Project Runway, Season Five, Episode Three: Start Spreading the Blues.

Eric Three Thousand is almost back.  He should be home by Thursday or Friday of this week. He could probably even take care of the blog this weekend but I know that he'll also need his rest.  So here I am again.  Before we commence on Project Runway let me just say that I cannot breathe and my head is going to explode; even more reason to be gentle with my posting.  One hopes its allergies and not a cold.  Stay tuned and on with the show.

Does every episode start with the designers waking up?

Daniel: I feel really sad that Wesley is gone because I felt like we were really connecting in that special way that only two men can who work in the fashion industry.

Well duh!  We've all seen the Internet rumors.  We know you're "making it work."

Heidi greets the designers and presents the new challenge.  

Heidi: Psych!

She takes us through the model swap process but no exchange or mutha-f'in walk-offs tonight. She then instructs the designers to go home and get ready for a night on the town with Tim.

The designers ponder where Tim might be taking the designers for their night on the town. The gays...er...the guys speculate that they're going clubbing with Tim while the gals are just itching for a good time.  Unfortunately for the designers they're hopping a double-decker bus...in the rain.  Thankfully, the Gods of Project Runway have smiled upon our poor downtrodden designers and given them the remaining tablecloths from the first week's episode to wear as ponchos. 

They're on the bus to experience New York City nightlife, which will be the inspiration for their next dress.  I know when I'm looking for fun in New York, I hope a double-decker, open-air bus in the rain.  It just screams good times.

Stella: This bus may roll but it certainly doesn't rock.

The designers are split into groups and dropped off in various parts of the city.  Suede, Leanne, Daniel and Jennifer are dropped off at Columbus Circle (the Eric's just stayed up there in June).  

Blayne, Keith, Stella and Kenley are dropped off at Times Square.  

Korto, Kelli and Joe are near the New York Public Library/Bryant Park.  Joe refers to the Library as Grand Central. Nice one Joe.  I know Grand Central is not too far but it's not within eyeshot of the library.  Lord and Taylor, yes.  Grand Central, no.  Maybe they walked up 42nd.

Finally, Terri, Emily and Jerell are left in the Village.  Each group has one hour to snap photos as inspiration for their new design.

Jennifer: My first photo was a clock because New York doesn't sleep.

Stella can't make her camera work.

Kelli: The fire hydrant reminds me of Mad Max because in the movie there isn't much water. It's a desert wasteland which is a lot like New York; especially when it's raining.

uh-huh

Stella: Keith walked in front of me.

Terri: Graffiti!  I MUST HAVE graffiti.

God, I hope she doesn't buy purple and white fabric!

At some point there is some negative energy being thrown towards Keith who makes this his opportunity for the old reality TV standby...

Keith: I'm not here to be their friend.

The next morning, the designers return to the workroom to examine their photos and pick their inspiration before shopping for fabric.

Designers, you don't seem to be taking inspiration from the city.  It's more like, "this tiny nook of a crack at the bottom of a building, near the bottom and towards the edge of the sidewalk that I photographed is so abstractly fabulous that it is incredible inspiration.  You cannot even tell what it is it's so fabulous."

Maybe I'm too literal but I want my NYC inspiration to be actually representative of NYC.  One could argue that the crack is a rat hole and that's signature New York but c'mon.  Granted inspiration could come from anywhere but the challenge wasn't find something random and use it as inspiration which is exactly what they did.

Leanne: I'm afraid of being too creative and artistic but I'm just so amazing that I cannot hold myself in.

That's no excuse.

Meanwhile, Blayne is throwing death stares at Emily for no reason.  He frightens me.  It's clear that all that unnatural tanning has fried something in his head beyond the point of no repair.   I'm sure, too, that combining tanning and bleaching is madness inducing in the wrong people.  I've seen The Real Housewives of Orange County. I know what can happen.  I'm talking to you Vicki.

Tim comes in for "Make it Work" time:

Tim tells a shocked Kenley that her dress might be too costumey.  Tim, she has a feather coming out of her head.  This should not be a surprise.

Terri: I'm really street and hip-hop.

Right now your dress  - courtesy of that fabric that everyone seems to be mad for except for this Eric - looks a bit Golden Girls on the lanai.  I guess we can wait and see.

Tim tells Emily that her dress is not all that and Emily disagrees.  She thinks its perfect.  Someone's a bit too confident and we know what that means when we at home know that your dress is crap.

Tim starts to leave with his usual "make it work" and the like when Blayne - in all his crispy fabulousness - pipes up...

Blayne: Tim, you're supposed to say "hollah at yo boy!"

Tim: First Christian and now this.  According to recent reports in the news and on Perez Hilton, I don't get paid enough for this shit.  Fine whatever, HOLLER!

Designers: No Tim.  It's Hollah!

Tim: Isn't that ethnic bread?

The designers are getting ready for the runway show when Keith gets shocking news.  His model has dropped out and he has to put his shapeless dress on a different shape than the one he had planned.  He might have wanted to use this to his advantage later one.

Imaginary Future Keith: Well I couldn't get the proportions right because I had a model change at the last minute and my original model was just that much bigger.  So blame her.

As we see the rush of madness before the show, we catch a glimpse of Jennifer's dress.  From the quick pass I thought Jennifer was doing a piano or something. I completely forgot about her clock thing.  On the runway, it will look too much like a clock.

My Runway Impressions:

Keith - blah

Blayne - ick

Joe - fine

Emily - awful ruffles...awful! (Emily: I'm not sure it shows me off at my best.  Me: You said it was perfect before)

Leanne - nice skirt; cute

Jennifer - pregnant clock metaphor

Jerell - fine but it doesn't remind me of his photo

Kelli - Sort of interesting but I see more Mad Max than Fire Hydrant

Daniel - pretty and pretty color

Kenley - wrong fabric - maybe a bit lounge chair; interesting shape if forced to say something good

Suede - eh

Stella - who cares

Korto - nice but boring

Terri - no, I don't like it

I didn't like any of them that much.  I liked Daniels and Korto's I guess.  They didn't make it to the best or worst so I guess that's good.  They like Terri's and I really hate it.  Well, they didn't ask me.  This week's winner is Kenley.  Really?  That fabric was awful.  AWFUL.  

The auf'd designer is...Emily.  Bye Emily, we hardly knew you.  In fact, as I type this the following morning I almost forgot which was your dress and I certainly can't recall anything you did in the previous challenges.  So far in fact, I'm feeling a bit non-remembering of the entire season.  Someone needs to light a fire under these designers because so far...yawn.