Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Project Runway Season Five, Episode Twelve: What was the point?

Heidi: "Hey, Tim, how do you like my tuxedo?"

Tim: "It's fine, I guess."

Howie Mandel runs out and rips off Heidi's tuxedo to reveal a miniskirt:

Tim: "What the hell was that?"

Heidi: "It's called comedy, Tim. You wouldn't understand."

We start the episode by learning that Korto is really old:

Korto: "I'm thirty-three."

Wow. She would be in her forties by the end of her second term as president.

We start the hating on Kenley:

Leanne: "Kenley should have gone home long ago because I don't like her."

I guess I missed the part about this being a competition for Leanne's friendship.

Heidi: "Oh, yeah; it's right there in the fine print. Right next to the part about having to pretend you drive a Saturn for the rest of your life."

Jerell is all alone is his apartment and he's losing his mind:

Jerell: "I painted a face on this volleyball with my own blood but it could never take the place of Pleather. For starters, Wilson has too much dignity to talk about himself in the third person."

Heidi comes out in a dress that makes her look like she was swallowed by a very small leopard:

Heidi: "Guess what? We're actually using the models this week! Hey, has anyone seen the models? I know I left them laying around here, somewhere."

Heidi tells us that only three of the designers will be competing at fashion week:

Heidi: "Notice that I said 'competing.'"

Yeah? What's your point?

Tim takes the designers on a field trip to a magical place where flowers and other plants grow right out of the ground, instead of in pots and vases like they are supposed to:

Tim: "It's called a botanical garden."

I think you're making that up.

But, the one thing I would expect to find at a botanical garden, if such a place existed, would be Collier Strong, L'oreal makeup artist. And, sure enough, he's there!

Collier Strong: "I love driving my beautiful and fuel-efficient Botanical Garden to photo-shoots, where I use the new Liquid Extreme Botanical Garden on my clients so they can appear in a spread for the next issue of Botanical Garden."

I am so sick of all the blatant botanical garden promotion on this show.

Anyway, the designers have to design an evening gown inspired by nature.

Then we have a sentimental montage sequence set the music of Tears for Fears: The designers are taking pictures of flowers and having pillow fights, Kenley finds the perfect fuchsia snakeskin fabric and Leanne is being chased by bees, everyone laughs and eats cotton candy on the boardwalk, and then the summer is over and everyone has to go to different colleges.

The scene at Parsons the New School for Design gets ugly when Kenley realizes that she forgot her tulle at Mood and, even thought the other three designers all had tulle they weren't using, none of them will offer her any. I understand they don't like her but that's just rude. One nice thing about Project Runway is that the designers help each other even though it's in their best interest not to. The designers should want to win because they have the best design, not because someone forgot fabric at Mood. I'm not a Kenley fan but I bet she would have given the other designers her extra fabric if they had needed it.

Anyway, to relieve the tension caused by that scene, Alison from season three or four pretends to design some dress inspired by the Saturn that she was forced to drive for a few minutes.

Tim lets Kenley go back to Mood to get her tulle and she is very gracious about not lording it over the other disappointed designers. Thankfully, she can now complete her horrible, hideous dress.

Collier Strong does the makeup for the show:

Collier: "I'm going to use purple eye shadow for the purple dress and green eye shadow for the green dress."

You're a genius, Collier.

Kenley tells us what a struggle her life has been:

Kenley: "My father was a tugboat captain and that's why I turned out like this."

That was such a inspirational story.

Back in the design room Tim makes his rounds:

Korto's lace is bothering him.

Kenley's fish scales are bothering him.

Jerell's unfinishedness is bothering him.

Leanne's Hello Dolly costume is bothering him.

For some reason Tim is so proud of each and every one of them. He gives his final words of advice:

Tim: "Remember to borrow egregiously from the Bluefly wall."

Designers: "Absolutely!"

At the commercial break Bravo asks if we would have given our extra tulle to Kenley.

Here are your options:

a) No way would I help that bitch.

b) Absolutely not.

c) Why the hell would I?

d) Kenley can drop dead.

Gosh, that's a tough one.

Before the runway show, we see Korto praying:

Korto: "Dear Suri Cruise, please grant me the strength to get through this challenge."

That's interesting; I didn't know Korto was a Presbyterian.

On to the runway with judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and some woman named Georgina they found hanging out in front of Parsons.

Leanne created this really ugly dress based on lavender. I can see the flower inspiration and I'm sure the ruffles were hard to do but I really hate it. The silhouette is so boring I just want to slap someone. God, I hate this dress. The judges, of course, like it.

Korto created an almost pretty dress based on a really beautiful orange flower. The flower was so gorgeous; it really would have been the perfect time to do some of her magic with volume. Instead, she created a simple silhouette, though not nearly as boring as Leanne. The lace is just godawful. I don't know what she was thinking. The judges think it is a beauty pageant dress.

Jerell's dress is the only one that's interesting. It's based on roses and I think it's really kind of cool. His model looks like she has a stick up her ass but I think she always looks like that. The dress isn't finished well but the judges like it.

