Maui: the trip!

(picture from www.visitmaui.com)

The Getty Center was evacuated today because of a brush fire in the Sepulveda Pass so I thought I would use the surprise afternoon off to write about my recent vacation.

(Find Other Eric's description and more of his pictures of the trip here!)

Eric and I spent the last week of June on Maui with some friends and had a wonderful time. We stayed at the Fairmont Kea Lani in Wailea and were upgraded to ocean front suites so we had amazing views from our balconies. Yes, we got leied at the hotel -- the girls got orchid leis and the boys got kukui nut leis. The four-year old with us remembered that Eric and I had worn kukui nut leis at our wedding so he said he was going to save his lei and wear it when he gets married. So sweet! The hotel is beautiful and the people who work there are great. The pool area is nice, if you are into that. I don't understand the point in sitting and staring at a swimming pool when you are in Hawaii but a lot of people seem to like that. I probably wouldn't choose to stay in Wailea again, though, because it's a little too "resorty" for me. Other than the ocean, there was no way to know I wasn't still in Los Angeles. There's a golf course and swimming pools and a shopping center full of designers chain stores, and restaurants such as Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and Tommy Bahama's. It really could have been almost anywhere and I wish it felt a little more like we were on Maui. There wasn't even anywhere in Wailea to get local food. Not even a plate lunch place. But if you want to go to Maui and still feel like you are in Los Angeles, I recommend Wailea.

But seriously, the hotel and resort were beautiful and relaxing so I'm not complaining. And you don't have to go far to feel like you are in Hawaii. We made a couple of five-minute drives to better snorkeling spots and had pretty good luck spotting fish and turtles. One day we went to "turtle beach" in Makena and swam around for ages before finally swimming out and crashing a tour group. The turtles are really hard to find on your own because they sit on the bottom like rocks. But the tour guides know how to find them. So we swam out to where the kayaks were sitting and, sure enough, turtles! So, once you find the turtles sitting on the bottom, you just have to wait a few minutes and one will come up for air and hang out with you for a while. So cool!

One day we drove up to the summit of Haleakala, which was freezing! I finally convinced the group that a bathing suit and flip-flops would not cut it up there. So we went up with the warmest clothes we had but our lightweight jackets were not enough for more than a few minutes outside the car. The crater is pretty amazing.

After our visit to the summit, I convinced the group to go to Zippy's, in Kahului, which I tried to explain is like the Hawaiian version of McDonald's, with local fast food. They are famous for their chili. I got the chili bento box, with chili, rice, macaroni salad, fried chicken, and spam. I swear to you, that's what was in it! And I ate all of it! I love that place! Needless to say, there is no Zippy's in Wailea.

	What? No rice?

On Sunday, Eric and I went to a luau in Lahaina, while our friends went to an expensive Italian place in Wailea, because you just HAVE to have Italian food while you are on Maui, right? Anyway, I had been trying to convince everyone to go to the Old Lahaina Luau as a group activity but our friends were balking and then it was completely booked, because it is supposed to be the best luau in Hawaii (and therefore, presumably, the world). A traditional luau is a large meal with family and friends to celebrate a special occasion so, by definition, as a tourist, you are not going to be attending a real luau. But apparently The Old Lahaina Luau is as authentic as you can get for a fake luau, if that makes sense. If I go back to Maui, I will be going to that luau.

(Check out Other Eric's picture on his blog. It looks like a brochure picture!)

Instead, we went to the Feast at Lele, which is run by the same people but is a different experience. Instead of a buffet and group tables, it is more like a restaurant, with table service at tables for two. It is also pan-Polynesian, instead of focusing on Hawaiian food and dance. We had an impressive five-course meal. The food was nicely presented and there were at least fifteen different dishes to taste. Unfortunately we disliked almost all of it. The show was excellent, however, with dancing from Hawaii, New Zealand, Tahiti, and Samoa (and Tonga? -- there were five but I forget what the other one was). The Tahitian dancing is amazing but I would have been happy with an entire show of good Hawaiian dance. You don't get to see good hula very often. Most people think they've seen hula but they've probably not seen good hula. So, if you absolutely refuse to eat at a buffet, go to the Feast at Lele for the show. If you can handle a buffet, try the Old Lahaina Luau. That's what I'm doing next time.

The most incredible part of our trip was the Road to Hana! Yes, we did it! And what do you get at the end of the Road to Hana? A T-shirt that says, "I survived the Road to Hana"! It really is an accomplishment and I'm glad we did it. Eric and I did it alone because we didn't think a four-year-old would enjoy the long car ride. So we started at 8:00 in the morning on a Monday and it was raining most of the way there. It's only fifty miles but it is so winding and narrow that it takes hours to drive. The fun part is that there are over fifty one-lane bridges so you have to check to see if someone is coming the other way before you start across. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be because you can see to the other side of the bridge and we were going with the flow of traffic in the morning. We would have to gotten to Hana in an hour and a half if it weren't for two fifteen-minute closures for road work. During one of those stops I had to crawl into the back seat and pee into a water bottle. Eric was totally scandalized but the story didn't seem to faze anyone else at dinner that night.

Anyway, we didn't stop along the way because it was raining and we thought we could stop on the way back. We got to Hana around 10:00 and as it was too early for lunch, we continued on to Oheo Gulch, which I thought was just a few more minutes past Hana but turned out to be the worst part of the road and took almost another hour. This part of the road has really long sections of one-lane road with blind corners so I don't know how traffic is supposed to go both ways. In the morning most of the traffic was going clockwise, with us, so it wasn't a big deal. But I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to go back the other way in the early afternoon, heading into traffic that would still coming from Hana. I wasn't looking forward to that. So instead of going back, we kept going clockwise all the way around the back side of Haleakala on the Piilani Highway.

But first we hiked in Oheo Gulch, which is part of Haleakala National Park. We went on a four-mile hike up to a fifty-foot waterfall. The waterfall was OK but the walk through the bamboo forest was amazing! By the time we got down, Eric was about to kill me because I had told him to just wear flip-flops and his feet were killing him. We really should have had shoes for that hike but I just remembered growing up in Hawaii and not even owning shoes; we wore flip-flops (or slippers, as they are known in Hawaii) for everything. Growing up I would get one pair of shoes to wear to church on Easter Sunday. If you didn't like flip-flops, you were free to go barefoot. Suck it up!

