Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Project Runway, Season Four, Season Finale Extravaganza, Part One!

Previously on Project Runway: 15 designers crash-land on a tropical island and are killed off one by one. Simone is killed instantly in the crash; Marion is sucked into the jet engine on the beach; Elisa meets this crazy French woman who thinks she is infected; Chris is dragged away by The Others but then he comes back; Jack escapes on a raft (for medical reasons) but he is caught by some guy with a fake beard; Victorya is paralyzed by a spider and nobody can tell the difference but they bury her alive anyway; Kit Pistol and Sweet P get cute nicknames from Sawyer; Kevin is impregnated and dies in childbirth; Carmen actually gets off the island and is one of the "Parsons Six" but she is so upset about nobody missing her that she goes back; Ricky is a little emotional about all the deaths; Rami finds the foot of a colossal statue with only three toes (what's that about?) and it inspires him to make a draped dress, which really pisses off the smoke monster because it's so sick the all the draping already; Christian goes with Ben to a cabin in the woods and thinks it is totally fierce so Ben shoots him (don't worry he's not dead; the island cures him); Jillian is a fugitive from the law but Project Runway has given her a second chance.

So, in summary, Chris, Rami, Christian, and Jillian are left:

Heidi: "Are you excited?"


Heidi: "Well, don't get too excited"

oh. ok.

Heidi: "Chris and Rami. Only one of you will go on to Fashion Week."

The four finalists have $8,000 and five months to create collections.

Other Eric: "Heidi, why are you carrying a black velvet bag?"

Heidi: "Pay no attention to the black velvet bag. Let's go up to the roof for one final toast."

Wow, you make this toast sound so final. Actually, this is the first toast I remember this season.

Tim visits the designers in his Saturn. He travels all the way to Manhattan to visit Christian, who is living in a closet and sleeping in a dresser drawer. (He's so small!)

Christian: "Romantic Gothic is my thing."

Tim: "That's your thing, huh?"

Christian: "Yep, that's my thing."

Tim: "These feathered pants . . . hmmm. I love them and yet I really, really hate them at the same time. I want you to get rid of them but I still want them to be in your collection."

Christian: "OK, I'll see what I can do."

Tim: "Work hard but drink harder."

Christian: "I'm on it!"

Tim then travels all the way to Manhattan to visit Jillian:

Jillian: "I really worked my ass off."

Tim: "Oh, you still have a little left."

Jillian tells us about how her mother always knew she would be famous and has apparently been pushing Jillian her whole life because some psychic told her to:

Jillian: "someone please save me. my mother is crazy."

Next, Tim drives his Saturn onto his private jet and flies to Los Angeles.

John Stewart: "Can I have your attention, please? Someone parked their Boeing 747 on La Brea and they're being towed. Oh, for those of you who don't live in Los Angeles let me explain that La Brea is this major street that has a lot of parking restrictions. Well, except on Sunday, when the Academy Awards took place. So you just have to pretend that it's rush hour on a week day or the joke doesn't work. Well, actually, you probably can't park a jet on La Brea even on Sundays. Honestly, I have no idea. I mean, it is Hollywood, right? Everyone's insane! You can do anything here. Except smoke. You have to go to Vegas to do that. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, my big joke about Tim Gunn parking his Boeing 747 on La Brea. Wait, that's not the best part. Ready for the punchline? OK, here it is: Don't worry . . . it's a hybrid!"

[sound of crickets]

John Stewart: "Really? Not even a courtesy laugh? Tough crowd."

Tim: "Oh, for heaven's sake. I don't have my own jet. I get to Los Angeles just like everyone else. By private yacht through the Panama Canal."

Anyway, Tim visits Rami in Los Angeles.

Rami's mother was Miss Jordan but she died when he was five. I have nothing funny to say about that.

Then, when he was a little older, his brother walked in on him and caught him doing something embarrassing!

Rami: "Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. I was just sewing up a little outfit."

That's much worse.

Rami takes Tim to his studio in Silver Lake:

Tim: "Rami, I'd just like to thank you for not taking me to the goddamn beach."

Rami's collection is inspired by Joan of Arc (hmm, that sounds familiar), based on armor and puffy sleeves:

Other Eric: "It looks like if Jillian and Christian had a baby."

Christian: "Ew."

