Project Runway, Season Two, Episode 1: Sloppy Seconds!

The boys at Project Rungay are using the break before season four to blog about the first two seasons of Project Runway on DVD and they are on season two now, in case you haven't been paying attention. Other Eric and I are watching and here's my recap.

Sorry it's a little late this week. I was going to do it this morning but it's been unseasonably warm here in Los Angeles so we went to Santa Monica instead. Eric wanted to go to the Barney's sale, which is held in an airplane hanger and I said yes because there are no dressing rooms and you get to see cute guys trying on pants. Plus, of course, the sales are great. A cotton T-shirt that would normally sell for twelve thousand dollars is on sale for only six thousand. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't buy anything, though one year I did find a shirt there for $20. Other Eric actually bought a nice suit. So then we went and had tea for two at a British tea shop and walked Third Street Promenade. Sorry, what was my point? Oh, yeah; that's why I'm just getting to my recap.

So we start the road to the runway with Tim Gunn and some other people interviewing designers in different cities, with a different season one designer in each city:

First up is Jay and he's got his interviewing style down:

Jay: "Dance for me, monkeys!"

We meet Diana:

Diana: "I like to use my knowledge of physics to make clothes."

I'm sorry, but could you speak up?

Diana: "I said I put a small nuclear reactor in these pants that makes the zipper go down when it senses that your bladder is full and you need to pee."

Cool!

Next up is Austin and we meet Zulema:

Zulema: "I'm 28."

Are you sure?

Zulema: "Don't make me hurt you."

I believe you.

Hey, there's Kayne! Hi Kayne! Bye Kayne! See you soon!

Next is Wendy and we meet Chloe:

Chloe: "I am going to Fashion Week, ass-wipes!"

Next up is Robert and we meet Heidi (I can't remember her last name so I have no way of distinguishing her from Heidi Klum but fortunately we won't need to worry about that for long):

Heidi: "This is my dining room a.k.a. living room a.k.a. workroom a.k.a. massage parlor. I don't know what 'a.k.a.' means but it sounds smart so I'm going to say it a lot!"

Next up is Kara Saun:

Kara Saun: "I am so successful!"

Kara Saun is in Los Angeles and that seems to be where most of our designers are coming from this season. We meet Nick and I'm already sick of fishtail hems. We meet Raymundo:

Heidi: "Ray-what-o?"

Raymundo.

Heidi: "Well, I can't say that so I'll just call him Ray."

Raymundo: "I like her. It takes balls to leave the house when you're that dumb. And I like people who have balls. That's why I called my label Young Balls. My father thought that name was a little gay. But that's OK because I'm gay."

You are kidding me.

We meet Santino:

Santino: "America's great love affair with Santino is about to commence!"

We meet - surprise - Daniel Franco!

Daniel Franco: "As you can see, I use very expensive fabric."

I'm sorry, but I don't care how damn expensive his fabric is, his clothes are just as boring as they ever were. Why are they bringing him back?

Daniel Franco: "I promise there will be less bliss this time."

You better fucking mean it!

OK, so we meet the rest of the designers very quickly and I have no idea where they are. We meet Guadalupe and she's putting fleurchons on a dress in her garage! Fleurchons! No! My eyes! My eyes!

We meet Kirsten, Andre (oh, our sweet, sweet Andre), Daniel V., Kara, Emmett, John, and Marla.

The designers were sent packages with six yards of muslin and $20 in cash for suplies.

Tim: "I had to go down to the ATM and take those twenties out of my own checking account. Bravo sucks."

Heidi (the real Heidi) is pregnant and tells us that two people will be eliminated and only the other 12 will actually make it onto the show. So apparently the show hasn't actually started yet. What are we watching?

So how did the designers do with their muslin dresses for the first challenge that isn't really the first challenge because the show hasn't started yet?

Nick: "The model is going to be my muse. My strategy will be to just focus on designing for one model who I will keep though the whole season."

Good luck with that.

Andre: "It's hard to make muslin look pretty. Oh, my god, I'm getting so emotional just thinking about how hard it is to make muslin look pretty. It really means a lot to me! Oh, no! I told myself I was not going to cry!"

OK, maybe we'll come back to him later when he's had a chance to calm down. Lets go to the runway, where Heidi (the real Heidi), Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia (Yeah!) will be judging who gets through the semi-finals and on to the real show.

Chloe's is fine, Raymundo's is pretty, Daniel V.'s sucks, Nick's is dramatic, Santino's is really good, Zulema's is a little strange, Emmett's is pretty, Lupe's is just a mess, Andre's is boring, John's came off the back of a Rit dye package, Marla's looks like something from a Mad Max movie, Heidi's is really dull, Kara's is fantastic, Kirstin's is OK, Diana's science experiment blew up, and Daniel F.'s makes it look like his model's boobs are flapping in the wind.

Santino, Diana, Daniel F., Heidi, and John are brought back to the runway. We are told that they are the top and bottom but, as far as I can tell, the only design they like is Santino's. They don't hate Diana's but I really don't get the impression they thought it was in the top. I think they brought out the worst and Santino, which seems strange.

Anyway, Santino wins! Congratulations, Santino!

Santino: "The first in a series of wins."

Whatever.

John defends his dress:

John: "It was hot ..."

Michael Kors: "... so you were too lazy to do any work. That explains it. Thank you."

Heidi defends her dress:

Heidi: "I think my dress is pretty. Did I win?"

Nina: "Why is Daniel here again? I think someone else deserves a chance."

Wow, what a bitchy thing to say! Oh, that's right; I said the exact same thing.

John and Heidi are sent home:

Heidi says goodbye to them ...

Heidi: "Do you mean me or Heidi Klum?"

Heidi Klum.

Heidi: "Auf wiedersehen."

Heidi: "Auf what-ersehen?"

Daniel: "Life goes on."

Heidi: "Oh, I really miss that show."