Project Runway Season Seven, Episode Five: The Biggest Challenge Ever!

Aaaaaand we're back! After last week's awful episode in which the designers had to make women look like cans of soup, Project Runway is back on track:

Tim: "It's the biggest challenge in the history of the universe!"

Well . . . oh, why argue? It was a good episode.

In model news, Sarah (or Sara, or whatever) is out. And the producers are really pushing Alexis as the psycho bitch from hell:

Alexis: "The reality is, one of the models will be out this week."

How could she say something so terrible and controversial?! We hate her!

Let's wake up the designers! Seth Aaron is unsuccessfully trying to pull off the Logan shirtless look. Anthony is beating the Word of God into Jay. Mila is losing it; for some reason she was expecting a more animated response to the fact that she was in the top three in the last challenge:

Mila: "Where was my fucking ticker-tape parade?"

The designers go to the amazing Hearst Tower! The gorgeous 2006 tower was designed by Norman Foster and incorporates the facade of the original 1928 Hearst building.

Joanna Coles, Editor-In-Chief of Marie Claire magazine explains that the challenge will be to create a look for Heidi to wear on the cover of the April issue of Marie Claire:

The designers completely lose their shit. Oh, calm down. It's not like that's a real magazine.

Tim: "This is the greatest thing I've ever heard of in my entire life! Important designers who have had covers in the past year include Versace, Dolce & Gabbana, Calvin Klein, and Gucci, just to name all of them!"

Tim gives the designers the Mood affirmation:

Tim: "We are going to have a good shopping experience at Mood. Because we're good enough, we're smart enough, and doggone it, people like us!"

There is tension in the work room. We are informed that it is very quiet. Wow, it really is quiet! Why is it so quiet? Could it be because the producers cut the background music that is usually added during post-production? Yeah, that's it. But, wait ... it turns out that the quiet isn't the problem after all; the problem is that Seth Aaron is actually making too much noise. These people are never satisfied.

Meanwhile, Ben is having a fashion emergency:

Ben: "The magenta is looking fuchsia!"

We've all been there, Ben.

Janeane is having her usual problems related to being Janeane:

Janeane: "Everything I do sucks. It's looking very bridal. Dread is welling up in me. I don't have a point of view. Why do I have to be me?"

Everyone hates Mila:

Emilio: "Mila thinks she's better than everyone else. How dare she! I'm the only one allowed to think that!"

It's the end of the day and Janeane is freaking out:

Janeane: "How did it get so late? What's wrong with me? I can't even keep track of what time it is! I'm just a pathetic mess."

The day of the runway, Emilio says it's going to be a bloodbath on the runway:

Jonathan: "Yeah, it's going to be like Hiroshima."

Hey, it's been several seconds since we've checked in with Janeane. Let's see how she's doing:

Janeane: "Of course my sewing machine is broken. That could only happen because I'm Janeane. I'm never going to finish. Why can't I do anything right?"

Tim: "For the love of god, Janeane, you don't need to convince us you're a terrible designer! Nobody is arguing with you."

Tim gives his final words:

Tim: "This challenge is the biggest thing ever! It's going to cure cancer! Please use the Bluefly wall parsimoniously."

On to the runway:

Amy - She ignored the caution about using a print for a magazine cover. Her dress is OK.

Seth Aaron - He made a shiny grey suit. I think it would look good on a cover.

Jesse - He made a nice little dress. Did he think that was enough?

Anna - She threw together some boring separates from the Juniors department.

Anthony - He made a blue dress with fabric piled up on one side. I don't hate it, but I think it's kind of boring and cheap. I can't imagine it grabbing my attention on a newsstand. The judges think it's the second coming of Christ.

Janeane - What the hell is that?

Mila - She made a little color-blocked dress. It was so close to being really cute but the color was wrong.

Emilio - He made a boring red dress with trim on the boobs.

Jay - Seriously? A long beige dress for Heidi? Did he think it was for the cover of Insomniacs Monthly?

Jonathan - He thinks this garment moves like butter. It certainly looks like it was involved in a butter-related accident.

Maya - She made a little grey dress with a fluffy beige collar. It's OK.

Ben - Love this dress! He pulled all the elements together for this challenge. He created something dramatic and modern, without being weird. The dress would be eye-catching on a magazine cover and look great on Heidi. He should have won this.

Ben, Anthony, and Emilio are the top three. The judges redesign Emilio's dress on the runway:

Michael: "A Project Runway first!"

Anthony wins. I'm sure Heidi will feel very comfortable in his tacky dress. Seriously, I'm very happy for Anthony. I just wish I liked the dress.

Anna, Janeane, and Mila are the bottom three. Michael thinks Mila's looks like a Band-aid and Nina doesn't like arrows pointing to a model's crotch:

Nina: "I think I can find a model's crotch without a map, thank you very much!"

Anna is out. Sorry Anna. I'm sure you'll be missed by the people who noticed you were there.

Mila: "I can't believe nobody congratulated me for not being eliminated!"