the last episode even though we just saw them in different clothes at the Atlas.

They are picking out models:

Heidi: "These will be your models for the rest of the competition."

Nick: "Liar!"

Then we are back at the Atlas watching the designers pick out their best clothes to go to a party. Diana puts on her prom dress:

Diana: "I get all my fashion tips from Popular Science Magazine."

Chloe: "Someone hold her down while I give her a makeover."

So everyone is getting drunk and partying and then Tim makes a shocking announcement:

Tim: "OK, everyone, we're going to have to ask you all to strip naked and put your clothes in these bags. You will be provided with towels to wear back to the Atlas. Tomorrow you have to design a new outfit out of the clothes you are wearing tonight. You can only use the materials you are wearing right now. You won't even be provided with thread; you'll need to unravel the thread from your clothes and use that."

Andrae is imitating Tim in an exaggerated British accent:

Andrae: "Rather! Look at me, I say, I'm Tim Gunn; I'm absolutely gobsmacked over this next challenge. You all need to put your jumpers, frocks, knickers, macs and trainers into one of these bin liners. Cheerio!"

Tim: "Why is he talking like that? I'm not British."

The designers have different strategies:

Emmett: "I'm going to just stare at my clothes for hours because without a concept all the cutting and draping in the world is futile."

Zulema: "Concept is a waste of time. Just cut, you pussy!"

Andrae: "The most important thing is intention. The judges need to be able to determine your intention. Kirsten, what is your intention?"

Kirsten: "I'm intending to strangle you if you don't stop saying 'intention' and start giving me some more useful advice."

Tim: "Kirsten, I'm just not sure what your intention is with this top."

Kirsten: "AAARGH!!!"

Tim: "What did I say?"

Time is up and many of the designers are not anywhere close to being finished. Emmett, of course, finished hours ago, despite the fact that he spent most of the time just staring at his clothes. Basically, since he is 8 feet tall, he just took his shirt and turned it into a dress. I don't know how innovative it is but it's pretty enough.

Emmett: "I can't believe I'm the only one who finished. I guess I win by default!"

This is where Emmett learns that when Tim says you have to finish by midnight, it doesn't actually mean you have to be finished by midnight; you'll have a few hours the next morning.

Emmett: "That sucks."

Daniel Franco: "The problem is that my level of quality is just so much higher than everyone else's; I can't be expected to finish in the same amount of time."

The designers line up like that scene in Airplane to take their turn beating the crap out of Daniel Franco.

The next morning the rest of the designers finish their garments while Emmett helps Andrae sew his model into his dress. Emmett becomes my favorite.

The legendary DVF joins Michael, Nina, and Heidi to judge the runway. They love Santino's, Chloe's, and Daniel Franco's. I think I have to agree. Daniel Franco's is very well made, if not quite finished. His tailoring skills show and the design is pretty and completely different from his original outfit. Santino's is costumey and strange but I find the way he turned his jacket into a skirt to be really clever and beautiful in it's own way. Chloe's is clever and beautiful and well made, and completely wearable. I'm not sure why she kept going on about not having as much to work with as other people when she had a dress and jacket, but it was very impressive that she took those two elements and made it look like the fabrics were made to go together. She wins! Congratulations, Chloe!

How did Emmett do? Emmett's is, of course, flawless, pretty and wearable but I just don't think he changed it that much from a shirt. Diana's is also pretty but not very innovative.

Apparently Zulema, Kirsten, and Andrae are at the bottom. Zulema's is too short, Kirsten's is too trashy, and Andre's looks slightly unfinished. They defend their garments:

Zulema: "I compensated for my model's hunchback but I didn't factor in her gigantic butt."

Judges: "You're right; her ass is huge. It's not your fault at all. You're in."

Andrae: "This garment has a lot of personal meaning for me. The transformation of my old American denim into this updated version of a traditional Chinese qipao represents my Asian-American heritage and also the recent changes in my life."

