Monday, April 30, 2007
What do these three things have in common?
Well, all of them will be mentioned in this post, silly!
First of all my Shear Genius recap is up, over on Bravissimo:
Episode Three: Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
You can also check out my two previous Shear Genius recaps:
Episode Two: Roots: the Nexxus Generation!
Episode One: Iron Hair!
Second: all the floor plans are in for the Top Design Floor Plan Challenge, over at :::Surroundings::: Go vote for your favorite! You only have until Wednesday to help pick a winner!
Third: Please let me know about your experiences with Princess Cruise Lines or the Mexican Riviera. Eric and I are taking a seven night cruise on the Golden Princess to Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas at the beginning of October and would love to hear any advice.
I have a big birthday coming up this summer (it ends in a zero!) so I thought I should do something fun. Originally I thought I should probably have a party since I've never had a birthday party (since I was a child) and it seemed like about time. But when I thought about how much I hate parties, it seemed like a stupid way to celebrate. Don't get me wrong, I like people, I just don't like big parties. They make me uncomfortable.
So, instead, I decided to go someplace I've never been before and I want to do a little snorkeling, because I love that and I never get to do it. You can't really snorkel in Los Angeles and, surprisingly, the snorkeling isn't very good in London either, which is where we usually seem to end up on holiday. (I did get to snorkel on Oahu last year and loved it!) So, first I thought Caribbean but was worried about hurricane season and the Mexican Riviera was closer and cheaper. Eric suggested a cruise, since that's what he has always wanted to do. So it was set.
We almost took the Norwegian Star because it is 8 nights and goes all the way down to Acapulco but a travel agent friend told us not to take Norwegian so we are taking Princess, which thrills Eric because Princess was the cruise line used for the Love Boat. Anyway, we have a balcony room so we can escape the crowds. Unfortunately we won't get much time in port. I'm planning to snorkel in Puerto Vallarta and Cabo and do a land excursion in Mazatlan. I'd love to see more of Mexico but that will have to wait for another trip.
I've never been to Mexico and I've never been on a cruise. Let me know if you have any tips. Thanks!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Before we begin, I'd just like to remind you not to punch Daniel Franco in the nuts. You are going to want to but please don't. I'm begging you; just resist the urge. Thank you.
OK; boy, I really don't remember this reunion being quite so boring the first time I watched it. It probably would have helped if I had dropped some acid so I could understand what Lupe was saying but all I had was Corona. The designers, on the other hand, were completely shit-faced. And they are not particularly fun drunks.
Anyway, they show up at the party in the order they were eliminated while we watch clips of their humiliation. It's cool to see some of the designers: Kirsten is 17 months pregnant, Kara is engaged, John looks like he's lost 60 pounds:
Billy Crystal: "60 pounds? That's a Back Street Boy!"
That makes absolutely no sense. And it isn't even remotely funny.
Billy Crystal: "Who pissed in your cornflakes? That joke kills in Dubuque."
Tim and Heidi talk with the designers about things that happened on the show:
Heidi: "Nick's Barbie sold like Pillsbury Toaster Strudel."
Tim: "I think you mean hotcakes."
Heidi: "Hotcakes. Interesting. I've never heard that. In Germany we say Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. They sell really well there. Do you have Pillsbury Toaster Strudel in this country?"
Tim: "Will you shut up about the stupid Pillsbury Toaster Strudel?!"
Heidi: "Have you tried them? They're delicious!"
Tim: "I think I'm going to lose my mind."
We get clips of Santino saying mean things:
Santino: "I'm better than all of you, you turd polishers!"
Chloe: "That's just rude."
Santino: "I think I'm a better designer and I'm confident I will win."
Oh, my god! How could he say something so outrageous?!
Daniel Franco: "I will defend the honor of designers everywhere. Santino, I challenge you to a duel. Who will be your second?"
Santino: "Dude, what's wrong with you?"
Daniel Franco: "Chicks dig it when you stand up for their honor. And I love the ladies. I don't mean I just think they are cool; I mean I like to have sex with them."
Yes, we know.
Lupe: "I LOVE SANTINO!!!!!"
Wow, turn down the volume a little there, Lupe.