Tim then goes all the way back to New York to visit Chris:

Tim: "That makes it sound so inconvenient. I had to come back to New York, anyway. Sheesh."

Chris is using really weird material for his collection:

Chris: "I like to take human skin and sew it up into clothing so I can wear it."

Tim: "I think I'm gonna barf."

Chris takes Tim over to his friend Larry's installation/apartment:

Tim: "You know how monkey's like to throw poo all over the place? For some reason that's what I think of when I see this apartment."

Chris and Rami have a design-off. Jillian helps Rami and Christian helps Chris.

Rami's mini-collection: A nice two-tone dress, a dramatic black evening gown, and a puffy blue jacket. I actually liked all three looks. The judges didn't like the jacket but I thought it was OK.

Chris's mini-collection: A cool black suit with a jacket made from human hair and a skirt made of safety pins, a black velvet evening gown with a woven panel down the middle, and hairy skirt with a cream blouse. The suit is really nice, the dress is totally boring even though I'm sure the woven part is cool, and the skirt and blouse combo is completely forgettable (I had to have other Eric remind what the third look was).

The judges spend a few minutes throwing poo and then they announce their decision: Rami is in!

Chris is eaten by a polar bear:

Nina: "That's so weird. How did a polar bear get into Parsons?"

Tim: "It had an impressive portfolio."

Monday, February 25, 2008

Oscar Red Carpet Review!

It sucked.

Seriously, that was bad. The arrivals coverage was worse than usual and all the dresses were boring. Why did some woman keep telling us she was getting emails from Denmark? Who the hell gives a rat's ass? We just want to see dresses; lose all the other pointless shit!

As for dresses, way too much black. Some of the black dresses were probably really pretty in person but on television the detail doesn't show up very well. I wanted interesting color! Nothing was really bad except for Daniel Day Lewis's wife and Tilda Swinton. Look, I love a dress that is different but it also needs to be pretty and Swinton's dress just looked like a sack. Randolph Duke seemed to miss that Heidi Klum was wearing red for heart awareness because he thought the color was just too much. He also thought her hair was too much; I guess she was supposed to shave her head.

Anyway, Other Eric has more live coverage of the arrivals.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Project Runway Season Four, Reunion Episode!

Heidi: "Hello, welcome to Parsons The New School, fifteen designers came to New York to compete for a hundred thousand dollars and a bunch of other crap, yadda, yadda, yadda . . ."

Tim: "Ahem!"

Heidi: "Oh, yeah, here with me is chief bullshit artist Tim Gunn."

Tim: "Pardon me?"

Heidi: "Sorry, was that not right? Sometimes I have to gasp for the right words in English. What I meant is that you're very good with words."

Tim: "Yeah, I guess that's pretty much the definition of a bullshit artist. Carry on."

Heidi: "We're here to talk to all of this season's designers and we're also going to be announcing the fan favorite, who will win $10,000. Nice!"

Tim: "It's thrilling! I haven't seen that kind of money since the last time I opened my wallet."

Heidi: "Seriously. That's usually the tip I give when I valet my car."

Designers: "Uh, hello? If you're not going to get us drunk, could you at least talk to us?"

Heidi: "Sorry. So, Simone, I see here in my notes that you actually auditioned to be on the show."

Simone: "I WAS on the show. I just got eliminated right away."

Heidi: "I'll take your word for it. What was it like being eliminated right away?"

Simone: "Well, it sucked."

Heidi: "That's what I thought but I had to ask."

The designers tell touching stories about how little girls keep coming up to them because they are so inspiring:

Elisa: "A little girl told me I was such an inspiration because I'm an example of how it's good to be different and I was all, 'OK, at least I'm not as much of a freak as this little girl is.'"

Kevin: "Just the other day, the sweetest little girl came up to me -- she must have been around six or seven -- and she said to me, 'I want to be a designer just like you when I grow up. Are you sure you aren't a homo?'"

That is so cute. Any other inspirational stories?

Sweet P: "I was accosted by Jack Black."

Oh, yeah? Well I was punched in the face by Jack White of the White Stripes.

Elisa: "I was run over by a Porsche."

Heidi: "Yeah, Elisa wins. Victorya, you just showed at Bryant Park. How was that?"

Victorya: "I was perfectly satisfied with the experience."

Heidi: "Right. So who did everyone think would be going to Fashion Week?"

Jack: "I thought everyone was equally impressive. I thought everyone would be going to Fashion Week."

