Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Project Runway Season Five, episode eleven: Fashion Rocks!

In response to a comment I received last week, I'd just like to remind my readers that my blog, much like reality television, bears almost no resemblance to reality. Also, I love all the Project Runway designers (except for Daniel Franco), wish them no harm (except for Daniel Franco), and my teasing is all meant in fun (except toward Daniel Franco). No designers were harmed in the writing of my recaps (except for that time I punched Daniel Franco in the nuts. But I was hopped up on Tang and VH1 Classics so I really can't be held responsible for my actions. Plus his nuts were just begging to be punched. Don't pretend like you wouldn't have done it if you'd had the chance.)

Heidi: "Tim, do you like my skirt?"

Tim: "Yes, it's beautiful! The fabric is lovely and it's a very nice length. What's up with that?"

Heidi: "Don't worry. I'm only going to wear it for a few minutes and then I'll change into something shorter."

So, we start the episode with Pleather going home. Wait. What? Oh, shit; we just saw the end of the episode accidentally. Well, never mind; I have the retention of a gnat so I'm sure I'll forget all about it in a few minutes.

We actually start the episode with Leanne telling us how cool it would be if it were all girls in the final. Well, Leanne, now that Joe is gone, I can pretty much guarantee that it will be all girls in the final. And I think Jerell might just be one of those girls.

Three models are out. But wait, it gets even better for the models:

Heidi: "Now that we've spent all this time choosing new models, I'll let you in on a little secret: You won't be using the models this week, either!"

Models: "Oh, for the love of God! What the HELL are we doing here?!"

Heidi: "It sucks to be a model, right? I think it's good to learn that lesson early."

Tim joins the few remaining designers to tell them about this week's challenge:

Tim: "Look at you! I can count you on one hand!"

Kenley: "Do you have to use your hands to count, Tim?"

Tim: "I could do without your sarcasm, Kenley."

Ooh, the tension is building!

Anyway, the designers will be making outfits for each other based on assigned musical genres:

Pleather will be creating a rock-and-roll look for Jerell.

Kenley will be creating a hip hop look for Leanne.

Korto will be creating a punk look for Pleather.

Jerell will be creating a pop look for Kenley.

Leanne will be creating a country look for Korto.

Tim: "Fashion rocks, people!"

Korto: "I am going to be dressed up like Dolly Parton. Please kill me."

Pleather: "Pleather is a classically-trained cellist. I could easily dress Jerell as a classically-trained cellist but I don't know how to do rock-and-roll."

Tim makes the rounds:

Tim: "Kenley, pretend I'm from the moon and try to explain to me what the hell you think you're doing."

Kenley: "Well, I've noticed that hip hop artists are all wearing really cute fifties-inspired dresses lately."

Tim: "Oh, really?"

Kenley: "Yes, that's right."

Tim: "You've been studying hip hop artists and that's what they're wearing?"

Kenley: "Yes! I think I know a little more about hip hop than some old guy who gets all his information from some stupid 'Fashion Rocks' supplement to his New Yorker magazine!"

Oh, she did NOT just say that!

They decide to solve this conflict the old fashioned way: a winner-take-all game of ping pong. What? OK, fine. That didn't happen. I just didn't know how to end this story.

Tim gives his final words of advice:

Tim: "Remember to borrow ironically from the Bluefly wall."

Designers: "Whatever."

On to the runway with guest judge LL Cool J.

Leanne comes out wearing Kenley's hip hop outfit. It's completely Leanne's fault that this sucked so badly. If she had just acted more hip hop I'm sure she could have made the outfit work.

Kenley: "I could do without your sarcasm."

Sorry. Yeah, OK, that outfit was seriously, seriously bad. Kenley is obviously going home.

Other Eric: "We already KNOW who's going home!"

Oh, right. Damn.

Kenley starts arguing with LL:

Kenley: "What the hell do you know about hip hop?!"

LL: "It looks like someone needs to spend a little more time with her 'Fashion Rocks' supplement."

Kenley, by the way, looks super cute! She is wearing Jerell's pop outfit and she has never looked better. Jerell's outfit is really sexy without being slutty. The little vest was distracting, though. I can understand that he thought the dress needed something extra but the vest was wrong. He still should have won.

Korto comes out dressed in Leanne's country outfit. It's really not that bad. The top looks country, though in kind of a costumey way. The skirt wasn't really country and it had some execution problems but Korto has really got it going on in the trunk department and that skirt was surprisingly flattering on her.