Tim: "Lupe, we have a question for you from a viewer."
Lupe: "Yay!! What did I win? Oh, right; I can answer that question. I believe that I have my own personal beliefs and no one else can believe that I have beliefs. You know what I mean? I feel really strongly about that and I really appreciate that you took the time to come all the way down here to ask me that question."
Tim: "I haven't asked the question yet."
Lupe: "I agree, as well."
Tim: "Why do I even bother?"
Lupe: "Another excellent question! I love you, New York! You know, I remember when I was a little girl and Johnny Cash told me that everyone's personal response is personal and I just don't think you can argue with Johnny Cash."
Tim: "I wouldn't dream of it. Well, unfortunately, we've run out of time for viewer questions."
We learn about Shetange. Shetange is a tough bitch who doesn't stand for any bullshit. You do not want to get on Shetange's bad side.
Other Eric: "You know who Shetange reminds me of?"
Other Eric: "Zulema."
Uh, yeah. Why do you need an alter ego that is exactly the same as your regular personality?
Anyway, we learn about the softer side of Zulema:
Zulema: "The reason I took Nick's model is because I really wanted my model to have the opportunity to work with another designer and grow as a person."
Oh. She did it for the well-being of the model. OK, then.
Heidi: "Andrae, we have a question about your many accents. Basically, we want to know why you talk like such a freak? We know it's fake because you are from Los Angeles and everyone there is fake. You're all actors, right?"
That is such a stereotype! I am so insulted! To suggest that everyone here is an actor when obviously some of us are movie producers is just outrageous!
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "And don't forget that some of us are the governor of California."
Tune in next week when Tim travels the country in a red Saturn sports car!
Friday, April 20, 2007
Linda Merrill of :::Surroundings::: is hosting a design challenge. Think you can design a better space for the lofts used in the final challenge of Top Design? Well, show us! Go over to :::Surroundings::: and get all the information. There will be a poll to determine a winner and there will be a prize! I don't think a deadline has been announced but get those entries in soon!
Click here for the main Loft Challenge entry with the contest instructions!
And keep checking back to the main :::Surroundings::: site for new entries!
Sorry about the quality but I printed out the basic floor plan, drew on it, used wite-out on it, taped pictures of furniture on it, photocopied the finished product, then faxed it to Linda, who scanned it and posted it! Yeah, that picture's been through a lot!
Anyway, Linda did a terrific job with the floor plan. We didn't have the exact measurements so everything is approximate but I think it's pretty close. One interesting note is that you can look at some floor plans at the Santa Fe Lofts website and one of the plans shows the loft used on the show (it looks different because the bathroom is smaller and the main entrance has been closed off to make a walk-in closet, but it's the same plan). There are no measurements on the plan so it doesn't help in recreating it perfectly but the interesting part is that it says the total square footage is 1,400 square feet. On the show we are told the lofts are 1,700 square feet. That's a big difference!
I designed it for Matt's needs for a master bedroom and a smaller child's room. The master bedroom takes up the general footprint of the daughter's room on his plan but I attached it to the window to make it bigger. So this adds windows to the bedroom without really taking away any of the living space.
I added the smaller bedroom in the oddly-shaped, mostly unused entry space by the front door and moved the front door to the kitchen. I think in a loft apartment it is appropriate to enter near the kitchen and this door actually opens into a hall space leading into the living rooms so I think that works fine. Alternately, if you really want to keep the front door where it was, you could add a hallway above at the top of the smaller bedroom, which would create a very small, narrow space that is roughly the same size and shape of the room Matt created for his daughter. the difference is that this space would have windows.
I like having a nice open kitchen. That wasn't really possible here but I removed the hall closet to add a breakfast area and open up the kitchen a little bit to the main living areas. I think that connects the spaces a little bit and you should actually be able to see some of the windows from the kitchen.
So, those are my ideas. Get your ideas in to Linda!
For those of you just joining us, the boys of Project Rungay are blogging season two of Project Runway on DVD and I'm blogging along with them.
We start the episode with everyone bitching about Santino:
Kara: "Bitch, bitch, bitch."
Chloe: "Bitch, bitch, bitch."