Judges: "Andrae, thank you for that concise and moving explanation. You're in."

Kirsten is out.

Andrae: "That sucks. I really liked her!"

Yeah, yeah. We all loved her. She was great.

Kirsten had a beautiful scarf that really could have helped her outfit:

Kirsten: "I couldn't use the scarf because it was my grandmother's."

Nina: "No one asked you to destroy the scarf."

Exactly. Kirsten kept acting like she had to cut up the scarf but she could have just used it as it was. In fact, in the interview afterwards, Kirsten is actually wearing that scarf as a top. In fairness to her, I think anything used in the outfit would have become the property of Bravo. Whether the designers or Nina knew that at the time, I don't know.

Anyway, before we say goodbye to Kirsten, Michael Kors has one more question for her:

Michael: "Would you wear that outfit?"

Kirsten: "Do I look like a whore?"

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Antiques Roadshow Recap: Tucson or Why are we doing this?

OK, back by popular demand, Other Eric has decided to blog during Antiques Roadshow again. I used to have to watch it by myself so if this is what it takes to get him to watch, then so be it. Check it out here!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Project Runway, Season Two, Episode 1: Sloppy Seconds!

The boys at Project Rungay are using the break before season four to blog about the first two seasons of Project Runway on DVD and they are on season two now, in case you haven't been paying attention. Other Eric and I are watching and here's my recap.

Sorry it's a little late this week. I was going to do it this morning but it's been unseasonably warm here in Los Angeles so we went to Santa Monica instead. Eric wanted to go to the Barney's sale, which is held in an airplane hanger and I said yes because there are no dressing rooms and you get to see cute guys trying on pants. Plus, of course, the sales are great. A cotton T-shirt that would normally sell for twelve thousand dollars is on sale for only six thousand. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't buy anything, though one year I did find a shirt there for $20. Other Eric actually bought a nice suit. So then we went and had tea for two at a British tea shop and walked Third Street Promenade. Sorry, what was my point? Oh, yeah; that's why I'm just getting to my recap.

So we start the road to the runway with Tim Gunn and some other people interviewing designers in different cities, with a different season one designer in each city:

First up is Jay and he's got his interviewing style down:

Jay: "Dance for me, monkeys!"

We meet Diana:

Diana: "I like to use my knowledge of physics to make clothes."

I'm sorry, but could you speak up?

Diana: "I said I put a small nuclear reactor in these pants that makes the zipper go down when it senses that your bladder is full and you need to pee."


Next up is Austin and we meet Zulema:

Zulema: "I'm 28."

Are you sure?

Zulema: "Don't make me hurt you."

I believe you.

Hey, there's Kayne! Hi Kayne! Bye Kayne! See you soon!

Next is Wendy and we meet Chloe:

Chloe: "I am going to Fashion Week, ass-wipes!"

Next up is Robert and we meet Heidi (I can't remember her last name so I have no way of distinguishing her from Heidi Klum but fortunately we won't need to worry about that for long):

Heidi: "This is my dining room a.k.a. living room a.k.a. workroom a.k.a. massage parlor. I don't know what 'a.k.a.' means but it sounds smart so I'm going to say it a lot!"

Next up is Kara Saun:

Kara Saun: "I am so successful!"

Kara Saun is in Los Angeles and that seems to be where most of our designers are coming from this season. We meet Nick and I'm already sick of fishtail hems. We meet Raymundo:

Heidi: "Ray-what-o?"


Heidi: "Well, I can't say that so I'll just call him Ray."

Raymundo: "I like her. It takes balls to leave the house when you're that dumb. And I like people who have balls. That's why I called my label Young Balls. My father thought that name was a little gay. But that's OK because I'm gay."

You are kidding me.

We meet Santino:

Santino: "America's great love affair with Santino is about to commence!"

We meet - surprise - Daniel Franco!

Daniel Franco: "As you can see, I use very expensive fabric."

