Friday, February 22, 2008

Project Runway Season Four, Reunion Episode!

Heidi: "Hello, welcome to Parsons The New School, fifteen designers came to New York to compete for a hundred thousand dollars and a bunch of other crap, yadda, yadda, yadda . . ."

Tim: "Ahem!"

Heidi: "Oh, yeah, here with me is chief bullshit artist Tim Gunn."

Tim: "Pardon me?"

Heidi: "Sorry, was that not right? Sometimes I have to gasp for the right words in English. What I meant is that you're very good with words."

Tim: "Yeah, I guess that's pretty much the definition of a bullshit artist. Carry on."

Heidi: "We're here to talk to all of this season's designers and we're also going to be announcing the fan favorite, who will win $10,000. Nice!"

Tim: "It's thrilling! I haven't seen that kind of money since the last time I opened my wallet."

Heidi: "Seriously. That's usually the tip I give when I valet my car."

Designers: "Uh, hello? If you're not going to get us drunk, could you at least talk to us?"

Heidi: "Sorry. So, Simone, I see here in my notes that you actually auditioned to be on the show."

Simone: "I WAS on the show. I just got eliminated right away."

Heidi: "I'll take your word for it. What was it like being eliminated right away?"

Simone: "Well, it sucked."

Heidi: "That's what I thought but I had to ask."

The designers tell touching stories about how little girls keep coming up to them because they are so inspiring:

Elisa: "A little girl told me I was such an inspiration because I'm an example of how it's good to be different and I was all, 'OK, at least I'm not as much of a freak as this little girl is.'"

Kevin: "Just the other day, the sweetest little girl came up to me -- she must have been around six or seven -- and she said to me, 'I want to be a designer just like you when I grow up. Are you sure you aren't a homo?'"

That is so cute. Any other inspirational stories?

Sweet P: "I was accosted by Jack Black."

Oh, yeah? Well I was punched in the face by Jack White of the White Stripes.

Elisa: "I was run over by a Porsche."

Heidi: "Yeah, Elisa wins. Victorya, you just showed at Bryant Park. How was that?"

Victorya: "I was perfectly satisfied with the experience."

Heidi: "Right. So who did everyone think would be going to Fashion Week?"

Jack: "I thought everyone was equally impressive. I thought everyone would be going to Fashion Week."

Heidi: "Oh, my god. Would it kill you people to say something interesting?"

She cuts to the chase and brings in the final four designers:

He's just like a fashion designer, only smaller: please welcome Christian!

He'll drape till he drops: please welcome Rami!

Um, Sir Laughsalot: please welcome Chris!

She represents women everywhere and she's fighting to be the first female president of the United States: please welcome Jillian!

Tim: "This season ended like no other season of Project Runway, ever, in the history of television! It was such a minor difference that it came as a huge shock to almost nobody! Chris and Rami were both kept in the competition but only one will get to compete in the final!"

Heidi: "So, Chris and Rami, you must hate each other's guts, right?"

Rami: "No, it's brought us closer together."

Heidi: "This love fest is really starting to bore me. Let's talk about Jack leaving. Jack had to leave the show for medical reasons. Christian, how can we make this all about you?"

Christian: "I was very upset when Jack left because he used to carry me around like a handbag and after he left I had to walk everywhere by myself."

Tim: "Victorya, I don't really remember you being especially upset when Jack left but we could really use an uncomfortable moment right about now so why don't we single you out to tell us how upset you were?"

Victorya: "I don't think that it would be completely incorrect to describe what I was feeling at the time of Jack's departure from the show as 'upset.'"

Tim: "What does that mean?"

Victorya: "It means whatever you want it to mean, baby!"

Heidi: "I think Victorya's really starting to loosen up."

The next segment of the show is called:

IS KEVIN GAY OR NOT? IT JUST ISN'T CLEAR!

We get a clip of Kevin talking to his imaginary girlfriend. No one has ever met her:

Kevin: "Well, you wouldn't know her because she lives in Canada."

Yeah, sure.

Tim: "I've always said, 'If hanging around all the screaming queens on this show doesn't scare you straight, nothing will.'"

Kevin: "I've tried to go gay but it just isn't working! I'm sorry!"

I just don't think you're trying hard enough. Seriously; we get it: he's straight.

The designers complain about the horrible diet of Chinese food the producers forced them to eat. For some reason the camera cuts to a shot of Victorya:

Victorya: "What are you looking at me for? I don't own a Chinese restaurant!"

We learn that Elisa writes backwards so that she can communicate with Leonardo da Vinci.

We get a pretty funny segment of Ricky not even being able to get through his own name without crying.

Michael and Nina come out and we get a hilarious clip of Michael having a nervous breakdown during the wrestling challenge:

Michael: "This is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!"

Nina: "Dude! Get your shit together!"

No, seriously, it was really funny to see Michael laughing that hard. I don't know why they didn't put any of it in the actual episode.

Then we get a question about why Michael always wears the same damn outfit:

Michael: "If you had seen me when I was 18 you would have died."

They show us a picture of Michael when he was 18. America dies.

They are asked for their choice for the worst design of the season. Michael and Nina refuse to answer. Pussies.

Marion tells us making clothes for $15 isn't his forte. Dope.

The designers are asked if they were hurt by anything others said about them:

Carmen: "Yes, it really hurt my feeling that people didn't miss me enough when I left. I mean, nobody even threatened to kill themselves or anything."

Jillian: "When we said we were glad you were gone what we really meant was that there was this huge void in our lives that would never be filled."

Carmen: "Well, alright."

Mycheal Knyght presents Christian with a gigantic check for $10,000:

Mychael Knyght: "I hate to tell you but this is like a consolation prize and it means you won't be the winner of the show."

Christian: "That is so not fierce."

Mychael Knyght: "I used my $10,000 from last year to launch my own fragrance The Scent of the Knyght."

Heidi: "Really? Is that possible? I spend more than that buying fragrance."

Before they say goodnight, the four finalists are shuffled off stage and the remaining designers are asked who they think will win:

Jack: "It's anyone's game at this point."

Heidi: "I think that's the most boring thing anyone has ever said on this show. I'm going home."

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

"They show us a picture of Michael when he was 18. America dies."

ROFL - I laughed out loud more than once reading this gem. Priceless! Kudos and thanks again for a hilarious post! I love my Saturday morning coffee with Eric Three Thousand.

Anonymous said...

Aw, Eric. You're always spot on.

Tim is so disappointing at these things, isn't he?

The old United Mineworkers Union anthem rings out: "Whose side are you on?"

blech.

Chris and Rami sittin' in a tree is the most exciting thing to happen this season.

And, man, they sure missed Television Gold when they cut Carmen so early. Can we have a do-over and auf Ricky by the third challenge?

-- desertwind

PS - If I forget to tell you after this season grinds to its close -- You're grrrrrreat!

eric3000 said...

Aw, thanks!

Ms. Place said...

Your reunion show was more interesting than the one I saw. What's in your drinking water?

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

It's all so confusing, I feel like an orphan Project Runaway left behind. Someone please hold my hand it is all so frightening.

A reunion, before the finale, after the Bryant park show and before the viewer's runaway challenge .

Someone please hold my hand it is all so frightening.

Worth all the confusion to read your blog.

michael said...

i may be stoned but that was hilarious.

michael said...

and PS thats the way they do it every season laura :) as long as they dont spoil the end i dont care how they do it.

delphine said...

tee hee this is hilarious Eric! It may have been a boring show but this recap more than makes up for it.

wildflower38 said...

Your reviews are more interesting and funny than the show.