Saturday, January 05, 2013

Project Runway All Stars Season Two, Episode Ten: Double Designers!

This episode is brought to you by the new Lifetime hit Double Divas:

Boasting a hilariously unfiltered cast exuding Southern charm and hospitality, "Double Divas" follows LiviRae owners and best friends Anthony Ryan, the "boob whisperer," and Joshua, the "Thomas Edison" of custom lingerie, as they display their natural talent helping women with any and all intimate apparel needs.

Oh, Lifetime, you had me at "Hayden Panettiere's dead"! I am so watching this new show. Everyone knows the only thing I love more than seeing a plus-size woman find the perfect wedding dress is seeing a woman finally get a decent bra fitting. I prefer my bra fitters to be sturdy old Eastern European women, but I'll give these two a chance. I just hope Lifetime doesn't somehow manage to turn such an important subject into a venue for exploitation:

Anthony Ryan loves how this bra doesn't draw attention to the chestal region
No, I'm sure the show is going to be respectful and fun. Just look how happy that lovely woman is! OK, so for this episode the designers meet at the USS Intrepid, where they are inducted into the military. As you know, congress just passed legislation finally allowing fashion designers to serve openly in the armed forces. What not everyone realizes is that all fashion designers are now required by law to serve. Fortunately, in addition to the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, there is a new branch called Fatigues to Fabulous, which focuses on creating beautiful dresses for the women (and men -- we're not judging) to wear when not in uniform.

The designers are creating dresses for some amazing veterans who need something to wear when they take off their combat boots and put on some heels. Seriously, these women are great and such good sports. The designers don't spend a single moment bitching about how they are "real women" who don't all look like bikini models. It could be because the designers know these women could beat the shit out of them, but I suspect it has more to do with the fact that they are genuine All Stars and they are more mature than some of the jerks we've had to deal with in the past. They know that a designer's job is to make women look and feel great!

Isaac: "No, that's YOUR job as a designer! Another designer's job might be to make women look and feel like crap! Stop demanding that all designers do the same thing!"

Uh, OK, so ignoring Isaac's mental breakdown for the moment, the designers all did a perfectly boring job with this challenge. Uli made a nice Uli dress for Jessica to wear to a wedding; Joshua made a decent little black cocktail dress for Lesley to wear to military events; Emilio made a semi-acceptable yellow dress for Lisa to wear to a Vegas bachelorette party; and Anthony Ryan made an unflattering dress for Donna to wear to her 40th birthday party. 

Anthony Ryan gave his client the exact opposite of what she asked for. She wanted to de-emphasize her bust, but Anthony Ryan couldn't have drawn more attention to it if he had created a giant neon sign with an arrow pointing right down her cleavage. She has a beautiful figure and the right dress could have really shown it off. Anthony Ryan failed miserably and the second I saw his dress I knew exactly what was going to happen:

Carolyn: "This is All Stars and someone is always in and someone is always out."


Carolyn: "For the first time in All Stars history we don't have a reason to send anyone home this week."


Carolyn: "This is a dramatic twist that no one saw coming!"


Carolyn: "Why are you always so rude to me?"

I'm sorry. I'm actually growing fond of you. If I didn't like you I wouldn't mention you at all.

Carolyn: "That's sweet. I'm flattered!"


Carolyn: "I give up."

So all four of the designers are through to the final. I'm sorry, but there really isn't anything else I can say about this boring episode.

Katie Holmes: "Why didn't you mention me?"


Cliff O'Neill said...

It was a boobular, chestical joy. As Rusty Warren would sing, "Knockers up!"

eric3000 said...

Thanks, Cliff!

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donna said...

Yes, the absolute complete polar opposite to what this lady asked for, but we all knew he wasn't going home. Great recap.