I'm sorry, but I don't care how damn expensive his fabric is, his clothes are just as boring as they ever were. Why are they bringing him back?

Daniel Franco: "I promise there will be less bliss this time."

You better fucking mean it!

OK, so we meet the rest of the designers very quickly and I have no idea where they are. We meet Guadalupe and she's putting fleurchons on a dress in her garage! Fleurchons! No! My eyes! My eyes!

We meet Kirsten, Andre (oh, our sweet, sweet Andre), Daniel V., Kara, Emmett, John, and Marla.

The designers were sent packages with six yards of muslin and $20 in cash for suplies.

Tim: "I had to go down to the ATM and take those twenties out of my own checking account. Bravo sucks."

Heidi (the real Heidi) is pregnant and tells us that two people will be eliminated and only the other 12 will actually make it onto the show. So apparently the show hasn't actually started yet. What are we watching?

So how did the designers do with their muslin dresses for the first challenge that isn't really the first challenge because the show hasn't started yet?

Nick: "The model is going to be my muse. My strategy will be to just focus on designing for one model who I will keep though the whole season."

Good luck with that.

Andre: "It's hard to make muslin look pretty. Oh, my god, I'm getting so emotional just thinking about how hard it is to make muslin look pretty. It really means a lot to me! Oh, no! I told myself I was not going to cry!"

OK, maybe we'll come back to him later when he's had a chance to calm down. Lets go to the runway, where Heidi (the real Heidi), Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia (Yeah!) will be judging who gets through the semi-finals and on to the real show.

Chloe's is fine, Raymundo's is pretty, Daniel V.'s sucks, Nick's is dramatic, Santino's is really good, Zulema's is a little strange, Emmett's is pretty, Lupe's is just a mess, Andre's is boring, John's came off the back of a Rit dye package, Marla's looks like something from a Mad Max movie, Heidi's is really dull, Kara's is fantastic, Kirstin's is OK, Diana's science experiment blew up, and Daniel F.'s makes it look like his model's boobs are flapping in the wind.

Santino, Diana, Daniel F., Heidi, and John are brought back to the runway. We are told that they are the top and bottom but, as far as I can tell, the only design they like is Santino's. They don't hate Diana's but I really don't get the impression they thought it was in the top. I think they brought out the worst and Santino, which seems strange.

Anyway, Santino wins! Congratulations, Santino!

Santino: "The first in a series of wins."


John defends his dress:

John: "It was hot ..."

Michael Kors: "... so you were too lazy to do any work. That explains it. Thank you."

Heidi defends her dress:

Heidi: "I think my dress is pretty. Did I win?"

Nina: "Why is Daniel here again? I think someone else deserves a chance."

Wow, what a bitchy thing to say! Oh, that's right; I said the exact same thing.

John and Heidi are sent home:

Heidi says goodbye to them ...

Heidi: "Do you mean me or Heidi Klum?"

Heidi Klum.

Heidi: "Auf wiedersehen."

Heidi: "Auf what-ersehen?"

Daniel: "Life goes on."

Heidi: "Oh, I really miss that show."

Top Design Recap, Episode 2: Don't Mind Doin' it for the Kids!

My recap is up, over on Top Design Blogger! Check it out here!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Blogging Antiques Roadshow!

OK, don't get too excited because this will not be a regular feature but the other Eric decided to try out the new laptop-blogging-from-the-living-room-live-while-we-watch-television method and he decided to do it for Antiques Roadshow! Check it out here!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Television: the other white meat!

So we Tivo'd the Superbowl because we had to attend this funeral for some guy named Matt (or was it Mike?) who apparently worked at the bar where we hang out but we made a pact that we wouldn't find out who won the game so that we could watch it and be surprised; and boy, was that difficult because some little kid extorted money out of me to keep him from telling me who won and one of our friends is a newscaster and she had to keep the sports announcer from giving the score on the news; I even managed to pick up chicken wings without finding out because I was wearing dark glasses and earphones. All the effort was worth it!