Michael: "She looks like a woman going out to eat ribs."

Leanne: "Thank you, Michael. That's what I was going for."

Pleather comes out wearing Korto's punk outfit. The pants are kind of cool but the shirt is kind of stupid. The judges love it:


Yeah, that drag queen makeup is SO punk.

Korto: "I used genuine pleather on the shirt."

Well, in that case I love it!

Korto wins!

Jerell comes out dressed like Jerell. Oh, actually he's apparently wearing Pleather's rock-and-roll outfit. The judges are not impressed:

Nina: "It needs more oomph."

Michael: "I agree. More oomph."

Heidi: "That's what I have written down here on my card: 'more oomph.'"

LL: "I'm always partial to some extra oomph, myself."

Tim: "I told him to add oomph but would he listen?"

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Click here for my Project Runway recap!

Top Design Season Two, episode three: Going for baroque: or Broken mirrors are the little black dress of interior design!

Natalie: "If I could get serious for a moment, I'd like to talk about global politics. I just think that if Ronald Reagan hadn't knocked down those people's wall, Russia wouldn't have tried to get back at us by coming over here and invading Georgia. I just hope they don't invade Tennessee because all my favorite singers live there."

Food for thought, Natalie.

As you can see, I'm recapping Top Design this week. Other Eric flew to New York this weekend and his arms are so tired he can't type so I told him I would fill in. He did put up a short post while he was waiting to get through security at the airport so you can check that out.

Anyway, we start this week's episode with the usual gratuitous nudity that we all know and love.

Then the designers are paired up. AGAIN! These challenges have been pretty good so far this season but it is impossible to get a good idea of what the designers can do if we only get team challenges. There would have been plenty of Project Runway designers for each of these Top Design contestants to get their own window display. So maybe they would have had to have flown a few of them to Los Angeles. Big deal. Andy Cohen has a private jet, right?

So, yes, they will be creating window displays featuring the designs of Project Runway losers:

Jeffrey: "Excuse me, but I won."

Don't remind me. The designers are Jeffrey, Andrae, Sweet P, Santino, and He Who Must Not Be Named.

How fun to see Sweet P again! The rest are total nightmares, of course. OK, I'm exaggerating. They really weren't that bad. Except for Andrae:

Andrae: "Where the HELL is my . . . oh, here it is. Never mind."

Anyway, pairs of designers will be teamed up with a designer. Um, designers, meet your designer. Maybe I should clarify. Two Top Design contestants will be teaming up with one previous Project Runway contestant.

Obviously, there will be a lot of broken mirrors involved.

Natalie and Ondine are working with Sweet P.

Sweet P: "My inspiration is a butterfly emerging from a cocoon."

Ondine: "Well, I don't want it to be too literal so I think we'll create a window with some butterflies emerging from cocoons."

Sounds like a plan. A bad plan. Seriously, I cringed when she bought those stupid craft butterflies at Michael's but, you know what? The result was pretty. I liked the way the butterflies were swirling around the dress. And the use of mirrors was not too annoying. Natalie and Ondine win!

Preston and Andrea are working with He Who Must Not Be Named. They created a window with dark grey walls to really make the beautiful yellow dress stand out. They put some sort of gravel on the ground and hung trees and the mannequin from the ceiling. Very simple, dramatic, and beautiful. And best of all? No freaking mirrors! They probably should have won.

Oh, my god, I totally forgot about Eddie and Teresa. They were a team, right? I think they were designing for Santino. Wow, it was so unmemorable I can't say anything about it. I can tell you one thing: they probably used broken mirrors. They're safe.

Santino: "Yeah, that totally says 'gallery director.'"

Nathan and Shazia (I still haven't memorized their names so I hope I'm getting this right) were working with Andrae:

Andrae: "This window reminds me of my little shop that I had to close and . . . no! I'm not going to cry!"

Yes, you are.

Andrae: "You're right! I'm going to cry!"

We'll talk among ourselves while you pull yourself together. Andre made a boring little dress that wouldn't inspire someone to create a scrap-book page, much less a window display. He tells us the dress represents our current tumultuous political climate:

Andrae: "The bust area represents John McCain's experience and the draping of the skirt represents Barack Obama's promise of change."

Shazia: "Oh, yeah. I see it now."

Other Eric: "They should crumple up pieces of paper and just throw them in there."

Nathan: "That's not a bad idea."

