Project Runway Season Five, episode six: Parsons is burning!
Heidi: "Hey Tim, is my skirt too short?"
Wait. Why is Heidi riding a unicorn?
Tim: "She isn't. You're just high on DayQuil."
Oh. That makes sense. Thanks, Tim. So, I know you'll find this hard to believe, but I'm not usually stoned when I write my blog. This week, however, I have a cold and I'm a little woozy from the DayQuil. Bear with me.
Last week Keith won and Kelli went home.
Chris March introduces the challenge:
Chris: "Welcome to the most boring episode of Project Runway ever!"
But I thought this episode was about drag queens. It should be fantastic.
Chris: "You're right! It should be! But somehow the producers will take a really great idea and magically turn it into the most boring hour of television you are ever likely to see!"
Well, that is impressive. I can't wait to see how they'll do it.
We are introduced to the drag queens, including Devine, Lipsynca, and Janet Reno.
Seriously, I've only heard of one of these queens: Varla Jean Merman. She's the illegitimate love child of Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine. She's done shows here in Los Angeles. Maybe the others are famous in New York.
Daniel is making a high glamour look for his drag queen. Obviously.
Drag queens always make Pleather think of his grandfather:
Pleather: "I have such fond memories of helping my grandfather put on his false eyelashes and tease his wig. I miss him so."
Korto is working on a big girl:
Korto: "I don't usually make clothes for drag queens."
You think everyone else does?
Nina: "Korto obviously had a lot of fun with this challenge.
if you say so.
Tim thinks Pleather's drag queen is mean. He gives Pleather sass lessons:
Tim: "Was she getting all up in your grill? Well, if you ask me, I think you should bust a cap in her ass."
On to the runway. Heidi is wearing a skirt that covers half her thigh. Now I know I'm hallucinating. She introduces the judges:
Heidi: "The judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and the usually fabulous RuPaul. Jesus Christ, RuPaul, what the hell is going on with your hair tonight? Did you leave the top down when you went through the car wash?"
Farrah Moans is wearing Kenley. A champagne sheath with ostrich feathers. Pretty boring.
Miss Understood is wearing Blayne. Shit-licious!
Varla Jean Merman is wearing Joe. Fabulous pink sequin jumpsuit. Absolutely perfect!
Luisa Verde is wearing Stella. Long black dress with pink plaid panel. It's an OK dress but I don't know if it's right for Miss Verde.
Hedda Lettuce is wearing Pleather. It looks very similar to the outfit she was wearing at the beginning of the episode.
Annida Greenkard is wearing Daniel. What the hell is wrong with him?
Acid Betty is wearing Terri. A kimono with a corset. Really good!
LeMay is wearing Jerell. Pretty boring. Jerell had one of the biggest challenges because his drag queen didn't have a specific look. She was just wearing a dress. So he just made her a dress.
Sweetie is wearing Korto. Red sequin dress with a poofy skirt. It is surprisingly flattering. Korto did a good job.
Sherry Vine is wearing Keith. It's ugly but not in a good way.
Sharon Needles is wearing Leanne. I'm pretty sure Sharon's style is punk/goth. Leanne decides to dress her like Judy Jetson. It doesn't work.
The judges love Terri's, Korto's and Joe's. They didn't like Keith's, Jerell's, or Daniel's.
Joe wins! Congratulations, you breeding freak! Terri's was also excellent but I have to agree with the judges on this one; I think Joe took a risk putting pants on a drag queen and I loved the result!
Daniel is out. Heidi rips off his mask and it turns out to be Daniel Franco! He was just using this other Daniel costume to get on the show for a third time! I knew there was something eerily familiar about his total cluelessness and complete lack of self-awareness. Now it all makes sense.
Michael Kors: "This challenge reminds me of my bar mitzvah. Full of queens and tacky dresses. And boring as shit."