Thursday, July 09, 2009

The Fashion Show episode ten: Blood, Sweat, and Beadazzling!

Isaac Mizrahi has a fashion tip for you:

Isaac: "Fashion is all about quality, not quantity. Instead of spending money on ten cheap sweaters, it's better to buy one high quality sweater from Target. You'll be happy you spent the extra money."

Thanks, Isaac.

Isaac: "I'm all about quality. And speaking of quality, did you catch the fabulous Kelly Rowland on So You Think You Can Dance?"

I sure did! My ears are still bleeding!

Anyway, we start this episode with James Paul crying again:

James-Paul: "Nobody understands me, life is so hard, boo fucking hoo."

Oh, get a grip.

Are you ready for the best mini challenge ever? Actually, it's the best challenge, period! The designers have to drape a dress using two yards of uncut silk and 12 pins to hold it to the dress form. That's Fun with a capital F! In fact I'm going to go ahead and capitalize the U and the N, too! FUN!

I think all five designers did a good job. Obviously Johnny screwed up by making his too short--not even Paris Hilton would wear a dress that only went down to her belly-button piercing--but the result was still interesting. The critiques were all appropriate: Reco's looked dated, James-Paul's was really nice but a little too simple, and Johnny's was more about twisting the fabric than draping it.

Anna's and Daniella's were the favorites. I was particularly impressed with Anna's. Daniella wins because it is youthful:

Daniella: "I am so glad you noticed that it is youthful! I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I'm young and I know what young people like."

Yeah, we know.

Daniella: "Also, you're old and you just don't get it."

Yeah, we know.

One surprise is that this challenge turned James-Paul into a real ladies' man:

James-Paul: "This silk is like a gentlewoman. You have to treat it carefully and whisper softly in its ear and if some rogue should besmirch its honor, you have to challenge the cad to a duel."

I'm sure all the gentlewomen in the audience are dropping their panties right about now.

For the elimination challenge, the designers have to create evening gowns with Swarovsky crystals. Are you picturing beautiful beaded gowns like I am? Because that's not what we're getting. We're getting gowns with a couple of crystals Bedazzled on to them.

James-Paul explains that crystals are like a gentlewoman:

James-Paul: "You have to treat them carefully because they can be fickle creatures. You can read all about my theories in my new book How to handle fabric and gentlewomen."

Five of the eliminated designers return for no reason. Merlin makes the grandest entrance. Apparently it's 1975 and he's starring in a new Blaxsploitation film:

Merlin: "Where my bitch at!"

Shut yo mouth!

Daniella chooses to work with Haven.
Anna chooses to work with Keith.
James-Paul chooses to work with Merlin.
Reco chooses to work with Andrew.
And Johnny gets Angel.

Johnny: "I did not choose to work with Angel. She's the last person on earth I would choose to work with. I would rather work with Kim Jong Il. I bet Kim Jong Il wouldn't try to sabotage my career by intentionally not stopping me from making a knock-off."

I thought the designers would be getting help so they could do a lot of intricate bead work but it turns out the other designers are just there to sit around and read magazines.

Johnny made a greenish chiffon leopard-print dress that was "inspired" by the Lanvin dress worn by Maggie Gyllenhaal:

Johnny: "I really liked that dress. So I made that dress. That makes sense, right?"

James-Paul made a black velvet dress with gold at the bottom. I thought it was kind of pretty except for the fact that it was really stiff. The more I look at it the less I like it.

Anna made a pretty floral dress with a big bow on the shoulder. I'm not a big fan of prints on the red carpet and I hate big bows on the shoulder of a dress but I liked this dress and I loved the idea of having the crystals partially hidden in the lining of the bow.

Daniella made a sophisticated grey dress with crystals wrapped around the neck. The judges say they can see Kate Blanchett wearing it (or maybe they said Kate Winslet). The problem is I feel like I've already seen Kate Blanchett wearing it. Seriously, I'm sure it's not as much of a copy as Johnny's but it doesn't seem completely original, either.

Reco made an awful pink and purple piece of crap. I'm having trouble finding words to describe how much I hate his dress. Well, I'll put this the only way I know how: his dress makes me want to punch Daniel Franco in the nuts. (Love you, Daniel!)

The guest judge is the editor in chief of Harper's and she is even more annoying than the regular Harper's lady. First she complains about James-Paul's:

Even More Annoying Harper's Lady: "His dress reminds me of Gone With the Wind, when Scarlett makes a dress out the curtains."

Yeah, both dresses are velvet. And I guess she thinks the fine gold chain looks like the big gold curtain cord. Give me a break. They look nothing alike. Then she complains about Johnny being inspired by Lanvin:

Even More Annoying Harper's Lady: "What if Johnny is inspired by another designer in the future?"

Yeah, that would be terrible.

Anyway, Daniella wins and Johnny is out.

Next week James-Paul finally gets a haircut and Reco takes a bride. Could it be Daniella in that big white dress?


Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh, I so wanted to vivisect Johnny for his pricky, pricky stunt,

As for Danielle's dress, I loved it. Actually I thought it looked very Beyoncé. ... But I think you're not allowed to say that word in front of Kelly or she'll cut 'cha.

Of course, you made me laugh so hard I woke up the husband.

Merlin: "Where my bitch at!"

Shut yo mouth!

I'm just taking about Merlin!

Then we can DIG it.

Sewing Siren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sewing Siren said...

I'm positive that Reco was thinking of his sweet Daniella when he designed that big white dress. Wait and see.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

"This silk is like a gentlewoman. You have to treat it carefully and whisper softly in its ear and if some rogue should besmirch its honor, you have to challenge the cad to a duel." Love it

I really had a problem with Reco's dress.

I was glad "Johnny the unskillful liar".... left. Maybe he will find my "ex-husband the unskillful liar" and they can fabricate billowy illusions together. bless them both.

Laura K said...

Eric, thank you so much for continuing your very entertaining recaps of this show.

The "twist" of bringing back the eliminated designers for a challenge near the end of the season has definitely run its course. There is no surprise in it and there is no benefit to the current designers. There probably could and should be some drama it in, but there really isn't.

eric3000 said...

Thanks for your comments!