OK, so what really happened is we Tivo'd the game so that we could fast-forward through it and watch the commercials; a long-standing tradition of two years and about the gayest thing in the world. But they just don't make Superbowl commercials like they used to. Eric had seen some of them while I was in the kitchen:

Eric: "None of the commercials were funny."

Me: "I heard you laugh once."

Eric: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah. Let me guess: someone got hit in the face."

Eric: "Oh yeah; there was one where someone got hit in the face."

How good am I? I could tell from his laugh that someone had been hit in the face. You can never go wrong with hitting someone in the face. Pure comedy gold. Basically I think all commercials should feature someone getting hit in the face. I know some people will argue that a baseball bat to the nuts is much funnier but I think that's just a little juvenile, don't you? No, you definitely have to go with someone getting hit in the face. Whether it's with a rock or a cell phone, it can't fail.

But, no, the commercial with the guy getting a rock to the face was not my favorite. That honor has to go to the one where everyone slaps the shit out each other because it's the new fist-butt (which was the new high-five?). It's basically someone getting hit in the face but with a little twist. I though it was a very Barney (from How I Met Your Mother) thing to do; to just decide to invent a new social greeting.

The Coke commercial with the video game where the guy is nice to everyone instead of killing everyone was kind of cute. Other than that, they were pretty boring. Where's the commercial with dancers dressed as burger-components piling on top of each other to form a Whopper? Well, those days are gone, my friend.

Oh, so some of you may have read on Other Eric's blog that he got a new laptop so now we can blog right from the living room while we're watching television. Great; we've discovered another way to keep from ever having to speak to each other. OK, it's not that bad but we do watch too much television. Personally, I don't type (or even think) fast enough to actually blog while I'm watching television but if he wants to try it that's great.

Studio 60 is dead to me. I tried so hard. I really did. We even went to counseling but we just couldn't work things out. It's so preachy I just can't deal with it anymore. I gave it every opportunity to make me happy. I remember back to the good old days when I first fell in love. It went by the name "The West Wing" back then. It was just as preachy and didactic and it took itself way too seriously, but somehow I was able to forgive these flaws. Probably because the show was about running the country and not about making a goddamn painfully unfunny television show. I'll move on.

One final television note: the boys at Project Rungay ( are blogging season two of Project Runway starting tomorrow! So get those DVDs ready! I'm planning on doing recaps so check back here Friday or Saturday for that.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Top Design Recap, Premier: Queer Eye for the Pacific Design Center!

My recap is up, over on Top Design Blogger! Check it out here!
Top Chef Finale, Part Two: Paprika in Paradise!

So it's come to this. An entire season of Top Chef and we're left with two immature little shits.

Much has been made of the obvious sexual tension between the two finalists (Amuse-Biatch covered this aspect very well) but nothing prepared me for hearing how Ilan wanted to pee on Marcel! look, what they do in the privacy of their own Kenmore Pro Kitchen is their business, but I don't want to hear about it. Oh, alright, I want to hear about it a little bit.

Anyway, other than the uni sting (you'll just feel a little prick, Marcel) they appeared to be having a lovely, romantic getaway at the Hilton Waikoloa Village. They played in the tide pools, Marcel showed Ilan how to make foam, and Ilan showed Marcel that it wasn't a bottle of paprika in his pocket.

Some of the chefs were brought back but not all of them. I guess Bravo didn't want to pay to send them all to Hawaii. Mia requests working with Marcel, which is nice. Stupidly, he doesn't pick her. He picks Sam and Michael. Even though they don't get along, I guess I can understand picking Sam but I don't understand picking Michael. He has his moments but I wouldn't describe him as being terribly motivated or helpful.

Ilan picks Elia and Betty. Fair enough.

