Project Runway Season Two, Episode 5: Where the hell is my chiffon?!

First I'd like to thank all of you for your sweet comments about my Docorating Schmecorating post. I just have this to say to each and every one of you: I want to have your baby! No, really; I'm almost 40 and my biological clock is ticking.

Anyway, back to Project Runway, which is why we've all gathered here today. We start episode 5 with Chloe still crying:

Chloe: "Wahhhh! I can't believe Daniel Franco is gone. He was such a good person."

Really? I just found him creepy.

Chloe: "Oh, shut up! You don't even know him!"

Alright; don't yell at me! You're the one who got him kicked off the show!

Chloe: "Wahhhhhh!!"

Oh, dear; now I've made Chloe cry. Santino tells us he's sorry about his behavior in the last challenge:

Santino: "Are you out of your mind? So what if I punched Nina Garcia in the face? I'm just being a true artist and I'll never apologize for that!"

Well, I have to respect that. Wait, no I don't.

The designers are told they will be making a party dress for one of the hottest young socialites!

Other Eric: "Ooh, I hope it's Lovey Howell!"

Who the hell is Lovey Howell?

Other Eric: "Hello? Mrs. Howell from Gilligan's Island! What's wrong with you?"

Lovey wasn't her real name! That's just the pet name Thurston called her.

Other Eric: "No, that was her name!"

Fine! I'll check IMDB! ... OK, her character is officially listed as Lovey Howell. However, further investigation turns up that her maiden name was Eunice Wentworth. We're both right!

Tim Gunn: "I'm sure that's all fascinating but can we get back to the show now?"

Sorry. Before we find out who the supposed hot young socialite is Daniel has to pick a model. Gee, I wonder if he'll keep Rebecca.

Daniel: "This is such a difficult decision!"

Oh, puhlease!

Tim comes in with the dossier for the client:

Tim: "Daniel, get that sweet, sweet ass up here and tell everyone who their client will be."

Designers: "Ooooooh! Daniel is the teacher's pet!"

Daniel: "Shut up, you guys! Am not!"

Anyway, we get the incredibly unexciting news that the the client will be Nicky Hilton. Yeah, she really puts the light back in socialite.

Nicky: "My taste is exquisite. That means discriminating. I just looked it up."

We get more useless sound-bites about the various designers' styles:

Lupe: "My style is all about attachments."

Other Eric: "She means strap-ons."

Marla: "I like to put my own signature on my designs."

Other Eric: "She means she likes to take someone else's garment and sew her own label onto it."

In the design room Zulema is going all Shetange on everyone's asses because her dress form is missing. Suddenly everybody's dress form seems to be missing and they are all screaming. I still have no idea what actually happened. Fortunately Andrae manages to bring peace to the region by yelling, "Where the hell is my chiffon?"

Madeleine Albright: "I tried yelling that in the Middle East once and I got bupkis."

Lupe is talking about how she can add and subtract the fleurchons. I vote for subtract.

Santino: "Fine! They want beautiful? I'll give them the most fucking beautiful dress they've ever seen!"

um ... good.

Santino: "It will be so beautiful Nina's head will explode!"

Diana's dress is looking a little Stevie Nicks:

Diana: "What is this Stevie Nicks of which you speak?"

What? Well, we have to remember she's only 14. At least she's probably heard of Cher. Yeah, I'm looking at you, Bradley!

The designers all get drunk at a party where they are trying to impress Nicky Hilton, who seems to be dressed for a late-night incognito visit to Home Depot. I'm guessing she's wearing her own line of clothing.

We get acquainted with Dirty Diana, Santino impresses an easily impressed Nicky Hilton with his black stilettos and business cards, Nicky tells everyone they designed her favorite dress, and then the designers decide to have a ...

Daniel: "It's a motherfucking walkoff!"

That's right, Daniel! It's a motherfucking designer walkoff! The designers strutt their stuff!

So, on to the runway:

Chloe makes a Chloe blue dress. It's perfectly fine.

Diana makes a black dress and the seams are a little puckery but it's not too bad.

Nick also makes a blue dress with a really pretty back but I just can't imagine anyone wearing it to a party; the hemline is just too much.

Marla copies the Chloe dress in Nicky's press picture. It's inexplicable. It was mentioned to her early on and she just kept making it and then at the last minute she said it was too late to change it.

Emmett makes another flawless dress that gets no attention at all. It's just a simple babydoll but the criss-crossing layers of sheer fabric just look gorgeous when the model walks. Once again, Emmett is in my top three.

Zulema makes an absolutely hideous dress that looks like bondage gear and kitchen curtains had a love child. The skirt is so poorly made and the hem is uneven. Once again, she's lucky other designers also made some awful garments.

Santino's is pretty enough. It looks a lot like his first dress but this is blue to match Nicky's eyes. Enough with the blue dresses for Nicky! She must wear other colors. Meanwhile, is it just our television or does Nicky actually have hazel eyes? They just don't look very blue to me. Maybe she's wearing hazel contacts.

Kara's has her signature empire waist and bound bosom. As usual, it's really cute. But I don't know if Nicky appreciated having it pointed out that she has small breasts.

Daniel's is absolutely beautiful! That retro pink patterned fabric is gorgeous! It's a very simple silhouette but he created wonderful tiered detailing. It is so sexy on Rebecca and it is a perfect party dress. Nicky might actually be a little bony for this dress but it still should have been the winner in this challenge.

Andrae also makes a great dress. Perfect for jet-setting. As he says, it's jersey and it can just be thrown into a suitcase.

Lupe makes another dud. It's possibly the best thing she's made so far and it's still horrible. The judges are stupefied. Michael actually gets maternal:

Michael: "There is no way I am letting Nicky go out of the house wearing that!"

Lupe is finally out, though Marla had a very close call. Heidi wanted to get rid of Marla but I think Michael saved her.

Nickey picks her favorite dress, which is Santino's. I have no idea what the party had to do with anything. What it came down to is which dress Nicky would most like to wear. Of course, she pretended to be really impressed by Santino's sparkling personality so she would have an excuse to pick him but we all know it just came down to the dress. Oh, yeah; and Nicky's terrible taste.