Heidi: "Oh, my god. Would it kill you people to say something interesting?"

She cuts to the chase and brings in the final four designers:

He's just like a fashion designer, only smaller: please welcome Christian!

He'll drape till he drops: please welcome Rami!

Um, Sir Laughsalot: please welcome Chris!

She represents women everywhere and she's fighting to be the first female president of the United States: please welcome Jillian!

Tim: "This season ended like no other season of Project Runway, ever, in the history of television! It was such a minor difference that it came as a huge shock to almost nobody! Chris and Rami were both kept in the competition but only one will get to compete in the final!"

Heidi: "So, Chris and Rami, you must hate each other's guts, right?"

Rami: "No, it's brought us closer together."

Heidi: "This love fest is really starting to bore me. Let's talk about Jack leaving. Jack had to leave the show for medical reasons. Christian, how can we make this all about you?"

Christian: "I was very upset when Jack left because he used to carry me around like a handbag and after he left I had to walk everywhere by myself."

Tim: "Victorya, I don't really remember you being especially upset when Jack left but we could really use an uncomfortable moment right about now so why don't we single you out to tell us how upset you were?"

Victorya: "I don't think that it would be completely incorrect to describe what I was feeling at the time of Jack's departure from the show as 'upset.'"

Tim: "What does that mean?"

Victorya: "It means whatever you want it to mean, baby!"

Heidi: "I think Victorya's really starting to loosen up."

The next segment of the show is called:


We get a clip of Kevin talking to his imaginary girlfriend. No one has ever met her:

Kevin: "Well, you wouldn't know her because she lives in Canada."

Yeah, sure.

Tim: "I've always said, 'If hanging around all the screaming queens on this show doesn't scare you straight, nothing will.'"

Kevin: "I've tried to go gay but it just isn't working! I'm sorry!"

I just don't think you're trying hard enough. Seriously; we get it: he's straight.

The designers complain about the horrible diet of Chinese food the producers forced them to eat. For some reason the camera cuts to a shot of Victorya:

Victorya: "What are you looking at me for? I don't own a Chinese restaurant!"

We learn that Elisa writes backwards so that she can communicate with Leonardo da Vinci.

We get a pretty funny segment of Ricky not even being able to get through his own name without crying.

Michael and Nina come out and we get a hilarious clip of Michael having a nervous breakdown during the wrestling challenge:

Michael: "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!"

Nina: "Dude! Get your shit together!"

No, seriously, it was really funny to see Michael laughing that hard. I don't know why they didn't put any of it in the actual episode.

Then we get a question about why Michael always wears the same damn outfit:

Michael: "If you had seen me when I was 18 you would have died."

They show us a picture of Michael when he was 18. America dies.

They are asked for their choice for the worst design of the season. Michael and Nina refuse to answer. Pussies.

Marion tells us making clothes for $15 isn't his forte. Dope.

The designers are asked if they were hurt by anything others said about them:

Carmen: "Yes, it really hurt my feeling that people didn't miss me enough when I left. I mean, nobody even threatened to kill themselves or anything."

Jillian: "When we said we were glad you were gone what we really meant was that there was this huge void in our lives that would never be filled."

Carmen: "Well, alright."

Mycheal Knyght presents Christian with a gigantic check for $10,000:

Mychael Knyght: "I hate to tell you but this is like a consolation prize and it means you won't be the winner of the show."

Christian: "That is so not fierce."

Mychael Knyght: "I used my $10,000 from last year to launch my own fragrance The Scent of the Knyght."

Heidi: "Really? Is that possible? I spend more than that buying fragrance."

Before they say goodnight, the four finalists are shuffled off stage and the remaining designers are asked who they think will win:

Jack: "It's anyone's game at this point."

Heidi: "I think that's the most boring thing anyone has ever said on this show. I'm going home."

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Project Runway, Season Four, Episode 11: The Pre- and yet also Post-Fashion Week episode!

Yes, this is the final challenge before Fashion Week. Except that Fashion Week already happened. For some reason Bravo decided to mess up the schedule even more than usual this time by sending five designers to Bryant Park with, presumably, two decoy collections because we hear in the previews that two designers will be out this week. Well, I'm sure by the end of this episode everything will be clear.

Heidi: "Yeah, it won't be."

