Project Runway, Season Four, Episode 3: Why?

Heidi: "This is a Project Runway first!"

You mean an episode nobody will be interested in?

Heidi: "Well, yes; there is that. But I was talking about menswear!"

We've had menswear before.

Heidi: "Not a challenge with ALL the designers doing menswear!"

That's true. Menswear should be interesting. What are you going to do to screw it up?

Heidi: "The challenge will be to design for a sports star!"

Ooh! Like an ice skater?

Kevin: "That's not a sport, dummy! Football is a sport!"

Football? Congratulations, Bravo! You really know your audience. Nothing goes better together than fashion and football. This sounds like the worst episode ever. I don't even want to watch it.

Heidi: "There will be hot male models in their underwear!"

oh, alright.

Other Eric wants to make sure everyone knows he figured out it would be menswear. He also predicted that Heidi would be dressed as Lieutenant Uhura. I think he's psychic.

So the designers go on a field trip with Tim:

Nick Verreos: "Ooh, I hope we are going to some fabulous Park Avenue penthouse!"

Will you shut up about the fabulous Park Avenue penthouse already?

Tim introduces the designers to Tiki Barber.

uh ... yeah ... that was my reaction too.

Kevin: "Well, I'm straight so I'll explain who he is. He was a famous football player and now he's a correspondent on the Today Show."

OK, not only do I know nothing about football but I don't think I've ever watched the Today Show, either. I'll have to take Kevin's word for it that he's famous.

So what exactly is the challenge?

Tiki: "See what I'm wearing now? Great! This is basically the only thing I wear. So try to make this exact outfit but different."

What?

Tim: "There will be no creativity in this challenge. Just try to make something that resembles normal men's clothing that you would find in the store and doesn't look glued together. This is the week where you should just try to skate by and make it to the next challenge."

Tim: "Oh, yeah, this is classic 'make it work' time."

Classic?

Tim: "Yeah, it isn't antique 'make it work' time but it also isn't modern 'make it work' time. I thought about vintage or traditional but I finally decided on classic."

Well, you can't go wrong with classic.

OK, so none of the designers make menswear. What will they do?

Jack: "I immediately took off my pants."

That's your solution to everything.

Jack: "Hey, whatever works."

So Jack is going to use the pants to make a pattern:

Jack: "Tim, would it be alright if I use my pants to make a pattern and share it with two other designers so we have a huge advantage over the others?"

Tim: "Of course!"

I don't know how I feel about that. I know it isn't against the rules to use anything in the room to make patterns as long as they don't bring in pattern pieces or pattern books. And they are allowed to help or not help other designers but this still seems unfair.

Whatever. I'm kind of over this episode:

Tim: "I'd like to bring in the totally hot, young, nearly-naked male models now!"

OK, you have my attention.

Kevin: "I guess the guys were good looking, though I wouldn't notice that kind of thing. The women were going crazy about them. And, don't say anything, but I think some of the male designers were checking them out, too. Do you think they might be gay?"

So Kevin is working very hard to make sure we don't think he is interested in his model:

Kevin: "So my model was there in his underwear but I was all business. I took his measurements and fit the clothes on him and I wasn't even staring at his butt at all. No, I barely even noticed him standing there. Why would I? I'm straight."

We get it. Some of the other designers were a little more flustered:

Chris: "Uh ... ha ha ... um ... hi ... do you work out? Wait, I'm supposed to be doing something ... oh, yeah, I need to make some clothes."

But Ricky is really freaking out:

Ricky's model: "The waist feels like it fits right."

Ricky: "OK, I'd really love to chat but I just don't have time."

Ricky's model: "Sure. Whatever."

Tim: "Ricky, you were just rude to a hot guy for absolutely no reason. I'm really worried about you. Have you been getting enough fiber?"

Tim has an announcement:

Designers: "Aw, crap."

Tim: "I never get tired of that reception. Now that it's too late do make any changes to your designs, I have a special guest here who will tell you everything that is wrong with what you are making."

Christian: "OH, MY, GOD! It's a totally anonymous Asian lady! I am so excited by this, for some reason! Asian ladies are fierce!"

