Saturday, September 19, 2009

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Five: Black and White and read almost nowhere!

The remaining designers start their morning by making completely unnecessary statements:

Carol Hannah: "I just realized one of us will go home this week."

Shirin: "I predict that we will have to make an article of clothing."

Gordana: "I think you are right. And I bet there will be a twist."

Of course, it's better than the pure delusion going on in the other girls' apartment:

Johnny: "As god is my witness, I will never be in the bottom three again!"


Johnny: "Well, maybe just once more. But that's it!"

The designers go to the printing plant of the Los Angeles Times:

Tim: "I'm pleased to introduce Booth Moore. Although Booth looks like she shops at JCPenney, I assure you she is actually the highly-esteemed fashion critic for the Los Angeles Times."


Tim: "The Times is read by dozens of people every week and we have piles of unread newspapers here behind us to prove it. Each pile is a separate section of the paper and each section is made up of at least two pages, most of which are filled with paid announcements that real estate developer Donald T. Sterling is winning another humanitarian award."

I can't tell you how sick I am of Donald T. Sterling. So, what's the challenge?

Tim: "Your challenge this week will be to find some actual news in the Los Angeles Times!"

Oh, come on! Make the challenges difficult but not impossible!

Christopher: "Oh, look! I found some news! No, wait; I read about that yesterday on Yahoo."

Louise: "I found the weather report in the business section! According to this, it's going to be seventy-four degrees and sunny here in Los Angeles every day for eternity."

Johnny: "The comics are pretty funny!"

Yes they are, Johnny. Yes, they are.

Epperson: "Hey, did you know that Donald T. Sterling is winning another award? It's the Donald T. Sterling Award for the person who has awarded himself the most awards. And it's mentioned on every page of the newspaper. It must be very important news."

The designers start working and Tim checks in on them:

Johnny is making an amazing dress that looks like Christian Dior came back to life and revolutionized the fashion world with a dress made out of newspaper. It's so good that the other designers are speechless. Tim goes berserk:

Tim: "Johnny, this dress is just too good! It is so amazing that once people see it they will never want to buy another dress for the rest of their lives. You will singlehandedly destroy the fashion industry. I, for one, refuse to let that happen."

Tim attacks the dress with a steamer until it melts, while the torch-wielding townspeople chant "Death to Johnny's dress!"

On to the runway:

Remember Michael and Nina? Yeah, neither do I. They are gone again this week and it looks like Nina won't be here next week, either. Filling in this week are Tommy Hilfiger and Zoe Glassner again. And the fashion critic for the Los Angeles Times was not good enough so the guest judge is Eva Longoria-Don't-Forget-I'm-Married-Damn-It-Parker.

Logan made a pretty dress. It was very simple but the pattern was nice and I like it.

Nicolas made a bad dress. I don't know how he thought he could be in the top three.

Christopher made another dress with a dramatic full skirt. I don't think that silhouette is very creative but it definitely worked for this challenge. The skirt looked fluffy and moved beautifully and this was a contender for the win.

Ra'mon made a two-piece look with a really pretty pattern. It was decent but definitely the middle of the pack.

Epperson kind of blew it. I liked the kimono-inspired sleeves but the dress was just too stiff and the choice of newsprint was not good.

Johnny made the most beautiful dress ever! But that's not the dress he sent down the runway, of course, because Tim ruined that one.

Gordana made a very cute dress that in no way deserved to be in the bottom three.

Carol Hannah made a dramatic gown that looked like it was made out of crepe paper instead of newspaper. She didn't take advantage of the newsprint, which I think was a mistake.

Shirin made a dress that might have been cute if it didn't look like an imitation of dresses we've already seen. (I realize this was filmed a long time ago but wouldn't she have at least seen Leanne's clothes?)

Irina made an adorable trench coat with imitation faux-fur collar and cuffs. I love the pockets. Very cute!

Althea created an amazing pattern on her dress using the newsprint. I was not crazy about the shape or the fit but the pattern was beautiful enough to get her into the top three.

Louise made a dress that was not very successful, in my opinion. And the styling made Fatma look like Mini Mouse. How this was better than Gordana's dress is beyond me.

The top three are Althea, Irina, and Christopher.

All the judges love Irina's coat. We think:

Tommy Hilfiger: "It's like a bunch a famous designers met at a bar in the 1970s."

Irina: "Thank you! Wait ... what?"

Irina wins! Congratulations, Irina!

The bottom three are Gordana, Nicolas, and Johnny.

Gordana is called out because her dress is wearable:

Heidi: "Don't you remember when we specifically told you to make something unwearable?"

No, I guess we missed that part. Look, I'm totally with the judges most weeks in picking interesting over wearable. But this week there were other safe looks that were just as boring as Gordana's but apparently they were safe because they were both boring AND unwearable.

The judges question Johnny:

Heidi: "Johnny, what the hell is up with this piece of crap?"

Johnny explains how amazing his first dress was:

Johnny: "I'm not making excuses but my completely imaginary first dress was so beautiful you would have died."

Tommy Hilfiger: "So there was a better dress but then you showed us this instead? Well, in that case you should win!"

Johnny: "Thank you!"

Tommy Hilfiger: "I was being sarcastic. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you are a recovering meth addict."

Eva Longoria-Look-At-My-Wedding-Ring-Parker: "Tommy would know a meth addict when he sees one."

Johnny is out. Tim gives his coldest goodbye ever:

Tim: "Johnny, your spectacular talent is a threat to humanity. Please leave."

In model news, Emarie is out, which causes Ebony to have a freaking breakdown. Seriously, you would think Emarie had died. Like she's going to that great Arby's commercial in the sky.

