Project Runway Season Five, Finale, Part Two: We survived another season!

Heidi: "Welcome to the finale of season five! I know I say this every time but this was definitely the worst season ever!"

Harvey Weinstein: "You're welcome!"

Seriously, I understand that the Weinsteins hate Bravo so they don't want to make a good show and Bravo wants to make sure Lifetime is buying a piece of shit so they don't want to promote the show, but I think they might have gone a little overboard. So we get the least talented group of designers, the worst challenges, and then no reunion show? Hello? Project Runway? Bravo just isn't that into you. After watching this season I can't help wondering if Lifetime could possibly do a worse job. I have a sneak peek of season six at the end of the post.

Anyway, last week Jerell was out and the remaining three designers have brought their collections to New York and they are making the final preparations for their runway shows:

They pick models. Korto needs hair, Leanne likes aliens, and we have an exciting two second reunion with Morgan from season one. We also get to see that girl I liked from "Make Me a Supermodel." Remember her? She was actually too tall to be a model! I didn't know that was possible.

The designers learn that they need to prune their collections from twelve to ten looks.

Tim argues with Kenley about the judges' reaction to her wedding dress:

Kenley: "Well, you aren't going to be the one judging my collection so I don't care what you think!"

[insert laugh track here]

Korto is so disappointed that Tim hasn't sprung one final challenge on her that she decides to make two new looks at the last minute. It doesn't help.

Tim makes his rounds and tells Kenley he's not crazy about the ropes:

Kenley: "Well, my dad would think this is rad as hell."

Kenley's Dad: "Yeah, I think it's rad as hell. Because I'm a tugboat captain and I say things like that."

A dog walks into the design room and shits on the floor:

Harvey Weinstein: "You're welcome!"

On the day of the show the designers are dressing the models. One of Leanne's models lost weight and one of Kenley's models gained weight so they switch models. Not really. Kenley finally zips her model into the dress but Leanne has to put her model in a dress she wasn't planning to use. It's not a great dress.

Jennifer Lopez was supposed to be the guest judge but she lost a foot in a horrible Manolo Blahnik accident and is recovering in Greece. Tim Gunn will be taking her place because they couldn't find anyone else. It's too bad there were no other fashionable celebrities in New York during New York Fashion Week. What? There were? Well, anyway, Tim is the guest judge:

Tim: "Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit! I am so pleased to be here!"

It's not that I don't think Tim makes a good judge, but there was a reason he hadn't done it before: there is the slight conflict of interest problem because he is the designers' mentor and is involved in the work process.

I was shocked by this announcement:

Me: "What? Jennifer Lopez was supposed to be the guest judge and she's not there?"

Other Eric: "Are you kidding? We've known about this for weeks!"

Me: "Well, I don't pay attention to the fashion shows and I work very hard to remain clueless. Just like Kenley."

Let's see the shows!

Kenley is inspired by Alice in Wonderland. Whatever. Other Eric and I like three looks in the middle of her collection: the black tulle skirt, the long black dress, and the adorable white dress with the full skirt and painted flowers. That one was especially cute. There were pieces I really liked in this collection but, overall, it wasn't very good.

Korto wants to know if you are ready for her. Well are ya, punk?

I really didn't like this collection. Some of the colors were nice. That's about the best thing I can say. Most of the pieces were wearable and pretty but I was bored. I can't believe she didn't come up with something more exciting.

Leanne lost millions of hours of sleep over her collection. You can tell. I recommend Lunesta. Because that Ambien shit will seriously mess you up. One of the side effects is sleep-sewing. It's tragic. Leanne's collection was interesting but it was a little too much "variations on a theme" for me. It was certainly cohesive. That's good, right? Actually, I really liked many of the pieces but I just got a little bored by the repetition. But I guess it's the best of the three.

Leanne wins a hundred thousand dollars:

Leanne: "This brotha's gettin' paid !"

uh, ok

So, here's the preview of season six on Lifetime:

Season Six of Project Runway, staring Tracey Gold in the inspirational true story of an aspiring fashion designer who overcomes a brain tumor, a rape, and the abduction of her child and seeks revenge against her cheating husband.

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.