Project Runway Recap, Season Two, Episode 10: Extreme Makeover, Homo Edition!

Santino: "Santino?"

Santino: "Yes, Santino?"

Santino: "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Brad Pitt?"

Santino: "As a matter of fact, yes. Is that what you wanted to know?"

Santino: "I was just wondering if you knew what happened to Andrae?"

Santino: "I think you scared him away."

Santino: "But Andrae is our little lamb. How did I scare him away?"

Santino: "By talking to yourself."

Santino: "Oh. I thought that was endearing and clever."

Santino: "Nope; just creepy."

Heidi: "OK, designers, for this challenge you're going to be giving each other makeovers. I'm going to pull buttons out of this bag to see who gets whom. Here we go: Santino gets Nick, Kara gets Santino, Nick gets Chloe, Chloe gets Santino, and Daniel gets Daniel. Oh, shit. We have to do that again. OK, Kara gets Nick, Santino gets Daniel, Daniel gets Kara, Nick gets Santino, and Chloe gets ... oh, for Christ's sake! One more time ..."

Several hours later:

Heidi: "... and Daniel gets Chloe. Oh, thank god! That took so long I gave birth and got pregnant again! What dumb-ass came up with this idea, anyway?!"

So here are the pairings:

Santino gets Kara
Kara gets Santino
Nick gets Daniel
Chloe gets Nick
Daniel gets Chloe

First Daniel has to get rid of Andrae's model, Danielle:

Daniel: "I don't consider this sending Danielle home."

Oh, no?

Daniel: "No; I consider it destroying her one chance at happiness."

Kara has been smoking the raffia again:

Kara: "I think Santino is ready for a shaaaaaaave and a cuuuuuuut and a groooooooooooooooooom!"

Alright; I don't care what she's smoking; she makes me laugh!

The designers are having mani-pedis at some salon called Give Me A Hand, or something silly like that.

Tim: "OK, but this is cutting into your design time. Don't complain to me when you run out of time tomorrow."

Designers: "Yes, mom."

Santino is complaining about doing all the work for Kara and yet he won't stop doing it! Nick chooses lavender cashmere for Daniel's suit. OK, first of all: what the fuck? Secondly, how could he afford that much cashmere? Maybe it's a blend.

Nick tells us that he knows menswear. Chloe tells us that she doesn't. I wonder what will happen.

Nick: "I'm making a fully lined jacket, pants, shirt and scarf."

Well, I think it's a waste of time to line a shirt and scarf but what do I know?

The designers have two days for this challenge:

Nick: "I'm done!"

What? You've only been working for 15 minutes.

Nick: "What can I say? I'm just so good at menswear. The other designers better get their asses in gear if they want to compete with me."

Um, you're suit has no pockets or buttons.

Nick: "Yeah. I like it that way."

I guarantee you no one else will like it that way.

Nick: "Well, it's too late; there's nothing I can do about it now."

What are you talking about? You have plenty of time left!

Nick: "Look, nothing I could do could make this suit any better than it already is."

Santino: "He's right; you can't polish a turd."

Nick runs screaming out of the room.

Santino: "What did I say?"

The designers meet with Collier Strong for styling consultations. Collier tells everyone except Chloe what beautiful skin they have. Ouch. Nick wants to put bronzer on Daniel. Collier very politely tells Nick that he wouldn't recommend doing that. He's much more diplomatic than I am; I would have slapped Nick and told him never to use the word "bronzer" in my presence ever again.

Kara: "I'm so, so, so tired but I'm going to keep sew-sew-sewing. Su-Sussudio."

Phil Collins: "Great. Now I'm going to have that goddamn song stuck in my head again."

Santino is gluing Kara into a jumpsuit. OK, another blogger used this line already but it's so good I have to repeat it: That's not a jumpsuit; that's a space-suit ... because Kara's ass is out of this world!

OK, this is where I pissed off the entire Project Runway blogging community: I loved Santino's jumpsuit on Kara! I thought she looked fantastic and it totally suited her personality. I could absolutely picture her wearing it while shopping in Manhattan, looking like a totally hot bitch. It was bohemian and funky and a little crazy; just like Kara. Obviously most women could not get away with this look, but Kara can pull it off.

I actually picked this as one of my top five looks for season two on Blogging Project Runway and people thought I was completely insane. But the guest judge liked it, too, so I'm not completely alone on this.

And yes, it was inexcusably poorly made. There is no explanation for why he didn't have time to sew a few seams. Even with all the time he spent telling Kara what to do, he still should have had a few minutes.

Judges: "Kara, what do you think of it?"

Kara: "Um ... I've lost the power of speech."

Santino: "That's how much she loves it!"

Then Kara is crying about how she should have said something. I completely misread the situation at first. In my opinion, the designers were the models and should have tried to sell the designs they were wearing. I actually thought Kara was upset that she hadn't said she liked Santino's design. She didn't have to pretend it was well made but she could have said she liked the design and would wear it. If she hated the design, then that's her fault since she approved Santino's drawings.

But, of course, she was crying about the fact that she didn't tell the judges what a piece of crap the garment was. I'm glad she didn't do that.

Santino looked great! Kara did an excellent job. And Santino gave her great suggestions and really sold the look to the judges.

Nick also looks terrific. Chloe had never done menswear before and she managed to make menswear pieces that fit perfectly and looked like they had been made by a tailor. She made just as many pieces as Nick (three, not counting the scarf) but she added pockets and buttons. Of course, she didn't have to deal with setting the sleeves of a jacket but she did what she knew she could do well in the time she had.

Daniel looks like the female version of Bea Arthur. Everything about Nicks design is wrong. The fabric is too feminine; and it's too soft and shiny so all the seams look puckery. A man's suit with no pockets or buttons looks ridiculous; you will only find that on a cheap, polyester woman's suit. Yes, he finished it; the sleeves didn't fall off on the runway. But is that good enough? Not in my opinion. Everything from the concept to the fabrication and execution was bad. I think that made it worse than Santino's, which was at least an interesting idea, using the right fabric. Nick is gone.

But what about Daniel's design on Chloe:

Chloe looks like a prostitute, only smaller. Jesus Christ, she looks like crap! What the hell is wrong with Daniel. Chloe is so cute and he managed to make her look old, cheap, and dumpy. If he hadn't had immunity, he would have been out.

Heidi: "You aged her 20 years."

Michael: "I guess because you had immunity, you decided to make a piece of shit."

Daniel: "Well, I guess you can't be right all the time."

Ooh, he did not just say that!

Michael: "Yes, I'm pretty sure I can be right all the time!"