So, anyway, Eric would have kicked my ass if his feet hadn't been hurting so badly. But he did agree to walk the quarter mile to the pools, which the tourist literature calls the Seven Sacred Pools even though they are not sacred and there are not seven of them. They are beautiful, however, and I went swimming in one of them. After that refreshing dip, we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (you can't get food there so bring your own) and I decided to just go for it and drive back the hard way.

The drive west of Oheo Gulch on the Piilani Highway is one of the most amazing things I've ever done. It was scary but worth it. The Hana Highway is like Autopia at Disneyland compared to the back road of the Piilani Highway. First of all, it was completely closed for years after an earthquake in 2006. but it just reopened last October. Famously, people are warned that they will void their rental car agreements if they take this road. I think the worry is that you could get stuck in one of the unpaved sections. Fortunately, that side of Haleakala was completely dry, even though it rained during our entire drive on the other side. So there was no mud to get stuck in and the road hadn't been washed away, which happens sometimes in the rainy season. This road is crazy! It is entirely one lane and it is just randomly paved. Seriously, you'll be driving along in dirt and then there will just be half a mile of beautiful new asphalt for absolutely no reason and then dirt road again. Most of it, though was really old asphalt that seemed to be made up almost entirely of potholes. It was a bumpy ride. The wonderful thing about it is that it is almost completely deserted. We only met three or four cars on the two-hour journey. The most exciting parts were the one-lane dirt sections hanging on the edge of a cliff with no guardrail and no way to see if another car was coming around the corner! Fortunately, like I said, there almost never is. I tried honking my horn to let people know I was coming around the corner but I'm so unaccustomed to using the horn that I would just tap on it and it wouldn't really make any noise. Eric told me I was being too polite. Just watch out for the local drivers. They drive relatively fast (five miles per hour seems fast on this road) and they will expect you to get out of their way, which I was happy to do.

The scenery was breathtaking. You really feel like you are in the middle of nowhere. And you drive across a huge old lava flow. That drive was the highlight of the trip. I don't want to tell too many people to do it because the best part about it was the lack of tourists. But since you are all such close friends, I think I can tell you that you should do this drive if you go to Maui. You'll love it. As long as you are brave. And there hasn't been a recent storm. And you are not worried about your rental contract or your insurance. And you are a good driver. And you are patient. And you remembered to bring sandwiches. Other than that, there's nothing to worry about.

And that's what I did on my summer vacation! Aloha!

My Star-Studded Trip to Central Illinois!


Obviously, being stuck in Los Angeles, I look forward to visiting my family in Central Illinois because it gives me an opportunity for celebrity sightings. And this trip didn't disappoint. OK, so most of the sightings were in Chicago but it was still part of my trip to Central Illinois.

First, let me mention my flying experience. Other Eric convinced me to fly out of Burbank, arguing that any inconvenience caused by having to change planes is compensated for by not having to drive in traffic to LAX. But he didn't mention the awful planes you have to fly on. Every plane I got on was smaller and shittier than the one before. I don't recommend Delta connecting through Salt Lake City. The people working for Delta are wonderful but their planes are awful.

And I have to say that if the good people of Utah would stop spending all their money telling Californians whom they can marry, maybe they could afford to spruce up their airport a little. What a dump. Don't get me wrong, I think the Utah desert is gorgeous; it's just where they've tried to approximate civilization that they run into problems. I'm just joking; the Burbank airport makes the Salt Lake City airport look like the Taj Mahal. And I know without Utah we wouldn't have the Osmonds and Other Eric's life would be that much less joyful.

Anyway, I survived the flights (all four of them) and I even got to take Amtrack in Illinois, which was fun! I don't get to ride trains often and I enjoyed it. Apparently, all the guys on the train with the matching sweat pants were just-released prisoners and I got to sit next to one! Jealous?

The first celebrity sighting was at Avec.


As you can see in the picture, there are communal tables so our group of five shared a table with another group of five. I was sitting at the head (or foot) of the table and sitting directly across from me at the other end was the Black Hammer, herself, Antonia Lofaso from Top Chef season four! Sitting next to her was the season four winner, Stephanie Izard! Sorry, I didn't get a picture or talk to them; we decided to let them enjoy their meal. But it was very exciting to be sitting at the same table with them! The food, by the way, was very good.

The next day my sister and I walked up Michigan Avenue and did some shopping with Joan Cusack at H&M! I love her! And she was with her family shopping in the men's section so I was picking out shirts next to her for quite a while. I bought quite a bit because the store had a better selection than H&M in Los Angeles.

After driving down to Sullivan, which is in Central Illinois, somewhere south-east of Decatur, we went for drinks at Jibby's Bar & Restaurant, which was founded in 1947 by a guy named Jibby (obviously). I remember my grandparents talking about eating there. The place saw a lot of stars over the years because of Sullivan's Little Theatre on the Square but it was a little run down.

Well, last year TLC's Doug Wilson bought the place and remodeled it and it just reopened. The place looks great and the appetizers we got were delicious. And we got to talk to Doug! He obviously loves Sullivan (his home town is nearby) and he loves working the room! He was a very gracious host and talked to us about the remodel and his future plans for expanding. We had a great time!

My sister did actually get a picture of Doug, though it was by accident. She was taking a picture of my cousins and some drunken stranger next to us yelled at Doug to come over for a picture so she took a picture of Doug posing with the drunk guy. I'll post it when she emails it to me.

The other thing I have to mention is playing Cornhole, which is like horseshoes but you toss bags filled with corn into a hole in a board. I don't know if it is just popular in the Midwest because the Wikipedia page has been deleted. I can't imagine why there would be a problem with a page about cornholing. Anyway, it was fun!

Well, that's enough excitement for one post. I'll be back this weekend with a new Fashion Show recap!

Marfa Marfa Marfa!

(image from http://www.garnersclassics.com/)

For my Top Chef post click here!

I'm taking the opportunity during viewing the amazingly violent, misogynistic, and bizarrely pro-crime Super Bowl commercials to write about what I did on my Martin Luther King holiday vacation.

Did I drive with my family to Walley World in an old station wagon with a dead woman in a rocking chair strapped to the roof?

Oh, so close, but no.

