The Fashion Show, Episode Three: The Prick Up Your Sleeve!

There was something wrong with this episode. The elimination challenge was good, there were several garments I loved, and there was an adequate amount of bitchiness. And yet something was wrong. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Kelly: "Was I not in the episode enough?"

No, that wasn't it.

Isaac: "I should have acted more disappointed in the designers, right?"

No, that's not it, either.

Fern: "I'll tell you what was wrong with this episode. It was boring as shit."

That's it! Thank you, Fern!

Seriously, this was not the best episode. Anyway, last week Laura was out for using red tulle and ruining an otherwise horrible dress and Johnny is still hanging by a thread for not knowing how to sew and for being kind of a douche about it:

Johnny: "I assumed I would have a sweatshop full of third-world children turning my vision into reality."

Yeah, there are several designers in this group who are almost proud of the fact they can't sew.

We start this episode with everyone complaining about the teams:

Reco: "Why, oh why did I have to be so tall? If my neck weren't so damn long, I could be on team Little People and I wouldn't be stuck with these losers!"

Poor Reco. It's a curse to be that talented.

Reco: "And good looking."

Right. So anyway ... oh, look, it's Isaac:

Isaac: "No rest for the chic. Laugh at my joke, people!"

For the Bizarre Quickfire Challenge, the designers have to repair four ugly suits. OK, I loved last week's challenge, choosing between the cheap and the expensive clothes, but this challenge is stupid.

Reco's teammates were a mess:

Markus: "Oh, my god, I just poked my eye out!"

With a sewing needle?

Markus: "Yes, I'm really uncoordinated!"

Lidia wins. Did she win something? Immunity?

Isaac and Kelly start their routine:

Kelly: "Wow, Isaac, that certainly is a jacket you're wearing."

Isaac: "No, you're supposed to say that it's a fabulous jacket I'm wearing."

Kelly: "But I hate it."

Isaac: "Well, speaking of fabulous jackets ..."

Kelly: "We weren't."

Isaac: "Yes, well, anyway, for the elimination challenge, you will be creating outerwear for each season of the year."

The coats have to have some special feature so that they can do something other than just being coats. Could you give us an example of what you're talking about?

Isaac: "I'd like to have a coat that can fly."

Kelly: "I'd like to have a coat made out of beef jerky so I can eat it when I get hungry."

Well, that makes sense.

Kelly: "God, I love beef jerky."

Reco is carrying his entire team. Or so the editing would make it appear:

Reco: "I'm designing and making all the coats for my team because I'm working with a bunch of losers. But I don't mind taking time out of my busy schedule to remind you how talented I am."

Yes, you're talented.

Reco: "And charming."

Of course.

Daniella is frustrated as team leader because her teammates are actually taking her suggestions:

Daniella: "Andrew won't do what I tell him. I keep telling him to make a short coat that transforms into a trench and he won't listen."

Andrew: "OK, fine! I'll do it!"

Daniella: "Oh, my god! You totally stole my idea!"

The designers are having problems with the challenge:

Keith: "I don't want my coat to be a refrigerator. However, I wouldn't say no to my underpants being a microwave."

Isaac is trying to get Haven to tell him about her coat:

Isaac: "Can you explain the shape?"

Haven: "No."

Isaac: "Do you mean you can't explain it or you refuse to explain it?"

Haven: "Could you repeat the question?"

On to the fashion show:

Keith created a metallic summer coat with a cape that can be used to grill meat. I can't describe how horrific it is.

Andrew created a really great coat that was short and puffy and then transformed into a long trench. It didn't look gimmicky; it looked completely wearable. He did a great job!

Daniella: "It was all my idea."

Shut it.

Anna created a very cute little coat with crap stuffed into the puffy sleeves.

Daniella created another coat with crap on the sleeves, except hers is awful.

Angel created a coat that transforms into another coat that looks almost the same but with a broken zipper hanging off the back.

Lidia created a cute plastic raincoat that she promised us was going to turn into an umbrella but didn't. Very disappointing.

Merlin created something black so that I couldn't make out any of the detail. Note to designers: don't use black fabric for complicated garments. It just looks like a big blob on television. Even in HD!

James-Paul created a sleeping bag that can also be used as a sleeping bag. Seriously, I love it!

Johnny created a shoe organizer that really shouldn't ever be worn as a coat.

Haven created a really stupid coat that didn't really do anything interesting. I didn't mind the shape but it was just so boring. What's her excuse? She's addicted to hairspray. And possibly also crack.

Markus created a big mess.

Reco created a really hot ski suit with a cape that becomes a blanket/espresso maker. I love jumpsuits! This is the judges' favorite:

Reco: "Well, I hate to brag but I think it turned out pretty good."

Oh, stop being so modest, Reco!

Daniella's team wins. Andrew had the winning design. Congratulations, Andrew!

Daniella: "Actually, I really hate to do this but that was totally my design."

Isaac: "Why do you keep doing that? You're on the winning team every damn week! Why can't you just be happy about it and shut your cake hole?"

Markus is out. He's a dreamer, not a designer. He's also a lover and not a fighter.

Tune in next week when, god willing, something interesting happens.