Daniel: "Bitch, bitch, bitchety-bitch."
There's even a note on the blackboard from Nick:
Nick: "Dear Daniel, bitch, bitch, bitch."
OK. I get it: Santino sucks and he shouldn't be there.
Santino: "Bottom line is my design was better than Nick's."
Daniel: "I can't believe he's pretending his garment was well made."
He didn't say that, dummy. He said his design was better.
Then we are back on the runway so Chloe can keep Grace and we can finally get rid of Gumby the model. Chloe looks so pretty and she's wearing more makeup than usual. Oh, yeah, it's because we've gone back in time and we are in a scene that was shot at right after the last runway show. Chloe is still wearing her prostitute makeup but she's pulled her hair back and she's in normal clothes so she actually looks good again after Daniel horrible makeover.
The designers take a field trip to visit Fern Mallis. The designers pretend to know who she is. I'm just kidding; everyone knows who Fern Mallis is.
Kara: "She's the one who lets people into the tent."
OK. So she's some sort of bouncer who works the door at a circus? No; of course she runs 7th on Sixth, which runs Olympus Fashion Week. Or something like that.
So Fern tells the designers that the most important thing in the fashion industry is being nice. Well, obviously. I mean, the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the fashion industry is just how nice everyone is. Isn't that right, Donatella?
Donatella Versace: "GET OUT!!!!"
Exactly! So Daniel glares at Santino to make sure he got the message:
Daniel: "I've been trying to tell Santino that if he would just be nice it wouldn't matter that his clothes all look like shit. But does he listen to me? no."
Yeah, that was subtle, Daniel. What a dick. OK, so they are going to make an evening gown that will represent their final collections. This kind of sucks if you weren't going to have evening wear in your final collection:
I have no problem with having a challenge to make an evening gown. I just think it was unfair to expect Kara to make an evening gown that represents a sportswear collection. Yes, most runway collections do include at least one evening gown but they don't have to.
The designers have $300 and two days (minus mandatory partying). After they buy fabric and start making their designs, Tim tells them they are designing for Iman and she will wear the dress to a "big event."
What big event?
Tim: "Don't you worry about it. It will be big. Have I ever exaggerated the bigness of anything before?"
Yes. You presented both Nancy O'Dell and Nickie Hilton as big celebrities.
Tim: "OK, fine! Iman will wear the dress to a very minor event. Are you satisfied?"
The designers are then forced to have a good time and get drunk right when they are trying to finish their designs. Don't get me wrong; the party looks fun. But why didn't they have it after this challenge instead of in the middle of it?
Jay, Kara Saun, and Austin are there and they give the designers advice:
Austin: "Be really thin."
Kara Saun: "Cheat early and often."
Jay: "I hope you all die."
They are so inspiring! Anyway, now that the designers are drunk, they get to work until 1:00 in the morning! The next day Chloe is ironing her sheets at the Atlas, for some reason. Oh, no, sorry; that's her dress.
On the runway, Iman joins Nina, Michael, and Heidi. For those of you who do not know who Iman is, she is the author of the book The Beauty of Color. She starts off the questions:
Iman: "Daniel, why did you make such a boring dress?"
Daniel: "I can create a beautiful dress with my eyes closed. So that's what I did."
[Blank stares from the judges]
Santino started out with a beautiful dress in a gold fabric that would have been perfect for Iman. Unfortunately, he covered it with fish scales:
Iman: "Why did you do that?"
Santino: "I was kidnapped by mermaids and forced to make nothing but the most beautiful dresses for them. Then I went on this odyssey and found a golden fleece and that's what I made this dress out of."
Judges: "What were you drinking last night?"
Kara's dress actually looked pretty good coming down the runway. It's pretty basic but the racer back is very cool and makes it more interesting than Daniel's. Unfortunately, the close-ups reveal that it is horribly wrinkled and the hem looks bad. I would say that this challenge threw her and she resorted to making a basic black dress because she doesn't know what else to make for evening wear, but she also made a basic black dress for the inspiration challenge, when she could have made anything she wanted.
Judges: "If you can't show your personal style in this challenge, how are we supposed to believe you will show us anything in a runway show?"
Kara: "Just trust me. It will be 'BAM'!"