Anyway, they create a mess to represent turmoil and Nathan picks out wicker furniture to represent politics and then Andrae has a meltdown:

Andrae: "How many times do I have to tell you, Christina?! No wicker furniture! I get you these pretty dresses and you use wicker furniture?! Get mommy a drink!"

Nathan: "Fine. We'll get rid of the wicker. It would have been nice if you had mentioned your aversion to wicker BEFORE we went shopping."

Andrae: "Wicker reminds me too much of growing up in Dublin or Portugal or wherever I'm supposed to be from."

The window is a disaster. Nathan and Shazia are up for elimination.

The final window is by Kerry and Wisit. They are working with Jeffrey. Jeffrey's outfit is pretty stupid but at least his vision for the window is clear:

Jeffrey: "I want something inspired by Bladerunner."

OK! That shouldn't be a problem. Oh, unless you've never heard of Bladerunner:

Kerry: "I'm a designer so I'm only familiar with Will Ferrell movies."

Wisit: "We should do this amazing rococo look!"

Jeffrey: "Rococo?! What the hell does rococo have to do with anything?!"

Wisit: "You know what I always say: if it ain't baroque, you should fix it! Hahahahahaha! Get it? You SHOULD fix it! See, because I like baroque? Hahahahaha!"

Jeffrey: "Dude, is something wrong with you? What part of 'dystopian nightmare' do you not understand?"

This was hopeless. I actually think Wisit's vision of sticking Jeffrey's stupid black outfit in the middle of a rococo fantasy would have been visually interesting. (That really wasn't rococo wallpaper, by the way, but that's beside the point). Because if you put that outfit on the set of Bladerunner you wouldn't even be able to see it. But that was Jeffrey's vision so they needed to work with it. Kerry probably would have been able to do something by himself but Wisit would not get on board with the plan. So Kerry ended up combining two separate ideas that didn't go together and the result was pretty awful.

At first I didn't understand Kerry's reference to the painter David Hockney. But after seeing his layered mirrors I realized he must be talking about Hockney's photocollages. Here's an example, for anyone not familiar with his work. The layered mirrors didn't have anything to do with Bladerunner but at least they were more futuristic than floral wallpaper.

Anyway, Wisit really sabotaged that design by not following Kerry's lead. But Kerry was still the leader and he shouldn't have allowed such a terrible compromise. Although I think it was the wrong decision, Kerry is out.

Kelley Wearstler: "Hey, everybody! Do you like my hair? RuPaul styled it for me!"

I love her.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Project Runway Season Five, episode ten: Working girls!

Heidi: "Tim, I just saw a photograph of myself and I noticed that my skirt is really short! Why didn't anyone say anything?!"

Tim: [sigh]

Last week two or three people were out and somebody won. This week Kenley has a strategy:

Kenley: "Last week I was at the bottom so this week I'm not going to do anything any differently!"

It's so crazy it just might work!

We are introduced to some special ladies:

Heidi: "And by 'special' we mean 'plus sized.'"

But it turns out the designers will not be creating garments for these ladies. They will be creating new looks for the ladies' special daughters:

Heidi: "And by 'special' we mean 'hot tranny messes.'"

So, the designers will be doing makeovers for these very special college graduates:

Heidi: "And by 'special' we mean 'community college.'"

Oh, stop that! Anyway, the designers get half an hour to argue with the mothers and then $100 at Mood, which isn't much.

The designers meet their clients:

Kenley's client: "Yay, I get the pretty designer!"

Kenley: "I know, right? We are going to make a great team! I am so pretty and you're, um, well, I like your blouse."

Pleather's client wants pants so Pleather decides to make pants.

Pleather realizes he can't make pants.

Pleather pretends that pants were a terrible idea in the first place.

Pleather: "Pleather found this amazing Pucci-esque fabric in purple and he doesn't want to ruin it by making a garment that in any way fits the needs of his client."

We learn that Korto is a DILF:

Tim: "That's a designer I'd like to . . ."

Tim, please! But really, I don't think I knew Korto was a mama:

Korto: "Well, I don't go around bragging about it all the time just to prove I'm straight."

In the design room, Tim is trying to politely help Kenley:

Tim: "Now, I'm not telling you what to do, but I'm just saying you could make the tulle the same length as the skirt and that would work, too. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it now. God forbid, I should criticize you. I'm just saying."

Kenley: "Do I look like I'm interested in anyone's opinion?

Tim: "OK, then. Thank you for your time, dumb-ass."

Tim gives his final advice to the designers:

Tim: "Please remember to borrow randomly from the Bluefly wall."

