Project Runway Season Six, Episode Four: Leave the Designing to the Professionals!

Last week Ra'mon won and Mitchell went home:

Mitchell: "I'm going home with a smile on my face."

But you're not smiling.

Mitchell: "Yes, I am. See? I'm smiling."

No, you still aren't smiling.

Mitchell: "Are you sure? I feel like I'm smiling."

Maybe you're smiling on the inside.

Mitchell: "No. I'm pretty sure I'm crying on the inside."

In model news, Fatma has an announcement:

Fatma: "Now the designers realize this is about more than just money. It's about loyalty."

Exactly! That's what this show is all about! it's not about clothes or exciting challenges or teamwork or any of that; it's all about model loyalty.

Meanwhile, back on earth, we start this week with Logan completely absent:

Logan: "I had my shirt on so the camera crew told me I couldn't be in the shot."

Well, I hope you've learned a valuable lesson.

This week the designers will be working for 13 women. Who are these mystery women? Could they be homeless Eskimos?

So close. But no, it's just their models. The designers are very relieved. They shouldn't be. As we learned in season one, most models have the design sense of a crack whore. Well, there's always a chance these models are better. Still, I'd rather design for a homeless Eskimo.

They will be designing an eye-catching look for the models to wear to an industry event. The designers take this to mean cocktail wear.

Johnny thinks designing for his model will be easy:

Johnny: "I'll just design the dress that I would wear if I were black and slightly less effeminate."

Epperson's model is very demanding:

Model: "I want a sexy conservative floor-length mini-skirt that is loose but very tight."

And Shirin's model is just plain insane:

Model: "I want a low V-neck in the back and I want a cocktail dress that makes me look like a superhero in drag."

Christopher is making an awful drop-waisted cocktail dress in puke green satin.

Qristyl is making something that looks . . . what's the word?

Tim: "Pardon my French, but it looks messy. It kills me to use that word, Qristyl, but it's the truth."

Logan is making a Smurf prom dress with black lace over teal satin.

Tim: "Don't ever say 'Smurf prom dress' in my presence!"

sorry

Carol Hannah is robbing youth from her model. And giving it to the elderly. She's like the Robin Hood of youth.

Tim leaves the design room:

Tim: "I'm sending in your models. Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. But if you do, make sure to give me all the juicy details."

Epperson decides this would be the perfect time to break down sobbing so he calls and talks to his children.

It's the day of the runway show and Logan is not going to make the same mistake twice. As Johnny grabs some popcorn and watches the show, Logan does some shirtless modeling to get some camera time:

The camera lingers lovingly on his glistening torso, panning slowly from his perfectly-toned chest, hesitating ever so slightly at his tiny waist, and finally coming to rest on his metallic jeans that are so tight it looks like his ass has been bronzed, which, by the way, it should be.

Logan: "I'm hoping these jeans will distract the judges."

I'm sorry. Distract them from what?

Logan: "My awful dress."

Right! Dresses! That's why we're here! I knew that!

On to the runway:

Heidi: "Hello designers. None of our judges bothered showing up this week. Instead we have Marc Bouwer, Zoe Glassner, and our guest judge Jennifer Rade."

Qristyl made a black dress that couldn't have been less eye-catching if she had tried.

Nicolas made a white satin sheath with grey trim and a high neck. It's nice but I don't like the fit at the bust.

Irina made a dress in a beautiful print and paired it with a black jacket. Love that fabric!

Gordana made a short tan dress with long sleeves and a braided panel down the front. Adorable!

Shirin made a blue dress. It's oppressively boring.

Logan made a . . . sorry, I was completely distracted by his pants. What were we talking about?

Christopher made . . . wow, Logan's pants are so shiny . . .

Epperson made another brown/black dress with strips of fabric sewn on to it. It's very nice but does he do anything else?

Johnny dressed his model as an eggplant.

Althea's model has really bouncy breasts. I don't know what she was wearing.

Louise made a little black dress with a huge ruffled collar. Fatma is completely insane but she's one hell of a model. She really looked like she loved that dress. We find out later during the model show that the dress had much more detail than we saw on the runway.

Ra'mon made an awful blue dress with a huge blue flower pasted on the front. Talk about Smurf prom dresses.

Tim: "I told you NOT to talk about Smurf prom dresses!"

sorry

Carol Hannah made a black skirt with a purple asymmetrical top. I don't love it.

Logan is at the bottom:

Guest Judge: "Logan, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you have an amazing ass. We were all distracted by your silver pants but, unfortunately, not enough to miss the fact that your outfit looks like a Smurf prom dress."

Tim: "Stop saying that!"

Johnny is also at the bottom:

Guest Judge: "Johnny, we wish we had been distracted by your pants so we wouldn't have had to look at your dress."

Qristyl is the third designer at the bottom this week. Qristyl's dress ages her model, Valerie, who is already very old in dog years. Valerie likes the dress.

Guest Judge: "Well, that's why Valerie is not a designer. Thank god."

Wow, this guest judge is a total bitch! I hope they ask her back!

The top three are Althea, Carol Hanna, and Epperson.

Althea wins! Congratulations, Althea! Personally, I didn't love the execution of this outfit but the concept was good.

Qristyl is out. Sorry Qristyl. I'm sorry to see her go but she had several weeks to bring it and it just wasn't brought.

Moments before/Meanwhile/Later at the industry event:

We learn that the models all feel responsible for the outcomes of this challenge. Which is probably because it was entirely their fault.

Heidi shows up at the models' apartment, claims to have decorated the place, and searches the refrigerator:

Heidi: "Do you have any wiener schnitzel? I could really go for some wiener schnitzel."

Valerie and Kojii, the bottom two models, don't wear their designers' dresses to the party. I don't think either of those dresses was bad enough to not wear to a model party. Qristyl's dress was boring but perfectly fine and Logan's dress was a bit much but not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I thought Logan's dress was almost cute and certainly less embarrassing than some of the other dresses (I'm looking at you, Christopher, Shirin, and Ra'mon). But, of course, I was distracted by his pants so my judgement could be impaired.

Johnny's model, however, decides to wear his dress and styles it with a big belt and makes it look approximately a million times better.

Valerie gets booked at the party but, unfortunately, she's out again. She was the glue that held that place together. It will only be a matter of days before the models' apartment devolves into total anarchy and they resort to cannibalism.