The Academy Awards!: or Time Warner Cable makes me want to hit Daniel Franco in the nuts!

First of all, Other Eric has a brief commentary up on his site about the Academy Awards and may put up some more later, when we've looked at the outfits more. Basically I disagree with everything he says. Just kidding!

I didn't watch the awards so I'll just make up a bunch of stuff. Not really. But I missed the red carpet arrivals and missed the end of the broadcast because the Tivo didn't tape it! After a week and a half of no digital cable, Time Warner finally sent someone out to give us a new DVR box on Saturday. I set it to record Joan and Melissa at 3:00, the red carpet arrivals at 5:00, and the ceremony at 5:30. (That's what time it was live here on the West Coast.) I didn't want to watch television all day so I decided I would start watching the arrivals and then the ceremony at around 7:00 but when I went to start watching there was no sound on the television! I think there is something wrong with the new DVR box. So frustrating! I'm just so glad we didn't have people over to watch, like we did last year.

Fortunately, Eric had set the Tivo in the bedroom for the ceremony so I watched that in the bedroom, NOT in high definition, thank you very much. Argh! It's enough to make me want to hit Daniel Franco in the nuts! (By the way, my new catch-phrase about hitting Daniel Franco in the nuts does not seem to be catching on as I had hoped. You may have seen in it other variations of kicking him in the nuts or punching him in the nuts. I'll keep trying.)

Anyway, I thought Ellen was very funny. Al Gore is really funny, too. I can't believe he got such a bad rap for being boring. If only Democrats were better at letting their true personalities show when they are campaigning. Oh, well.

Who stabbed Catherine Deneuve in the boob? That almost made me barf.

Gwyneth Paltrow is my best dressed! Loved the color and the style of her dress! And I liked her hair. I usually think she looks like crap so I was pleasantly surprised.

Helen Mirren looked so beautiful! She was in the color Tim Gunn recommended for her in the TV Guide, although not the style he recommended. Thank god! That strapless number he suggested would have had her enormous breasts hanging down to her ankles! What was Tim thinking?

I though both Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt looked awful! Hated both of those dresses, though Anne's was worse; it made it look like she had no waist. I think I just hated the color, fabric, and style of Emily's. Other than that, it was fine. No, seriously, at least it was flattering to her figure.

I liked the shadow dance things. They were cool and, most importantly, really brief! So much better than a five minute interpretive dance by Debbie Allen for every damn film.

I agree with Eric about the film clips. Too many of them. I liked the foreign film one and, of course, the one of dead people, but there were a couple where I couldn't even figure out why we were watching them. During one near then end I was asking myself, "Is there a theme for these clips or are they just random. Someone must have introduced them but I've forgotten."

And don't get me started on Jerry Seinfeld! No, really, he was pretty funny. But "there's this new thing the theaters are doing where they ask you to pick up your trash"? Really? Has he just gone to the movies for the first time in twenty years? Ellen's Gilligan's Island jokes were more topical!

The acceptance speeches sucked, as usual. The Golden Globes are so much better!

Seacrest out!