Project Runway Season Eight, Episode Three: Dazzles!

Before we get to this week's episode, let's answer a letter from a reader:

Dear Eric3000, you often mention your love for jumpsuits,

but do you think you would look good in one?

--Passionately Seeking Your Considered Humble Opinion

Thank you, PSYCHO. I think this recent photo of me with my mother and baby sister will answer your question:

(Easter 1971, courtesy EricImages)

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you rock a jumpsuit. You're welcome.

I have to say I was really impressed with most of the garments this week. However, I think I missed much of the detail because I had to watch the show in its heavily pixilated online incarnation because our DVR, for some reason, didn't record the show last night.

Gretchen: "That's just an excuse."

No, really, I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying my recap would be much better if I had seen the show in HD, but I couldn't because Lifetime doesn't do an encore broadcast (that would cut into the Reba reruns), our stupid DVR hates me, and Other Eric insisted on watching the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance. That's all I'm saying.

Gretchen: "You're just blaming everyone else. Take responsibility for your own recap."

Oh, mind your own business.

Anyway, we start the episode with Gretchen convinced that everyone loves her:

Gretchen: "It's so refreshing that the other designers can set aside their completely understandable jealousy of my superior talent and give me all the love and support I deserve."

Sure, let's go with that.

Then two models we never met go home. Boo hoo.

Then the designers visit Dazzles, that store in the mall that sells wigs on one side and dresses on the other. They have to make garments out of whatever crap they can find.

Tim reminds the designers (because some of them act like they've never seen the show) that the judges don't respond well to garments that look like they were just made out of fabric substitutes, such as plastic tablecloths. Casanova immediately decides to make a garment out of plastic tablecloths.

Despite the other designers' suggestions otherwise, I do think Casanova is having trouble understanding English. I don't know why Nina Garcia can't just follow him around and translate everything for him. It's not like she has anything else to do.

Nina Garcia: "Excuse me, but I am the fashion director for Marie Claire magazine!"

Yeah, that's not a real job.

Back in the design room, everyone tells AJ that this is totally his challenge, and then everyone complains that he won't shut up about it. If they didn't want to hear about it, they shouldn't have brought it up.

AJ: "Thank you. So, you see, this is totally my aesthetic, but I'm usually the only person doing it, so now that everyone is doing it, it makes it so much harder for me to do it, because then it won't really stand out, and I'm all about standing out, and the materials are supposed to actually look like the materials, but I feel like this challenge is about transforming the materials, and so maybe this really isn't my challenge."

OH, MY GOD! SHUT UP!

Kristin is using a product called "Animal Wooly Balls" for a belt. Tim is fascinated:

Tim: "Kristin, I just love your Wooly Balls! They're so warm. Ooh, and a little salty!"

OK, that's enough of that.

This season's anonymous models bring the designers gift bags filled with junk, which the designers have to use to make accessories.

Then Gretchen, for some reason, tells the designers to clean up their work spaces:

Gretchen: "And my feet ache. Someone bring me a pig!"

Andy and Ivy are creating really time-consuming dresses. Ivy gets help from her model and Andy gets help from some of the other designers. I think it's nice that the other designers can see what a beautiful piece he's making and they don't want it to go out unfinished:

Gretchen: "I have an opinion about that!"

What a surprise.

On to the runway with guest judge Betsey Johnson, who knows what makes a good cocktail dress:

Betsey Johnson: "I think you should be able to use a cocktail dress to wipe cocktail sauce off your hands. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Exactly! So, there are several terrific garments to choose from this week and the top three are Valerie, Andy, and Gretchen. Andy wins! Congratulations, Andy! His dress was beautiful! However, Gretchen's look was fantastic and I think she easily could have won again. Fortunately, the judges don't go for a "Project Runway First" (I think that would have been a first, right?), even though they had every right to and it would have been dramatic:

Heidi: "Wow, can you imagine how big a bitch she would be if she'd won three challenges in a row?"

I think it would have been an unprecedented level of bitchiness. I guess we'll never know.

The bottom three are AJ, Casanova, and Sarah:

Heidi: "AJ, your garment really sucks."

AJ: "Thank you. My model has very small breasts. I've completely lost my mind."

Yeah, this challenge really unhinged him. But he's safe and hopefully can do better next week.

Casanova squeaks by again.

Sarah is out. I'm sad because I really liked her, but her dress was awful. It was so boring.

Anyway, it's time for the Ivy show!

Ivy: "I was so shocked that I wasn't in the top three, I fainted!"

Seriously, she'll be fine! Tim didn't even know anything happened to her. Maybe she's pregnant! You have to be so careful around Casanova!