Tim: "Did you notice something different about this episode, Heidi?"
Heidi: "Yes, but I can't put my finger on it."
Tim: "Let me help. This episode really stood out for me because absolutely nothing interesting happened."
Heidi: "Ah, yes. That's it."
Don't get me wrong. I thought the challenge this week was great and I thought the clothes were much better than in the first episode. But I'm having trouble writing about it because it feels like nothing happened. The thing is, there actually was quite a bit of drama going on. We just didn't see it. They saved that for the Models of the Runway show. I do like the Rashomon effect of that show. Since it is really just the same show shot from a different angle, I'm just going to include some of it at the end of my recap.
Previously on Project Runway, Christopher won and Ari learned a very important lesson about how to be a total freak in a more responsible way.
We start with shots of the designers in their pointlessly unisex apartments. Apparently, Logan will be this season's shirtless designer. I'm fine with that. Malvin will spend his remaining time hiding behind window treatments asking passersby for apples. I could live without that.
We learn that Mitchell is rekindling his dream. Apparently, after his formal education in smocking techniques (and possibly making bustles), he took some time off from fashion. So while the other designers are still kindling their dreams, he is rekindling his.
The designers meet this week's guest judge. They will be designing for her. It's Alexis Meade, the transsexual heir to the Meade Publishing empire, just back from France, where she was somehow impregnated with twins! It's a miracle! It's just like that time there was the pregnant man, remember? Except then it turned out it was a man who had a uterus so it really wasn't as amazing as they tried to make it sound. Anyway, Alexis is back and she is carrying twins from fertilized eggs that she stole from Wilhelmina Slater! What could this mean to Meade Publishing? Does anyone care?
Alexis wants some chic pregnancy looks that really show off her new curves. The designers head back to the design room and attach pregnancy pillows to the dress forms. Ra'mon, who was pre-med, gives us his professional medical opinion:
Ra'mon: "I would estimate that she is in her early second semester and she is probably dilated to about two kilometers."
Tim enters the design room and totally screws everything up. He says that Alexis had one main request: that the looks be form-fitting. She did not say that. What she said is that she wanted a beautiful silhouette and she wanted to show off her curves. Obviously, she could have said it off camera but, if that was her main request, why wouldn't she have mentioned it to the designers? Because you can get a beautiful silhouette and you can show off curves without making something form-fitting. I really feel like that comment adversely affected some of the designs. Bad Tim.
Tim: "Oh, she also requested gigantic shoulder pads and she wants her legs to look like chicken drumsticks. And please incorporate fuchsia leopard-print somewhere in your design."
We learn that babies are not Logan's "thing." He is more into cars and being a man's man. We learn that Malvin thinks he understands what the judges want now: women who look like chickens. We learn that Qristyl cannot enter a fabric store without freaking out.
This week Mitchell decides to be the center of attention in the design room by being WAY too dramatic about how stupid his giant granny panties are. We all agree: they're ridiculous. So why not make something better?
Ra'mon realizes that his dress is looking a little weird, probably because some mentor, who shall remain nameless, told him the look had to be form-fitting. Mitchell tells him the dress looks better from really far away, partially blocked by a table. Especially if you don't look directly at the dress. Yeah, it's not so bad then.
On to the runway:
Logan made a cute white jersey top over black leggings. It's not exciting but it's pretty.
Shirin made a dark red dress with beautiful braiding detail under the bust and paired it with a lovely coat.
Nicolas made a tight black and grey dress that did not fit well. It looked stupid but it isn't really his fault because he actually followed the ridiculous instruction to make it form-fitting.
Christopher made a puffy purple top over black leggings. I don't like it.
Mitchell made gathered shorts with a white tank and a cream sweater. It's not a bad look but the shorts look really messy. I would not describe this look as "chic."
Qristyl made a draped salmon silk dress layered over darker fabric and wrapped around the neck. I really like it.
Epperson made a full jacket over a cream silk jumpsuit. Interesting.
Louise made a burgundy nightgown with hand-dyed lace.
Gordana made a long black top with leggings and a sweater. It's a little boring but it's fine.
Johnny made a long black form-fitting dress with white trim. It's pretty but I just think the fit over the baby bump is too tight.
Malvin made something that looks like a Baby Bjorn carrier over a black outfit. It looks terrible. And it's such a shame because his earlier draping attempts in the design room were really pretty. If he hadn't been so caught up in making his stupid "ham and eggs" costume, or whatever he was trying to do, he could have made something very structural and interesting.
Ra'mon's model looks like she has a purple race car sticking out of her stomach. I can't imagine anyone wearing that. But, again, he was just following the "form-fitting" instruction.
Carol Hannah made a cute green dress with a sash draped under the baby bump and a ruffled brown jacket.
Althea made a lovely long navy dress.
Irina made a cute babydoll dress in blue with satin trim. I like the color. The shape is not very exciting.
Louise, Althea, and Shirin are the top three and Shirin wins! Congratulations, Shirin!
Mitchell, Malvin, and Ra'mon are the bottom three and Malvin is out. Sorry, Malvin. I got a glimpse of talent but he needs to spend less time focused on what a genius he is and instead concentrate on designing.
Malvin: "I'm a designer and a philosopher and a person."
See? That's what I'm talking about. Maybe that's one too many things to be.
Malvin: "Fine. I'll drop 'person.'"
OK, so now that the show is over, the drama can finally begin. Apparently, the models are like a Greek chorus commenting on all the action during the show but we don't get to see any of it unless we stay up past our bedtime. Seriously, 11:30 is really late. I'm in a total Lunesta fog by that point in the evening.
The designers seem completely fine with the judging but the models are the design experts and they think the judges are crazy for keeping Mitchell. And we learn that Mitchell is a "model jumper," which is the worst insult in the modeling world. Apparently, he blamed his model for his near loss last week, even though his model saved him by making his non-dress almost look elegant. So he stole Qristyl's model this week, which got everyone's panties in a twist. None of the models want to work with Mitchell. He is pure evil. And he can't sew.
In other news, Logan is being stalked by one of the models.
Next week it looks like teams. I hate teams but maybe it will be a little more exciting than this episode was.