I went to Texas! My friend Nan is the director of the Forsyth Gallery at Texas A&M University in College Station and she invited me to judge submissions to a jurried show. So I flew to the George Bush airport in Houston, where she picked me up and drove me smack dab to middle of the state. On the way to the gallery, we passed the George Bush library and the crash site of that military helicopter that went down a few days before my trip.

For the show I looked through about 130 entries of paintings, sculpture, and decorative art pieces. Ultimately I chose what I liked but I tried not to make my selections based entirely on my personal taste. It was tough but I enjoyed it. I selected what would go into the show and then I selected my favorites for prizes.

So that was the work part of the trip. Then Nan and I spent the weekend driving across Texas to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere called Marfa. But first, we got boudin, which I had been wanting to try for years. Boudin is sausage made with meat and rice and now I can say I tried it. I can also say I will probably never try it again. I'm very sensitive to weird meat and this reminded me a little of haggis.

Marfa is a full day's drive from, well, basically from anywhere. I think the closest airport is three hours away so we just did the eight hour drive from College Station to Marfa, which is in Presidio County in south-west Texas, not too far from Mexico. It is hard to describe exactly how far into the middle of nowhere this place is. The landscape in Presidio County is really beautiful.

It was just getting dark when we rolled into Marfa. We actually forgot to bring directions to get to the hotel but the town was so small we just drove around a little until we found it. We stayed at the Hotel Paisano, which is one of the two hotels in town. The Paisano was built in the thirties and James Dean, Rock Hudson, and Elizabeth Taylor stayed there while filming Giant. The hotel was very cool; it was recently remodeled but they preserved the historic details very well. Our room was actually two tiny rooms combined into one, which meant we had two tiny bathrooms. The bathrooms were completely original, which I thoroughly approve of but the plumbing did not work well.

(This was our actual room)

(Cute bathrooms)

We spent the entire next day on art tours. After breakfast at the hotel we drove over to the Chinati Foundation, which was started by the installation artist Donald Judd. The foundation takes up most of an old military base and it provides the kind of space for huge installations that you can't really get at art institutions in the city. The highlights of the first half of the tour were the giant buildings of Judd's boxes.


100 untitled works in mill aluminum, 1982-1986

"At the center of the Chinati Foundation's permanent collection are 100 untitled works in mill aluminum by Donald Judd installed in two former artillery sheds. The size and scale of the buildings determined the nature of the installation, and Judd adapted the buildings specifically for this purpose. He replaced derelict garage doors with long walls of continuous squared and quartered windows which flood the spaces with light. Judd also added a vaulted roof in galvanized iron on top of the original flat roof, thus doubling the buildings' height. The semi-circular ends of the roof vaults were to be made of glass.
Each of the 100 works has the same outer dimensions (41 x 51 x 72 inches), although the interior is unique in every piece. The Lippincott Company of Connecticut fabricated the works, which were installed over a four-year period from 1982 through 1986. Funding for the project was provided by the Dia Art Foundation."

After a good lunch at the Pizza Foundation we went back to the second half of the Chinati tour. The highlights of the second half of the tour were the Dan Flavin light installations taking up a group of old barracks buildings.

untitled (Marfa project), 1996.

"Dan Flavin's large-scale work in colored fluorescent light for six buildings at the Chinati Foundation was initiated in the early 1980s, although the final plans were not completed until 1996. The work was inaugurated at the museum's annual Open House in October 2000."

Then we went on a tour of the home and library of Donald Judd, which is part of the Judd Foundation. The Judd Foundation is separate from the Chinati Foundation, even though they were both founded by Donald Judd. Anyway, the Judd Foundation tour was really worth it; It was in a compound where Judd lived and there were several large spaces with many examples of his early work. Fewer people know about the Judd Foundation so we practically had a private tour.

After our day of tours we went to find a restaurant called Cochineal, which we were told was excellent. We were not prepared for quite how excellent it was. Chef Toshi used to have a restaurant in New York and just moved to Marfa last year. It was an amazing fine dining experience. I had the Cahors, which is a red wine I hadn't heard of. Then, as an appetizer, I had the wood grilled marinated quail served on a crisp of polenta with mixed baby greens and lingonbery sauce. That was one of the best things I have ever eaten. For an entree I had the handmade fettuccine with long simmered spiced pork sausage and vegetable ragu. Honestly, the pasta was just OK but I didn't care because the appetizer was so delicious. For dessert I had Toshi's baked to order date pudding with warm rum caramel sauce. Fantastic! It was as good as any restaurant I've been to in New York but it was even more pleasant because it was such a surprise to find it in the middle of nowhere. And it was very reasonably priced: about $50 for three courses and a glass of wine.

After dinner we went looking for the famous Marfa lights, which are supposed to appear south of town. We sat in the car at the observation point and waited an hour but I don't think we saw them. We did see some weird flashes of light but that's not what they are supposed to look like. Some people say the lights appear almost every night, while other reports say they only appear ten times a year on average. Well, at least we tried.

We spent the next day driving back. One day driving, one day taking tours, one day driving back. That was a lot of driving but it was worth it. The day after that we drove back to Houston. My flight wasn't until 7:00 so we were able to spend the day going to museums.

Unfortunately, the Menil Collection is closed on Tuesdays but we were able to visit the Rothko Chapel next door and that was beautiful. Then we visited the Museum of Fine Arts, which didn't have any temporary shows up but has an impressive permanent collection.

(Rothko Chapel)

And that's what I did on my Martin Luther King holiday vacation! I highly recommend making the trip to Marfa at some time in your life. It's worth the trek!

Socks and the City: Erics visit Manhattan, go to some museums, eat at some restaurants, and discard used socks!

Yes, when I travel I usually take my old socks and underwear and then throw them out after I wear them. That way I have fewer dirty clothes to take home in my luggage. This isn't a very significant part of my trip but I had to mention it so I could use that stupid title.

[The new home of the Museum of Arts and Design, at Columbus Circle. The remodel is not quite finished but I was very interested to see it because I was so annoyed that they destroyed the original Edward Durell Stone building. Some people thought it was ugly but it was a landmark and I thought it was cool. It's not bad now but it's pretty sad when a museum, which is supposed to be a champion of art and culture, destroys a cultural landmark instead. Thank you to Other Eric for taking pictures. To see a picture of the original building, click here.]

Oh, by the way, did you hear that Tim Russert died? Apparently he's the first person to ever die. And nothing else has happened anywhere else in the world for the past two days. Seriously, I was watching CNN, CNBC, FOX, and other news channels and it was 24 hour a day Tim Russert-dead coverage:

BREAKING NEWS: TIM RUSSERT STILL DEAD!!!