We start the episode with Sweet P telling us she can't believe she's still there:

Sweet P: "I can't believe I'm still here!"

America: "We can't believe she's still there!"

Seriously, I can't believe she's still there! And no one can claim it's some sort of Wendy Pepper/Santino Rice deal where the producers are supposedly keeping someone around for drama; she's there through pure, dumb luck. Don't get me wrong; I think she's talented and she's made some really cute dresses; but she often doesn't seem to know what she's doing and she's messed up and been in the bottom two so many times that she's really lucky to still be there.

Sweet P: "Yeah, I know! What the hell am I still doing here?"

The other designers are freaking out:

Chris: "I'm not freaking out. Wake me up when it's over."

God, I love Chris! Is it possible that he's getting larger over the course of the season? It's like Hurley on Lost; how can he be gaining weight when all they have to eat are mangoes and fish?

Chris: "I have a secret stash of peanut butter and potato chips that fell out of the sky."

Oh. OK, so Amanda is out and the designers have to go on one last field trip:

Designers: "Oh, god; another one? Are we there yet?"

Tim: "Don't make me turn this show around and drive back to Parsons!"

This field trip is actually a pretty good one. Tim takes them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art!

Ooh, look; there's a Paul Poiret exhibition! Let's go see that while we're here!

Tim: "We don't have time."

But Project Runway fans would love that and we're not all lucky enough to live in New York!

Tim: "Well, get off your ass and come to New York if you want to see it that badly!"

Fine. What boring old art did you bring us here to see?

Tim: "We're here to advertise the new Greek and Roman sculpture courtyard."

Oh, that will be nice.

Tim: "So, designers, fashion has been inspiring art since the beginning of time. For this challenge you will have to find a work of art that has been inspired by your designs."

Rami: "Oh, that's easy! The Greeks were totally stealing my style! Did I mention that I designed a dress for Aphrodite once? It got her into the top ten list of the best dressed Olympian gods."

Yeah, whatever. The designers also get to visit the temple of Dendur:

Chris: "Oh, look; Nina Garcia carved her initials here in the temple."

None of the designers choose anything from the Egyptian galleries so they go on to the European paintings. The designers manage to find paintings with clothes that look just like their own designs.

So their inspiration choices are not that inspiring but at least they get a private viewing at the Met, which is pretty cool:

Sweet P: "I probably could have touched a painting."

I think they have motion sensors. Anyway, here's what they chose to work with:

Christian: Bartolomé Esteban Murillo (Spanish, 1617–1682), Don Andrés de Andrade y la Cal, probably ca. 1665–72, oil on canvas.
Sweet P: Melchior d' Hondecoeter (Dutch, 1636–1695), Peacocks, 1683, oil on canvas.

Jillian: Master of the Argonauts (Italian, Florentine, fourth quarter 15th century) Scenes from the Story of the Argonauts, ca. 1465, tempura on panel.

Chris: Jean Marc Nattier (French, 1685–1766) Marie Françoise de La Cropte de St. Abre, Marquise d'Argence, 18th c., oil on canvas.
Rami: Venus (sorry, I can't find the sculpture of Aphrodite on the Met website; it's a second century B.C. copy after Praxiteles or something like that. The important thing is that it has a lot of draping.)

Now that they've found the art that looks like something they would have made anyway, it's time to get to work. They have two days and $300. Get going!

Chris takes a nap.

Rami: "I'm not here to make noise. I don't want to wake Chris; he looks so sweet when he's sleeping."

Christian: "Chris is always napping."

Laura Bennett: "Maybe he's pregnant."

As usual, an argument about nothing breaks out in the design room:

Christian: "Jillian is still ironing those pleats."

Jillian: "How could you say such a horrible thing?"

Christian: "Ew, your bitchiness is really unattractive."

And then they are friends again in the next scene.

Rami: "I'm still not making noise. I don't think it is necessary to be loud. I don't see why I can't just keep making totally boring dresses. It's what I do."

Christian is making something like six pieces:

Christian: "And that doesn't include the amuse bouche and desert."

Tim makes his rounds, telling Christian he thinks the cloak is an obfuscation:

Christian: "Isn't that the point of a cloak?"

Tim tells Rami his dress is stunning and he's going to piss off Nina:

Rami: "That's what I do."

Sweet P's dress is supposed to look like a peacock and it looks like kind of a mess but we don't get to see it very well, which makes me think it's going to be OK.