Asian lady: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

So, the Asian lady is Mrs. Barber and she's there to check on the progress of the clothes being made for her husband.

She and Tim tell Carmen that her Members Only jacket is crap and she needs to start from scratch:

Karen Walker: "[Gasp] is that a new Members Only jacket?!"

Rosario: "What can I say. A lady likes to have nice things."

Oh, sorry. I don't know how that scene got in here. Anyway, Carmen is a little flabbergasted:

Tom Collicchio: "What's the problem? It's not like cooking; making clothes is easy. Just make a whole new jacket in an hour with no fabric."

Tom, you're an idiot.

I really wish Tim had mentioned that it was a terrible design BEFORE she made it.

Carmen: "No; it's my fault. I should have bought enough material so I could keep making jackets until Tim was satisfied."

Now for the regularly scheduled portion of the program where Elisa does something bizarre:

Elisa: "What? I'm not prepared for this? Oh, wait; I've got it! ... I'm just too shy to have my model undress because I've never seen a naked man before. So I'm just going to put the clothes over the clothes he is already wearing! Ta-da! How was that?"

Perfect! I think you have fulfilled your obligation of being a total weirdo for this episode.

Elisa: "Thanks! I really just pulled that one out of my ass!"

Now for a very special Saturn commercial:

Kara Saun: "I love driving my Saturn to the beach. I'm always inspired by the color of the water."

Isn't it usually blue?

Kara Saun: "Well, yeah."

That was fascinating. Back to the turmoil in the design room. Steven tries to find an appropriate metaphor:

Steven: "It's like the Titanic?"

How?

Steven: "Well, everybody is running around like crazy and I think I hear Celine Dion singing."

Fair enough.

Steven: "What was it that they had on the Titanic right before it sank?"

I don't know; terrible acting and ridiculous dialogue?

Steven: "No; plenty of ice for mixed drinks! Who wants a cosmo?"

On to the runway:

Heidi: "All the outfits that are finished, no matter how stupid they look, are safe."

In my opinion, Christian, Chris, and Elisa should have been called out for making really dumb-looking outfits that Tiki would never wear on the air. Chris's looked like a StarTrek uniform and Elisa's model looked like a bounty hunter; it was completely inappropriate for the Today Show. Christian's was just silly.

I also thought Rami should have been out there as one of the best. The jacket was casual but it wasn't a Members Only jacket and it looked good. Steven's also wasn't bad, though the rise on his trousers was ridiculous.

So Kit, Jack, and Kevin were the top three. They were pretty good. They looked pretty well-made and were not too boring:

Jack: "I think mine looks like you could have just bought it in a store."

Why do we need a designer to make something you could already just buy in a store? Yeah, that was the problem with this episode.

The judges think Kevin's has a look:

Michael: "I think Kevin's has a look."

Nina: "Oh, yeah, I was just going to say that. It has a look."

Heidi: "I agree; it totally has a look."

What the hell are you talking about?

So Jack wins. He only made two pieces but they looked good. I just don't feel like there was any designing there. It was just a technical exercise; trying to make something that looked like store-bought clothes. Whatever. Congratulations, Jack!

Sweet P, Carmen, and Ricky were the bottom three. At first I wasn't sure that Sweet P was in the bottom because all they did was say nice things about what she made:

Michael: "I love the tie. I wish he were wearing that and nothing else."

Yeah, me too.

Carmen didn't have time to make a shirt so she just put the shirting fabric under the jacket like a shawl. The color was nice. The outfit didn't look well-made but I didn't think it was that bad. It was more interesting than Ricky's and it had more going on that Sweet P's:

Michael: "The crotch on that pant is insane!"

Nina: "And Michael has seen his share of crotches so I think he knows what he's talking about."

Michael: "Thank you, Nina."

Ricky's is a mess. He tried to make a totally boring business suit and failed. So it was neither well-made nor interesting. Obviously he's going to be the one to go home, right?

Nope; it's Carmen. That was totally the wrong decision.

Tune in next week when a tornado hits Wisteria Lane! Exciting!