Friday, September 04, 2009

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Three: Life's a Beach (and then you have to make an avant garde look)!

Last week Malvin was out and Shirin won. And Mitchell, we're just not buying it. Darling.

In model news, Valerie was out but now she's back, the models all love Mitchell all of a sudden, and Fatma threatened to punch Vanessa in the face:

Fatma: "It's just a figure of speech. Gee, some people are so sensitive."

Exactly! It's perfectly normal to say you're going to punch someone in the face. It isn't meant literally. It's just like when people say "get out of here" when they mean "you're kidding" or when they say "I want to hit Daniel Franco in the nuts" when they find something annoying. It's just an expression.

We start the episode with Logan wearing a shirt. What's up with that? Well, don't worry; we'll get a shot of him with his shirt off later in the episode. It will be brief but it will fulfill the federally-mandated weekly minimum requirement of hot shirtless designers.

The designers meet Heidi at the runway, obviously for model selection but we don't get to see any of that. Heidi tells them it's time for another field trip. Something to do with Southern California. She gives us a hint:

Heidi: "Don't forget your crack pipes!"

Ooh, they must be going to the beach!

Sure enough, they take a helicopter ride over the Santa Monica pier and meet Tim, who is wearing a thong with a blazer:

Tim: "Just feel that breeze!"

After Christopher tells us that he's never seen the sun before because he's from Minnesota, Tim explains that beachwear was invented in Southern California and now, thanks to Starbucks and the Internet, you can find people in beachwear all over the world.

Tim: "Now, looking like a bum isn't just for the homeless!"

OK, so Tim also delivers the news that the designers will be working in teams. The designers proceed to completely lose their shit:


Shirin picks Carol Hannah
Logan picks Christopher
Nicolas picks Gordana
Mitchell picks Ra'mon
Althea picks Louise
Qristyl picks Epperson
Johnny gets Irina

They're all screwed.

They talk to some surfer girls:

Surfer Girl: "So, like, I went to the Galleria? And I was all, oh, my god, like, I am so sure, like, gag me with a spoon?"

Oh, wait. That was a Valley girl. My mistake. Let's try that again:

Surfer Girl: "So, like, I went to Southcoast Plaza? And I was all, oh, my god, like, I am so sure, like, gag me with a spoon?"

That's better. Anyway, the designers learn absolutely nothing from the surfer girls, other than the fact that people sometimes wear bathing suits to the beach and they like to be comfortable. Like, duh.

The designers only have fifteen minutes to shop at Mood:

Qristyl: "AAAHHHHH!!!!!"

Nicolas is making an hombre out of macrame:

Nicolas: "Can you say that a million times?"

No. Why would anyone even say that once?

I can't figure out what the problem is with Qristyl and Epperson. Obviously, they don't work well together but it's hard to tell why:

Epperson: "We need to make sure the pattern is going the same way."

Qristyl: "Maybe you're used to talking to other women like that but it's not going to work with me!"

Epperson: "Hey! You leave my mother out of this!"

Seriously, what are they arguing about? It does seem a little bit like Epperson is bossing Qristyl around. However, it also seems like she snaps at him every time he says anything. So it's hard to tell. But, since we haven't seen Epperson interact with anybody else on the show and Qristyl seems to get along with everyone, I'm going to go ahead and say it's all Epperson's fault.

Tim delivers a message from Heidi:

Tim: "I had nothing to do with this. In addition to your beach-bum look, you will also need to create an avant garde look, which we all know doesn't actually mean anything. Good luck."

This challenge makes no sense to me. And the designers all think "avant garde" means "ridiculous." But the important thing is that Garnier will be doing the hair.

Major model drama! Carol Hanna's model, Erika, had a terrible waxing accident and will not be able to wear a swimsuit! So Malvin's eliminated model, Valerie, comes back to take her place.

On to the runway. Michael Kors is still out being dry cleaned so he is being replaced this week by Max Azria. Also, the guest judge this week is some woman. Really, I don't have the strength to figure out who she is.

Qristyl and Epperson's beach look is fine but I really don't know where you would wear it. The avant garde look is a big piece of crap. It consisted of a kinda cute one-piece bathing suit with bright green fabric just barfed up all over it for no reason.

Johnny and Irina's beach look is really cute. The macrame detail is possibly a little too subtle but it's a great look. The avant garde look is OK. The big weaving detail picks up nicely from the macrame of the other piece.

Mitchell and Ra'mon's beach look is really uninspired. It's very pretty flowing fabric. Big deal. The avant garde look is nice. I don't love it as much as the judges do. I agree that it's wearable but I don't know what's so avant garde about it.

Shirin and Carol Hannah's beach look was a bathing suit with a wrap. It was fine. Their avant garde look was just an over-the-top evening gown. They may have worked well together but the results were not great.

Althea and Louise's beach look was pretty adorable. Their avant garde look was, again, not very avant garde but it was good. They could have been at the top.

Nicolas and Gordana's beach look was fantastic. The macrame top was beautiful and the wrap pant was very cool, though it might have worked better as shorts. Nicolas could have won with this look. Unfortunately, he also designed another look. Jesus H. Christ. Gordana should have brought down the iron curtain on his ass and stopped that look from happening.

Logan and Christopher were fine. The beach look was a little boring and the avant garde look was only interesting because it was huge. Both looks were well executed but they didn't excite me.

Johnny and Irina and Mitchell and Ra'mon are the top two teams:

Mitchell: "Ra'mon did most of it."

Ra'mon: "I can't believe he said that after I did most of the work."

Jeez, Ra'mon, Mitchell just admitted that you did most of the work. Why rub it in?

Ra'mon: "Well, I just want to make it perfectly clear that Mitchell did absolutely nothing."

Yeah, we get it! But Mitchell isn't arguing with you so let it go.

Gordana, on the other hand, is a great teammate:

Gordana: "Yes, that avant garde look is hideous but you have to give Nicolas credit for that amazing organza collar."

If the model had been buried alive in organza it wouldn't have saved that look. But it was very nice of her to say.

Ra'mon wins! Congratulations, Ra'mon! He did a good job, though he could have been a little more gracious to his useless teammate.

We have a Project Runway first:

Heidi: "For the first time in Project Runway history, we will be using a sports metaphor! Three strikes and you're out, Mitchell!"

Mitchell: "Are you sure that's the first time?"

Heidi: "No."

As Mitchell gives Qristyl a hug, the guest judge whispers something:

Max Azria: "That Mitchell is pure evil."


Eric said...

You don't know Rachel Bilson? Seriously?

Madeleine said...

"Don't forget your crack pipes!"
The judges sure didn't. They had to be high to take any of those designs seriously. And is it Ra'mon or Ro'man?

eric3000 said...

Ha ha! Yeah, the judging was weird but I blame that more on the challenge than the judges.

Cliff O'Neill said...

I really couldn't tell that any of those were beachwear OR avant-garde. (I've always thought that "avant-garde" was French for "not knowing when to laugh."

But was glad to see Mitchell The Model Jumper go. (Oh, and did you notice that the models don't know the designers names? ... Or what looks good?)

RJ Flamingo said...

I think someone slipped Nina Garcia one of those crack pipes. But I want to thank you for planting the image of Tim Gunn in a thong and blazer, in my brain.

This is a stinker. I say let's trash this season and move on to the next.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

And the designers all think "avant garde" means "ridiculous." But the important thing is that Garnier will be doing the hair." Hah

Save this recap for the best of Eric2000

That was one whacky challenge. A neoprene evening gown....oh that will work.

Cliff I like that definition "avant-garde: not knowing when to laugh. I am stealing that one

Tom said...

Seriously, I had no idea who Rachel Bilson was either. I must be getting old. Lindsay Lohan on the other hand, I wanted more more more from her! I love your exchange between Mitchell and Ra'mon because I thought the same thing. Maybe it was the edit. Sometimes those edits make me crazy, like I'm on crack or sumpthin'!

desertwind said...

"Just feel that breeze!" is now my mantra.

Thanks, Eric!

Vic said...

This was a really weird episode, Eric, saved by your commentary. I did not like the challenge, and I disagreed with the winner/winning team selection. Unlike you, I liked that gray/gris avant garde ballgown ensemble with wet suit top and floppy hat that the Tiger Beat team created. Mitchell, tho he couldn't sew or design his way out of a grocery bag, will be missed. He's clearly liked by the designers, though the models had no respect for his nontalents.

Have you been watching the model show? Frankly, I am enjoying them more than the designers. There's no breakthrough Santino personality to liven things up.

Vic said...

Ah, I see from your previous week's recap that you are following the models. Lifetime's extended videos of Tim's comments was also a bright idea. I must say, it took me about 30 minutes to find the Lifetime channel and I missed the opening few minutes of the first show, but I am pleasantly surprised that their powers that be have not tinkered too much with the show's original concept.

eric3000 said...

Yes, Vic, I like the model show but it doesn't really seen like a separate show to me. It's just the model selection segment that's cut out of PR. I feel like I'm just watching a ninety-minute episode of PR, which I fully endorse.

Thanks for your comments, everyone!

ePastor James said...

What a shitty episode.

Top 4 Looks:
-Johnny's & Irina's* Beach Look (With the subtle detail and wearability, it shines.)
-Althea's & Louise's* Avant-Garde Look (Just fantastic, shoulda been on top.)
-Shirin's & Carol Hannah's Avant-Garde Look (Since it's avant-garde, the waves work, and I loved it overall...kinda had a Leanne's-Scorpio-avant-garde feel to it.)
-Qristyl's & Epperson's Beach Look (Really nice, although the shape of the bottom of the gown was janked.)

Bottom 4 Looks:
-Mitchell's & Ramon's Avant-Garde Look (It just didn't say anything--it looked like she side-dived into cement.)
-Christopher's & Logan's Avant-Garde Look (Hot poofy mess.)
-Nicolas's & Gordana's Avant-Garde Look (The Little Mertranny.)
-Qristyl's* & Epperson's Avant-Garde Look (When Stella Met Seaweed....)

I wish Mitchell had talent to match his likable presence and friendly demeanor. Well, I mean, I think there's some there--I just think he could use some interning experience. The pregnancy idea of his was fresh and modern, if less than unique. And the smocking sheet with the amazing collar (as noted by Nicolas) had potential. Qristyl or Mitchell going would've been okay by me, but Mitchell ran out of steam. It's all kosher.