Project Runway Season Four, Episode 9: The Boring Episode!
Heidi: "Hi! Welcome to the most boring episode of Project Runway ever!"
Well, thank goodness! Last week's episode was so much fun I don't think I could have handled another good episode so soon.
Just to recap, Kit is leaving with two suitcases full of friendship. Oh, yeah, and one carry-on full of broken dreams.
We start the episode with Christian deciding not to swap models:
Christian: "Thank you more than life!"
Huh? Anyway, Tim takes the designers on a field trip:
Christian: "Oh, my god; we're going over a bridge. We're leaving Manhattan. We're going totally borough. I think I'm going to die."
Tim: "Oh, will you calm down? It's not like I'm taking you to New Jersey."
So they end up on a dock:
Christian: "If this has something to do with Dockers I'm going to die."
Yeah, me too. Fortunately, it isn't Dockers; it's their parent company Levi's, which is slightly better.
Bravo: "Where were jeans invented? The United States, India, or Club Monaco?"
The United States.
Bravo: "Wrong, dummy! A close relative of jeans was invented in India first."
You didn't ask about a "close relative" of jeans, asshole.
The designers have to run to the other side of a warehouse. The designers act like it's several miles:
Chris: "Go on without me. Save yourselves!"
For some reason, Sweet P is wearing flip flops:
Sweet P: "Well, I thought we were going somewhere nice."
They have to grab as many pairs of jeans and denim jackets as they can. And also some white cotton. I don't know why the white cotton couldn't just be provided for them back in the design room. In fact, remind me why we had to drive all the way out here just to find some jeans hanging on a clothes line.
Tim: "There was no room to hang up 500 pairs of jeans in Manhattan."
If you say so. The designers have to make an iconic denim look, whatever that means. Back in the design room, we learn the horrifying fact that Ricky makes all his own hats. On the one hand, it's nice to finally know why his hats are so ugly; but on the other hand, it still really makes you wonder why on earth someone would do that.
We learn that Rami thinks he is fashion forward:
Rami: "It's because I'm not American."
I don't see how that explains the fact that he doesn't know what fashion forward means.
Next, we witness the most explosive fight of the season. It's pretty graphic so more sensitive viewers may want to read on with caution. OK, you've been warned; here it is in its entirety:
Chris: "Sweet P should use a damp cloth to get dirt out of denim."
Christian: "Well, maybe that's how you did it back in olden times but the new method is to use a dry cloth."
Chris: "Listen, Mary, you don't get to be my age without learning the proper way to clean denim."
I'm sorry you all had to witness that. But that wasn't the only tension this week: Victorya and Jillian make very similar denim coats:
Jillian: "Victorya never expressed any interest in coats before."
Victorya: "Could I have another cup of coffee?"
Jillian: "She never has a second cup at home."
Chloe goes back to Echo Park in Los Angeles:
Chloe: "OK, who stole my Saturn?!"
Christian is hating on Ricky:
Christian: "Oh, my god; he so totally doesn't deserve to be here."
But Christian, aren't you the only one who really deserves to be there?
Christian: "Well, yes."
So, wouldn't it be a pretty boring show if it only had the people who really deserved to be there?
Christian: "Oh, my god; I would be the only one on the show! That would totally be the best show EVER!
Apparently Chris talks to himself. Since all the designers seem to express their inner thoughts on camera all the time, it's a little hard to tell the difference.
Tim makes his rounds:
Tim: "Ricky, your dress is stunning; Rami, the zipper trim is really innovative, even though Jeffrey already did that last season; Sweet P, to express my opinion of your dress I'm going to make a face like that kid in that Home Alone movie. Wasn't that movie adorable?"
Bravo: "What kind of jeans would you design?"
Other Eric: "I would make jeans with big cutouts on the butt and call them So Fine Jeans."
On to the runway with guest judge Levi's Lady and no more immunity:
Michael: "Hey, Nina, did you see me on Regis and Kelly?"
Nina: "Please; do I look like I have time to watch that crap?"
Heidi: "Quiet; the show's starting!"
Chris made a boring little denim dress.
Ricky made a boring little denim dress.
Rami made a boring little denim dress.
Sweet P made a boring little denim dress.
Victorya made a boring denim coat.
Jillian made a boring denim coat.
Christian made a jacket and jeans.
Good grief, that was dull. Christian's was the only outfit that was remotely interesting. Sure, a few of the dresses were cute but they were so similar to each other and they just didn't excite me. The judges, however, found them much better/worse than I did:
Michael: "Rami was so clever for using denim!"
Nina: "I agree! It was such a surprise!"
Heidi: "They all used denim, dummies."
Levi's Lady: "I love the zippers. It's a very iconic look for Levi's 501s!"
Except that iconic 501s have a button fly instead of a zipper, right?
The judges hate Chris's dress:
Michael: "She's very Shirley MacLaine as a hooker with a heart of gold. Wait, that's not right . . . these are my old notes! Let me try again: she's very Bea Arthur in The Facts of Life? Oh, I give up."
The judges think Jillian's coat has too much going on:
Jillian: "The problem is that I was too ambitious."
No, the problem is that your coat is ugly.
Victorya's coat looks like she just took a jacket and attached a skirt to it. The judges don't think she put much effort into it:
Victorya: "I know it looks like I didn't do any work but it still took me forever to do it."
Well, that's the important thing. I found it really boring but I actually didn't hate it. I thought it looked a little better than Jillian's but Jillian's looked like it took more effort so Victorya is out. Sorry, Victorya! I thought you would make it to the end.
The judges appreciate the fact that Christian made a jacket out of jeans and jeans out of a jacket. His look is so different from everything else on the runway that it really stands out. I don't know if it's iconic but I still think he should have won:
Christian: "Yeah, me too."
Ricky wins. His dress is cute; I guess of all the little dresses out there his was the best; I just wasn't wowed by anything this week. Anyway, congratulations, Ricky!
Ricky: "Just knowing that the judges thought my work was the best makes me feel like I won."
You did win, dummy.
Ricky gets emotional.
Hiedi: "Ricky, why are you crying? This is so unlike you to get upset and emotional."
Um, has she ever met Ricky before?
OK, so Ricky won and Levi's will be selling his dress as a limited edition, which basically means they don't have to commit.
But what about Sweet P? I was pretty sure she was going to be out this week because I thought her dress was so dull but the judges really loved it. I mean really loved it. They didn't pick her as the winner but they wouldn't shut up about her dress. Michael thought it was super chic. Heidi thought the dress was really slimming:
Are you kidding me? Slimming? That model must weigh 50 pounds.
Heidi: "Yeah, I know; she's a little overweight but the dress makes her look good."
Whatever. But of all the judges, Nina loves the dress the most:
Nina: "This dress is so versatile! You could dress it up or dress it down; you could wear it with heels or flats; it would be appropriate for a wedding or a funeral or to go skiing; it would look great on the beach or in outer space; an older woman could wear it, a younger woman could wear it, even a big homo like Michael Kors could wear it; if you had a time machine you could wear this dress at any point in history; this is the most amazing, magical dress ever! I think this dress could cure cancer! I just love this dress!"