Designers: "We always do!"

On to the runway with Michael, Nina, and Cynthia Rowley:

Heidi: "Designers, one day you're in and the next you are wearing a frisbee made out of black feathers on your head."

Seriously, Jerell, what is up with that?

Joe makes a pinstriped power suit for his client to go on job interviews. Oh, did I mention that the jacket has no collar or lapels? Yeah, that's right. Oh, my god, that is tacky. Inexcusable. Uh, Joe, the Golden Girls called and they want their suit back. Joe is gone.

Pleather created a completely inappropriate outfit for his photographer client to wear to photo shoots. It's a pretty dress with a ridiculous jacket. What does Nina think?

Nina: "You know what? I don't get paid enough to comment on this outfit. In fact, I don't know what I've done wrong in my life that I would even be forced to look at it. That's all I have to say. I'm done."

Korto, as usual, makes a very good, non-winning entry. The green print dress is pretty and the jacket is very cool and looks really beautifully made.

Kenley's outfit is very nice. She picked a nice print, for a change, the poofy skirt is cute without being inappropriate for daywear, the little vest keeps it from looking too dressy. Oh yeah, and she listened to Tim and shortened the tulle. It's very nice. I have a little problem with the flesh-colored belt because, from a distance, it looks like the girl's midriff is showing. But, otherwise, I like it.

Leanne is safe. Her dress is cute but the jacket is poorly proportioned. Very unflattering. The girl's mother told her to make a dress because that makes it easier to get dressed in the morning. Because, apparently, putting on pants and a blouse is really time-consuming. But I think most teachers of children will tell you that dresses are really inconvenient for the classroom.

Jerell's client finally feels like a girl! She told him she wanted something androgynous so she could wear it after her upcoming sex-change operation. But he made her a beautiful dress and now she feels so pretty she's decided to remain female. OK, seriously, she wanted to dress like a boy but he made her something sleek and feminine but not too girly and she looks like she's really happy with her new look. I think she just didn't realize that she's pretty.

Jerell wins and will have his design in Elle Magazine. Kenley is just as pleased as punch for him:

Kenley: "I am going to strangle each and every one of you."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Project Runway Season Five, Episode Nine: You can call a challenge avant-garde but they're still the same old clothes: or This episode was like putting lipstick on a pig!

[Update: Eric Three Thousand has just received a cease-and-desist order from the McCain/Palin campaign, suing me for copyright infringement. Apparently Sarah Palin owns the rights to the word "lipstick" and I failed to pay the royalties for using "lipstick" in the title of this post. Oh, damn, I just did it again. Now I'm really going to be in trouble.]

Heidi: "Tim, I've been doing some soul searching recently and I've started to think that maybe I'm wearing really inappropriately short skirts. Am I crazy?"

Tim: "Yes."

Heidi: "Oh, thank you, Tim. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

So, last week Pleather created the design equivalent of punching Diane von Furstenberg in the face:

Diane: "Actually, I would have preferred that."

Anyway, Pleather was safe and Stella was sent home. We start this week's episode by preparing for the elimination:

Terri: "The producers and I have been working really hard to make sure I look like a total bitch this week."

Oh, it can't be that bad. What are you planning to do?

Terri: "Well, I'll start by saying how glad I am that Stella is gone."

Wow, what a bitch.

Pleather is telling us about his dreams:

Pleather: "Oh, it was so weird! I was at Parsons and you were there and you were there and . . ."

Oh, who gives a crap? We are introduced to this week's special guests:

Designers: "Awww! Look, it's all the eliminated designers. Aren't they adorable?"

The remaining designers will be teaming up with the eliminated designers to create avant-garde looks based on the zodiac murders:

Jerell: "I can pull something avant-garde out of my ass."

I'm honestly not looking forward to seeing that. Here are the teams and their Chinese calendar years:

Korto and Kelli are doing the year of the platypus. People born in the year of the platypus are strong-willed but quiet, like the color blue, and are the only mammals to lay eggs.

Kenley and Wesley are doing the year of chihuahua. People born in the year of the chihuahua are unbelievably annoying and delusional.

Joe and Daniel are doing the year of the bull. People born in the year of the bull like to drive expensive cars to make up for other inadequacies.

Leanne and Emily are doing the year of the panda. People born in the year of the panda enjoy long walks on the beach and good conversation over a bottle of California Cabernet.

Blayne and Stella are doing the year of the rabbit. People born in the year of the rabbit seem like they are from another planet. They are drawn to either black or florescent colors and they enjoy sniffing glue.