Judges: "We don't know what that means but we aren't interested. Chloe, tell us about your dress."
Chloe: "Yes, Nina, I wanted her to look like she has a big, fat ass!"
Nina: "What? I didn't say anything."
Chloe: "Oh, sorry; I was just a little defensive after something Tim said."
But, in fact, her dress does look pretty crappy. It's all puckered in the seams and the ass is all saggy. It's too bad it doesn't fit better because, again, it's still more interesting than Daniel's.
Michael says that Santino's is like a 'Belly Dancers Gone Wild' video. Iman say's Chloe's is too Carolina Herrera. They think Kara's just generally sucks. That leaves Daniel's boring dress:
Iman: "Yes, it's boring; but if I'm wearing the dress it will be amazing!"
She has a point: no one is going to be looking at her dress, anyway. Daniel wins immunity for the finale, which means he wins season two of Project Runway! Congratulations Daniel!
OK, just kidding.
The designers are each asked which one of the other designers should not be going to Fashion Week with them. Chloe picks Santino because he can't sew. Santino picks Chloe because she can sew. No, actually he picks her because he thinks she's a pattern maker and not a designer. I really thought he was going to pick Kara, since that's who he's always said doesn't deserve to be there. After all the bitching, obviously Daniel and Kara are going to pick Santino, right? Wrong! They both pick Chloe! So everyone picks Chloe even thought she's clearly one of the few who actually deserves to be going to Fashion Week. What's up with that? Are they that threatened by her? I think her thoughtless comments earlier about not being sure about wanting to be there just planted the seed in the other designers' heads that she would make a good scapegoat. But just to be nice, one of them could have chosen someone else. Obviously, the whole thing was pointless since it didn't have an effect on the judges' decision.
Kara is out. Sort of. She still gets to make a collection and show at Fashion Week but we have to pretend like she doesn't exist.
Kara: "My heartbeat is right next to my heart."
I have no idea what she's talking about but I think maybe she needs a doctor.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The talented Linda Merrill of ::surroundings:: has created a basic floor plan of the loft spaces used in the final challenge on Top Design and is hosting a challenge. Can you figure out a way to use the space better? I know I'll be submitting an entry! I love floor plans! Fun!
Check out Linda's post here!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
From the people who brought you Blogging Top Chef and Top Design Blogger there is a new site called Bravissimo! Bravissimo will be mainly devoted to Bravo reality shows. I may contribute posts about Shear Genius. Check it out!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Santino: "Yes, Santino?"
Santino: "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Brad Pitt?"
Santino: "As a matter of fact, yes. Is that what you wanted to know?"
Santino: "I was just wondering if you knew what happened to Andrae?"
Santino: "I think you scared him away."
Santino: "But Andrae is our little lamb. How did I scare him away?"
Santino: "By talking to yourself."
Santino: "Oh. I thought that was endearing and clever."
Santino: "Nope; just creepy."
Heidi: "OK, designers, for this challenge you're going to be giving each other makeovers. I'm going to pull buttons out of this bag to see who gets whom. Here we go: Santino gets Nick, Kara gets Santino, Nick gets Chloe, Chloe gets Santino, and Daniel gets Daniel. Oh, shit. We have to do that again. OK, Kara gets Nick, Santino gets Daniel, Daniel gets Kara, Nick gets Santino, and Chloe gets ... oh, for Christ's sake! One more time ..."
Several hours later:
Heidi: "... and Daniel gets Chloe. Oh, thank god! That took so long I gave birth and got pregnant again! What dumb-ass came up with this idea, anyway?!"
So here are the pairings:
Santino gets Kara
Kara gets Santino
Nick gets Daniel
Chloe gets Nick
Daniel gets Chloe
First Daniel has to get rid of Andrae's model, Danielle:
Daniel: "I don't consider this sending Danielle home."
Daniel: "No; I consider it destroying her one chance at happiness."
Kara has been smoking the raffia again:
Kara: "I think Santino is ready for a shaaaaaaave and a cuuuuuuut and a groooooooooooooooooom!"
Alright; I don't care what she's smoking; she makes me laugh!
