Project Runway Season Four, Season Finale Extravaganza, Part Two!
Heidi: "Welcome to the lackluster finale of a lackluster season of Project Runway!"
Oh, it wasn't that bad.
Heidi: "You know the drill: the winner will receive a subscription to Elle Magazine, a used Ford Taurus, some TRESemme products, a personal Bluefly wall to enjoy in the comfort of home, some agency that tells you what to do, and $100,000 to start a fragrance line."
So, last week we were short-changed on the home visits so that Chris could be eliminated in round one of the finale and now we're down to Rami, Jillian, and Christian, who appear to be stuffed into a one-bedroom hotel suite so that Rami has to sleep in the living room. Seriously, why are the producers such cheapskates?
Anyway, the designers are fighting like cats and dogs:
Jillian: "Does my hair look OK?"
Christian and Rami: "Yeah, it looks great!"
OH, MY GOD! We aren't interested in all this drama and backstabbing! We just want to see the clothes!
Somehow they stop tearing each other's hair out long enough to go to the workroom. Christian is very demanding:
Christian: "I need this two-square-foot area so I can do my work and maybe sleep here; I have my bed rolled up in my purse."
Rami thinks Christian and Jillian are surprised by his designs. Yeah, probably because it looks like he stole all their ideas. Just kidding (no, I'm not).
Jillian shows Tim her latest look: a striped sweater with mop-heads on the shoulders:
Rami: "Ooh, I wonder if I have time to steal that look."
Tim: "Please don't. If I have to look at another garment like that I will gauge my eyes out."
Christian tells Tim about his collection:
Christian: "I decided my collection needed more black and cream."
Tim: "Um . . . yeah . . . I don't really have a response to that. So let me just say that I think it may be over-designed."
Christian: "Should I have under-designed it?"
Tim: "No, I think you should have designed it right up to a certain point and then stopped designing it."
Christian: "Right. I see what you mean."
The model casting is difficult because, by a strange coincidence, all three designers are all looking for gorgeous, tall, thin girls who can walk really well. What are the odds of that?
The next day they go to Collier Strong for makeup and then the models show up for fittings:
Christian: "Is that too tight?"
Model: "No, it's fine."
Christian: "OK, how about now?"
Model: "Now I can't breath!"
Rami: "Christian has a lot to learn about this industry. A fashion show isn't about clothes looking good on models."
Actually, I think it is.
Rami: "Really? Well, then maybe he knows what he's doing."
Christian made all these amazing My Fair Lady hats and not-so-amazing shoes:
Daniel Vosovic: "What about purses?"
Ugh! Will you shut up about the purses?
Anyway, the shoes look like they've been tarred and feathered. And not in a good way. I do love the hats, though.
Jillian realizes her models are all different heights and will look bad on the runway.
Jillian: "Why did I cast all my models from that show Little People, Big World?"
Christian: "It's your own fault for being such a dummy because you haven't done thousands of casting calls, like I have."
Rami: "Jillian, can't you focus on the positives? Like how I have a better chance of winning because you chose bad models?"
Jillian: "You're right. Thanks, guys."
So Jillian calls some guy on the phone and says she isn't happy with her models:
Some Guy On the Phone: "Sucks to be you."
The designers do the final fittings and then Tim does one last gather round:
Tim: "I just have to tell you . . . you light up my life. You give me hope to carry on."
The next morning the designers go to Bryant Park:
Rami: "This tent is like the heart of the fashion industry and this door is the aorta and it's pumping blood through the arteries of fashion . . ."
I swear, if he doesn't stop talking about blood, I'm going to throw up.
Christian's models are so late. It's only a few minutes before the show and one of his models still isn't there. He's almost in tears when she finally wanders in:
Model: "What's going on around here? It looks like some sort of fashion show is about it start?"
Christian: "Yeah, and you're in it!"
Model: "Oh, really? Sorry."
Christian: "No worries."
Quick shots of all the huge Bravo stars in the audience. Seriously, aren't there usually some real stars at the show?
Heidi introduces the judges. Nina looks so pretty! OK, fine, Michael looks pretty, too. Victorya (oops, I mean Victoria) Beckham looks nervous, for some reason. I don't love that orange dress that's wearing her. The designers introduce their collections:
Jillian: "I was so inspired and I hope you are inspired, too. Otherwise, you can all bite me."
Rami: "My collection celebrates women. Unlike Christian, who only celebrates models."
Christian: "How is everyone fiercing today? Fierce! Well, the weather fiercecast calls for strong fierceness and a slight chance of fiercity. So I hope you're all ready to get fierced!"
Here are my impressions of the individual looks:
Jillian: I love it! Eh, it's OK. Oh, that jacket is nice. OMG, what the hell was she thinking?! That skirt is pretty but the sleeves are stupid. No, I don't get it. That's nice. That one's OK. That one's interesting. Ooh, that's pretty! Ugh, I don't like that one. That one isn't bad . . . oh, wait, it's pants . . . that's kind of cool.
Rami: I kind of like the sleeves but, otherwise, no. Boring! Yeah, that dress is pretty. I don't think so. Oy, these color choices are dreadful. That one is OK. No, I just don't love that. I kind of hate that one. Pretty. Oh, yuck! That's gorgeous! That's also very pretty!
Christian: I love it! That's nice. OK, I can't tell, is that the same one? Not very exciting. I'm so sick of the black. Wow, I don't like that at all. Love it! Kind of boring. Eh, it's OK. Oh, please. Beautiful! No, I don't get the chicken costume.
What do people think?
Jay: "I think Rami's going to win."
Kit: "Jillian's knitwear impressed me so much."
Padma: "Jillian's was very wearable."
If Padma would wear it, you know it must be bad.
Nick: "I love that Rami gave them woven. He said, 'You want woven? Bitch, here it is!'"
Who the hell was asking for "woven"?
On to the judging. What did they think of Jillian's?
Victoria: "Everything was done so beautifully!"
Michael: "It was feminine and modern! The knitwear was such a surprise!"
Nina: "You were innovative and took a chance!"
Heidi: "I saw so many new shapes! That is so important to me! Jillian, you're out!"
Heidi: "No, seriously. It isn't enough that you didn't win, we have to make sure you understand that you are a complete loser and came in third."
Will it be Christian or Rami? Rami had some beautiful pieces but his color choices were bad. Christian's were very dramatic but the black got a little monotonous.
Heidi: "Christian and Rami, you were both so good that we couldn't decide. This is a Project Runway first! We have a tie!"*
Well, that's the end of the season! Thanks for reading, everyone!
*Just kidding! Christian won! Congratulations, Christian!