Chris can't be done:

Chris: "Why can't I be done?"

Tim: "Because I said so, that's why."

America picks Jillian as the best dressed designer on the show. Duh.

Very unspecial guest Collier Strong shows up to make little paper makeup faces.

Sweet P's model, Lee finally shows up and starts waving her arms around, putting a voodoo curse on Sweet P:

Lee: "No, I'm sending good vibrations her way."

It's not working. Jillian is still steaming pleats. She tries steaming right on her model. I'm pretty sure you can't do that:

Jillian: "Sure I can."

Let me put it another way: I'm pretty sure you can't do that without burning your model.

Model: "Ow."

Jillian: "Sorry. Hey, you're thin enough to fit through the sewing machine, right?"

The guest judge this week is Roberto Cavalli.

Christian's look is pretty great, as usual. Sure it looks like a Christian design but it not the exact same look and he really went all out, what with all the obfuscation and everything:

Michael: "It's a little Brenda Vaccaro in Zoro the Gay Blade."

I think he likes it! Christian wins (I think)! Congratulations, Christian (if I'm remembering correctly)!

Jillian's look is pretty great, too! I can see why she isn't thrilled with the skirt but I think the overall look is a success. There is definitely a medieval knight vibe to it but it still looks wearable. It's an updated Joan of Arc:

Michael: "How about it's a little Joan Van Ark in Dallas?"

Nina: "That's hilarious, Michael. But if you do your "it's a little someone in some TV show" one more time I'm going to hit you in the face."

Sweet P's Amazing Technicolor Dream Dress is, as expected, much better than we would have thought from the shots in the design room. Again, it's a nice dress. The judges think she has a real talent for ready-to-wear. But the dress just wasn't exciting enough for this challenge. Sweet P is out. As everyone knows, she is going to Bryant Park anyway. Sorry and congratulations, Sweet P!

Chris and Rami both made really beautiful dresses that were also really disappointing. We've seen them before. On this show. This season.

Rami made another Rami dress of purple draping. I thought it was gorgeous. I think it was the best Rami dress that Rami has made so far. But it was still the exact same thing he's been making all season and the judges have told him over and over that they want to see something different. If he doesn't care what the judges think, he's not going to win this show.

Chris also made a beautiful dress that looked way too similar to the one he and Christian made for the avant-garde challenge. I don't understand why he did that.

Roberto Cavalli, of course, is not aware of how derivative the design is. He thinks Chris's is the best design for this challenge. This makes me think Rami will be out. But the other judges ignore him and decide that Rami and Chris were equal in this challenge and therefore will be competing for the third spot at Fashion Week. They will both make collections and one will be chosen to compete in the final right before the show.

So that's the hook this time. Five collections, one real decoy, and a second decoy to be determined at the last minute. They could have just had four collections in the final, like they did last time. But they had to shake things up. Woohoo!

Friday, February 08, 2008

Project Runway Season Four, episode 10: WWF or WTF?

Fine; so it's really WWE. But the question still stands: WTF?

Chris: "Yay! Another challenge with drag queens!"

I wish. Actually this challenge turned out to be much more interesting than I thought it would. I really thought it was going to be so stupid and boring and then, by the end, I was all, "hey, that didn't totally suck!"

Heidi: "That will be our new motto!"

Bravo: it doesn't totally suck!

Yeah, that's kinda catchy. OK, so I also have to point out how annoyed I am that Bravo gave away the surprise prior to the episode. At the end of the last episode they showed clips for this week with all the grunting and yelling behind closed doors and we were left in suspense wondering what the challenge would be. But then, while we were watching Make Me a Supermodel, which, by the way, Doesn't Totally Suck™, they showed a different teaser that showed us that the designers would be designers for female wrestlers. Why would they act like it's a big surprise and then give it away? I really try not to find out what the challenge is, which is a challenge in itself because it means not even reading the TV guide.

So, I wasn't planning to watch that supermodel show but Other Eric was watching it and I got sucked in because it's really kind of HOT! It's just a show where the producers are sitting around saying, "Let's make a challenge where everyone is naked!" Yeah, OK! The only problem with the show is that almost none of the contestants are supermodel material. I've never seen that Tyra show so I have nothing to compare it to but I just can't believe these are the best people they could find.

