Project Runway, Season Five, Episode Two: Burlap and Birkenstocks

Greetings Eric Three Thousand fans!  Unfortunately your regular Eric is unable to join you as he is traveling to parts unknown.  In his absence he has asked this other-Eric to watch after and comment on his Blog.  I know that this is like having your regular Eric substituted for generic Eric but I prefer to think of it as having your regular coffee replaced by Folgers Crystals.  They always turn out to be not so bad. 

The one thing that I do do differently than Eric Three Thousand is that I like to comment as I watch the show.  You don't know this but Eric Three Thousand spends time and carefully crafts his musings for your reading pleasure.  I jump in and hope for the best.  Don't be too harsh as your regular Eric will return shortly.  In the meantime, sit back and enjoy.

PS: We just started getting the East Coast feed of Bravo.  What a pleasure to not have to wait until 10 for the good stuff.

The sun rises on another day in Manhattan as Suede reflects on his roommates departure.

Suede: Suede thought the psycho killer look was going to be the next big thing.  I cannot believe Jerry is gone.  Suede is shocked.

Meanwhile in the Girls dorm, Stella tries to poison everyone with some crazy goth drink and thanks the under-lord that she is still in the running.

The designers meet Heidi at Parsons where we get the usual bit about the models and how it is a competition for them as well.  This week the models get handpicked by each designer and one will be out.  This week its Bell.  Or is it Belle?

This week's challenge is to make a cocktail dress for their chosen model.  WOW!  That's really interesting and really unexpected.  I don't know where they come up with these crazy challenges.

Nora: I totally got sent home the first season when I had to design a wedding dress for my model.

That's right!  I've seen this challenge before.

Tim: No.  This time they have to make it work harder and design their dresses out of environmentally friendly fabrics.

Oh.

Leanne: I ALWAYS use green.

Tim: Wait there's more!

Ginsu knives?!!!

Tim: No, the model's will be buying the fabric.

Wow!  How do they come up with this?

Designers:  This is sacrilegious.  Models cannot buy fabric.

The models are given 30 minutes to shop at Mood and immediately take over the organic section.

Xaviera: I know nothing about fashion design.

Really? You'd think being around fashion would at least help you a little bit.  Or, really, what do you like to wear.

Tia: I picked what I like and what would look good on me.

See.

Tim takes the models back to Parsons to the nervous designers who now have 30 minutes to discuss the outfit.  The designers are not impressed.

Wesley: My models fabrics are totally disgusting.

Suede: I'm putting Suede into it.

Wait, suede isn't green.

Suede: No, not suede...SUEDE.

I don't get it.

Stella: I don't do green.  I'm urban.

The models get ready to leave...

Stella: This is not what I do.

We get it.

The models leave, the designers get started and we cut to commercial.  As we return we get to hear from each of the designers inner voices...

Emily: I love the green aspect of this challenge.  I love dumping crap into the ocean.

Blayne: I have to prove myself to Darth Vader...darthlicious.

Stella: My model wants flowy.  The judges need to know what I can do and what my aesthetic is.  They don't need to know that I can service the needs of my client.

You're right.  They don't need to know unless they ask the model, "Model, how do you feel about this look?"

Nora: Hey, I did exactly what my model told me and got sent home.

Clearly, you didn't see your dress. 

The designers start to notice that they either have the same fabric and they need to be different or that other designers are doing similar pleating to theirs.   I say Holy War!

Tim comes in to meet with each of the designers and give typical feedback, "Carry on, make it work, I'm worried about you, etc."  He also uses the term "Hot Mess."

"Hot Mess?"  That's new for Tim isn't it?

Suede: I'm a little crazy

Tim: Crazy how?

Really Tim? He talks in the third person.

Tim: You really need to follow your own vision and your own voice.

The other designers bitch slap Tim for asking Suede to keep talking aloud.

Tim presents a new wrinkle to the challenge.  The winning designer will not win immunity but their dress will be featured on Bluefly.com.  Also, one of Hollywood's hottest young stars will be the guest judge.

Who could it be?!

The designers scramble to finish their first days work.

Stella: This sucks.  I'm urban.  I only work in leather.

Blayne starts to make fun of her and her love of leather.  Interesting coming from the guy who is turning himself into leather.  Don't judge Blayne, it isn't becoming.

The next morning we see the guys getting ready to head back to Parsons.  I think Daniel uses the same hair product I do.  Wow, we have so much in common.

On the day of the runway show Tim comes in to provide some moral support.

Tim: You're not going to make it work.  You're stressing me out!

That's not very supportive Tim.

Tim: Let me finish.  I was going to add that I have every confidence in your abilities.

You didn't see this at home but when Tim turned around I understand that he had his fingers crossed.

Stella's model likes her dress even though Stella did not follow her instructions.  Stella you may have found your way in to round three.

Daniel is still working on his sewing machine with only 5 minutes to go while the other judges...er...designers judge the work of those they deem inferior.  Careful, careful.  Those who judge could end up getting judged.

Lifetime Network Exec: Or be asked back to be a judge on next season's Los Angeles season of Project Runway!

Jaclyn Smith: That's so Season 2 of Shear Genius.

Heidi: Now it's time to meet our super celebrity young Hollywood Judge.

NATALIE PORTMAN!  Wow, that is a good one.  She is young.  She's Hollywood.  She's Oscar nominated.  She's pretty.  She's an environmentalist.  (But she sucked in the Star Wars movies)

Joe: She's so amazing. She has her own vegan shoe line and she makes shoes out of faux leather.

Payless: Big deal. We haven't used leather or any kind of natural fiber in years.

Onto the Runway show...

Keith - Beauty and the Beast Diaper

Terri - Looks good.

Wesley - Not well made.

Jerell - Don't like the feathers.

Jennifer - eh

Daniel - Looks good.  Doesn't look "green" but is it too basic?  Or with those pockets, too Chloe?

Joe - Looks good. Don't like the color.

Suede - Valentine chic...but it looks good.  Well made.

Kenley - Looks good; not crazy about the neck but it works.

Kelli - Not great especially for the model's figure

Leanne - That hideous color again. Too short. Overdone.

Stella - Too short.  Don't like it really.

Blayne - BRIGHT!  A little Dynasty up top.

Emily - SHEESH!  It looks like a bathing suit cover up.

Korto - This dress has wings.

Results...

But first, quick question for Wesley...who wears short shorts?

The good: Kenley, Stella, Suede (Natalie: I would wear that)

The bad: Wesley (Nina: Tiny, Shiny and Short is the quickest route to cheap), Korto (OMG! Nina quoted me about the wings!!!), Leanne (even her model hates it)

The winner is: Suede.

The Auf'd designer is: Wesley.

I feel bad now for making a joke about his short shorts.

Well that was this Eric's recap.  As I asked up top, please don't be too harsh and stay tuned for some bits on Shear Genius.