Kenley created a dress for a drag queen. The top part is actually a very beautifully-fitted, though boring, sheath dress. But then she put all these horribly tacky leaves on the bottom. It looks like a craft project. Nina thinks it looks like a reptile:

Nina: "But not in a cool way."

That's right. It looks like a reptile in an uncool way.

Heidi: "It's not elegant."

Kenley: "I wasn't going for elegant, Heidi!"

Heidi: "Well, we don't like it."

Kenley: "I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LIKE IT, HEIDI!"

Michael: "Kenley, why are you being so ungrateful? We all are such big fans and we just care about you so much and want you to succeed."

Nina: "Oh, don't be such a yenta, Michael. We all hate her."

Jerell wins . . . nothing. No, seriously, did he win anything other than bragging rights? I always say someone didn't win anything and then someone points out that I'm wrong and he actually won an internship as an assistant Editor at Large or a date with Collier Strong or a shirt inspired by the amazing new Saturn or something. Let me know if I missed the prize.

Heidi tells us that this was the closest decision in the history of the world:

Heidi: "Actually, just in the history of Project Runway."

Same thing. Then she tells us who is out:

Heidi: "Nobody is out!"

I KNEW IT! YOU LIAR! You said only three people were going to Bryant Park!

Heidi: "No. I said only three would be competing at Bryant Park. Remember?"

oh, yeah.

So, all four of them will create collections and be back for Fashion Week but one of them will be out before the show so that only three will be competing in the finale. It's similar to last season. The difference is that, instead of the bottom two competing against each other for the third spot, any one of them could be out. So we are exactly where we were when this challenge started. If it weren't for the hideous dresses, this challenge would have been a complete waste of time.

I leave you with the designers telling us which of the other designers should not be competing at Bryant Park:

Leanne: "Kenley sucks."

Korto: "Kenley sucks."

Jerell: "Kenley sucks."

Kenley: "Well, I think Korto's style is just too classic to really wow them at Fashion Week."

Korto: "I can't believe you would say such a horrible thing."

9 comments:

lovemesomedaniel said...

I knew someone had to come up with a Wilson comment! Poor Jerell all alone and no one to play with.

LOL at Tim being bothered by everyone's designs, but he's so proud of them.

This ep was a total waste of time, other than the designers getting even more exhausted and crying a lot. Ah, wish I was there. NOT!

Anonymous said...

this episode was not a waste of time, because this was the biggest laugh i've had in months. bravo, eric.

peacester

Eric said...

I have to say that the designers really ticked me off. It's one thing to not like someone; it's another to be mean and then act high and mighty.

I actually felt bad for Kenley at the end of the episode. I'm sure her reactions are a defense mechanism for always being treated different for the way she is. Korto's reaction to what Kenley said was so immature and uncalled for.

Kenley's, "I just took it 10 more times than you." was dead on. It probably fell on deaf, self-important ears.

frogponder said...

Jerrell needs a great big hug.

frogboots said...

"But, the one thing I would expect to find at a botanical garden, if such a place existed, would be Collier Strong, L'oreal makeup artist"

yep. and yeah, maybe the prize WAS a date with Collier Strong, in a Saturn!

I thought Leanne's dress was ugly too. I'm glad *someone* agrees with me. On the other hand, I thought Korto's dress was very, very pretty - nothing really innovative, but very well made and pretty. I like pretty. and after all the ass on this show this season, I'll settle for some wonky lace if it means I can also have pretty.

in other news, i love jerell.

Vic said...

I agree. The Kenley bashing was a bit much.This episode should have been named Much Ado About Nothing. It was a Ho Hum competition, with Ho Hum designs considering what was at stake. And the judging was Ho Hum as well. This is the second year in a row that the judges bailed out and allowed the last four competitors to design for NY Fashion Week. This time it is different, as Heidi reminds us, since only three will get to compete. Huh? Sew what? It would have been more ballsy and interesting if they had chosen the three final designers in this last episode. That might have livened up an otherwise dull and forgettable show.

eric3000 said...

Actually, Vic, this is the THIRD season in a row where the judges had the last four designers create collections for the finale. But at least last season the top two made it through to the finale while the bottom two competed for the third spot. But this last episode was just a waste of time.

Yeah, frogboots, I thought Korto's dress was pretty and I thought the judges were a little hard on her. It did not remind me of a beauty pageant dress.

lovemesomedaniel, I'm so lame I first wrote that Wilson was a soccer ball and then I had to go in and change it! I've never actually seen the whole movie. But actual knowledge will not prevent me from referencing something. LOL!

Thanks for your comments, everyone!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Oh gosh that was a fun read. I didn't see the show but now I am finally in the new house and have cable and my computer and a wonderful recap to read. That was a hysterical recap..... I have some Bravo catching up to do. Cheers.

Cliff O'Neill said...

I am sooooo late with this! A vacation (good) and a cold upon return (bad) makes the simplest things challenging. Cough.

"Dear Suri Cruise, please grant me the strength to get through this challenge."

That. Was. Perfection.

Do you think that if I make a little altar to Suri Most Serene, I will be delivered from this feeling of ick?

Fab recap as ever! Mad love!