Oh, sorry; back to Project Runway. That's why we're here, right? We start the episode with Jillian telling Sweet P that they can't let it be all boys going to Bryant Park. Meanwhile, the boys are in their fort:

Boys: "I call to order this meeting of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. First rule: no girls allowed."

Basically, whatever happens, we can be sure that it's going to be all girls going to Bryant Park.

Everyone is still hating on Ricky:

Christian: "Can you believe he had a ruffle on that dress?"

Doesn't Christian put ruffles on everything?

Christian: "That's completely different. When I do ruffles it isn't tacky. Why am I explaining myself to you?"

Ricky is complaining about how the other designers don't respect him. Remember when Ricky didn't get immunity last week? Never mind; it probably isn't important. Shhh! Heidi's coming:

Heidi: "Ready for your next challenge?"

Designers: "We're going to say 'yes' and then you're going to say 'too bad,' right?"

Heidi: "Oh, have I done that before?"

The designers try to guess what the challenge will be:

Chris: "I think we'll have to make one of those giant chicken costumes that people wear to pass out fliers."

Jillian: "I think we'll have to make flight-attendant uniforms."

Sweet P: "Obviously, from what Heidi was wearing, we'll have to make costumes for the women of World Wrestling Entertainment."

Christian: "Where does Sweet P come up with this crap?"

Tim takes the designers on a field trip. Yes, another field trip. This one is even dumber than usual:

Tim: "We're going for a walk."

Jillian: "Well, I hope it isn't far because I'm wearing these shoes made out of razor blades."

Tim: "Nope, we're just going to the Project Runway Auditorium."

I've never heard of it. What the hell is the Project Runway Auditorium?

Tim: "You know; it's right Between the Top Chef Arena and the Blow Out Stadium."

Well, whatever it is I'm sure it's classy. The designers hear the distinctive sounds of women's professional wrestling. It sounds like cold, hard cash.

We meet the women of the WWE. Has anyone ever heard of that? I kind of remember the WWF. Is this just the women's version?

Tim: "As you can see, these women have really gigantic breasts and obviously they are a little shy about them. They are trying to earn money for breast reduction surgery but, until then, you should try to create outfits than minimize the bust area."

Wrestlers: "No, we actually had them enlarged."

Tim: "What? This is intentional? Well, chacun à son goût."

Wrestlers: "Yeah, that's what we always say."

Again, this is more product placement that I just don't understand. Are Project Runway viewers really going to watch the WWE now? OK, I admit that my "awareness" of the WWE has increased by 100% because I do actually know that it exists now. But I'm still never going to watch it.

The designers meet their "divas." Sweet P is scared of her client, Candice:

Sweet P: "This week it's one tiny mistake and you're out."

But apparently ten weeks of huge mistakes and you're still in.

Jillian: "So, we were watching wrestling DVDs that we got through BLOCKBUSTER Total Access™ . . ."

Wait, Blockbuster Total what?

Jillian: "BLOCKBUSTER Total Access™. Only BLOCKBUSTER Total Access™ gives the convenience of renting movies online and the choice of how you return them: by mail or bringing them to a participating BLOCKBUSTER store, where you can exchange them for new movies or discounted game rentals on the spot (up to monthly plan limits on exchanges).*"

* Separate, complimentary in-store membership required for in-store rentals. In-store movie rentals are subject to store rental terms and conditions, including due dates and charges which may apply to rentals not returned by the due date. See store for complete in-store rental terms and conditions. Free in-store rentals must be returned to the store where they were originally rented. See your receipt for store location and due dates.

Wow, I'll have to try that!

Jillian: "You should! It will totally change your life!"

Hey, Sweet P, why don't you say something completely random?

Sweet P: "I can't believe we haven't arm-wrestled!"

That will do.

In the design room Rami is trying to drape a bra. Tim is freaking out about Sweet P's garment, as usual:

Tim: "Jesus, Sweet P. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Sweet P: "Well, that's helpful."

Christian: "Sweet P's is so tacky. And that is so inappropriate for this challenge. I'm going to help her because no matter what I do it's still going to suck so I don't have to worry."

Candice: "I hope he helps because this looks like something I could buy off the rack at the stripper store. And not the really classy stripper store but the cheap stripper store."

Yeah, I always ask, "what's the point in making something that you can already buy right off the rack at your neighborhood stripper store?"

