Project Runway Season Eight, Episode Nine: Support Gunn's Rights!
A message from the future President of the United States:
Sarah Palin: "Dear fellow citizens (and possibly future former-citizens, if we manage to repeal the 14th amendment), I stand before you today to talk about an issue that is very dear to my heart. I just love this great country too much to stay silent. I'm talking about the censorship of Tim Gunn. That's right, the liberal media elites are trying to take away Tim Gunn's First Amendment rights to complain about the Project Runway producers. I haven't actually read the Constitution 'cause it's kinda boring, but I'm pretty sure there's somethin' about free speech in there. Trying to make Tim Gunn shut up is non-American and non-fair and we can't allow it to continue! If we don't take back our country now, before you know it there will be a mosque on every corner, all our children will be gay-married, and freedom-loving patriots will lose their God-given right to be denied health-care coverage! That's why I'm organizing an event to demand free speech for Tim Gunn! Join me in Washington on October 30th for the Gunn's Rights Rally!"
Oh, I am so there! She is such an inspiration!
Sarah Palin: "Tim Gunn=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 his voice, America!"
Please stop tweeting.
Sarah Palin: "Um ... tax cuts?"
Go away now.
Heidi introduces the challenge:
Heidi: "I'm going to send you off to meet Tim, who will tell you about this exciting challenge. I won't ruin the surprise, but the winner will get a lot of money!"
Someone's been watching Top Chef. Anyway, Tim tells the designers the challenge:
Tim: "I have an exciting announcement! The winner of this challenge will get a lot of money!"
Designers: "Yeah, we know. Heidi already told us."
Tim: "I can't believe that bitch did that. Well, let me tell you how much it is: twenty thousand dollars!"
April: "What?! Do you have any idea how much a pony costs?!"
The designers compete for the saddest financial story:
Ivy: "I've sacrificed everything to be here."
Andy: "I've been living out of my car."
Mondo: "I've been surviving by eating used chewing gum."
Michael C.: "I'm mysteriously rich!"
So, the challenge is to create a high fashion look for a L'Oreal bullshitorial. They'll have $300 and two days (wink wink).
The looks will be inspired by the words "metallic," "crystal," "matte," "velvet," and "bright."
Tim: "Whatever you do, don't pick velvet!"
Gretchen: "Ooh, I'll pick velvet!"
The designers go to Mood, where Michael infringes on Gretchen's copyright:
Gretchen: "I am the only one allowed to use dark, depressing colors. How dare he!"
Meanwhile, there is a lot of drama going on in the alternate reality of the "coming up" segments:
Tim: "Valerie, you can't just forfeit!"
Valerie: "You can't stop me!"
Valerie runs to the bathroom and Ivy and Gretchen follow her (April couldn't care less). They huddle around a First Response pregnancy test:
Valerie: "I can't believe it! How is this possible?! There isn't a straight man for blocks!"
Heidi: "Yeah, it happens."
Oh, I didn't even notice Heidi in the bathroom. Anyway, Tim enters the design room to make a shocking announcement:
Tim: "I don't know how to tell you this, but Valerie is leaving the competition because she has decided to keep the baby and the doctors have advised her to avoid color-blocking during the first trimester."
Designers: "You can tell how shocked we are by the shocked expressions on our faces!"
So, of course none of that happened. But it made for an interesting commercial break. This is what really happened:
Tim: "Valerie, you can't just forfeit!"
Valerie: "I wasn't planning to."
Valerie cries in the bathroom:
Valerie: "I wasted a whole day on an ugly dress!"
Ivy: "What else is new?"
Tim enters the design room to make an announcement:
Tim: "I have a shocking announcement to make that has absolutely nothing to do with Valerie. You have to make a second ready-to-wear look to complement your high-fashion look. you have $100 and zero days to make it."
Designers: "You can tell how shocked we are by the shocked expressions on our faces!"
On to the runway, with guest judge Naeem Khan:
April and Christopher created looks that were boring enough to be safe this week.
The top three are Mondo, Andy, and ... really? ... Gretchen.
Gretchen created what every woman wants: a flapper-style muumuu. Even without the ridiculous styling, it was too much of a costume. Fortunately, she doesn't win.
Mondo and Andy deserve to be the top two:
Andy created the first "wow" moment on the runway this season. It was so striking I was sure he would win. I appreciated that he didn't interpret "high fashion" as "over-the-top ball gown," as many of the other designers did. I can see how the helmet could complicate a make-up advertisement, though.
Mondo was one of the designers who made an over-the-top ball gown. It was colorful and fun, but the front of the dress really looked bad, which was one reason I thought Andy had this one. But I guess the judges decided the dress could just be shot from the back, which it was. Mondo's ready-to-wear dress was one of the prettiest things he's done. Simple but perfect. Mondo wins! Congratulations, Mondo!
Mondo: "Now I can afford to move out of that shared cardboard box and get my very own cardboard box to live in!"
The bottom three are Valerie, Ivy, and ... really? ... Michael:
Michael, just like Gretchen, does not deserve to be there, but the judges needed a third designer so there he is. Yes, his over-the-top ball gown was pretty ridiculous and the proportions on his ready-to-wear dress were problematic, but when you put them next to Valerie's and Ivy's entries there's no contest. Michael is safe.
Both of Valerie's looks were complete disasters. Concept, fabrication, design, construction, styling, cohesion of the two looks -- everything was bad. I don't know what saved her.
When I first saw Ivy's looks on the runway, I thought she should be out. Both looks were a complete mess. But Valerie's were still worse.
