Project Runway Recap, Season One Reunion Special: Everybody Hurts Sometime.

OK, this will be short because there just isn't much of a narrative on the reunion shows. The clips are fun, the bickering isn't, few questions are satisfactorily answered, and then it's over.

Heidi Klum: "Welcome to the Project Runway Reunion Special where we get twelve designers sloshed and then make fun of them! Since he was the last one kicked off the show, we'll start with some very special clips of Austin!"

Well, you can't get much more special than Austin.

Next, there are clips of the designers getting drunk. The designers are getting drunk while they watch clips of themselves getting drunk. Not only that, but I'm getting drunk while I'm watching the designers getting drunk while watching clips of themselves getting drunk. Isn't that weird? Are you sure?

So then we learn who the designers think should be in the final three.

Vanessa: "It should have been me, Alexandria, and Kevin."

Did she just say "Alexandria"? Yes, she did. Just call Vanessa "Alexandria" because she's the queen of denial. I'll let you think about that one for a moment.

Tim: "Vanessa, do you regret your self-evisceration?"

OK, Ew! Tim, that's disgusting!

Vanessa: "Yeah, I'm sorry I said I can't sew because I can. And people keep sending me sewing kits now. Every time it's mentioned that I can't sew my sales go down by several million dollars."

Uh-huh, right.

Then there are clips of the designers imitating each other and Heidi, which was pretty funny. Then there are clips of Tim saying, "Make it work" and "Carry on," which is always good. Mario then states the obvious:

Mario: "Tim is a hot bitch!"

Yeah, tell us something we don't know.

Mario: "I totally hope I look that good when I'm so old."

Oh, charming.

The three finalists are brought in: Wendy, Kara, and Jay. Everyone is very excited to see Wendy so they can start bitching. The other designers have seen the early episodes and have heard her say that she was going to use strategy to get as far as she could in the competition. The fact that there is no evidence that she actually did anything underhanded to affect the outcome of any of the challenges doesn't seem to matter. The fact is she has gotten as far as she has through pure dumb luck and that's all there is to it. Kevin wasn't kicked off the show because Wendy is a terrible person; he was kicked off because he did a terrible job in that challenge and he deserved to go. And that's all I'm saying about that.

Wendy: "It was a competition and I said I would do what it takes to win. That's it."

Alexandra: "So you would murder someone to win?"

Wendy: "No, of course not!"

Mario: "Well, you just said you would do anything."

Wendy: "I didn't say I would do anything to win. I said I would do what it takes."

Jay: "What if that included killing someone? Your story is very inconsistent."

Kara: "You shouldn't sell your soul because you may need it someday."

Oh, yeah? Well, you shouldn't sell your, um, earrings because ... uh, you may want to wear them again sometime. Sorry, that's all I could come up with.

After the break Vanessa turns from clueless to soulless.

What break?

That break. OK, and we're back. Now we're on to the defaced photograph of Wendy's daughter. Tim accuses Kevin! Tim doesn't seem like the type of person to make rash, baseless accusations. He's probably right. Vanessa is completely trashed (oh, yeah, and she can't sew, pass it on) and she accuses Wendy of doing it herself. Jay defends Wendy:

Jay: "Wendy may be a horrible bitch but she would never do that!"

Wendy: "Thanks, Jay. That's sweet of you to say."

We then get the blooper reel with Robert "falafelizing" and Jay talking about "Hoody" Klum.

But that's enough fun! The designers start asking Vanessa why she said such terrible things about the show in an interview:

Vanessa: "Look, I was having a good time as long as we were attacking Wendy but I do not have to sit here and listen to people ask me perfectly reasonable questions. I'm out of here!"

Tim: "It's the end of the show. One of the designers is missing but she's left a slimy trail on the floor like a slug. Drunken cow."

Heidi: "That was fun! Next time we visit with the finalists!"