The models claim that they put on these paper dresses and weren't allowed to sit, eat, pee, or breathe for about eight hours, which seems unlikely.

Heidi tells the models a totally random story about wearing a snake:

Heidi: "It was nicht sehr schön."

Heidi, some of these girls think Mexico is "overseas." They don't know what you are talking about.

Fatma is making completely reasonable comments about how weird Americans are, which of course bothers the easily bothered Vanessa:

Vanessa: "If Fatma likes Africa so much, why doesn't she move there?"

Next week the designers will have to choose different models! Drama!

Well, that was an exciting episode! I've never seen Tim so annoyed:

Tim: "I am positively perplexed by that preposterous peddling of pablum."

You said it, Tim.

Tim: "Also, I am truly troubled by these terribly tortured tales of tribulation."

OK, that's enough.


Tina said...

Thanks for the witty post, as usual. I have to say that the "Models of the Runway" show is killing all the charm (however small that was) that the models used to have for me. The producers should consider shaving off another 15 minutes and posting what's left on the PR website, b/c every time the models speak they lose more and more of their appeal. Vanessa is the worst of the lot (dumb and self-righteous, a killer combo!), and all the weeping over E's departure was ludicrous.

NDC said...

You nailed this one on its ink-stained head, Eric. Uneven judging from the junior varsity along with a strong wiff of bias against Gordana, predictable Johnny delusion (at least capped), and immature, weepy, clueless models. "Overseas"="Mexico." Bitterly funny, but sadly true.

Fatma has a brain in her head, it would appear. You know that will be a recipe for more trouble.

Somewhat hard to muster enthusiasm for this season compared to previous seasons on Bravo. The strife over production is leaking through to the finished product, I believe.

All the best,


Sewing Siren said...

You didn't like Epperson's? I kind of did. It was cute in a paper-dolly kind of way. I haven't seen the close ups yet though. I also thought that Logan's was pretty good.
The got the loser right this time. However I thought the big liar thing was pretty absurd.

lovemesomelogan said...

"Tim attacks the dress with a steamer until it melts, while the torch-wielding townspeople chant 'Death to Johnny's dress!'"

"Johnny made the most beautiful dress ever! But that's not the dress he sent down the runway, of course, because Tim ruined that one."

Hee hee. Love it. Love even more how upset Tim was at the lie. I think he was even more upset than that whole Kenley episode.

"Don't you remember when we specifically told you to make something unwearable?"

I know, right? I can't believe the judges' reaction to Gordana. Do they just not like her? I think she does great work.

"Seriously, you would think Emarie had died. Like she's going to that great Arby's commercial in the sky."

Ebony's reaction did make me laugh too. Drama much?

As for me, I liked all of the top 3 looks. I really thought Althea was going to win because her look was really impressive and you could tell how much work went into it. I also like the way Logan looks, um, I mean I like to look at him, um I mean I like the look he created. I think the more creative the challenge, the better he does. Actually, that's true for most of them. the vast majority really stepped it up this week and there was a lot of creativity, which is a vast improvement from last week.

eric3000 said...

Tina and NDC, I'm conflicted about the model show. On the one hand, it's sort of like getting an extra half hour of PR, which should be a good thing. But, on the other hand, it chops up the narrative and kind of sucks the life out of the show.

Sewing Siren, I wanted to like Epperson's dress because I appreciated the fact that he took advantage of the stiffness of the paper to create a different shape. But, unfortunately, I just didn't like the overall look.

Lovemesomelogan, I must be losing my mind but I can't remember what the Kenley incident was!

Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh, how I adore you!!

And now the inhabitants of the 19th floor of the San Francisco Le Meridian do too. How I LIVE for my dramatic interpretation of your blogs!!

lovemesomelogan said...

Eric, the Kenley incident I'm referring to is when Tim got mad at her in the workroom because she was talking back to him rather than accepting his criticism. It's the only other time I've seen him visibly upset.

eric3000 said...

Ah, yes, I remember it well.

ePastor James said...

I must not eat Apple Cinnamon Cheerios while reading your blog....I must not eat Apple Cinnamon Cheerios while reading your blog....

You are dead-on about Gordana. That still galls me. Tim even loved it! Don't tell me he doesn't consult with them, because EVERY TIME he says "I see a potential 'Wow' Factor here", that designer freaking wins (Althea, Carol Hannah--I know I'm forgetting others). Louise shoulda had that spot, although Epperson or Shirin would've wo--no, no, Fatminnie Mouse. Inexcusable.

Top 4:
-Christopher* (Wins, due to the incredible feathery skirt--and matching paper-feathers in hair, and that cool bodice. A great look for this challenge.)
-Logan* (Yes, I'm quite shocked, too, but this Asian-style asymmetrical outfit is outstanding! I especially love the color choice, although I'm always a sucker for the teal/turquoise family. But it just was...visually stunning.)
-Althea (I'm surprised you didn't love this more! Not only was the pattern fantastic, but her bum looked great and it had a nice silhouette. I'm still wowed that she structured it so magnificently. Love the shape, too. Unconventional.)
-Irina (Despite the lack of color, which would've taken ages, it's still so intricately designed that I am impressed.)

Bottom 4:
-Shirin (Just a little to bland and unfeasible as a wearable dress. Srsly, Gordana over this and Louise?!)
-Johnny (Thrown together, shoddy, but yet the pop-art thing kinda worked for me. It seemed like a good tacky hooker dress, as opposed to....)
-Louise (WTF was up with this Minnie Mouse nightmare?? The hot rollers...oy vey. Just don't get it.)
-Nicolas (But I'm sorry, nothing tops this epic suckage. Just...lethal.)

Will Logan EVER make anything of this caliber again?