But that's not all:

BREAKING NEWS: TIM RUSSERT KNEW FAMOUS PEOPLE AND THEY ARE ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!!

Really?

BREAKING NEWS: YES, REALLY! WE ARE REPLAYING THIS INTERVIEW WITH BARBARA WALTERS FROM TEN HOURS AGO BUT WE ARE STILL CALLING IT BREAKING NEWS!!!

Oh, My God! Aren't there cities flooding somewhere? Can't I get some actual news? Sorry; I know his death was shocking and they should definitely report on it but they could give it a rest for a few minutes and tell us something else.

OK, so Eric and I went to New York. Eric was there on business and I went along for the free hotel room so I could check out the museums.

We stayed at the Essex House on Central Park West. Beautiful art deco building that was recently renovated and it has a great location looking over the park. The prices are outrageous so I was expecting a little more luxury. It was very nice and I know we got one of the cheap rooms, but it didn't quite live up to the advertised prices (Eric got a business rate, so I don't know what his company actually paid). We were on the 10th floor looking south and the city view wasn't too bad. The room was pretty small but there was a sofa, which was nice. The lighting system was ridiculous; it was controlled from the phone and we never figured it out. The refrigerator was packed with mini-bar items and had this tiny little space labeled "For your personal use" that was almost big enough to hold a Snickers bar. The bathroom looked fancy but it was not very functional. I have to say, though, they gave us plenty of towels except for the day they didn't give us any at all. The closet was WAY too small and the window blinds were hard to use. It was also hard to get anyone to answer the phone in guest services. Having said that, everyone was very friendly and it was a very nice hotel; certainly more luxurious than I'm used to but still not as luxurious as I was expecting.

We got in Sunday evening and it was about 95 degrees with thunder storms. Awful. We walked (stupid idea) to Mamma Mexico, where we had a nice meal and then we walked back in the rain and saw the Chris Burden sculpture at Rockefeller Center. Then we took three more showers and went to bed.

Monday we put on our Jimmy Choo's and went shopping at Century 21, where we both bought Pucci ties, and we went to Filene's Basement, where we got nothing. We walked by the World Trade Center site. Lots of tourists were in the church graveyard across the street from the site and they were taking pictures with the headstones. Really weird. We had lunch at S'MAC, which only sells macaroni and cheese. It did not sound at all appetising because it was so hot and humid out but it was actually really good! We stopped at H&M on Fifth Avenue on the way back and I bought a suit. We have H&M here in Los Angeles but we don't get the all the same items and I haven't seen the line of slim-cut suits here. They had a size 34 slim cut that fit me really well so I got it. I don't ever wear a suit but it's nice to have one that fits in case I have to go to a wedding, or something. My old Banana Republic suit doesn't fit very well, even though I've had it taken in. I should just have one made but I don't have the patience.

Monday night Eric had a business dinner so I spent the evening with the real New Yorkers: standing in line at Whole Foods. I think I saw the artist Kara Walker shopping there!

Tuesday I went to the Museum of Modern Art, which was only a few blocks from the hotel. The only problem is that it's closed on Tuesdays. Along with almost all the museums in the city. I don't know why I didn't know that. I think Monday is the closed day in most cities. So I walked through the park, even though it was so hot, and I spent the entire day walking like a zombie through the Metropolitan Museum. Most cities have one major museum that's open on the day all the others are closed and for New York it's the Met. I hadn't planned on spending the entire day there but it was actually pretty nice. The other times I've been there I've run through the museum in about an hour, just taking in a few highlights so it was really good to be forced to spend more time. Tuesday night, the weather broke; there was a terrible storm and the temperature dropped twenty degrees.

Wednesday was much more pleasant and I went back to MoMA when it was actually open. I had never been there and I was really impressed. I've been to MoMA Queens but the Midtown location was closed for renovation when I've been there in the past. The new building isn't actually that exciting but the collection is great and I was very excited to see the Olafur Eliasson show. He is an installation artist who works a lot with environments, light, and mirrors and there were some very cool works. I found out that the other half of the show, out at P.S.1 Contemporary Art Center in Queens, had some more installations and not just photographs, as I had thought. So I decided I would have to go out there the next day. I had a nice three course lunch at MoMA. I'm so sorry I just missed the pre-fab housing exhibition they were setting up in the courtyard that will open this month. Wah! I love pre-fab housing!

Anyway, after MoMA, I went next door to see the "Dargerism" show at the American Folk Art Museum. I had seen a Henry Darger exhibition there in the past so I wasn't sure I needed to see another one but I'm so glad I went. It was mostly works by contemporary artists who are inspired by Darger's work and it was really good!

Wednesday night we had dinner at Beacon and I had the wood roasted oysters just for the hell of it and I actually liked them.

Thursday I headed out to Queens to P.S.1 Contemporary Art Center. I was annoyed that I was getting such a late start to the day but when I got out there it wasn't open yet and I had to wait 15 minutes so now I'm glad I got such a late start. So, it really is an old public school building and they've left much of it intact so it's a very strange venue. They had videos set up down in the old furnace rooms in the basement, which was really creepy. There were a few interesting works by Eliasson, like the backward waterfall that has water going up and there were also more disorienting light rooms. But the major work, a thirty or forty foot circular mirror that hangs from the ceiling and rotates and pivots, was closed for repairs. That was disappointing.

After P.S.1, I got back on the subway and went to SoHo. I was hoping to meet up with Tom and Lorenzo of Project Rungay while I was in New York but they weren't able to get into the city this week. So the only Project Runway-related activity I did while I was there was to visit EMC2, Emmett McCarthy's boutique (Emmett was on season two, in case anyone doesn't know who he is). I didn't get to meet Emmett but his shop is very cute and the dresses are adorable!

None of the maps had the new location for the New Museum of Contemporary Art. Yes, the new New Museum of Contemporary Art. The new building opened a couple of months ago but the old location closed years ago so I don't know why it's still on maps. Anyway, I had the address so I was able to find the building, on Bowery, only a few blocks from the old location. The building is really cool; it looks like it's covered in mesh and like someone just randomly stacked different sized boxes on top of each other. Loved it! The exhibitions were OK.

