Project Runway Season Eleven, Episode Four: Pretty Pink Candles!

Tim: "Don't you hate it when everyone forgets your birthday and it leads to you giving away your panties and also there is a foreign exchange student suddenly living in your house? Well, finally, Glade has solved this problem! They have combined the scents of Hawaiian breeze and vanilla passion fruit. The pretty new shape of the candles will definitely make that Jake Ryan fall in love with you and then all your problems will be over."

Heidi: "Sure, that's a good challenge. But I also like another two-in-one challenge: the one where Molly Ringwald combines Annie Potts' old prom dress with the thrift store dress Harry Dean Stanton bought for her even though he was unemployed and couldn't afford it."

Tim: "Well, Heidi, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! That movie has nothing to do with Hawaiian breezes or vanilla passion fruit! At least my movie has candles in it!"

Heidi: "I don't care! That's what the challenge is going to be!"

OK, so the designers have to create cohesive collections inspired by candles and flowers and Hawaiian breezes and string and wire mesh and John Hughes movies. Fine. It makes more sense than most challenges. But before they get started there is some rearranging of the two main high school cliques, with the richie kids and the kids from the wrong side of the tracks trying to decide if they can accept outsiders:

Come on, baby! You know you want to join our team!

The designers are having some concerns about this challenge:

Michelle: "I hope that stuck-up Blane doesn't pick me. I'd much rather stay over here with Duckie."

Amanda: "Candles are my worst nightmare! I didn't even have candles at my wedding!"

Tu: "Long Duk Dong is a really funny name!"

I was impressed with the results of this challenge. Most of the dresses looked similar, with stiff bodices covered in string and skirts covered in flowers, but they were pretty and well made.

Heidi: "Both teams were so great that we don't have a losing team this week! We have a winning team and then a less winning team!"

So, in other words, a winning team and a losing team.

Heidi: "uh ... yes."

The Dream Team, which now includes Layana and Stanley, were the winning team. Their collection was cohesive and pretty and a little repetitive. Layana's cage dress made of string was beautiful. Benjamin's fabric, which he made on his own loom, was amazing, but there was so little of it and the pattern was so subtle, I'm not sure it was worth the effort. The winning look was Samantha's. The judges love her use of the mesh:

Nina: "It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life! It's metal but it looks so light!"

OK, calm down, Nina. It's not barbed wire. It's just mesh. And I'm not even convinced it's metal. It looks more like window screen mesh, which is usually made out of fiberglass now. In any case, it's just like a really heavy tulle and not that much different from something you could get at a fabric store. I don't get what's so exciting about it. 

Team Keeping It Real, which now includes Michelle, were the losing team. They didn't create a cohesive collection, although they all looked like floats in the Rose Parade. I found their collection much more fun and dramatic than the other team's. Kate's giant floral dress and Michelle's and Richard's mini-blind dress were my favorites. I didn't understand Patricia's mess at all. Was the dress made out of mud? Do they sell mud at flower shops? Anyway, the judges pretended to like it. The bottom two were Joe, who made an ill-fitting dress made out of more mesh, and Amanda, who made a dress out of Moss.

Kate Moss: "I really wish Kate had made the dress out of moss, because then I could have worn it and people would ask, Who are you wearing? and I could say, It's Kate's moss dress, and then they could say, Oh, it's Kate Moss in Kate's moss, and then we would laugh and laugh and finally they would ask me why I'm there."

Yes, well, life doesn't always work out the way we want it to, does it, Kate? Anyway, Amanda's moss dress isn't great but it isn't that bad and she probably shouldn't have been in the bottom two. The only reason she was there is that she was apparently making her teammates sick worrying about her and her stupid moss.

Finally, remember the anticipation, the dramatic buildup, the nail-biting tension, waiting for what was supposed to be the most mind-blowing avant garde dress of all time? And then we get this?

really?

Well, it wasn't that much of a letdown, but it was still a disappointment. Joe is out. His dress was unflattering and uninteresting. His original idea of drowning the model in flowers might have been cool, but he changed direction at the last minute. He spent too much time making a net that looked just like landscape netting he probably could have bought at the hardware store. I loved his anti-fashion sense and I'm sorry to see him go, but I don't think the judges had much choice.

But just when we thought the episode was over, Tim makes an announcement:

Tim: "There is still some business to be taken care of, so I want you to meet Heidi and me on the runway in ten minutes. And someone had better be able to answer this question: Where is my automobile?"

To be continued...

[spoiler: it's in the lake]