Valerie: "I should have been out."
I'm with you on that.
So Ivy is out. Sorry, Ivy!
Sarah Palin: "What's the difference between Ivy and a pitbull?"
lipstick
Sarah Palin: "Lipstick!"
yeah, we know that one.
Sarah Palin: "The funny part is that it's the pitbull that's wearing the lipstick!"
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9 comments:
I will attend that Tim Gunn Rally! No one can squelch our Tim! I'm envisioning the t-shirts . . .
I agreed with both the win and the auf, which is rare. I scratched my head along with you about Gretchen being in the top and Michael being in the bottom. I probably would have put both of them in the middle and put Christopher in the bottom (yeah, he's cute, but that gown was craptastic, and the ready-to-wear was a snoozefest) and April in the top 9yeah, we've seen it before, but it is still fierce).
Truthfully, I would not have minded if the judges just decided to cut this season short and dump everyone but Mondo, Andy, and April. Now that would be an interesting finale! But they love Gretchen, or at least the producers tell them to, so I don't think that's to be. And they seem to want to give Michael his time in the spotlight as well. Sigh. The drama of it all.
Did you laugh out loud with me when Heidi said Michael's ready-to- wear look had too much boobs and too much leg? Seriously?! Had to be the producers speaking in her ear, because we all know Heidi does not think that!
I loved Naeem Kahn! I thought he was a good judge. Secretly loved his dig against Ivy when he said she tried very hard. That's code for your garment sucks! And what about Ivy's comment that she'll miss designing? Has she given up on her dream of The Ivy Show?
I agree with you about Gretchen's look. It looks like something Shelley Winters wore to the Oscars in 1980. That was a sad outfit. I think I want to look a tent and try out for the local "Hair" production.
Ivy Ivy Ivy. She chose the 'kiss of death' blue color. Why do PR designers chose that blue? I call it cartoon blue. There are so many beautiful blues but every season that hideous color comes up and the Inevitable "taste level" comment comes up with it. It is usually a cheesy cloth too.
I liked Andy's the best of all. Mondo's front looked like a costume piece placed on her boobs. Weird. I did like the stripes though.
I keep thinking that Michael is a foil this season. Something about him doesn't ring true.
That was so funny when she said she wanted a pony. I was laughing at your comment.
Thanks Eric, Great read and great fun
I so loved/looked forward to Tim's vlogs. I understand he took them down of his own volition, which is sad. We need more truth-telling here.
And, like you, I was sure Michael and Gretchen were backwards on the top and bottom.
Well, at least Ivy's finally gone.
followups
"Andy created the first "wow" moment on the runway this season. It was so striking I was sure he would win"
I agree with the first, but I would change the second to: "It was so striking I was sure he wouldn't win – and he didn't!" Every time there seems to be a clear winner (like Mondo with the bride's maid challenge) you just know the judges are going to pick something else. At least in this case, I liked the designer who won, so okay, but Andy deserved the win. As for Michael C. in the bottom: yes, he should have been safe, but he definitely needs a slap down, b/c he is starting to take himself a wee bit too seriously (his bitchy comments couldn't be more leaden).
I thought Andy would win too. His was the best for a dramatic eye shadow advertorial.
Mondo would have been my second, with April third. I didn't hate Gretchen's look, but I wouldn't have put it in the top three. I love velvet and would have probably picked it. I wonder if they have any special equipment for working with velvet.
The bottom three were all awful. But the worst by far was Christoper's and he wasn't even in the bottom three.
All the ready-to-wear looks looked like they were cut from the same pattern. The dumb "twists" only insure that there will be a lot of slopped together crap on the runway.
lovemesomeaj - Yeah, I did laugh about Heidi saying you have to choose legs or breasts. But after I thought about it I realized that, while she has broken that rule on occasion, she does usually have more coverage on top (even if it's just a strap) when her skirt is very short. Her outfits are too skimpy but the proportions are usually right. So I'll give her that one.
Laura A. - Shelley Winters would totally wear Gretchen's dress! LOL!
Cliff - yeah, I love Tim's vlogs and I hope they continue.
JJ - you're right, I should have known the judges wouldn't go with my choice for the win.
Sewing Siren - I agree, Andy's would have worked for eyeshadow. At first I was associating hair with a makeup advertisement, But if you are focusing on the eyes it might make sense to take the emphasis away from the hair. How you are supposed to even see the eyeshadow in those full-length shots, I have no idea. But I'm not an expert on bullshitorials. And yeah, I didn't understand Ivy's comment about missing designing. I think she was just tired.
I liked Andy's, and if he'd won I wouldn't have been too sad (although I adore Mondo, and I think he gets hotter with every episode).
BUT! Mondo's kaleidoscope idea was ingenious. I loved it for its tie to the idea of bright/color, and i loved that the construction of his gown really - to my eye - mimicked the angles and spokes of a kaleidoscope, especially an old-fashioned stained glass scope (like this one: http://tinyurl.com/2clcluv).
I felt like the lines of Mondo's really replicated the kaleidoscope's shape as well as the color effect of playing with a scope.
And also, Mondo is hot and talented. What more do you need?
Gretchen's bathrobe with the feathers is about one step away from crazy-cat-lady garb. I expect that thing to be covered in cat fur close-up.
Kittens - I hadn't really thought about how great the kaleidoscope concept was for an eyeshadow advert. While I still have some reservations about the dress itself, I have to admit it was the best concept and I'm happy he won.
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