Project Runway, Season Seven, Episode Two: Garanimal Farm!

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Welcome back to season seven. We are back in New York for episode two because the commute to the distant planet of Endora was too much for Nina and Michael:

Nina: "Hello? I have a real job, you know! Ever heard of a magazine called Marie Claire? You haven't? Well, I assure you, it exists!"

Michael: "And that 150-year time difference was wreaking havoc on my body. Look at how pale I am."

OK, we get it, New York is the greatest place in the universe. Last season was terrible because it didn't take place in New York:

Tim: "Last season made me look forward to death panels."

Let's just get on with it, shall we? Nothing too exciting in model news. All the designers kept their models, so Christiane's model was out. We get to meet the models and we learn that there is a witch, a bitch, and a control freak. So far, not a single one appears to be completely psychotic. But it's early, so there's still hope.

For the second challenge, the designers go on a field trip. Literally. They meet Tim in a field:

Tim: "Designers, some of you may believe that all of the fabrics used in the fashion industry are grown in Central Park. But that isn't the case. In fact, the majority of fabrics and trimmings are grown in other parts of the country and have to be trucked in to Manhattan. And that's bad for the environment and fabric-diversity. Mood is a leader in the "design-locally" movement and buys 80% of it's stock from the button and ribbon farms just outside the city. We're going to be using this fresh crop of burlap sacks, just harvested this morning. Then you'll have the opportunity to pick your own trimmings, fresh from the vine."

OK, so the designers have to make a party look out of burlap sacks. I like the challenge! On top of that, the models are going to be the clients and will be wearing the dresses to an "industry event." Fine. But then the models pick the designers they want to work with, which seems completely unnecessary. I think it would have worked if the models had been forced to pick a new designer, but, of course, most of them stayed with the designer who had already picked them. This made the one model who switched designers look like a traitor, even though she's the only one who had any guts.

Obvioulsy, Mila is hurt by the fact that she is the only designer whose model didn't want to work with her. Can you blame her for being upset? Well, apparently Anthony can:

Mila: "I can't believe she didn't pick me. I thought we worked well together."

Anthony: "So you're saying you're better than me?"

Mila: "um, no, I'm just ..."

Anthony: "It's fine. I left my feelings in Atlanta. And my heart in San Francisco. But my big black ass is right here and you're welcome to kiss it."

Tim makes his rounds:

Tim: "Pamela, should this be one piece? And when I ask if it should be one piece, what I am subtly suggesting is that no, it shouldn't be."

Pamela: "I think I'll make it one piece."

Tim: "It's your funeral."

Jay: "I'm dyeing this fabric and then sewing on all this trim."

Tim: "WHAT?! OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE TOTALLY BLOWING MY MIND!"

Jesus is covering his burlap skirt with ribbon:

Tim: "You've skirted the challenge. Forgive the pun."

I can't do that, Tim.

The day of the challenge, the designers obsess about what to wear and how to do their hair and then they go in to the design room and start freaking out. Tim gives them their final instructions:

Tim: "Please use the Bluefly wall surreptitiously."

On to the runway, where the guest judge is the professional icon, model, actor, pilot, dog-whisperer, family therapist, humorist, nuclear physicist, justice of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, and spy Lauren Hutton.

Anthony - Glory hallelujah, the girl might have some talent, after all! There is nothing new or interesting about this little pink dress, but it looks fantastic! The skirt is draped perfectly, with just the right amount of volume. It looked like chiffon instead of burlap.

Ping - I appreciate Ping's attempt at working with interesting shapes, but this looked like shit. Obviously, nobody could wear this to a party and that's what this challenge was about.

Ben - He made a pretty pink dress with a full skirt. It's fine but it suffers in comparison to Anthony's.

Mila - She made a great little grey sheath with silver trim.

Anna - OK, so this is the same dress she made for the last challenge. But I really love the print she created with the potato.

Jesse - I appreciate that he made pants, but it's just a weird outfit for a party. Matching top and pants? Nobody would wear that.

Seth Aaron - He made a weird Jetson's dress with a hood. Again, for some challenges I would be fine with that. But it doesn't work for this challenge because nobody wants to wear that to a party. It's just not attractive.

Amy - I really like this dress. She worked with the burlap instead of trying to hide it. The dip-dye effect on the skirt is really pretty.

Janeane - She made a perfectly fine dark grey strapless dress with burgundy trim. It seemed a little too formal and old for the model.

Jay - I love it! The effect he got with the ruffled skirt is amazing!

Emilio - He made a knee-length sheath in raw burlap with a geometric pattern made with ribbon. I don't love it.

Jesus - He created a little dress mostly covered in green ribbon. It was mostly well made but, just like Christiane, he abruptly cut off the fabric at the zipper in the back, which looks awful. While the layered ribbon is actually pretty, he was clearly not interested in working with the burlap, which was the point of the challenge.

Jonathan - Gritty meets shitty in this burlap sheath covered in black lace. It's not terrible but it's so uninspiring and not really a dress I could imagine someone wearing to a party.

Maya - Yuck. This was awful. Why wasn't it in the bottom three?

Pamela - The judges were ridiculously hard on this dress. Yes, there's a little problem with the butt flap. But I like that she was able to get the burlap to look like denim. And, of all the garments this week, I can't believe this is the only one a model didn't want to wear to a party. Seriously? This is much more wearable than some of the others.

Anyway, the top three are Mila, Jay, and Amy.

Heidi loves Mila's dress but Michael doesn't like seeing the model's boobs:

Michael: "Ew."

The bottom three are Ping, Pamela, and Jesus.

Ping: "When you said to make a dress for an 'industry event' I thought you meant the potato industry."

Oh, OK. I'm sure that dress would look much better at a potato industry event.

Heidi doesn't like that Jesus used so much ribbon:

Heidi: "For accounting purposes, could you tell us exactly what percentage of that dress is burlap?"

Lauren Hutton: "Dresses are like paintings and that dress is like a really bad painting."

Jay wins! Congratulations, Jay! The judges made the right call on this one.

As for the loser, obviously Ping's dress is the worst. But the judges clearly want to keep her around. And I don't blame them. She's safe purely because of her potential to do something interesting some day. They are within their legal rights to do that.

So the judges decide to get rid of Pamela, supposedly for making her size two model look like a size four (gasp!):

Heidi: "Pamela, thanks for playing the part of the older designer who gets eliminated right away."

Sorry, Pamela. I don't think you should have been out this week.

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