Project Runway Season Five, episode eleven: Fashion Rocks!

In response to a comment I received last week, I'd just like to remind my readers that my blog, much like reality television, bears almost no resemblance to reality. Also, I love all the Project Runway designers (except for Daniel Franco), wish them no harm (except for Daniel Franco), and my teasing is all meant in fun (except toward Daniel Franco). No designers were harmed in the writing of my recaps (except for that time I punched Daniel Franco in the nuts. But I was hopped up on Tang and VH1 Classics so I really can't be held responsible for my actions. Plus his nuts were just begging to be punched. Don't pretend like you wouldn't have done it if you'd had the chance.)

Heidi: "Tim, do you like my skirt?"

Tim: "Yes, it's beautiful! The fabric is lovely and it's a very nice length. What's up with that?"

Heidi: "Don't worry. I'm only going to wear it for a few minutes and then I'll change into something shorter."

So, we start the episode with Pleather going home. Wait. What? Oh, shit; we just saw the end of the episode accidentally. Well, never mind; I have the retention of a gnat so I'm sure I'll forget all about it in a few minutes.

We actually start the episode with Leanne telling us how cool it would be if it were all girls in the final. Well, Leanne, now that Joe is gone, I can pretty much guarantee that it will be all girls in the final. And I think Jerell might just be one of those girls.

Three models are out. But wait, it gets even better for the models:

Heidi: "Now that we've spent all this time choosing new models, I'll let you in on a little secret: You won't be using the models this week, either!"

Models: "Oh, for the love of God! What the HELL are we doing here?!"

Heidi: "It sucks to be a model, right? I think it's good to learn that lesson early."

Tim joins the few remaining designers to tell them about this week's challenge:

Tim: "Look at you! I can count you on one hand!"

Kenley: "Do you have to use your hands to count, Tim?"

Tim: "I could do without your sarcasm, Kenley."

Ooh, the tension is building!

Anyway, the designers will be making outfits for each other based on assigned musical genres:

Pleather will be creating a rock-and-roll look for Jerell.

Kenley will be creating a hip hop look for Leanne.

Korto will be creating a punk look for Pleather.

Jerell will be creating a pop look for Kenley.

Leanne will be creating a country look for Korto.

Tim: "Fashion rocks, people!"

Korto: "I am going to be dressed up like Dolly Parton. Please kill me."

Pleather: "Pleather is a classically-trained cellist. I could easily dress Jerell as a classically-trained cellist but I don't know how to do rock-and-roll."

Tim makes the rounds:

Tim: "Kenley, pretend I'm from the moon and try to explain to me what the hell you think you're doing."

Kenley: "Well, I've noticed that hip hop artists are all wearing really cute fifties-inspired dresses lately."

Tim: "Oh, really?"

Kenley: "Yes, that's right."

Tim: "You've been studying hip hop artists and that's what they're wearing?"

Kenley: "Yes! I think I know a little more about hip hop than some old guy who gets all his information from some stupid 'Fashion Rocks' supplement to his New Yorker magazine!"

Oh, she did NOT just say that!

They decide to solve this conflict the old fashioned way: a winner-take-all game of ping pong. What? OK, fine. That didn't happen. I just didn't know how to end this story.

Tim gives his final words of advice:

Tim: "Remember to borrow ironically from the Bluefly wall."

Designers: "Whatever."

On to the runway with guest judge LL Cool J.

Leanne comes out wearing Kenley's hip hop outfit. It's completely Leanne's fault that this sucked so badly. If she had just acted more hip hop I'm sure she could have made the outfit work.

Kenley: "I could do without your sarcasm."

Sorry. Yeah, OK, that outfit was seriously, seriously bad. Kenley is obviously going home.

Other Eric: "We already KNOW who's going home!"

Oh, right. Damn.

Kenley starts arguing with LL:

Kenley: "What the hell do you know about hip hop?!"

LL: "It looks like someone needs to spend a little more time with her 'Fashion Rocks' supplement."

Kenley, by the way, looks super cute! She is wearing Jerell's pop outfit and she has never looked better. Jerell's outfit is really sexy without being slutty. The little vest was distracting, though. I can understand that he thought the dress needed something extra but the vest was wrong. He still should have won.

Korto comes out dressed in Leanne's country outfit. It's really not that bad. The top looks country, though in kind of a costumey way. The skirt wasn't really country and it had some execution problems but Korto has really got it going on in the trunk department and that skirt was surprisingly flattering on her.

Michael: "She looks like a woman going out to eat ribs."

Leanne: "Thank you, Michael. That's what I was going for."

Pleather comes out wearing Korto's punk outfit. The pants are kind of cool but the shirt is kind of stupid. The judges love it:

Michael: "OH MY GOD, HE LOOKS SO HOT IN THAT OUTFIT!"

Yeah, that drag queen makeup is SO punk.

Korto: "I used genuine pleather on the shirt."

Well, in that case I love it!

Korto wins!

Jerell comes out dressed like Jerell. Oh, actually he's apparently wearing Pleather's rock-and-roll outfit. The judges are not impressed:

Nina: "It needs more oomph."

Michael: "I agree. More oomph."

Heidi: "That's what I have written down here on my card: 'more oomph.'"

LL: "I'm always partial to some extra oomph, myself."

Tim: "I told him to add oomph but would he listen?"