Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Top Chef New York, Episode Eleven: I think I'm gonna barf!

Jeff is out:

Jeff: "The problem is that I'm just so amazing the judges couldn't handle it. I should have given them a little less Jeff."

Yeah.

This week there will be eel skinning in the Top Chef kitchen. Oh, I'm going to be sick. Hold my hair.

Stefan pretends to have human emotions:

Stefan: "I feel so lucky to be here. I know I was so close to being sent home."

Wow, that was some amazing acting.

Fabio is speaking Italian to his wife:

Fabio: "Thatsa one spicey meata balla. Ciao."

Josea is the last American virgin. I mean male chef.

Carla is misunderestimated.

Eric Ripert is the guest judge and he is legen-wait- for-it-dary.

For the quickfire they will have three rounds to test precision and speed of technique.

First they have to clean and butterfly sardines in five minutes.

Fabio, Leah, Stefan, Fabio, and Josea were the best so they move on to the next challenge with salmon.

Leah is pouting:

Leah: "I am so cute when I pout. All the boys say so."

Josea and Stefan win that round and have to prepare eel. The eels are still moving around, even though they are supposed to be dead. How exactly do we know they are dead? They certainly show more signs of life than Padma does:

Padma: "I have a pulse. We checked."

If you say so. Stefan nails the eel onto the board with a nail through its head and skins it:

Josea: "Oh, that's what the hammer and nails were doing on the counter. I just assumed Toby was going to nail himself to a cross."

Stefan wins!

Padma: "You don't get immunity but I'm sure you'll get a really useful advantage in the elimination challenge."

I bet you won't!

Padma: "Well, you know what? You're usually right about that but not this time."

Elimination challenge! AAAAHHHHHH! (I just felt like screaming for no reason. Just ignore me.)

Padma: "OK, Chefs, time to get all dressed up and pretend like we are going to do something fun! Suckers!"

Seriously, they will probably get all dressed up and then be told they have five minutes to gather clams at the seashore and make dinner for a hundred puppies wearing adorable sweaters:

Padma: "Oh, my god, I can't believe I never thought of that."

But, shockingly, the chefs actually get to eat at Le Bernadin! They actually get to eat the food. Of course, it's about twenty courses of fish so you know something weird is going on. Not even a restaurant that specializes in seafood would give you that many fish courses.

So, they have to recreate the dishes and make them as close as they can to the dishes they just ate.

Stefan gets to pick his dish and he chooses lobster. Oh, that is totally going to backfire on him and he's going to lose:

Padma: "You're wrong this time."

Fabio made sourdough encrusted red snapper and the judges think it's pretty close.

Leah made baked mahi mahi with miso and it's not very good. She's going home.

Padma: "Wrong again, dummy!"

Stefan made the lobster and asparagus and the judges think it is very good.

Carla made escolar with potato crisps. The judges think it is one of the more difficult dishes and she did pretty well. Way to go, Carla!

Josea made the monkfish and it wasn't very good.

Jamie made the black bass with celery and the celery was over salted. Some of the chefs thought the fish was fine but Toby thought the dish was inedible:

Toby: "You may have thought the dish was unremarkable but I thought it was remarkable. Remarkably poor!"

Oh, snap!

Stefan, Fabio, and Carla are the top three.

Toby makes some comment that I listened to over and over and I still have no idea what he was talking about:

Toby: "It was so clever it just went over your head."

I'm sure that was it.

Stefan wins a book and he also gets to "follow" Eric Ripert around for a week, whatever that means. Does he literally get to walk behind Eric everywhere he goes? Even the shower? Ooh, la la! And also, he gets to travel with Eric to some food and wine fair! So, basically he gets to marry Eric Ripert! This is the best prize ever!"

Padma: "Yeah, it's totally legal now in New York for two chefs to get married."

So progressive!

Jamie, Leah, and Josea are the bottom three.

Leah really screwed up but her dish also sounds really complicated:

Leah: [pouting] "How the hell did you make that sauce?"

Eric Ripert: "Well, we start with fifteen elderly French women sitting around an open fire, we deglaze the grinder with half the reserved stock that we created when we made the krelph and then we slowly add the fish until it's crispy and screams a little bit when you poke it."

Leah: "Oh. I added butter."

Tom: "She doesn't even know the basics!"

Shockingly, Jamie is out because the judges decided her dish was inedible:

Padma: "It was shit. I would have sent it back if I could have but I thought that would be rude."

Well, I'm sorry this week's recap was a little basic but I was out all day trying to stimulate the economy at three separate Club Monaco locations. I can't do it alone, people!

Toby: "Well, everyone else may have thought your recap was unremarkable but I thought it was remarkable."

Thank you, Toby.

Toby: "Remarkably dull."

5 comments:

Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh, darlin' you're just plain remarkable!!

Love ya, pups! I bring greetings from your homeland! (Or at least I packed some in my luggage for you. Though I can't say what the TSA did to them.)

Tea said...

Stefan wins a book and he also gets to "follow" Eric Ripert around for a week, whatever that means. Does he literally get to walk behind Eric everywhere he goes? Even the shower? Ooh, la la! And also, he gets to travel with Eric to some food and wine fair! So, basically he gets to marry Eric Ripert! This is the best prize ever!"

You are always awesome with your recaps!

wildflower38 said...

Great recap! I wouldn't mind following Ripert around for a week.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

legen-wait- for-it-dary. hah

You have Toby down.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.