Terri and Keith are doing the year of the albino pygmy hedgehog. People born in the year of the albino pygmy hedgehog are either totally bitchy or mumble everything under their breath. They are also usually gay.

Jerell and Jennifer are doing the year of the dragon. Dragons are pretty quiet but wear really stupid hats.

Pleather and Jerri are doing the year of the albatross. People born in the year of the albatross are generally ridiculous. They are carbon-based life-forms but otherwise do not resemble other humans. They are either psychotic or they just want people to think they are. They like the color green.

In the design room Terri is not listening to Keith, probably because he isn't speaking loudly enough for her to hear him.

Kenley is annoyed that people find her annoying.

Tim doesn't understand what Blayne is saying:

Barbara Billingsley: "Excuse me Tim, but I speak Freak."

Tim tells Jerell that his look is a little school-marmish. Jerell agrees that it is bold. Tim moves on.

Tim says that Keith is nothing. Wow, that was a frank assessment:

Tim: "You didn't let me finish. I was going to say he is nothing if not innovative."

Oh. OK.

Tim gives his final words of advice:

Tim: "Please remember to borrow precipitously from the Bluefly wall."

Blayne: "Tim is just making up words now."

The designers have to take their unfinished designs to the beautiful planetarium building at the American Museum of Natural History, where they will be paraded in front of some of the best designers from previous season. And also Robert from season one.

Since they are at a natural history museum, Kenley gives Heidi an anatomy lesson:

Kenley: "Women's breasts are supposed to be down near their belly buttons. Why is everyone so stupid?"

Back at Parsons, Keith is asleep in the lounge. Could he be pregnant?

On to the runway. These garments were so disappointing. There was very little that was avant-garde. I understand they didn't have a lot of time but most of the designers did not experiment with new shapes or techniques. That's almost always missing on this show, but I at least expect a little innovation in an "avant-garde" challenge.

The judges this week are Michael Kors, Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia, a ventriloquist named Franscisco Costa, and Senator John McCain:

Korto and Kelli made a blue dress with fabric hanging off the back. It was OK.

Kenley and Wesley made a dress that was actually kind of pretty. The skirt was beautiful and I appreciate that she at least tried to be dramatic with the puffy sleeves. Of course it wasn't something we hadn't seen before but, considering all the boring garments on the runway, I thought it was unfair to single her out for being unoriginal. The judges were correct that she ignored the inspiration part of the challenge and her argument that she doesn't pay any attention to other designers is pretty pathetic. I remember that argument from design school: "I pull all my designs out of a vacuum. I'm not influenced by anyone else because I stick my head in the sand and don't look at what anyone else is doing." Well, I'm sorry, but to be a designer, you have to pay attention to the world around you.

Joe and Daniel created a pretty cool dress. I really like the skirt; it looks like it is covered in little fabric bags and it has a beautiful rippling effect when it moves. It's not quite avant-garde but it's interesting.

Leanne and Emily create a look that is almost avant-garde. It wraps around the body in a very unusual way. It's a sculptural piece that is also flattering as a garment and you can see the astrological influence. This should have won.

Blayne and Stella created a . . . well, to call it a garment would be an exaggeration. Like several of Blayne's "looks," it manages to be ugly without being interesting.

Terri and Keith created a really boring garment. The simple gold sheath was kind of pretty but there was nothing even remotely avant-garde about it.

Jerell and Jennifer created a really pretty skirt and top. I really liked the look. I can't for the life of me figure out what was avant-garde about it or what it had to do with the inspiration but, for some reason, Jerell wins.

Pleather and Jerri created kind of a little 1960s pajama outfit. Not hideous but definitely more boring than Terri's. In Jerri's audition tape we see that he designs some very avant-garde architectural garments. He should have really been able to help Pleather create something interesting. But he didn't.

Two designers have to be out. Who will the second designer be? Oh, sorry, we all know that one of the eliminated designers will be Blayne, right? I don't think that was ever in question. But who will the second one be. I was sure it would be Pleather but the judges shock us and eliminate Terri:

Terri: "You didn't see that coming? I told you we were preparing you for it through the whole episode."

I know. I was still surprised.

So, what did the judges think of this episode?

Michael: "That was not avant-garde. Just telling us it's cutting edge doesn't change the fact that we've seen it before."

John McCain: "It's like I always say: you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still going to look like Hillary Clinton."

Michael: "Amen, sister!"