Thursday night we went to Il Mulino, an amazing restaurant in the Village. It's a tacky-looking little space with amazing service and food! Apparently they have a location in Las Vegas but we can't figure out how they would transfer that hole-in-the-wall feeling to Las Vegas. Maybe lots of cramped little rooms? Then we went to Bar 89 for dessert. They have unisex bathrooms with transparent doors that turn opaque when you lock them. Which is OK for a guy, who stands with his back facing the door, but a girl we were with refused to sit down facing a glass door and I don't blame her; I don't think I could have done it. Fun!

Friday we got up early and walked through the park to the Met, just like I did on Tuesday but this time I wasn't by myself and the weather was lovely. I had spent the day there on Tuesday but there were a couple of things I hadn't seen because Eric wanted to see them. We had a limited amount of time because we had to go to the airport but we saw the Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy show, which was tiny but had some really beautiful pieces; it was a mix of actual superhero costumes from movies and some amazing haute couture outfits from the past few decades that were inspired by the superhero look. Then we went up to the roof with the amazing views of the park and an exhibition of Jeff Koons sculptures. We also went to the temple of Dendur and had lunch in the cafeteria, which was pretty good.


When I was at the museums all week I was amused by the tourists taking pictures of all the most famous paintings they've seen in books even though they already have the pictures in the book where they saw them and they could get better images on postcards in the gift shop. It just didn't make sense to me. Then, of course, when I was there with Eric, he was taking pictures of everything! But seriously, it wasn't the same thing because he was taking weird arty pictures of obscure objects or pictures with him doing the Egyptian and not really taking pictures just of the works of art.

Then we got our luggage and headed to the airport. We had a car service but the driver was completely insane and I actually think a taxi would have been more pleasant. I had four hours at the airport because Eric had an earlier flight but I got a massage and had a drink and the time went by pretty quickly. Unfortunately, my flight was then delayed an hour and then we sat another hour on the plane before we took off so I was at the airport a really long time. When I finally got in to Los Angeles, it was the middle of the night and Eric was asleep so I took a taxi home because I was too tired to deal with a van. I didn't know it would cost almost $100 with tip! That's outrageous! That's almost as much as I spent on airfare! I'll never do that again.

Anyway, I didn't do as much as I had wanted but it was so hot the first couple of days I just didn't feel like doing much. I saw five museums, had some great meals, and did a little shopping. The only thing missing was a show (I went to stand in line for half-price tickets to A Chorus Line but ended up not getting them). All in all, a pretty good trip!

Eric has more pictures and stories on his blog! Thanks for reading and I'll have my Top Chef finale post up tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

(Or, for our atheists friends: Happy New Year!)

Did everyone have fun last night? Good, good; glad to hear it.

Other Eric and I went to "A Night in Paris" at the Disney Concert Hall (beautiful Frank Gehry building; very cramped seats). Belinda Carlisle and Rufus Wainwright were performing. Nothing says "New Year's Eve" like Belinda Carlisle singing Edith Piaf.

Other Eric had his usual response to hearing Belinda live: "She was better than I was expecting."

She was singing music off her French Album, "Voila."

Other Eric: "You know why that sounded better than the album?"

Me: "Because it couldn't have sounded worse?"

Other Eric: "No. Because her voice blended in better with the live band."

Sorry; I really like her voice when she's singing pop songs but I just don't think she can sing other types of music. Other Eric enjoyed it.

Rufus Wainwright, on the other hand, was amazing! I loved his earlier albums but I've never heard him live. My goodness, what a talent! Not only is he a talented composer and songwriter, but he also has an incredible voice and he is so entertaining with his banter between songs. I had thought some of his recent projects seemed a little self-indulgent but now I think I could actually sit through him doing an entire Judy Garland concert.

So, we rang in the new year with Belinda and Rufus and it was fun!

Now for my semi-annual bitching about the public transportation system in Los Angeles:

We decided to take the subway downtown so we wouldn't have to drive with all the drunks. But, of course, like most cities, the trains usually stop running shortly after midnight so that people can't use them to get home after a night of drinking. I've never understood that. Anyway, we thought the trains were probably running later on New Year's Eve but we couldn't find any information about it anywhere. You would think that would be something you could find on the MTA website. But I guess if the MTA actually provided information about taking public transportation, people might actually take it and that, apparently, is not what they want. So, after searching the Internet, we finally found a news article mentioning that the trains would be running all night and it also mentioned that it would be free from 9 to 2, something else not mentioned on the MTA site. Even at the subway station there was no information about the trains running all night or about them being free. We decided to risk it and not buy tickets (there are no turnstiles in Los Angeles so we just had to guess that the information we found was correct).

Wow, that was an interesting train ride! The people last night were even weirder than usual. It was kind of fun except that it was so crowded and drunk people were falling all over the place (and there was an old woman who might have been dead, riding around in that seat for days).

Oh, my other complaint of the weekend is that I couldn't put up my review on Tripadvisor.com. I wasted an hour writing and rewriting a review and it kept telling me to enter my password even though I was already logged in. So annoying!

So, my review was going to be of our hotel in Palm Springs, where we had gone for a quick Saturday night stay over. We just went for one night in order to go shopping at the vintage shops and the outlet mall in Cabazon. We still need a few things for the house but we didn't find anything. The stores in Palm Springs used to be much better than they are now. We just didn't find anything we liked. And the two outlet stores I wanted to go to in Cabazon are not there anymore: Club Monaco and the bed and bath store. I just painted my bathroom orange and I needed to buy new towels and a shower curtain. So the whole shopping trip was a bust.

We stayed at hotel Zoso, which bills itself as a four-star resort with the swimming pool but, in fact, it is a four-star hotel with a dipping pool. some day soon it's supposed to be getting a spa but, until then, I don't think it's a resort. Charging a "resort fee" doesn't magically make it a resort.

I got a really good deal on Hotwire so I didn't know what hotel I was getting before I booked, except that I was guaranteed a four-star resort with a swimming pool. I did want to go swimming so I was a little disappointed in the tiny four-foot deep dipping pool. But the water was nice and I had it mostly to myself since the weather was cold so it was OK.

The hotel itself is very nice; the rooms are beautiful and big and the staff are friendly. The location is excellent; you can walk across the street to the downtown village area (oh, there is a yogurt shop called Cactusberry, that is a total rip-off of Pinkberry except that they use Trix as a topping instead of Fruity Pebbles!). So I recommend it as a nice hotel but not if you want a resort.

