Thursday, July 02, 2009

The Fashion Show episodes eight and nine: Double the Eric Three Thousand for the same low price!

Sorry about my absence but I've been hiking the Appalachian Trail. What! I just really, really enjoy hiking, OK?! Why is everyone making such a big deal about it?! Jeez!

We started last week's episode with Reco and Daniella fighting:

Reco: "But Daniella, wherever shall I go, whatever shall I do?"

Daniella: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Wow, the sexual tension between those two is really getting out of control.

For the mini-challenge Isaac explains the importance of history:

Isaac: "It is really important for a fashion designer to understand history. First, there was a big explosion, then the dinosaurs died, and then you weren't allowed to wear white shoes after Labor Day. I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson."

We are introduced to a bunch of dead fashion designers, who will be the subject of a fashion history quiz.

Quick confession: I have a BA in fashion design and I've taken fashion history courses and I have no idea who Madame Gres is. Embarrassing!

Anna wins the quiz because she got the easiest questions. Seriously, "Who is famous for introducing the little black dress: Prince Charles, Chanel, or Isaac Mizrahi for Target?" Duh.

Well, it doesn't matter because she wins another horrible prize. She gets to pair up the other designers with one of the dead fashion icons. So she'll either pair them up with appropriate icons or she'll be blamed for intentionally making bad matches in order to screw up another designer. Either way, she loses.

Isaac tells the designers to meet him at the runway, where he has a big announcement:

Isaac: "As a special treat, we have brought these fashion icons back from the dead! But you have to work with them really quickly because they can only be brought back to life for sixty seconds; after that, another living designer will have to die in order to restore equilibrium to the universe. It's just like that documentary series 'Pushing Daisies.' And, no, 'can we keep Dior and let Isaac die?' is not an available option."

Anna picks Chanel for herself.
Haven is paired with Yves Saint Laurent.
Daniella is paired with Christian Dior.
Johnny is paired with Versace.
Merlin is paired with Madame Gres.
James-Paul is paired with Pucci.
Reco is paired with Halston.

Isaac sends the designers on their way with one more insightful comment:

Isaac: "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to hang by a thread."

Kelly: "Who writes this shit?"

Isaac and Kelly make their annoying rounds:

Haven: "I thought I knew what I was doing but I'm really starting to second-guess myself."

Kelly: "Haven, it sounds like you are starting to second-guess yourself."

Haven: "Um, yeah, I just said that."

Kelly: "Well, I'm glad I could help."

In the fashion show, Johnny wins with a perfectly fine but not terribly interesting homage to Versace and Daniella comes in second with a very cute Dior-inspired Jacket paired with a slim pant. Daniella should have won.

Reco and Haven are the bottom two. Haven's wasn't very good; the pant fit badly and it was pretty boring. The judges hated the color but if it had fit better I think it would have been fine. Reco's, on the other hand, was just awful. It had a corset and a full skirt and, as everyone pointed out, it looked like a costume from Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament. Reco didn't know anything about Halston but you really don't need to know much about Halston to know that it isn't that. Besides, he got to see a Halston in the mini-challenge. And, on top of that, he was collaborating with the reanimated corpse of Halston. So there really was no excuse for that mess. It's obvious who should be going home, right?

Isaac: "Well, if Reco had just gotten rid of the corset and changed the neckline and removed the darts and changed the sleeves and basically made a completely different dress, I think his design would have been okay."

Obviously, they can't get rid of Reco, no matter how badly he screws up. Sorry, Haven. You didn't deserve to be out this time (although you have deserved to be out in the past).

We start the next episode with a delivery from Isaac. He sent the designers robes, obviously hoping that Merlin would stop walking around the apartment in his underwear:

Merlin: "Great, now I don't have to wear underwear!"

The designers meet Isaac in the design room:

Isaac: "Oh, my god! There are six of you left! Last week there were seven and then one person went home and now there are six of you. Seven minus one equals six. I don't want to give too much away but if another person leaves this week I think next week there may only be five of you! If that turns out to be the case, you can be sure I will make a major announcement about it."

The designers have to make lounging outfits to go with the Fernando Sanchez robes, which are sold at Sacks.

Daniella tells Laura, the annoying Harper's lady, that she likes sleeping in jumpsuits:

Laura: "Well, then, I will never sleep with you."

Daniella: "Good."

Laura: "Seriously, we have nothing in common. This just isn't going to work out between us."

Daniella: "I wasn't asking you to sleep with me, you freak!"