Heidi: "When I was growing up in Germany, we used to have so much fun putting lipstick on pigs. Only the girl pigs, obviously. The boy pigs got lederhosen."

Nina: "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

John McCain: "Well, I am outraged by that sexist remark, Nina! You would never have said 'you people' if my running mate were a man."

Nina: "I swear to god, John, if I have to break a heel kicking you in the ass, I am going to be really upset."

John McCain: "ok. jeez. talk about pit bulls."
Republican National Concussion!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Republicans were suffering from some sort of brain injury last week. They were not very coherent.

Other than the big lie about Obama raising taxes for most Americans, the weirdest thing we were told at the convention is that the Republican Party is suddenly the "party of change." Huh? Mitt Romney said how tired he is of liberals running Washington, apparently not realizing that for most of the past decade Republicans have been in charge of the White House, both houses of congress, and the Supreme Court.

McCain actually had a legitimate claim to "experience." He's been around practically since dinosaurs roamed the earth (which was apparently a few thousand years ago, according to Creationists like Sarah Palin). But I think he's going to have a tough time running as the candidate of "change." He's been part of the Republican controlled congress for decades. What is he going to change?

Well, he's changing some of his own positions to be more in line with the Bush administration, for starters. He actually voted against the Bush tax cuts originally, saying they were bad for the middle class and just giving more money to the richest Americans. Now he wants to keep them. What an exciting change, John! In the past, he's also split with Bush on things like torture and adding an anti-gay amendment to the constitution. Actually, he used to hate George Bush.

But now he's "changed." In fact, he changes all the time! During the primary campaign he went from hating Bush to acting like he was the second coming of Christ. As soon as the primary campaign was over, he suddenly changed and is going to be completely different from Bush. Isn't change fun?

I didn't used to dislike McCain. I mean, anyone who would call a teen-age Chelsey Clinton ugly and dump his first wife for a younger woman, while claiming moral superiority, can't exactly be called a nice person, but he didn't seem as partisan as much of the Republican party and he didn't seem completely owned by Christian fundamentalists. I was actually hoping he would be Kerry's VP pick in 2004. We probably would have won. But after the last year I've realized that he's just like the other right-wing wackos. He's mean and angry and, frankly, not that bright.

Watching the Republican convention was like watching a Saturday Night Live sketch. The Republicans are tired of having a Republican president and are ready for a Republican president. The Republicans are tired of all these Republican appointees on the Supreme Court and finally want the chance to appoint some Republican judges. Sarah Palin claims to have rejected a bridge project that she actually supported. Like congress just keeps offering all this unsolicited money to Alaska and Palin has to keep telling them to please stop. One of the speakers claimed Palin got more votes running for Mayor than Joe Biden got running for president. Actually, she got about 900 votes, while he got over 76 thousand. That's Republican math. It would be funny if it weren't so horrifying.

So, Palin is anti-choice, even in the case of incest or rape. She supports abstinence-only programs that DON'T WORK. If polar bears are inconvenient to her, then she will simply decide that they are not endangered. If she doesn't like a book, she will try to have it banned. She wants to teach religion in science class. She thinks invading Iraq was god's work. She claims responsibility for the oil industry in Alaska, even though it was there long before she took office.

I honestly don't really care much about the fact that she took family members on supposed business trips at taxpayer expense. But there are rules about it and if she broke them then I think it should be pointed out. I actually think it's a good idea for a governor of a geographically-large state to have his or her own airplane. Too bad she decided to sell hers. I would like an explanation, however, for why she was charging travel expenses for days she was in her own home. I don't get that at all.

I think Palin will "energize" the religious extremists in Republican party and cause a little excitement for a few weeks. But I really think that after people learn more about her she will end up being a bad choice for the Republicans. McCain won't be able to make the "experience" argument anymore. And that's really all they had.

Anyway, the convention was just bizarre. Cindy McCain seemed to claim that Republicans were responsible for the civil rights legislation of the 1960s, Mike Huckabee invented the fact that Abraham Lincoln founded the Republican Party, and everyone there seemed to forget that Lincoln and the Republican party of the 19th century were liberals.

If you haven't seen the AP report on the fallacies in the speeches at the Republican convention, you can check them out here on my friend Aimee's blog.
Female Running Mates!

Who could have possibly predicted that McCain would choose a female running mate to try to steal some of Clinton's female votes?

Well, I DID! Of course, I didn't predict that he would randomly pick the first anti-choice woman he could find; I thought he would pick a moderate woman people had actually heard of.