The designers are having mani-pedis at some salon called Give Me A Hand, or something silly like that.
Tim: "OK, but this is cutting into your design time. Don't complain to me when you run out of time tomorrow."
Designers: "Yes, mom."
Santino is complaining about doing all the work for Kara and yet he won't stop doing it! Nick chooses lavender cashmere for Daniel's suit. OK, first of all: what the fuck? Secondly, how could he afford that much cashmere? Maybe it's a blend.
Nick tells us that he knows menswear. Chloe tells us that she doesn't. I wonder what will happen.
Nick: "I'm making a fully lined jacket, pants, shirt and scarf."
Well, I think it's a waste of time to line a shirt and scarf but what do I know?
The designers have two days for this challenge:
Nick: "I'm done!"
What? You've only been working for 15 minutes.
Nick: "What can I say? I'm just so good at menswear. The other designers better get their asses in gear if they want to compete with me."
Um, you're suit has no pockets or buttons.
Nick: "Yeah. I like it that way."
I guarantee you no one else will like it that way.
Nick: "Well, it's too late; there's nothing I can do about it now."
What are you talking about? You have plenty of time left!
Nick: "Look, nothing I could do could make this suit any better than it already is."
Santino: "He's right; you can't polish a turd."
Nick runs screaming out of the room.
Santino: "What did I say?"
The designers meet with Collier Strong for styling consultations. Collier tells everyone except Chloe what beautiful skin they have. Ouch. Nick wants to put bronzer on Daniel. Collier very politely tells Nick that he wouldn't recommend doing that. He's much more diplomatic than I am; I would have slapped Nick and told him never to use the word "bronzer" in my presence ever again.
Kara: "I'm so, so, so tired but I'm going to keep sew-sew-sewing. Su-Sussudio."
Phil Collins: "Great. Now I'm going to have that goddamn song stuck in my head again."
Santino is gluing Kara into a jumpsuit. OK, another blogger used this line already but it's so good I have to repeat it: That's not a jumpsuit; that's a space-suit ... because Kara's ass is out of this world!
OK, this is where I pissed off the entire Project Runway blogging community: I loved Santino's jumpsuit on Kara! I thought she looked fantastic and it totally suited her personality. I could absolutely picture her wearing it while shopping in Manhattan, looking like a totally hot bitch. It was bohemian and funky and a little crazy; just like Kara. Obviously most women could not get away with this look, but Kara can pull it off.
I actually picked this as one of my top five looks for season two on Blogging Project Runway and people thought I was completely insane. But the guest judge liked it, too, so I'm not completely alone on this.
And yes, it was inexcusably poorly made. There is no explanation for why he didn't have time to sew a few seams. Even with all the time he spent telling Kara what to do, he still should have had a few minutes.
Judges: "Kara, what do you think of it?"
Kara: "Um ... I've lost the power of speech."
Santino: "That's how much she loves it!"
Then Kara is crying about how she should have said something. I completely misread the situation at first. In my opinion, the designers were the models and should have tried to sell the designs they were wearing. I actually thought Kara was upset that she hadn't said she liked Santino's design. She didn't have to pretend it was well made but she could have said she liked the design and would wear it. If she hated the design, then that's her fault since she approved Santino's drawings.
But, of course, she was crying about the fact that she didn't tell the judges what a piece of crap the garment was. I'm glad she didn't do that.
Santino looked great! Kara did an excellent job. And Santino gave her great suggestions and really sold the look to the judges.
Nick also looks terrific. Chloe had never done menswear before and she managed to make menswear pieces that fit perfectly and looked like they had been made by a tailor. She made just as many pieces as Nick (three, not counting the scarf) but she added pockets and buttons. Of course, she didn't have to deal with setting the sleeves of a jacket but she did what she knew she could do well in the time she had.
Daniel looks like the female version of Bea Arthur. Everything about Nicks design is wrong. The fabric is too feminine; and it's too soft and shiny so all the seams look puckery. A man's suit with no pockets or buttons looks ridiculous; you will only find that on a cheap, polyester woman's suit. Yes, he finished it; the sleeves didn't fall off on the runway. But is that good enough? Not in my opinion. Everything from the concept to the fabrication and execution was bad. I think that made it worse than Santino's, which was at least an interesting idea, using the right fabric. Nick is gone.
