Ding dong the dingbat's gone!: My Project Runway posting with genuine French couture hand details:

Oh, my goodness, this episode was emotionally draining; both Laura and Michael made terrible gowns and I was really worried about them!

Here are some highlights:

So they are in Paris and Tim and Catherine tell the designers, "OK, you have to make a couture garment with lots of hand detailing."

Is there anything you would like to add?

"Oh yeah, here's the thing: you won't actually have time to make a couture garment with lots of hand detailing. . . So, good luck!"

Huh?

Here's how the designers handled the situation:

Laura decides to make the world's most boring dress and then act like she is making the world's most time-consuming ruffled collar in the hopes of disctracting the judges. She explains that she is completely hand sewing the collar as she is sitting at the sewing machine.

Michael suddenly acts as though he has never seen a needle and thread before in his life. Also, one of the judges felt he did a terrible job of protecting his dress from falling groceries. I mean, he is Captain Save-a-Ho; he could have used his super powers.

Uli decides that couture means a dress that would be good for getting drunk on champagne instead of taquilla.

Kayne tones it way, WAY down and makes something that looks to me like a dress. The judges still say it's too much.

Jeffrey can't figure out any new ways to insult women so instead he throws a bunch of cool fabric at his manequin to see what sticks and then tells the judges it was completely hand sewn, knowing there is no way they can argue with him.

And Vincent simply creates the most beautiful dress ever in the history of man . . . In his mind.

As they go to the boat for the judging Jay McCarroll is throwing eggs at the designers. Why is he so bitter?

Vincent tries to butter up the judge by telling her that she gets him off. He asks if she is wearing her own shoes or has she stolen them. He also asks if he can fondle her breasts because Keith told him that is the best way to compliment a woman. Fortunately, when Americans are speaking to the French all they hear is, "La la la la la la la la la" so it didn't bother her at all.

So what did Catherine have to say about Vincent?

"No, no, no, no, and no."

"Oh, and one more thing: NO!"

I really thought she was too hard on Kayne last week but she really saved us all this week. She may be a bitch but she's not blind! I LOVE her!

Then they get back to New York and, even though Kayne likes the French models because they're less chatty, I think the American models are better. Maybe the French translation of "work it" is "take a six week summer holiday."

Nina tells Vincent, "I would actually like it better if the front and back were reversed."

Michael Kors adds, "Actually, you know what would make it perfect? If you took it outside and set it on fire."

Oh my god, it's like he's reading my mind!

Heidi gives what seems to me to be the slowest verdict in the history of the show:

"Laura, . . . [this is when I peed my pants a little] . . .

"You're . . . [I think my heart stopped] . . .

"In!" [could someone please pick me up off the floor?]