The point is, he wouldn't have chosen a woman at all if Obama had put Clinton on the Democratic ticket. I just don't buy the argument that he couldn't put her on the ticket because the primary election was just too ugly. Oh, Obama got his feelings hurt so he's not going to do what he needs to do to win this election? I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. Primary elections are ugly and there is a lot of fighting and then, when they are over, everyone makes upt and the winning candidate picks a running mate who will help him or her win. Who cares that they said nasty things about each other? In this case, there was more nastiness than usual but that's only because the primary campaign went on longer than usual; and the reason it went on so long is because Clinton had so many supporters. Obama supporters would have still supported him even if Clinton had been on the ticket and most of the Clinton supporters would have supported Obama because she would still be on the ticket.

The reason I bring this up is that there is only one way for Obama to win this and that is for Clinton to campaign her ass off for the next two months, which she will. She and Obama will suddenly be best friends and she will be out there campaigning like she is the VP candidate, getting those voters back. It just would have made the job a little easier if she WERE the VP candidate.

I fully support Obama. I just think he shot himself in the foot by not picking a candidate who already had such a large support base and could have brought him so many votes. And I don't think he didn't pick her because his feelings were hurt or because he thought his supporters would flee; I think he didn't pick her because Democrats are scared of the Clintons. It's the same reason Al Gore distanced himself from Bill Clinton in 2000; the Clintons come with baggage and there are voters who hate them passionately. The thing is, they are very popular and you distance yourself from them at your own peril. They get those moderate, middle-class white voters and we can't win this election without them.

Like I said, I think Hillary Clinton will work her ass off and help get Obama elected. I think she will be able to convince enough people that Sarah Palin is not a good Hillary Clinton substitute. But it is going to be an uphill battle and much more difficult than it needed to be.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Project Runway Season Five, Episode Eight: Holy Furstenbergs! It's a DVF challenge!

Heidi: "Tim, is my skirt too short?"

Tim: "Not now. Pleather is telling a story."

Heidi: "Oh. Who's dead now?"

Pleather: "This week I would like to talk about my great great great great grandfather. He's dead. He died in the nineteenth century and I've never quite gotten over it. There's this huge void in my soul. So, this morning I was just thinking what an inspiration he would have been for this challenge if he had ever actually seen a movie or traveled anywhere and then, there he was, right here in the design room! I thought I was having a waking dream but then everyone started screaming and running around and that's when I noticed that my great great great great grandfather was almost completely decomposed, with just some shredded clothing hanging off his skeleton. And I was all, 'will you people please have a little respect for my dead great great great great grandfather?' I mean, he came here just to inspire me and everyone is being so rude and freaking out just because he's some sort of flesh-eating zombie. Oh, did I forget to mention the flesh-eating zombie part? Yeah, he was all, 'brains! I have to have brains!' and everyone was screaming and pushing dress forms in front of him and then dear sweet little Blayne, bless his heart, bravely stood in his way and said, 'take me and leave everyone else alone!' and then my great great great great grandfather said, 'get out of my way! I'm looking for brains!' and then everyone had a good laugh. Anyhoo, long story short, we're the only survivors of a horrible post-apocalyptic epidemic that has turned the population of Manhattan into flesh-eating zombies and we're trapped here in the design room of Parsons The New School for Design. Please send help."

Those designers are so dramatic. "Ooh, we're so tired; Ooh, the sewing machines aren't working; Ooh, we're being attacked by flesh-eating zombies." What a bunch of whiners.

Let's get to the show. We start the episode with Stella trying to survive in the real world:

Stella: "Can someone tell me how coffee works?"

That's the toaster, Stella.

Pleather has to move apartments:

Pleather: "I hope my visions will be able to find me at my new address."

Tim tells the designers that they will be meeting a fashion legend:

Blayne: "Please be Mary-Kate Olsen!"

Tim: "I really just want to slap you right now."

Diane von Furstenberg is walking down a ridiculously long staircase:

Tim: "It's Diane von Furstenberg, bitches!"

Dianne is still walking down the stairs:

Tim: "Yeah . . . um . . . here comes Diane von Furstenberg! You are so lucky you get to meet her!"

OK. Just a few more flights of stairs:

Tim: "You are going to be so excited when she gets here!"

Oh, she is so close now:

Tim: "Seriously? You're killing me, Diane."

Diane: "I'll be there soon, darlings! Start without me."