They are serving eight people at separate restaurants and they have four hours of prep time. The judges are Michelle Bernstein, who we know; Scott Conant, who I've never heard of; Wylie Dufresne, who apparently knows about the gastronomic whatever Marcel is always going on about; Roy Yamaguchi; Hubert Keller; and, of course, Gail, Padma, and Tom.

Ilan makes a surprise appetizer. It's eels from a jar on a piece of toast and it's not very good:

Ilan: "Surprise!"

His next course is fish and apparently it's delicious and cooked perfectly. Third course is squab and shrimp. Betty is knocking the heads off all the shrimp:

Betty: "What do you expect? I only know how to make soup!"

Next is short ribs, which don't impress the judges at all. And for desert he serves little balls of fruit and sorbet with a bay leaf that has been dipped in batter and fried.

Ilan: "I built the entire meal around that bay leaf."


Marcel starts out well during the prep:

Michael: "Marcel really know what he's doing. He's really easy to work with and can tell me exactly what he wants me to do. We make a great team!"

But not so good when they take the food over to the restaurant kitchen and do the cooking:

Michael: "Marcel sucks!"

I'm not sure whose fault this is but it seems Marcel is surprisingly poorly organized and the team seams to have lost most of the food:

Marcel: "I think Sam just put the fish up on that high shelf because he knew I wouldn't be able to reach it!"

Anyway, he recovers. His first course is uni (hasn't he learned to stay away from those things) with a Meyer lemon gelee, or something like that. The judges love it. The next course is a salad:

Judges: "What the fuck? A salad? Is this a joke?"

Wow, calm down; it's just a salad.

Judges: "That's the point! It's just a fucking salad!"

Oh. I see what you mean. Well, it was supposed to have these super cool little sugar capsules full of vinaigrette dressing but it didn't work because of the humidity.

Tom: "Didn't I mention the humidity?"

Yes, you did, Mr. Smartypants. OK, so that course was a thumbs down. Next is something with hearts of palm. It was supposed to be fish but the three stooges forgot it in the main kitchen. Cue video footage of the fish sitting forlornly on a shelf; you can almost hear the fish saying, "I'm so lonely, here in this refrigerator all by myself. Why has everyone forgotten me?" Anyway, the judges love the dish and think it was perfect without the fish. They don't understand why Marcel told them something was missing. I know why. It's because he's an idiot.

Then he serves seared beef, which I guess is fine. For desert he serves blinis with Kona coffee caviar, which is pretty damn clever and the judges seem to really like it.

The judges compare the meals course by course:

Marcel wins the starter, Ilan wins the second course, the third course is a draw, Marcel wins the fourth course, and the desert seems to be even. By my count that means Marcel wins! Congratulations, Marcel!

Oh, wait, the judges aren't done deliberating. They bring out all the other chefs to bitch about Marcel.

Other Chefs: "We hate Marcel!"

OK, we get it!

Tom: "Elia, who do you think should win?"

Elia: "Ilan's food tonight was much better than Marcel's"

Tom: "Did you even taste Marcel's food?"

Elia: "I didn't need to."

Yeah, Elia's an idiot but why did Tom ask her that stupid question in the first place? Obviously she had no basis for an opinion. As a side note, I think Elia said in some insane interview she did last week that the producers were going to bring up Marcel's cheating in the finale. They didn't.

Oh, and remember back to earlier in this episode when Sam and Michael said they wanted Marcel to win because it would be a great reflection on their skill? Oh, I forgot to mention that? Well, they said something like that. Guess what? They changed their minds at the judges' table.

Ilan wins. Congratulations. Whatever. He wins $100,000 worth of Glad Wrap and a very reasonably-priced Kenmore Pro Kitchen.

Ilan: "Does anybody want to trade me a watch for my Kenmore Pro Kitchen? Yeah, baby; I'm gonna be a real Top Chef; not like that boring Harold. Man, there was a rush of blood through my body as soon as I heard the 'C' word!"

The "C" word!?

