Friday, September 14, 2007

Top Chef: Miami, episode something: Shakes on a Plane!

Padma: "OK, everyone, I want you to make me a delicious, first class fruit smoothie for breakfast and you have to serve it to me on a Boeing 747."

Samuel L. Jackson: "I've had it with these motherfucking shakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Obviously the smoothies had nothing to do with the airline food. For the quickfire Padma runs in to the chefs' bedrooms demanding breakfast, though she has clearly already had a full serving of cocaine. Competition kitchens are set up in the living room of the hotel room. I don't know how the chefs slept through that. Anyway, the chefs all state how much Padma loves alcohol, marscarpone cheese and other healthy foods.

Hung wins:

Padma: "That truffle oil on the floor was delicious!"

He wins Padma's cookbook.

Tom: "Her what?"

Yes, her cookbook. Apparently filled with recipes she ripped out of other cookbooks. Hung also wins the opportunity to hand out airline tickets to the other chefs. The chefs are all excited about getting to fly somewhere:

CJ: "Could it be Japan? Or maybe Tokyo? Does that make sense? No, they don't have food in Tokyo."

The chefs get off the fake plane and Padma is standing there in a fake airport, where she didn't have to go through security:

Padma: "Welcome to New York! Or 'Newark,' as the locals call it!"

Casie: "Oh, my god! We're not in New York! We're in New Jersey! What have we done to deserve this?"

Chefs: "We can see New York over there, mocking us! We're going to be stuck in this airport forever, just like Tom Hanks in that movie nobody went to see!"

Padma: "Oh, calm down! You'll get to New York. Well, most of you will. It's true, one of you will have to stay in New Jersey for the rest of your life. You knew the risks when you entered this competition."

The elimination challenge is totally cool! They had to make airplane food and heat and serve it on the plane! Fun! The only thing that would have made it better is if the plane were actually airborn when they had to serve the food. I'm the only person in the world who loves airline food. I like getting lots of little servings of food. That's why I also like bento boxes. The chefs meet their plane and a bunch of flight attendants in a big hanger. Even bigger than the one used for the Barney's sale. The chefs act like they've never seen flight attendants before.

Dale: "Well, there were a lot of them!"

Alright. There were a lot of them. Big deal. They seemed to like most of the food. The judges didn't like it all, though. The judges included Anthony Bourdain but not Gail or Ted:

Gail and Ted: "We are not allowed to enter the state of New Jersey. Not since that incident in 2004. We can't talk about it."

The judges didn't like Sara's salmon dish very much, although the flight attendants seemed to like it:

Tom: "That was the worst dish of the competition."

CJ's fish with mint sauce and broccolini was a disaster:

Tom: "That was the worst dish in the history of the show."

Sara: "How can his dish be the worst in the history of the show but mine be the worst dish of this competition?"

That's a good question. Anyway, Brian's dish was also pretty disgusting:

Brian: "I promise I will never make lobster again."

I don't believe you.

Everyone loved Casey's and Hung's dishes. Casey wins! Again! She wins business class tickets to anywhere the airline flies!

Casey: "last week it was a laptop, now it's tickets worth thousands of dollars ... why don't I ever win a signed cookbook? It's so unfair."


trixie said...

"For the quickfire Padma runs in to the chefs' bedrooms demanding breakfast, though she has clearly already had a full serving of cocaine."

ha ha! Eric you are hilarious!

What the hell is happening to this show? I thought it was about making good food but now they have them cooking spam and airplane food? It's kind of disgusting.

wildflower38 said...

Hung wins Padma's cookbook! WTF!!! It's Saturday and I'm still laughing about that. How long do you think it took him to throw it away?

Shakes on a Plane..... ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

Sara is showing herself to be the class act of the season. That she didn't beat Casey to death with her Mac, or slam her head on the hangar floor after she won the tickets --no, Sara who won bupkus for her huge win in Restaurant Wars congratulated Casey, apparently genuinely. Sara will no doubt be eliminated next week. And Eric--Hung used Padma's book for TP--he may be a spaz but he's not wasteful!!

cb said...

trixie: i agree with you!

Padma was totally, totally high on something when she boinged all over the damn place. it was horrifying to watch.

and winning PADMA'S cookbook? jesus. why didn't they just give hung a slap in the face for "winning"? what a prize.

the show has lost its mind, obviously. cooking with nothing but breakfast-aisle food, preparing ANOTHER prepacked meal (the IQF rocco episode), serving food on a plane...

and next week it looks like more people wearing medals and sashes. how much cleavage will bravo show in THAT one?

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

That was better than the show Eric! Loved it

Anonymous said...

I have got to stop reading your blog at work. It makes me laugh so hard I snort!

Allan S. said...

Okay you are sick and twisted. And, me likey! Now, when the hell is Project Runway 4 starting!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

"We can see New York over there, mocking us."