So, there's my New Year's Day report. My resolution for the new year is to complain more and I think I'm off to a good start!

Have a great 2008! (Hey, that rhymes!)

Erics of the Mexican Riviera: at world's end!

Yes, a week after we moved in to our new house, we took the vacation we planned at the beginning of the year. I wanted to go snorkeling in the Caribbean and Eric wanted to take a cruise to Alaska so we compromised and took a cruise to the Mexican Riviera.

We took an eight day cruise on the Golden Princess round trip from Los Angeles to Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas. As some of you may know from reading Other Eric's blog, he was thrilled to be on the "Love Boat" and I got a little snorkeling in so we had a great time!

In case any of you are thinking of taking a similar cruise, I will give you my review of the vacation:

We drove down to San Pedro (Long Beach) and did the whole embarkation thing. It wasn't too bad; kind of like a good day at the airport. We had a balcony stateroom (you have to call it a stateroom) and it was really nice! We have been in hotel rooms that were smaller than this so we were completely comfortable. The bathroom was pretty nice but larger people might have a little trouble maneuvering in it. Eric thought about getting a mini-suite, which had a small sofa, but I thought that was unnecessary; the important thing was the balcony. Having the balcony was totally worth it! We sat out there and had some wonderful views; we even watched dolphins jumping right outside our room!

We were on deck 11 (Eric kept correcting me when I called them "floors"), which was the Baja deck, and we were toward the back. It was a very good location; we could look down on the decks below but nobody could see down onto our balcony; and the buffet was just two decks up, almost directly above us.

Our balcony and room were very quiet; we couldn't really hear all the partying on the decks above. And the ship really didn't feel crowded, even though there were three thousand people aboard. People warned us that it would feel like too many people but the ship was so big, there was plenty of space; in fact there were many places on the ship that were completely deserted.

However, as big as the ship was, it still wasn't as big as I expected. I was especially disappointed with the shopping. It wasn't that I wanted to do a lot of shopping but the brochures seemed to go on and on about it and it clearly stated that anything I forgot, I would be able to find on board. I was expecting a complete shopping mall on that ship! Maybe at least a drug store. Well, no; there were two jewelry shops, a perfume shop, and a souvenir shop like you would find in an airport. I did manage to find a small bag to take on our shore excursions and I also found some sunblock but the selection was really limited.

The dining was pretty good. We ate at the buffet a lot; like I said, it was very close to our room so it was very convenient; we could even grab things and take it back to our room (oops, I mean stateroom). I had a continental breakfast delivered the first morning because I thought it would be nice to just hang out on the balcony before I ventured out. It was pointless because you could get much nicer things to eat right upstairs. We didn't order any other room service because the menu was very limited and there was just no point. Some of the food at the buffet was bad but most was edible and some of it was really delicious; this was definitely not Hometown Buffet.

I think I ate five or six meals a day! Apparently cruising makes me very hungry; I really stuffed myself. I swear I must have gained at least four and a half ounces! (Seriously, I can't wait to go to the gym and see if I actually gained any weight.)

We ate in the regular dining room twice. The food wasn't bad. We got the "personal choice" dining, which meant we just went to the dining room whenever we wanted to instead of having a regular time and table. We actually think we might like to try traditional dining next time. The first night we were placed at a table for eight and it was a little unpleasant because the table was too big to really have conversations with total strangers. The second time we went to the dining room we were at a table for six, which was much better. We had a nice time talking with the two other couples. Of course, it was also later in the cruise so we were a little more comfortable. You can also request to sit alone but that seems so unsociable and not very cruise-like so I'm glad we did the group seating thing a couple of times to get the full cruise experience.

I've learned that you don't bother introducing yourself by name on a cruise. You tell people where you are from and ask them where they are from (sorry about ending those phrases with prepositions but I just don't know how else to say it). You can, of course, exchange names but it really isn't necessary since you will never see these people again. It seemed strange to me at first but it makes perfect sense. Where you are from (sorry again) seems to be the most important thing to people on a cruise. The staff all have their country of nationality on their badges (interestingly, I don't think any of them, from waiters to captain, were American). Many guests seemed to be from the Los Angeles area, where the cruise originated, but I think most people came from elsewhere, many from other countries. This is a little surprising because one of the reasons Eric and I took this cruise was because we didn't have to fly anywhere, which adds one more annoyance to a vacation.

Oh, so back to the food: there are two specialty restaurants on the Golden Princess: an Italian restaurant called Sabatini's and a steak house. You pay $15 and $20 extra to eat at these restaurants. I can't recommend Sabatini's ... highly enough! Hah, got you! No, really, it was fantastic! I'm sure it wasn't the best food in the world but we really enjoyed it; it looked like the menu at a normal Italian restaurant but the difference is you get all of it! You get something like eight courses of lots of little things (the only thing that was bad was the gnocchi) and my main course of lobster was delicious. The steak house was a dud. My wine glass was dirty, my spinach-artichoke dip appetizer was more like soup, and I couldn't eat my steak. I don't eat much meat anyway but I do occasionally love a good fillet minion. The dessert was OK but by that time I wasn't very happy.

Anyway, in general, I was pretty satisfied with the food. It was nice to be able to just eat whenever and whatever you wanted without thinking about how much it was costing. The drinking, of course, is a little different. I think everyone knows "that's how they get you." Eric hardly drinks and I have about one drink a day so this wasn't a problem for us but there were people onboard drinking from ten in the morning until they went to sleep at night and they must have spent at least $100 a day on booze. The nice thing is they really don't gauge you; the drinks cost what they would at any bar. But they should at least give you free soft drinks. You do get free iced tea, coffee, and what I hope is filtered water.

So I signed up for shore excursions for our three port days:

Other Eric: "We're supposed to be relaxing; not running all over the place."

Me: "Don't worry; they'll be plenty of time to just sit in our room doing nothing."

Cut to the trip:

Other Eric: "What are we going to do now?"

Me: "Can't we just sit and read?"

Other Eric: "We can't just sit around!"

What I'm trying to say is I was forced to watch "Licensed to Wed." In fact, I think this whole trip may have been an elaborate ruse just to get me to watch a Robin Williams movie.