Before we get to the runway, Kara Saun has a message for you:

Kara: "Read my blog!"

No, thanks. On to the runway. Our guest judges are the renowned duo Gilbert and George. Here's Heidi:

Heidi: "Hello, bitches! I thought I would show you mortals what a red dress should look like."

Holy crap, Jezebel, that is a red dress!

Bette Davis: "That dress is so black you just know it has to be red."

I hate to break it to you Bette, but we don't film in black and white anymore.

Bette: "Oh."

Whatever Christian or Sweet P did must have worked because Sweet P's outfit actually looks a lot better on the runway than it did in the design room. It's not great but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Candice, however, is kind of a bitch about it:

Candice: "It's not as nice as the things I usually wear."

Well, why don't you go to the stripper store and get something you like?

Candice: "I will!"


Michael: "It's a little Eva Gabor in Green Acres."

Good one, Michael! How about "it's a little Agnes Moorehead in Bewitched"?

Michael: "Mine was better."

Jillian's outfit was pretty good. It reminded me of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader outfit. I've never actually seen one but I imagine that's what it would look like. It's a successful look but I just don't feel like it took that much effort.

Other Eric: "What difference does that make? The only thing that matters is that it's a successful look!"

OK, stop yelling at me!

Christian's outfit looked pretty damn hot!

Christian: "I know, right? I'm totally going to win!"

Or not. The judges really love Chris's. Other Eric loved the sparkly lining fabric. The hoodie was pretty cool. I think I preferred Christian's just because I like the fact that Christian thinks about leg coverings instead of always making skirts or shorts, like everyone else. But I'm fine with Chris winning.

Heidi: "Good; because Chris won and we wouldn't want you to be unhappy."

Well, that is so sweet for Heidi to be concerned about my feelings!

So, on to the losers:

Ricky made a cute orange swim suit and an indescribably hideous gold smock to cover it up.

But, as bad as it is, I actually think Rami's outfit is worse. It's a big pink mess. I just hate it. I know Rami thinks that color was a "risk" and he should get credit for being so "daring" but that particular color of pink just looked really ugly with that woman's "skin-tone." And the top made her "breasts" look saggy.

Nina: "This does not look like the American girl next door. This outfit is way too fashion forward and European for us in this country."

Rami: "Thank you for noticing! That's because I'm not American!"

I think Rami should be out.

Heidi: "Too bad. Ricky is out."

Michael: "That look is so Rue McClanahan in Three's Company."

I think Michael's point is that this is a look that shouldn't exist.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

My past week. So far.

So, no Project Runway this past week so I thought I would write a little rambling post on various subjects to keep my typing fingers from atrophying. I will be covering the past week. Or a little more than the past week. Think of it as a "baker's week."

We started this past week by going to Robert Burns night last weekend at our local Scottish pub. Robert Burns is the most famous Scottish poet (or something like that). He wrote an ode to haggis and apparently he also wrote Ald Lang Syne. We are invited every year by our friend Aimee of Aimee in Chaos, who loves everything Scottish. Many of our friends at the pub also seem to consider Robert Burns night to be International Talk Like A Scottish Pirate Day. But who can blame them; the regular International Talk Like A Pirate Day only comes once a year and that just isn't enough talking like a pirate for many people.

Anyway, the night was a blast! A great band (VERY LOUD), Scottish dancing, obviously bagpipes, a lot of drinking, and did I mention that it was very loud? They also parade around the haggis. I've smelled haggis before but this year I decided I was finally going to taste it, just to say I had. And let me tell you, as bad as haggis smells, nothing can prepare you for how astonishingly terrible it tastes. No amount of scotch can wash that taste out of your mouth. I was still tasting it the next day. Wow, that was something else!

Last weekend we also watched the Film Actors Guild (or FAG) awards. It's not a great awards show but, with the dearth of them this season, we're grateful for whatever we can get. So we tuned in to watch actors accept their Faggies. OK, so the statuettes are actually called the Saggies but is that really any better? I'm always happy when Tina Fey wins anything and it was pretty amusing when Mickey Rooney, there to present, apparently got confused and thought he was accepting a lifetime achievement award. But, all in all, not terribly exciting.

I watched the new adaptation of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park with, unfortunately, Billie Piper. Other Eric is a big fan of Billie Piper. Yeah, like that's a big surprise. I was able to tolerate her in Doctor Who but even Eric thought she was miscast in this. Oh, I was also able to tolerate her in that Victorian mystery she was in (I forget the name of it) and apparently we will get the next one in that series soon.