So, the challenge is to create a look for the DVF fall collection based on the film "A Foreign Affair" with Marlena Dietrich. The winner of this challenge will have his or her design sold exclusively to American Express members, with a part of the proceeds going to the DVF Dramatic Staircase Foundation:

Diane: "I believe passionately that every woman deserves a dramatic staircase!"

Stella can't use the fabric room:

Stella: "Can someone tell me what to do with this bolt of fabric?"

That's still the toaster, Stella.

Stella is being secretive because obviously everyone wants to steal her ideas.

Leanne is pretending to be a spy:

Leanne: "I'm the silent fashion assassin."

Are you sure? I thought that was Jennifer.

Leanne: "Really? You're probably right. I always get us confused."

Tim gives the designers final words of advice before the runway show:

Tim: "Remember to borrow superfluously from the Bluefly wall."

The judges this week are Michael Kors, Fern Mallis, DVF, and Mike Huckabee:

Joe made a really hideous outfit combining a backless salmon-colored top with a fuchsia sash. I don't even think Kenley would combine those colors:

Mike Huckabee: "That is tackier than a costume change at a Madonna concert"

Michael Kors: "Whatever you're paying your speechwriter, Mike, it's too much."

Leanne made a beautiful long blue dress with a decent jacket. It's the obvious winner.

Terri made a pant with a black coat. So what if she always makes pants? It's a nice outfit.

Jerell made a short skirt with a jacket. The jacket is fine but that miniskirt is stupid.

Korto made a beautiful print dress with yellow trim and a cute short jacket. While it isn't as amazing as her usual efforts, it is still beautiful and definitely a contender for the win. I think the only problem is that it doesn't look as inspired by the movie as Leanne's does.

Blayne made a very nice jacket and bizarre puffy shorts. At least it looks well made this week.

Pleather made one of the ugliest dresses I've ever seen. It was just a horrible silhouette. And then, as if it weren't bad enough, he paired it with a short vest that made no sense. This was very close to being the worst.

Stella made an ill-fitting pant, a badly made vest, and a strange Dracula cape. While it was pretty bad, I did not think it was as hideous as Joe's or Pleather's.

Kenley made a pretty print dress. She finally picked a really cute print. But that's not much of an accomplishment since she picked it from DVF-approved fabrics. It was very well fitted and I'm sure it was well made but that doesn't change the fact that there was no design there. It was an incredibly basic sheath. It wasn't bad enough to be out but it should have been near the bottom, not the top. For some reason, DVF thought it was amazing:

Kenley: "I thought your collection needed a simple dress."

Diane: "Thank you for telling me what my collection needed."

Kenley: "Well, there's no need to be sarcastic."

Diane: "No, I'm serious. I don't know why I didn't think of adding a totally boring little dress to my collection."

Leanne wins again! I think this was the right decision. Congratulations, Leanne! Can she maintain this momentum? Computer says no.

Stella is out. Sorry Stella. I think this was the wrong decision. While her pieces had major construction problems, it was a much better look than Joe or Pleather created. I suspect the judges subconsciously took past challenges into account in this decision.

Stella doesn't care if you buy her clothes:

Stella: "You can all blow me."

Next week the designers see something cute:

Designers: "Awwwww!"

Could it be a puppy? You'll have to wait and see!
For Crying Out Loud, Top Design Starts Tonight!

Can't Bravo give me a damn break? Why not wait until Project Runway is over to start the next season of Top Design? Don't they know how tired I am? Have they no decency?! I blame that Andy Cohen. I bet he spends all day thinking of ways to ruin my life. Well, I hope he's happy because I give up!

I don't think I'll be doing recaps for Top Design. Oh, I probably will; but I don't THINK I will. Oh, alright, I'll do it. No, no, I have to be strong! I'm not doing it! Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I'm going to . . . Nope, that's it; I've made a definite decision: I am definitely probably not planning to plan on doing recaps of Top Design. That's the plan, anyway. And I am unanimous in this. Andy Cohen can suck it. Of course, I'm not saying I might not change my mind.

Fear not! If I don't do recaps of Top Design, Other Eric will do them on his blog, Everything Eric.

Also, remember to check out Blogging Top Design, the Top Design fan blog from the makers of Blogging Project Runway. Linda Merrill of :::Surroundings::: will be heading up the Blogging Top Design team.

I believe Tom and Lorenzo will be covering Top Design, too.

And I'm not going anywhere! Keep coming back here for recaps of the rest of season five of Project Runway! And then when that's over we'll see what happens.