Shear Genius Season Two, episode nine: Like taking a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same episode!

Click here for my Project Runway Recap!

Sorry for the delay. I've been napping. My DayQuil high wore off after I wrote my Project Runway recap and I just haven't had any energy. The biggest tragedy about my cold is that I haven't been able to drink a beer all week. My taste buds are all messed up and beer tastes terrible to me; it tastes like pure vodka. Oh, glorious beer, I miss you so much and I hope some day soon we can be together again!

Anyway, on this week's Shear Genius, we are down to the final four. Oh, my God, this episode was so boring! But I thought this week's Project Runway was really boring, too, and other people really liked it so it could just be the fact that my brain isn't working.

The guest judge for the quickfire is Jose Eber (The "J" is pronounced like a "J," not an "H," Nicole).

The geniuses have to do the styling for a Double-Mint gum commercial. Or something like that.

They are supposed to get to know the client and give the client a look that represents what makes her unique. Except that she ISN'T unique at all! There's someone else who is exactly the same as she is and it's her twin sister!

So, supposedly, the geniuses are supposed to make each of the twins look different to represent individual personalities. The problem is NONE OF THEM HAS AN INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY! They look alike, they walk alike, sometimes they even talk alike; what crazy pairs!

Seriously, they do not have distinct personalities. So the geniuses just make them up:

Nicole: "OK, you'll be the smart one and you'll be the pretty one."

So Nicole makes one of her twins a blond and the other a brunette:

Nicole: "They have such completely different personalities."

Twins: "We really don't but whatever."

Dee really sets her twins apart by putting a red streak in one's hair and a purple streak in the other's.

Charlie gives his twins slightly different cuts and Daniel uses slightly different amounts of hairspray to really make each of his twins distinct.

Jose makes a completely random decision:

Jose: "I'll pick Nicole. Just for the hell of it."

Nicole wins immunity in the elimination challenge, which means she will automatically be in the final three.

For the elimination challenge, the studio is set up for a photo shoot. As they are walking into the studio, Nicole's dress magically changes from black-and-white checkered fabric to solid black. Did anyone else catch that? It's funny because it looks like the exact same dress but in a different fabric. I wonder how many versions of that dress she owns. Or maybe it's reversible. They must have told her to change because the checkered fabric was looking bad on camera. Anyhoo, just one of the random details my mind is attracted to.

In the studio they meet Michael Grecco, professional asshole. He's an asshole for all the big fashion magazines. The geniuses are so excited because they've never met such a major asshole before.

The challenge is to make avant-garde hair, which, of course, is completely meaningless.

Actually, I guess it would be possible to style the hair into new shapes but the problem is that Michael Grecco, professional asshole, also wants the hair to be flowing. There is only so much you can do to hair while also keeping it flowing. So, obviously, Michael Grecco, professional asshole, is going to be completely unhappy with whatever the geniuses do.

And he is. He gave them such useless instructions that they have no idea what to do and they mostly end up with crap. I actually really liked Charlie's but it was too pretty for Michael Grecco, professional asshole.

The shoots are based on the four seasons:

Daniel gets summer. For some reason, they drench the poor girl in water. It was a major mistake for him to put all the detail on the back of the head. Daniel is out. Sorry Daniel! I hope you win fan favorite!

Nicole gets winter. The model lays down in the fake snow and gets it all in her hair. Michael Grecco, professional asshole, scolds Nicole for letting snow get in the hair and then he scolds her for getting in the shot when she tries to get it out. Her inexperience showed. I think she would have been eliminated if she hadn't had immunity.

Nicole: "I guess I'm just not used to working with a professional asshole."

Dee gets fall and the model is jumping on a trampoline. The results are awful.

Charlie gets spring and his model is on a swing. I think it looks good but Michael Grecco, professional asshole, says he didn't want the hair to look pretty so Charlie starts tearing it apart and I think it still looks good. Charlie wins the challenge.

Well, that's it. Kim Vo sums up my feelings by telling us what he thought of this episode:

Kim Vo: "It was like taking a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same night. You do not want to do that. Trust me."