I wasn't that into Lost last year (though it was better than the previous season) but for some reason I was really excited about the season premier. It could be that the writers' strike is making all new episodes of anything seem more special. But what was up with telling us we were getting a two-hour premier and then just giving us an hour preceded by an hour clip show? And, hello, we had just watched a pop-up clip show the previous night with the last season's finale! Anyway, the show was OK.

I FINALLY got my voter information in the mail! We have something called "motor voter" (or something like that) here in California, which means you can choose to have your voter registration updated when you change your car registration. But I did that back in October or November and I hadn't gotten any voter information by early January. The previous owner of our house, who died here several years ago, was getting all her voter guides and special messages from the Republican Party:

Tom McClintock: "Dear fellow Republican . . ."

Fuck you.

Tom McClintock: "Please let me finish. It is very important that you vote yes on the Indian Gaming initiatives. The campaign against the initiatives is funded by the most radical labor union in the country."

Oh, my goodness; that's shocking. Exactly how radical is this labor union?

Tom McClintock: "They advocate a living wage and access to health insurance."

My god; next they'll want bathroom breaks. OK, so that mailing didn't affect my vote but this has been one issue I have really struggled with. For those of you not in California, four tribes made deals with our state legislature to expand their casinos. Here are some of the issues:

In general, I support the sovereignty of tribal lands so I voted for the casinos the first time. Well, that's really my only argument in favor of these measures.

On the other hand, these measures are really a business deal between the tribes and the state so I think it's appropriate to judge them on their own merits. And I don't like the fact the the expansions are exempt from many environmental regulations and that tribal councils have been kicking out tribal members so that the remaining members can keep more money.

I'm really torn over this. Does sovereignty trump the fact that it's a bad deal that could be promoting human-rights violations?

The other measure I'm torn over is the one about term limits. It's a pretty crappy measure that supposedly shortens the length of time a politician can serve in Sacramento (twelve years in one office instead of 14 split between the state assembly and state senate). The problem is that many current legislators will be grandfathered in so that they can actually stay a lot longer than the original limits. I don't like the subterfuge but the main issue for me is that I'm not really a big fan of term limits in the first place (except for president). I hate that politicians have to spend their entire time in office campaigning for their next job instead of doing any real work.

Oh, so back to my registration: I was worried that my registration didn't get updated with my new address so I downloaded a form and mailed it in to try again and still I didn't get anything. I thought I was going to end up going to both my new and old polling places to see where I was registered. But then last week I finally got my sample ballot so I'm off to vote on super-duper Tuesday!

Update: Even though I got my sample ballot for my new address, I still had to vote using a provisional ballot. Man, that's disappointing. I'm pretty sure those provisional ballots just end up in the trash.

On Saturday we received a Christmas miracle when my mother's Tivo lineup finally came through! I got my mom a Tivo for Christmas so she can watch the Closer when she comes back from choir rehearsal (yes, seriously) but her retirement community creates their own channel lineup and it took six weeks for Tivo to create a new lineup for her. I'm very happy they finally did it but I was getting so annoyed; I spent hours on the phone with Tivo every damn weekend since Christmas and they just kept telling me "give it five days." It was really unacceptable customer service. Here's an example of one of the conversations:

Tivo Guy: "I can't give you any information. I know this is really frustrating."

Well, I'm glad you can feel my pain but that doesn't help me at all.

We also got to babysit our friend's son, Julian, this weekend. He's two and a half and he is so cute! We were worried he would be confused by us at first but he seems to have caught on just fine to having an uncle Eric and an uncle Eric. Julian is used to seeing both his uncle Erics together so the other day when Eric went over to their house, Julian came to the door, looked around, and asked, "where's the other one?"

So that's my week. Today we are continuing our longstanding totally gay annual tradition of watching the Superbowl on fast forward and only watching the commercials. This tradition is almost two years in the running! You can read Other Eric's take on the commercials over on his blog.

Remember to vote Tuesday if you are in a state that has a primary! Oh, what the hell; go ahead and vote even if you are NOT in state with a primary!

Ryan Seacrest: "You can vote as many times as you like using your Cingular Wireless phone up until midnight!"

Shut up, Ryan.