Slightly better than "Licensed to Wed" were the onboard shows. They were pretty bad. I know traditionally these shows were meant to keep people busy as they traveled from one place to another but I thought they were supposed to be better now. These were definitely just a way to relieve boredom. Most of the singers couldn't sing. In the first show, of Broadway songs, one woman did a very good version of "On My Own" from Les Miserables but the tap dancing numbers were ridiculous. The next night we saw a silly magic show; how many times do we need to see a woman being levitated to old Prince songs? Then we saw a ventriloquist; I was sure I would hate it but I actually thought the guy was pretty funny (actually, Eric grew up watching this guy on a children's show in Arizona). The final show we saw was another "big production" show. This one was of movie songs. It was better than the Broadway show but not by much. There was one amazingly bad number that I referred to the the "Cirque du Celine" number: a truly bizarre interpretation of "Windmills of My Mind" with dancers hanging from fabric:

Other Eric: "I'll never be able to listen to that song again."

OK, so young hot guys dancing around in their underwear? Yeah, I get that part. I'm totally down with that. But it wasn't enough to make up for that singing and arrangement.

In Puerto Vallarta we took a boat trip and went snorkeling in a cove and then went to a little fishing village called Yelapa. The little village only got electricity a few years ago and is only accessible by boat. It was very interesting. We hiked up and went swimming under a waterfall. The crew on this Yelapa tour were amazing and we all had a really good time (I even survived being forced to join a conga line). If you like to drink, this trip would be a very good value for you. People got a LOT of free alcohol; I'm sure if they had that many drinks on the ship it would have cost them much more than the $80 excursion price. It was really a full, fun day and I highly recommend this tour. Oh, the water was really warm but pretty murky because there had recently been a storm. I still got to see some pretty fish but you couldn't see very far. Also, on the walk back from the waterfall we had to walk through this stream that probably is usually easy to cross but because of the recent rain, it was waist high and really wide. I was a little worried that some of the older people on the tour were not going to make it across and I was also worried Eric would drop his camera. But everything was OK and it ended up turning it into more of an adventure.

In Mazatlan we took the Sierra Madre tour, which was a bus trip two thousand feet up into the mountains, where we visited two little villages and had a delicious lunch (for some reason, the only Mexican food of the entire trip). The mountains were beautiful. The plant life was very strange; it was like a combination of rain forest and desert, with jungle vines covering cacti. We really enjoyed this tour, too, and it was a nice, more relaxing day. Oh, and apparently you are supposed to buy vanilla in Mazatlan. So I did. You are also supposed to buy silver but what do I need with silver? Every other person on the street is trying to sell you silver chains for a dollar. Seriously, how many silver chains could anybody possibly need? In my case it's exactly zero but, assuming you did need silver chains, would you really need to buy more of them every few feet?

In Cabo we took another boat tour, this one was snorkeling in Chileno Bay off a catamaran. The water was much nicer is Cabo; not quite as warm as Puerto Vallarta but much clearer. I saw some pretty fish but Chileno Bay was a little crowded. This was only a half day tour and the crew were definitely not as good as the Puerto Vallarta crew and the tour was the same price. So we thought the Puerto Vallarta tour was a much better value but the water was so much better in Cabo we still enjoyed it. I can see why Cabo is such a popular tourist site; it's really beautiful. We'd like to go back.

On our last sea day I got a massage and a facial. I found the spa treatments a little confusing but it was very relaxing and my skin looks a little better. However, I expected to look ten years younger and I don't. Oh, well.

After a massage you are supposed to avoid alcohol so I went to a wine tasting. The time was listed incorrectly in the daily schedule so I showed up half an hour late and they were already three wines into the six we were being offered. Several of the wines were very good but I really didn't learn anything about wine and I also thought it was going to be pairing wine with food but it wasn't. Like I said, it was a nice opportunity to try some expensive wines but this experience was still disappointing.

We also went to an art auction. It was kind of fun but the art was really awful. I know I am not the intended audience of this art but it would have been nice if they had actually had something good.

Disembarkation was pretty easy. Our time to disembark was 9:00 AM and by 11:00 we were back in the San Fernando Vally. So it was really not as bad as we had been told.

Eric decided pretty quickly into the trip that we are "cruise people." I would cruise again but I'm not sure we are "cruise people." We don't really love talking to strangers, I don't enjoy most of the activities on the ship, I don't like sitting in the sun in a deck chair, the pools are not very nice, the entertainment is crap, we don't drink much, we went to bed too early to experience the night-life, we didn't do any onboard shopping, and we don't gamble. I do like looking at the ocean, however, and it was nice to get somewhere without flying but I don't know if that's enough to make us "cruise people."

So, we had a wonderful time. The weather was very hot and humid but we missed the storms. The cruise was relaxing but we also did some really fun things. We only saw Mexico on guided tours but we got to see some small villages instead of the cities. We would probably cruise again. We don't know if the next one will be a Princess cruise to Alaska or a Disney cruise to the Caribbean.

Check out Other Eric's blog for a slide show he put together and should be posting soon!

Shear Genius Recap, Top Design Floor Plan Challenge, and The Mexican Riviera!

What do these three things have in common?

Well, all of them will be mentioned in this post, silly!

First of all my Shear Genius recap is up, over on Bravissimo:

Episode Three: Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

You can also check out my two previous Shear Genius recaps:

Episode Two: Roots: the Nexxus Generation!

Episode One: Iron Hair!

Second: all the floor plans are in for the Top Design Floor Plan Challenge, over at :::Surroundings::: Go vote for your favorite! You only have until Wednesday to help pick a winner!

Third: Please let me know about your experiences with Princess Cruise Lines or the Mexican Riviera. Eric and I are taking a seven night cruise on the Golden Princess to Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas at the beginning of October and would love to hear any advice.

I have a big birthday coming up this summer (it ends in a zero!) so I thought I should do something fun. Originally I thought I should probably have a party since I've never had a birthday party (since I was a child) and it seemed like about time. But when I thought about how much I hate parties, it seemed like a stupid way to celebrate. Don't get me wrong, I like people, I just don't like big parties. They make me uncomfortable.

So, instead, I decided to go someplace I've never been before and I want to do a little snorkeling, because I love that and I never get to do it. You can't really snorkel in Los Angeles and, surprisingly, the snorkeling isn't very good in London either, which is where we usually seem to end up on holiday. (I did get to snorkel on Oahu last year and loved it!) So, first I thought Caribbean but was worried about hurricane season and the Mexican Riviera was closer and cheaper. Eric suggested a cruise, since that's what he has always wanted to do. So it was set.