But what about Daniel's design on Chloe:
Chloe looks like a prostitute, only smaller. Jesus Christ, she looks like crap! What the hell is wrong with Daniel. Chloe is so cute and he managed to make her look old, cheap, and dumpy. If he hadn't had immunity, he would have been out.
Heidi: "You aged her 20 years."
Michael: "I guess because you had immunity, you decided to make a piece of shit."
Daniel: "Well, I guess you can't be right all the time."
Ooh, he did not just say that!
Michael: "Yes, I'm pretty sure I can be right all the time!"
Monday, April 09, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Nick: "Oh, my god, you guys, you won't believe what happened in the last challenge."
Zulema stole your model?
Nick: "Zulema stole my ... oh, you heard. Can you believe that bitch?! No, no, I'm fine, really. Thank you for your concern. No, I'm a strong person and just worked through the pain. Yeah, most people would have just given up, but not me. You won't find me feeling sorry for myself all the time. No, I only spend about 95% of my time sulking. Anyway, that bitch is gone and she deserved it. It's exactly what I hoped would happen."
You realize this means Tarah will probably be out as a model, right?
Nick: "Oh, shit. I guess I didn't factor that in to my Zulema-elimination fantasies."
Well, don't worry. There's always a possibility Daniel will choose Tarah over Rebecca.
Daniel: "Are you high?"
Or not. OK, Daniel keeps Rebecca and Tarah is out.
Nick: Oh, my god, can you believe he did that?! Everyone is out to get me! Now that poor, fabulous creature is out there on the mean streets of New York without anyone to take care of her. What will she do without me?"
Heidi: Enough whining. You'll be designing an outfit for a garden party but that's all I'm telling you. Tim Gunn will give you the details in the morning."
The next morning Tim goes to the Atlas apartments to take the designers on a field trip. The designers are completely surprised to see him, for some reason. So they are walking down the street to an undisclosed location. Nick tries to guess where they are going:
Nick: "We must be going to some fabulous Park Avenue apartment that has a garden."
You guessed the same thing when you were walking to Toys R Us. Ooh, maybe Barbie is having a garden party. Anyway, Tim takes them to a flower shop and the designers are stunned. I don't think they've ever seen flowers before. They have $100, which doesn't buy much in a flower shop. They end up with lots of leaves.
Nick walks around the shop snapping all the plants in half, getting out his aggression:
Nick: "That's for breaking my heart, you stupid flowers! Oops, I didn't know anyone was watching me."
Santino is the only one who buys a foundation for his leaves. He buys this floral netting that is really pretty. I thought it was pretty smart, especially because I was wondering what the other designers were planning to do with their leaves. Obviously they were allowed to use muslin as a foundation but this was never explained to us, the viewers. Tim doesn't seem to be clear on this, either. His podcast and blog contradict each other. One says the garments had to be made entirely from materials from the flower shops. The other says they can use the muslin in the design room. Well, obviously they assumed they would be able to use the muslin, whether or not they were told this ahead of time.
They are back in the design room, working on their garments and Tim tell them this is an immunity challenge.
Santino: "I want to win immunity so I can do something really offensive in the next challenge. So far, I've just been pandering to the judges."
Kara: "I want to win immunity so I can just sleep during the next challenge.
Andrae: "Well, I just want to make it to the final four and then let god work it out."
That's silly; everyone knows god doesn't get involved until it gets down to the final three.
The TimBot 5000 is malfunctioning, just saying ,"Make it work. Make it work," over and over again. Meanwhile, the real Tim goes to dinner at the Red Lobster with Andrae and they get in a fight. Andrae is telling Tim that he's been so distant lately and Tim finally admits that he is really in love with Daniel. Andrae throws a plate of lobster at him and then runs to the bathroom. Tim pays the bill.
When they get back to the design room, Tim makes the rounds:
Kara: "I don't know what I'm going to do about a skirt."
Tim: "Well, maybe if you hadn't smoked all your raffia, you would have some materials left."
Nick is making a micro-mini because he doesn't have enough material, either.
