Top Chef: Miami: the do-over!

We are in part two of the restaurant challenge and CJ still only has one testicle.

The quickfire is a mise en place relay race! Fun! They have to shuck oysters, dice onions, break down chickens, and whip egg whites. I understand dicing onions but are those other things really considered mise en place? Shucking oysters especially doesn't seem like it fits the challenge. Well, it's still fun!

The relay teams are the restaurant teams. Everyone does pretty well except Casie, who takes forever chopping onions.

Other Eric: "Wow, I could chop onions faster than that."

It's true. I make him chop onions for me sometimes because they make me cry. Man, she was slow. It's like she was performing brain surgery:

Casie: "Oh, chopping onions isn't brain surgery? I keep getting those mixed up."

Never mind. The prize doesn't even seem that great. The winning team has to endure Stephen the sommelier. I don't dislike Stephen but he can be really annoying.

Both teams, however, have to endure Madonna's brother. (Thanks to Amuse Biatch for letting us know to expect him.) Supposedly he is a designer, though I saw no evidence of it. He told team Garage to use white table cloths, which everyone else had already told them. And he told Restaurant April to write inspirational messages from Successories around the walls of their space:

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference

Problems become opportunities when the right people join together

The strength of our character is rooted in the depths of our convictions

Or my personal favorite:

Someone please kill me

At least he didn't make them put up the "Hang In There" kitten poster.

Obviously he made team Garage's space look better. But Hung's monkey could have done that. (Does anyone mind if I mention Hung's monkey in every post? Good.) He made quite a lot of unnecessary changes to Restaurant April's space. It looked fine but I don't know that he improved it.

Casie tells us how much she and Tre have in common. Well, that's the kiss of death. If Casie talks about how much she likes you it means you are going to be eliminated. DON'T BECOME FRIENDS WITH CASIE! TRE, RUN FROM HER AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

The chefs have to provide a second option for three courses. Team Garage wisely changes the name of their restaurant to Quatre. The judges don't all love the new name but they all agree it's an improvement. Tom doesn't eat in the restaurants, instead spending the whole evening being unhelpful in the kitchen.

Other than Dale's slovenly appearance, the judges love almost everything about the new and improved Quatre. Stephen almost bores the patrons to death but Dale eventually tells him to shut it.

The eliminated chefs from earlier episodes show up to eat at the restaurants:

Hung: "Who are these people?"

The guest judge is chef Geoffrey Zakarian:

Zakarian: "I hereby declare tuna tartare a cliché."

Please make a note of it. He also complained that no one was watching Tre's back. I'm sure Tre has a very nice back but does everyone need to watch it so carefully? Meanwhile, no one was watching Sara's back. But she was a total fabulous bitch and simply didn't allow Hung or Howie to send out any food that wasn't absolutely perfect. The fact that Tre allowed inadequate food to leave his kitchen was his responsibility. He was the head chef. Tre accepted this; is was just Zakarian who seemed to be blaming everyone else.

Restaurant Quatre (formerly known as the Garage) won! Sara, as head chef, wins! She wins something! I can't remember what! Why can't I stop using exclamation marks?!

So who is asked to leave from Restaurant April? Is it head Chef Tre for allowing bad food to leave his kitchen? Is it CJ for not watching Tre's back? Is it Casie or Brian for ... well, nobody really knows what they did.

Padma: "Tre, I'm sorry but Casie seems to like you so we are going to have to ask you to pack your knives and go."

Casie: "Well, at least I still have Dale."

Dale: "Step away from me."