Project Runway Season Nine, Episode 4: Nina, Nina, Nina!

This episode is all about Nina.

Michael: "I'm sick of it! All I ever hear is how great Nina is at this, or how wonderful Nina is at that! Nina, Nina, Nina!"

uh, anyway ...

Heidi: "So, Nina, why don't you tell us everything you don't like."

Nina: "Well, I don't like prints or colors or puffiness or pleats or ... you know what? I just realized something. I don't really like clothes."

Nina leaves the show to pursue her lifelong dream of operating her own gourmet food truck called NinaBites.

Nina, we'll miss you, but we wish you well in your new endeavor! Meanwhile, the designers still have to create looks that will go from day to evening:

Heidi: "I would be nervous if I were you. But, of course, I'm not you. I'm me and I have nothing to be nervous about. I hope that makes you feel better."

The designers look at past images of Nina. I never really noticed that she only wore black and white:

Tim: "Designers, we don't want to see a gray runway show. We only want to see black and white. Make sure the models walk slowly so the black and white doesn't blur together into gray."

Major drama at Mood:

Ryan Anthony and Becky pick the same print! DRAMA! Ryan Anthony is sure Becky did it on purpose, which totally makes sense (if you are an idiot).

We learn that Julie became a designer because she was tired of being a bartender:

Julie: "Those are the only two professions, right?"

Now for a new segment of the show called Why is He Telling Us This?:

Viktor: "This is muslin. You use it to make a test garment before you use your actual fabric. You're welcome."

And that's all you need to know to make your own clothes at home. Seriously, why is he telling us this? Oh, now I understand why that's the name of the segment.

Anthony Ryan calls his fiance, who I'm going to call Joaquin Dakota, just for the hell of it:

Anthony Ryan: "I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm being sent home because that's what happens when someone calls a loved one on this show."

Joaquin Dakota: "Oh, that's so three seasons ago. They don't do that anymore."

Anthony Ryan: "That's wonderful news! Bye now!"

Tim goes into the design room to deliver his "two-hours-for-hair-and-makeup" speech, but the room is empty:

Tim: "Oh, no. The Rapture must have happened. It's a Project Runway first!"

For once, that actually would have been a Project Runway first, but it turns out the designers are really just hiding in the sewing room. Tim tells them to hurry the hell up.

Cecilia stopped caring about her own garment long ago (and pretends that she can't find the dye), so she helps Julie glue her dress together. And Laura Kathleen has immunity so she helps Anya. Despite warnings to the contrary during her audition, Anya actually can get other people to do her sewing for her during the competition. Viktor thinks this is cheating, although there are no rules against designers helping each other.

The winner of this challenge will get a spread in Marie Claire and advertisements featured on New York City taxicabs. Joanna Coles, representing Marie Claire, is a guest judge. There is another guest judge, Kerry Washington, who I assume is representing the taxi companies, because that's the only explanation for the presence of a fifth judge.

Joshua made a red and gray color-blocked sheath. It's fine.
Bert made a little black dress. It's fine.
Olivier made pants with a weird vesty-top thingy. It's fine.
Anthony Ryan made a little puffy skirt and a print top. It's fine.
Becky made a print dress. You guessed it: it's fine.
Kimberly made a really nice look with a gold top and navy pants. It's not as earth-shatteringly amazing as the judges would have you believe, but it is really nice.
Cecilia made a tan and gray dress that is clearly the most retched thing on the runway this week.
Anya presented a cute jumpsuit. The judges are impressed with her sewing skills. Viktor almost pees himself.
Danielle made an awful apple-green chiffon blouse and black pants. Horrible.
Julie made what could have been a cute coat dress, had the execution not been such a disaster.
Bryce made a short gray jersey dress. It's not great.
Laura Kathleen made a green satin dress. She has immunity, so I won't go to all the trouble of having an opinion about it.
Viktor made a dramatic black suit/dress. I like it. The only complaint comes from Michael, who thinks it looks very current, and he wanted to see what Nina will be wearing next season.

Now for the segment of the show called Bert Gets Confused!:

Bert: "Well, I really think that gay Mormon kid has a shot of winning the whole thing."

I think Bert seems a little confused. Oh, right, now I understand why that's the name of the segment.

During the judging, the taxi woman is really unnecessary, but Joanna Coles manages to say some strange things. First, she complains about Julie's coat dress:

Joanna Coles: "Is it a coat? Is it a dress? Is it some sort of hybrid of the two?"

YES! IT'S A COAT DRESS! What is so confusing about that? Next, she complains about Danielle's top:

Joanna Coles: "That green chiffon top looks like something a housewife would wear in the kitchen to make acorn-squash puree for her children."

Other Eric: "What the hell is she talking about?"

Michael Kors: "I think what Joanna is trying to say is it looks like something Joan Crawford would wear to a Saint Patrick's Day party."

Other Eric: "Now, he knows his audience!"

Kimberly wins! I think that was the right choice.

Julie is out. OK, that was obviously the wrong choice.

Well, that's it. But before we go, we have an announcement from Lifetime Television:

Don't miss Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho on the hit Lifetime show Drop Dead Diva:

Kathy Griffin: "You're a bitch!"

Margaret Cho: "No, you're a bitch!"

Have you ever heard anything so hilarious and outrageous in all your life?