Kara: "I did not smoke his raffia, if that's what you're suggesting."
Andrae is still in a foul mood after the scene he made at Red Lobster:
Andrae: "I just have a lot of dead things."
Daniel comes out of the closet:
Chloe: "What? But you're so straight-acting!"
Nick: "Bitch, please. There is no way you're parents are so stupid they did not know you were gay."
Daniel: "You don't understand how hard it was growing up gay in a white upper-middle class family."
Yeah, if only he'd been poor or black life would have been so much easier for him. God, I really want to slap Daniel right now but I'm just going to remind myself that the designers are really tired and under a lot of stress and they are talking out of their asses.
Chloe tells us that her greatest fear is dating a gay guy. Nick tells us that he not only doesn't find women disgusting, but he actually lost his virginity to a woman.
Nick having sex with a woman? Ew, that's gross!
The next morning Andrae tells us he is not going home. Do I even need to say it?
Kara still hasn't made a skirt so she just takes Andrae's. Then she helps Chloe glue leaves on to her dress:
Kara: "There should be one girl in the final three and it sure as shit isn't going to be me. So I'm going to make sure Chloe stays in the competition."
But even with Kara, Chloe doesn't have enough hands to finish. She also gets Grace to help out. And then, when that isn't enough, she gets Kara Saun's shoe supplier, from Dollhouse Shoes, to help.
Wendy Pepper: "That is so unfair! Have you seen how cute my daughter is?"
On to the runway! The guest judge is Badgley Mischka, the fashion designer with two heads. The judges all wonder why the designers didn't create Rose-Parade floats. Are the judges that stupid? Don't answer that. But really, not only would the roses have been dead, but they couldn't afford hundreds of roses. Heidi, especially, as a producer, should have been aware of the budget. Having said that, there are hardier, cheaper flowers the designers could have picked; I don't think they did a great job shopping.
Chloe creates another great dress. The design is very simple but the little leaves create a really pretty look that is very fabric-like. The skull cap is stupid.
Kara surprises us with a great dress. The bodice is beautifully done. Like I said, I think she stole the idea of the skirt from Andrae but she did it very successfully. It was not quite as pretty as Chloe's but it certainly had more color in it, which the judges really wanted. I think maybe it should have been the winner.
Santino's was another surprise. I thought he did a very good job. It was possibly a bit much for a garden party but I liked the skirt and I thought the dress was very pretty. Some of the judges were concerned about how shiny the leaves were, for some reason:
Heidi: "I have no problem with shiny leaves."
Michael: "Yes, but that's because Germans have terrible taste."
Heidi: "Those are big words, coming from someone wearing that much orange makeup."
Michael: "I love you, you bitch!"
Heidi: "I love you, you big queen! Now, what do we think of Daniel's?"
Badgley Mischka: "I think it looks like a really cute WASPy garden party dress!"
Daniel: "That's exactly what I wanted to make! A cute WASPy garden party dress! God, it was so hard growing up gay in a WASPy garden-party world."
Badgley Mischka, Michael Kors: "Oh, we can totally relate."
Nina: "Will you all shut up about how hard life is for rich white fags?! You make me sick!"
I really can't figure out why they love Daniel's so much. I think it's fine but it kind of makes Rebecca's hips looks huge. And they are going on about how it's so wearable and really looks like a dress but I think it looks like a bush and is nowhere near as wearable as Chloe's or Kara's. Anyway, Daniel wins, mainly because he stuck flowers on it.
Andrae has made a topiary dress. I completely understand the judges' concerns about how stiff it looks but it's still really cute.
Michael: "It just isn't joyous."
Nina: "'It just isn't joyous?' What the hell does that even mean?!"
Michael: "Geez, Nina, stop yelling at me."
Nick makes another piece of crap. Man, is it awful. It looks so cheap and I think Rachel has babies breath growing out of her hoo hoo. He should have been out for this. But he's safe:
Andrae: "What? Huh? Did someone call my name? I don't understand. What do you want?"
Heidi: "Calm down. It's not that complicated. I'm just trying to tell you that you are auf."
Andrae: "OK, everyone, stop crying! I'm the only one allowed to cry!"
And that's what happened to Andrae.