Laura: "If you lose the jumpsuit, I might reconsider."

Daniella: "Stay away from me!"

Anna wins the mini challenge again. I think her outfit will be sold at Sacks.

Isaac tells the designers to go down to 29th Street:

Isaac: "Kelly and I always come down here for our weekly lobotomies, I mean psychic readings. I always get those confused. Psychic readings are almost as important in the fashion industry as bungee jumping. Why do you think Nancy Reagan always looked so fabulous? Of course the bungee jumping helped but mostly it was the psychic readings."

The designers get their readings:

Johnny will be traveling.

Reco needs to let go of constraints (in other words, stop using corsets).

Daniella will meet a tall, dark stranger.

James-Paul, I'm sensing someone with a name starting with B. Maybe Bob or Bernice? Does the letter B mean anything to you?

Anna will experience a change at the workplace.

Merlin will also be traveling. Really soon.

The designers have to create a look based on their readings:

Merlin made a cute outfit that was supposed to be a sweatsuit for traveling. The pants are silly but the top and the coat are really nice. The judges think it looks like something they would dig out from the bottom of a clearance bin. They also say it simultaneously is too boring and has too much going on. I would agree it's not the most innovative look but that has never really been an important factor in the judging before so I don't know what their problem is this week.

Reco made another hot suit. It looks really good. It had nothing to do with his psychic reading, however, so he doesn't win.

Anna made a cute dress covered in vaginas because vaginas relate to nature and make her happy. The judges love it.

Daniella made an ugly print skirt and a transparent top.

James-Paul made a weird grey dress that was the opposite of his psychic reading. I actually didn't mind the bustle thing in the back but the whole dress was really unflattering, as usual. The fit across the bust was terrible. He says it's not his fault because his clothes only look good on perfect people and his model is horribly deformed. Time for him to go home.

Johnny made a green skirt with what looks like a cage over it. I don't understand it but it does make me smile so I'll give him a pass this week.

Before the judging, Merlin has a rant about Johnny being happy making ping-pong dresses and everyone just stares at him in wide-eyed amazement because they don't have a clue what he's talking about.

Reco and Anna are the top two and Anna wins because her vagina dress related to her psychic reading.

Merlin and James-Paul are the bottom two and Merlin is out because the judges are insane.

Isaac: "This week we started with six designers and one went home so next week there will be five designers. Oh, my god! Five designers! That's one less than six! Holy crap!"


Eric said...

I enjoyed.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh, I needed a corset to hold in my sides while reading this one!!

So funny!

And I'm glad I'm not some freak of nature for not knowing who Madame Gres was ... or what was her connection to the pie maker.

I shall now forever associate Nancy Reagan with bungee jumping.

eric3000 said...

You haven't always associated Nancy Reagan with bungee jumping?

TLo said...

"Isaac: "Oh, my god! There are six of you left! Last week there were seven and then one person went home and now there are six of you. Seven minus one equals six. I don't want to give too much away but if another person leaves this week I think next week there may only be five of you!"


Love you :)

Sewing Siren said...

Quick confession: I have a BA in fashion design and I've taken fashion history courses and I have no idea who Madame Gres is. Embarrassing!

Oh come on, really? It didn't help that Isaac kept say Madame Gray. Is that right? It can't be. I mean I know GreS (which is what I thought it was)
probably isn't right either. Maybe Greh.
I agree Daniella should have won over Johnny knock-off.
And Haven's attempt at YSL made me sad.

Daniella and Reco are so in love. I wonder if we are going to get some of that red eye camera footage of them in a dark closet together. I can't wait.
Anna's was cute the best of the crop. Although the challenge was confounding.
Johnny is should have gone home.

Vic said...

"Merlin is out because the judges are insane."

No truer words were ever spoken. Bravo should pay you for making this show interesting!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

It was well worth the wait.

Thanks Eric

eric3000 said...

Thanks for your comments, everyone!

Sewing Siren, seriously, I don't know anything about Madame Gres! I know, it's inexcusable!

Sewing Siren said...

Okay, here's something for you:
Before WWII she designed under the name Alix. And.....she wore a turban all the time, some people think she was bald headed.

eric3000 said...

OK, I've found more pictures of her work and her dresses are beautiful! I'm sure I've seen her work in museum collections but I just didn't remember her name.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I always enjoy your re-caps, very funny!

Hey, I checked out Bravo's "preview" videos for this week's episode. He DOES do the math and announce that there are 5 designers remaining! Snort! I laughed 5 times! Plus one! That's SIX laughs!