Ilan: "Yeah. 'Congratulations.' What did you think I meant?"

Marcel loses:

Marcel: "@*%&#Ilan!%*&#paprika#$*%!&judges@!$#*&knives%#!*%!@win@&$%!#stupid!!!!"
Fortunately, I'm still a few years away from having a duck quack off in my face!

OK, that was the best Ugly Betty yet! They really pulled out all the stops and there was so much going on I thought maybe it was the season finale. I have to say that I wasn't sure about this show after the first episode but it has become one of my favorites. Yesterday (or the day before) I was reading an article in the Los Angeles Times (a rare event, to be honest) about Betty's nephew and the gay content of the show. What? Gay content in the show? You are kidding me! I never noticed! Anyway, the kid on the show gets mail from other boys who enjoy fashion more than sports and they say how much they appreciate seeing his character on television. I got a little weepy reading that. He was especially adorable last night in his scenes with Wilhelmina. The article also talked about how Wilhelmina's assistant, Mark is just assumed to be gay and that it wasn't necessary to come right out and say it. Well last night's episode pretty much came right out and said it, with him looking for gay cruises. Not that anyone doubted it before but it was interesting the word "gay" hadn't really been used; gayness was just incorporated as a normal part of the show.

The show premiered in London when we were there the first week of January. There were billboards everywhere, posters in the tube stations, articles in all the magazines and what pass for newspapers there. It was crazy! And we promoted it too; when people asked if it was worth watching we told them it was really good. Now that the show is getting better and better every week I'm even more happy about endorsing it.

We also watched 30 Rock and it was also an especially good episode. I think that show is hilarious (Eric is not completely sold on it but agrees that Alec Baldwin is fantastic). When we went to bed I said, "That was such a satisfying evening of television." Sad.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Our Digital Cable Went Out: does anyone know CPR?

OK, so last night at about 8:30 our digital cable went all funny. Not funny "ha ha" but funny "queer." Well, not so much funny "queer" as funny "why now, Lord?" No digital cable means no Bravo. We have televisions in other rooms but we only have digital channels in the Living Room. Don't ask me why; it's too much for my little brain. So we're sitting there nervously laughing about how funny it would be if we weren't able to watch the Top Chef finale or the Top Design premier. What would we do? I mean, Bravo will only repeat them seven thousand times. Yeah, it wasn't really that big a deal but I do like to be surprised by the outcome and if I have to wait to watch the shows there is the chance I will accidentally learn what happens. I can't believe I made it three days without finding out what was leaked by Food and Wine Magazine.

[A side note on what we were watching when the digital cable went out: Other Eric used to tell me he enjoyed watching "Dancing with the Stars" because he just loved watching good ballroom dancing so last night I said, "Well, then you'll love the ballroom dancing show on PBS!" So then the truth comes out: he really just likes watching celebrities dancing. I knew it! I made him watch it anyway and it was really good. We especially loved the one couple who did a martial-arts-inspired tango that was amazing (they won that round). So I just thought I'd share; "Dancing with the Nobodies" or whatever it's called was pretty enjoyable and Marilu Henner wasn't a bad host.]

Anyway, we got the cable back after about 20 minutes, with over an hour to spare until the big shows! Whew! Crisis averted! OK, so I watched the Top Chef finale and I'll get a recap up in a couple of days. I only watched the beginning of the Top Design premier and will watch the rest after work today. Look for my recap of that show over on Top Design Blogger ( .

So, just to remind you, here are some of the Top Design fan blogs to check out:

Top Design Blogger ( is from the makers of Blogging Top Chef and where you will find my exciting recaps.

Project: Top Design ( is from the makers of Project Rungay and Project: Gay.

Blogging Top Design ( is from the makers of Blogging Project Runway.

Kora in Hell ( is from the makers of Kora in Hell (which now covers Top Design).

Pink Navy ( is from the makers of Amuse Biatch.

I'm sure there are many more but these are the only ones I have time to read.