Last week Johnny was out and Tim was perturbed:
Tim: "I'm sorry I was so terse. I guess I just picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
This week we start the day with the designers saying variations of "I'm sorry Johnny is gone except for the fact that I'm so glad he's gone."
Heidi tells the designers it's time to get out of the design room:
Heidi: "We've done the beach and Hollywood Blvd. and other field trips but you're still looking a little pale and sickly. So this week we are going to the filmmaking capital of the world: Canada!"
The designers meet Tim and Collier Strong in Canada and learn they have to create a look inspired by a movie genre.
Tim: "Let me be completely clear: I do not understand this challenge. Maybe you are supposed to make a runway look that is inspired by a film character or maybe you are supposed to make a garment that could actually by used as a costume in a movie. Who knows?"
The designers get completely unnecessary dossiers explaining what their genres are:
Period Piece: a film set in a specific period
Action/Adventure: a film with some element of action or adventure
Science Fiction: a film with ice queens and/or lizard people
Tim: "The only piece of instruction I have for you is that your character has to be an assassin."
Shirin is going with Western Prostitute Assassin.
Carol Hannah is going with Sexy Assassin.
Logan is going with Military Assassin.
Carol Hannah: "Ooh, Logan, that is such a good idea! Maybe we could discuss it further over drinks?"
Tim: "OK, that's it! Logan, I'm going to have to ask you to work in a separate room because nobody can get anything done with you around. You're just too hot!"
Ra'mon is going with Star Trek Assassin.
Nicolas is going with Fairy Assassin.
Epperson figures out that Westerns can be set in the 19th century and, therefore, can also be period pieces, which is what he wanted to do in the first place. He's going with Tough Frontier War-Bride Assassin. So it's a cross between Cold Mountain and Brokeback Mountain but with more assassins and fewer gay shepherds.
Gordana decides her period will be the 1920s because that's the period when women first started getting more emaciated.
Gordana: "I said emancipated!"
Louise doesn't know what kind of assassin she's designing for:
Nicolas: "What?! I never start designing a garment without knowing what kind of assassin I'm making it for!"
Christopher is going with Victorian Vampire Bride Assassin.
Tim: "Christopher, a real Victorian vampire bride assassin would never have bare arms. You know what would be totally Victorian? A halter top!"
In a failed attempt to increase the drama, the produces steal all the scissors and bobbins from the design room.
The judges are John Varvatos, Zoe Glassner and a costume designer named Arianne Phillips.
Irina had "film noir" and she made a slinky black dress with gold inserts and a white cape. Boring.
Carol Hannah had "action/adventure" and she made a black pleather bustier with a long coat and weird straps hanging off of the thighs. Kind of dramatic but not great.
Shirin had "Western" and she made something that looked to me like a Halloween costume.
Christopher had "period piece" and he made a beautiful dress in his usual style. The skirt was certainly inspired by the 1860s but pairing it with the halter top was a modern touch that I really liked.
Nicolas had "science fiction" and he made a dress that looked like a wedding cake. It wasn't that bad considering he only had one day to make it. But that's the best thing I can say about it.
Althea had "film noir" and she made a really basic and boring black skirt and white top.
Ra'mon had "science fiction" and he made his usual basic dress with crap glued on to it. It was straight out of last season's drag queen challenge. He would have been better off with his first idea.
Louise had "film noir" so she made a flapper dress. Obviously. The dress was actually pretty cute but her concept was a big mess.
Epperson had "Western" and he made a big ruffly denim dress with a gun holster. I loved it!
Gordana had "period piece" and she made a pretty gold dress. I agree with the judges that it was a little boring but, once again, I don't think it was the most boring and I'm left wondering why the judges always pick on her.
Logan had "action/adventure" and he made a black pleather catsuit with pink gashes that make me want to barf.
The judges use the "D" word for Gordana:
The judges inexplicably love the ice queen dress Nicolas made. They think it will look expensive and beautiful on camera. Well, I have news for them: I'm watching it on camera and it looks cheap and silly.
They also love Christopher's and Epperson's.
The judges don't like Louise's dress:
Louise: "I created a look for a character who is a 21st-century woman who has to go to a costume party in the 1940s and she dresses like a woman from the 1920s who is really ahead of her time."
Zoe Glassner: "Uh-huh uh-huh. I completely get your story and I completely hate this dress."
They don't like Ra'mon's hot green mess:
Ra'mon: "I'll be honest, my first dress was totally Dior but then it was ruined in a steamer accident and I had to start over."
Heidi: "Ra'mon, what planet is this woman from? Uranus? I just made a joke!"
Nicolas wins. Seriously.
Ra'mon is out. Sorry, Ra'mon.
Spoiler Alert! Don't read the following if you have not seen this week's Models of the Runway!
Most of this episode is filled with a whole lot of nothing. The models talk a bit:
Models: "Blah, blah, blah."
Heidi tells the designers they all have to switch models this time! Why The Face (WTF)!
Vanessa, who definitely would have been going home, is miraculously saved! Her guardian angel, Julia Roberts, was obviously looking after her.
Somehow, nobody picks Fatma and she ends up as one of the last two models on the runway, with Louise making the final selection. And since Louise has to pick a new model, Fatma, the best most insane model since Morgan in season one, is out by default.
I just have one thing to say: