Thursday, October 28, 2010

Project Runway Season Eight Finale, Part Two: !*%#?!@!!!&**#%#@!!!

!!!!&***&%#?#@!@!*&sonofabitch?&%%#@#??@##!!*&*&%#@##kellyclarkson#%@!$***&%&%$!#&!!!@#*???#@?!@!!!

Pardon my French. I have spent my blogging career defending Nina and Michael in their questionable decisions, but no more. They are dead to me. The good news about this season's finale is that we got to see one of the best collections in Project Runway history. I think everyone knows what the bad news is.

Fairy Jobmother: "Nina and Michael, now that you have completely lost credibility in the fashion industry, what are you doing to find new careers?"

Michael Kors: "I wouldn't say we've completely lost credibility."

Fairy Jobmother: "You just demonstrated to the entire world that Heidi Klum and Jessica Simpson have better taste than you do!"

Michael Kors: "Well, when you put it that way, I guess I do need a new job."

Fairy Jobmother: "I have just the thing for you."

Nina and Michael get work on a farm. Nina is doing data entry and Michael is working with cows:

Nina: "It feels so good to be doing something useful, for a change!"

Michael Kors: "Yeah! I haven't felt this good since my days on the oil rig!"

Thank goodness that's sorted. I wonder who the new Project Runway judges will be next season.

By the way, who the hell is responsible for those awful Fairy Jobmother spots? The concept was cute enough, but once it was determined that most of the designers couldn't act their way out of a paper bag and the writing was so bad even Helen Mirren couldn't have made it work, they should have axed the whole thing. Because that was embarrassing to watch.

Anyway, on to the episode. First of all, that was the most boring reunion show I've ever seen. We saw some clips from the show and the designers weighed in about how big a bitch Gretchen is. Did we learn anything new? No. Was it better than not having a reunion show at all? Not really.

Nothing much happened during the rest of the episode, either. No model selection, no accusations of cheating, no insight about what, if anything, came from the Piperlime accessory wall. Mondo did his best to create some drama by complaining that someone rearranged his model lineup, but that storyline went nowhere. Thanks for trying, though, Mondo.

OK, I know I'm just grouchy because of the ending, but this really was not an interesting episode.

Fairy Jobmother: "Hey, you! You should be looking for work instead of writing this stupid recap!"

I know. Sorry.

Ooh, just when you thought Lifetime Television couldn't get any more redundant, Lucy Liu falls in love with three different men in a movie that's so tedious it's stretched out to two nights!

Lifetime Television: "Well, if you think that looks good ..."

I don't.

Lifetime Television: "Well, then you won't want to miss the Craigslist Killer, coming in January."

Oh, for the love of bacon! Why?

On to the runway, with guest judge and surprising voice of sanity Jessica Simpson:

Jessica Simpson: "Hey, Y'all! This is great! Those Fairy Jobmother spots make my painful Macy's commercials look Emmy-worthy by comparison!"

Let's get this over with. Gretchen comes out and introduces her collection:

Gretchen: "My collection is called 'Dances with Wolves,' and it represents my journey to the isolated Western frontier, where I was accepted by the Indians and fell in love with the beautiful Stands with a Fist. Enjoy!"

Ugh. It's awful. Look, I like Gretchen, I think she's talented, and I completely agree with the judges that she has a great career ahead of her. But I hated this collection.

Nina: "It's very editorial."

Nina has lost her mind.

Michael Kors: "Look in a magazine! This is what women are wearing. There are designers like John Galliano who create exciting fashion shows and then there are designers like me who actually make the boring clothes women want to wear. Did you see my last show? It practically put me to sleep! That's what the world is looking for in the next great fashion designer!"

OK, I looked at Michael's last show and, as boring as it is, it's still better than Gretchen's. And I've looked at fashion magazines and other runway collections, and yes, there are long flowing skirts and granny panties in our future, but nothing I've seen even comes close to being as depressing and dull as these clothes.

Nina: "Right. She's taking current trends and making them look worse. That's what fashion is all about."

Whatever. Let's move on to Andy. Andy's collection was better than Gretchen's but still not very good. It reminded me a bit of Chloe Dao's collection, in that it was shiny and well-executed and really repetitive. There were two or three pieces I really liked, but, on the whole, the collection was kind of a cliche. Like Michael C., he created what he thought a fashion show should look like and ended up with something pretty but not very interesting. He should have gone way over the top like he did in some of the challenges. It wouldn't have been wearable but at least it would have been an exciting show.

Mondo - I loved everything about this collection. Possibly my favorite collection since Jay McCarroll. It was cohesive without looking repetitive, it was super fun, the accessories were perfect. It was a real show but most of the pieces were totally accessible:

Nina: "Some of the pieces are nice, but with the leggings and the accessories it starts to look too young. Women in their twenties don't buy clothes. You need to design granny panties for middle-aged women, like Gretchen does. That's what sells."

Heidi: "Lots of women would buy these pieces! Maybe they would tone down the looks by pairing the pieces with neutrals, but the pieces themselves are very wearable!"

Michael: "Well, we shouldn't have to restyle the looks! He should have made them boring enough for all women to wear them!"

OH MY GOD! Is it possible that Michael Kors has never been to a fashion show before? You don't have to wear the clothes exactly as they appear on the runway!

So, anyway, to make a long story short, Michael and Nina are total assholes. They insist Gretchen should win.

Heidi and Jessica Simpson say the winner should be Mondo.

Unfortunately, that's two votes for Gretchen and two votes for Mondo. What happens now?

Joe Biden: "As Vice President, it is my responsibility to step in and cast the deciding vote."

Sorry, that's only in the Senate.

Joe Biden: "Oh, come on! I never get to do anything!"

Nope. There's no solution. It's deadlocked. I guess we just won't have a winner this season. Too bad.

Well, thanks for reading, everyone! Tune in for recaps of the new season of Bravo's The Fashion Show!

23 comments:

Ellen said...

Disappointment with a capital D! Apparently Nina and Michael have lost their minds - Nina's baby is sucking brain cells from her and Michael is clearly losing his eye sight and should be checked for cataracts.

The winner should have been Mondo. His collection was smart, wearable and didn't look like clothing from Little House on the Prairie.

Once again, I love your insight and your dialog.

Anonymous said...

I love you. Your writing has entertained me all season. I hate Gretchen and I wouldn't be caught dead in her clothes unless maybe I was stoned, it was 1966, and I was making granola. Mondo was robbed.

Cliff O'Neill said...

I'm siding with Jessica Simpson. Jessica Muthalovin' SIMPSON!!!!

I'm beside myself.

Hi there, I'm Cliff. I'm beside him. I can attest, it's intense.

Granny panties, indeed.

Cliff O'Neill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bittybis said...

Last season I fell asleep during every episode and didn't pay a lot of attention. This season it seemed that some of the old form was coming back and I got hooked again. And now I feel like it was all a build up to a giant sucker punch. My only reason I would consider paying attention to PR in the future would be your recaps (assuming you continue) and TLo. Thanks for the laughs this season.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Oh my god thanks for that long laugh. I certainly needed it today.

I will have to look up the Fashion Show. I haven't watched Bravo in a long time. .The housewives of Orange, Jersey, Atlanta and Yeehaw Junction drove me away.

The fairy job mother with Michael and Nina . LOL

If it weren't for your blog I probably wouldn't have kept up with PR.

When I look at Michael Kors clothing, and I have looked, I can almost see his mother.

I was stricken with disgust when they picked Gretchen. PR has definitely outlived it's shelf life.

Thanks Eric!

FlamingJune said...

Nina: "Some of the pieces are nice, but with the leggings and the accessories it starts to look too young. Women in their twenties don't buy clothes. You need to design granny panties for middle-aged women, like Gretchen does. That's what sells."

I keep reading this and laughing. Over. And over. Evidently this episode of Project Runway has finally pushed me over the edge!

Very funny recap. I'm looking forward to your take on the Fashion Show. Michael and Nina suck! Eric three thousand ROCKS!

Andrea said...

Wow, who knew that all one had to do to wow Michael and Nina was fill the runway with backless Little House on the Prairie clothes?

Gretchen should be really thankful she was cast as the bitch. That's what kept her on the show even though she didn't make anything good after episode 3 or so. Gees.

lovemesomeaj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lovemesomeaj said...

!!!!&***&%#?#@!@!*&sonofabitch?&%%#
@#??@##!!*&*&%#@##kellyclarkson#%@!
$***&%&%$!#&!!!@#*???#@?!@!!!

Exhaaaaaaaaaaaaahctly! I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm a real woman and there's no way in hell I'm wearing granny panties, even when I'm a granny. Just shoot me first. As TLo would say, I am a bitter kitten.

Mondo's collection was awesome. Loved it! A lot of wearable pieces. Heidi and Jessica as the voices of reason? Cracktastic indeed. Andy got scared off by the judges. If he would have ignored that and done warrior woman, he could have fared better. It was like Chloe light. There are no words for Gretchen's boring collection. No nice words, anyway.

Sigh. Maybe the fashion show will be better . . .

eric3000 said...

Ellen - Thanks! Yeah, Michael should definitely be checked for cataracts! Maybe the fake-tanning is bad for your eyes. Who knows?

Anonymous - Thanks! I often don't agree with the final decision, but this is the first time I felt a designer was actually robbed!

Cliff - I think you gave up your posts this season, right? I don't blame you.

Bittybis - yeah, this season seemed like it was going to be good and then it fell apart. I plan to blog the next season, but just out of habit, at this point.

Laura A - I don't watch much Bravo anymore, either. I watch Flipping Out, Life of the D List, and Shear Genius and that's about it. I don't watch any of the housewives shows. But check out The Fashion Show. They'll be covering it over on Blogging Bravo.

Flaming June - Thanks! YOU rock!

Andrea - who knows what's going to impress those nuts anymore? I don't often agree with them, but I respected them until this week.

Lovemesomeaj - I'm sorry but you have no choice. the fashion gods have spoken and you will have to wear granny panties! That's the future of fashion, so just get used to it!

JordanBaker said...

They should've let Joe Biden have the deciding vote. Jill's a sharp dresser -- he must've developed some sort of appreciation in all these years.

Floyd said...

Michael and Nina interviewed by the Fairy Jobmother.....that's serious genius that is. Please start blogging about something that people are still interested in and become famous. OK?

Moi ;) said...

Hearts, Eric.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you are going to be posting for the fashion show.
Thank you for your witty comments

lovemesomeaj said...

Fortunately I am never on trend with fashion, so I will ignore the fashion gods as usual and wear what I want!

Susan said...

To paraphrase a Bergman character ("Saraband," Je pense), "you're one of those people who make life less unbearable," E3000. High Nordic praise, to be sure.

Would love for you to pen a, "tough love," Nina and MTan appearance on Dr. Phil over season 8. Keep sparkling for us, Bless ya.

cece said...

omg... this was the funniest thing I have read about this unbelievably bad decision...

""My collection is called 'Dances with Wolves,' and it represents my journey to the isolated Western frontier, where I was accepted by the Indians and fell in love with the beautiful Stands with a Fist. Enjoy!"

Ha! Thanks for making me laugh... beginning with Michael C's ouster and ending with Mondo's "up yours"... this whole thing has made me mad.

Anonymous said...

I'm still smarting over that ridiculous decision - and if the producers think this is a good thing (let's get 'em all riled up and they'll keep watching!) well- uhm - no.
Eric, Your account was a salve for a bitter wound.

Brian said...

Great recap of a disappointing finale. Michael and Nina seriously lost their minds!

eric3000 said...

Thanks for your comments, everyone! I appreciate all the kind words!

Anonymous said...

Boycott Project Runway on www.tvshowboycott.com

cassett said...

Congrats on a job well done again. I am glad that you were there when we needed you. Once again you made what could be so sad a little more tolerable. I have to remind myself it was only a reality game show.

I am also glad that Mondo had stuck to his instincts and insisted on his styling and stood by his designs. (I particularly like the "Aunt Jemima" look! - it was perfect.) Too bad it was only a decision by a small group with two tired judges.

Yes, they need new blood. But they are professionals there is no excuse for bad judging decisions.

Let's see what is going to happen in the Fashion Show. Looking forward to your new entries!