We almost took the Norwegian Star because it is 8 nights and goes all the way down to Acapulco but a travel agent friend told us not to take Norwegian so we are taking Princess, which thrills Eric because Princess was the cruise line used for the Love Boat. Anyway, we have a balcony room so we can escape the crowds. Unfortunately we won't get much time in port. I'm planning to snorkel in Puerto Vallarta and Cabo and do a land excursion in Mazatlan. I'd love to see more of Mexico but that will have to wait for another trip.

I've never been to Mexico and I've never been on a cruise. Let me know if you have any tips. Thanks!

Erics do London, January 2007!

Other Eric and I just back from London and I thought I'd write a little recap of our trip before I go watch two episodes of Top Chef and the season one Project Runway reunion special. Also see my little dining observation in the previous post.

Now, many of you may already know that most of our travel is Kylie Minogue-related. I'm only partly joking; Other Eric is a huge fan and we've traveled several times to see her. I think we're done for a little while but we did go to London this time to see her big post-cancer treatment concert. We travelled to Australia last year to see her in Sydney but she had to cancel the tour right before we went so Eric really wanted a chance to see it. The concert was a blast, she looked and sounded fabulous, and the new Wembly tube station is such an improvement!

We love London but it's so expensive and we are ready to travel someplace different, like China or Turkey. When I go to London I try not to do too much and instead just see things I haven't seen before. For instance, last time it was the London Eye, a boat to Greenwich, a play at the Globe, walking across the Millennium Bridge, seeing the new central courtyard at the British Museum, etc.

Last time we went I did also drag Eric to my favorite London museum, the Wallace Collection (all those Watteaus!) but this time we just went to a few specific exhibitions. We saw the Tiffany show at Somerset House (a friend told me to get a magnifying glass and it really did make all the difference. Beautiful!), Sixties Fashion at the V&A, works from Damien Hirst's collection at the Serpentine Gallery, and we went on one of the slides installed by Carsten Höller in the Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern (http://www.tate.org.uk/modern/exhibitions/carstenholler/). I also spent two days trying to get into the Holbein show at the Tate. I guess it was worth it -- the paintings were pretty amazing -- but the galleries were packed like sardines so it was a little hard to enjoy them. I also got into the Turner Prize show, which was crap.

We did a couple of things Eric had done before but I hadn't, such as taking the train out to Windsor Castle. We also visited Kensington Palace, which had an exhibition of Diana's evening gowns. She sure wore a lot of velvet. After Kensington Palace we had high tea at the Orangery. It was very nice and it was affordable. We weren't dressed to go to the Ritz (sorry, Ms. Place).

One interesting thing we did was visit the Dennis Severs' House, which advertises itself as a "time capsule" of an 18th-century silk weaver's house. It has very interesting opening hours like "the Monday after the first Sunday of the month from 12 to 2." It's an 18th-century town house that is part museum and part installation art. It is furnished with smells and sounds and with burning candles and food so that you are supposed to feel like you just walked into someones home in a different time period. It sounds a little kitschy but it is actually very interesting because it is so different from a regular museum. The candlelight evening hours are supposed to be best for getting into the mood but the rainy afternoon we visited was pretty good (and it was cheaper). The website is http://www.dennissevershouse.co.uk/ and I recommend it if you want to do something different in London.

We also saw Avenue Q at the Noel Coward Theatre because it hasn't come to Los Angeles yet. Eric already knew some of the music but I didn't. We both really enjoyed it. We had dinner with an artist friend, Michael Petry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Petry), and his partner and heard about the new shows he has opening in Houston (In the Garden of Eden at the Devin Borden Hiram Butler Gallery) and New York (America the Beautiful at the Sundaram Tagore Gallery, http://www.sundaramtagore.com/) and then we went to a club called Duckie at the old Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Coincidentally, there was a feature article about the Vauxhall in that week's Time Out London and it is a pretty interesting story: the tavern has been important in the history of gay London since World War II and it was built in 1863 on the site of a 17th-century pleasure garden. It was pretty packed on a Saturday night and Eric and I almost died from the smoke but we had a good time.

The weather was much better than we were expecting but we were expecting constant downpours. It was really just intermittent light rain and it was unseasonably warm (I think it was in the fifties. The weather report was for 9 to 13 degrees and I was all, "what is that; like 50 below zero?" Anyway, the only problem was the wind, which was pretty bad at times. But, all in all, we really lucked out with the weather.

Oh, one last thing for fans of food and comedy: on the plane back I watched an episode of the British comedy Posh Nosh with Richard E. Grant and Arabella Weir. Now, I realize my standards for in-flight entertainment are exceedingly low but I found this show to be hysterical and if you get a chance to see it I recommend it. It doesn't appear to be available on Amazon but you can see clips on their website http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/poshnosh/. There are some classic cooking tips such as: "There are a number of incredibly overpriced vinegars on the market right now. So any one of them will do."

OK, now on to my Bravo recaps!

Eric Three Thousand Talks International Dining.

We just got back from London and I thought I'd share a little dining observation before I get to a quick review of our trip. Let me know if you have had the same experience or if I'm just crazy.

OK, so this is how dining works in Los Angeles: After you've finished your meal your server will come to your table and ask you if there is anything else you would like, at which point you can say, "No, thank you; we'll just take the bill." This process seems to make sense but it is not practiced everywhere.

In fine-dining restaurants in New York, for instance, this is how it seems to work: After you've finished your meal your very attentive server stands patiently nearby so that you can signal him or her to come to the table and you can ask for your bill. I completely understand that it can seem rude for the server to simply bring you a bill, as that can appear as though they are trying to kick you out of the restaurant; and this system works perfectly well as long as you realize you have to do this. The first time I was in a nice restaurant in New York many years ago with some coworkers from Los Angeles we sat at the table for a very long time wondering when we would get the bill.

Now, I'm not sure why I've never noticed this before, but this seems to be the system in London: after you've finished your meal your server, who has been very attentive up to this point, suddenly refuses to acknowledge you existence, hiding at the far end of the room and refusing to look in your direction. After a while you eventually give up and are forced to set your table linens on fire, at which point your sever will come to the table and you can request your bill. I really don't understand how this is supposed to work. Does anyone have any insights?