Saturday, October 15, 2011

Project Runway Season Nine, Episode 12: Governors Island!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful challenge
That started from Manhattan
Aboard a regular-sized ferry.

The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sale that day
For a two-day challenge.

The weather started getting rough,
The ferry was getting tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
Someone might have spilled a cocktail,
Someone might have spilled a cocktail.

The ship set ground on the shore of this 
charted Upper Bay Isle

With Gilligan (the star of the show)

The Skipper too (the lovable grump)

The Millionaire (Thurston Howell, III)

And his wife (the debutante, Lovey Wentworth Howell)

The movie star (Ginger, The high-maintenance narcissist)

The professor (obviously)

And Mary Ann (the girl next door)

Here on Governors Isle!

So, yes, in this exciting episode, the designers get shipwrecked on Governors Island. Will they ever be rescued? Do you really care? Anyway, they have to survive on the island using nothing but their wits. Oh, they also have expensive digital cameras, catered food, and Brother sewing machines made out of coconuts. But other than that, they are completely without modern conveniences. Well, except for the golf carts:

The designers drive around the island in their bamboo golf carts taking pictures of all the Mark di Suvero sculptures that have washed up on shore. The Professor tells them that they will be creating three-piece mini collections and that they will be competing in a beauty pageant to pick Miss Castaway.

After the designers start working, the Professor makes an announcement:

Professor: "Castaways, please gather 'round. There has been another shipwreck and now you have some help to complete your collections. In addition to the Skipper, who will be assisting Gilligan, we also have Anthony Ryan, who will be assisting Mrs. Howell, Becky, who will be assisting Mary Ann, Olivier, who will be assisting Mr. Howell, and Bryce, who will be assisting Ginger."

What are the odds of two shipwrecks in one challenge?

Professor: "Oh, there's just been another shipwreck! It's the Harlem Globetrotters!"

Of course it is.

We hear from the designers:

Mrs. Howell: "I love spending money. I love the finer things in life. You know, there really is more to beauty than perfection of face and figure. It also means breeding and poise and a kind of charm that comes with maturity. I should win this beauty pageant."

Mr. Howell: "Oh, Lovey, I think you are the most gorgeous woman on the planet. These other contestants don't even know how to construct a jacket. How can you have a mini collection without a jacket? The other members of the country club would be just appalled."

Skipper: "Gilligan is always coming up with these crazy ideas for these complicated dresses, but doesn't even know how to sew! I'm always cleaning up my little buddy's messes!"

Ginger: "I am not doing a reunion movie! This show ruined my career! Oh, and I'm actually a very sweet, kind person. It's just that nobody can tell because I hide my niceness behind a wall of yelling at people."

Harlem Globetrotters: "You shouldn't have to explain to people that you are a nice person. This is actually a very important life lesson that can best be explained through the art of basketball."

We watch a basketball game that makes us all better people. And then we have world peace.

Now it's time for the runway show:

Wow! Keep in mind that runway is made entirely out of dried fish. Let's see the looks:

Josh's three piece collection is bad. The little white dress with the black net yolk is fine but the other two pieces are just not good. He chooses this really shiny fabric that just looks cheap:

Kimberly chokes. Her silver dress is really nice, but her separates look is not great and the judges think her coat is a little shapeless:

Laura is a complete disaster. Nothing works:

Anya blows me away. Each look is good. The three looks together are great. Sorry, Viktor, but I'm on Team Anya now:

Viktor bored the hell out of me with his three looks. But, obviously, they are very sellable:

The judges shoot poison darts at the contestants they don't like:

Then the contestants tell us why they should win the beauty pageant:

Ginger: "Thank you. First of all, I'd like to thank all of you wonderful people for allowing me to be in this wonderful contest. It really is a wonderful experience, and it just makes a girl feel wonderful."

Michael Kors: "Wonderful!"

Ginger: "Second of all, I'd like to thank all of you marvelous people for allowing me to be in this marvelous contest. It really is a marvelous experience and makes a girl feel marvelous."

Michael Kors: "Marvelous!"

Ginger: "Thirdly..."

Professor: "Thank you, Ginger. Your time is up. Now let's hear from Mary Ann. Please tell us in your own sweet, charming, unrehearsed way what it is that you want most out of life."

Mary Ann: "I would like a world without strife, with universal harmony and international goodwill, where the spirit of brotherhood enriches all of mankind forever."

Mr. Howell: "How revolting."

Mrs. Howell: "I'm not going to make an unrehearsed speech or a speech that's wonderful and marvelous. I would just like for Michael Kors to think about his mother and America and apple pie and do the right thing."

The judges pick a gorilla as Miss Castaway:

Why? Because the other contestants were not born on the island and were, therefore, disqualified.

Josh: "I can't believe I lost to a gorilla! And to a gorilla that doesn't even have range! This is an outrage!"

So the gorilla wins and will be going to Fashion Week, along with Anya, Viktor, Josh, and Kimberly.

Laura is out.

On the after the runway show, we learn two things:

First of all Nick Verrios, my pretend best friend slash arch enemy, asked Olivier about his accent. The rest of us already knew the answer to this because Laura Kluvo on Blogging Project Runway had already gotten an explanation when she interviewed Olivier a few weeks ago. The answer is that he spent most of his childhood in Taiwan. I can tell you this is a typical Taiwanese accent because I spent the first six months of my life in Taiwan. When I moved back to the United States I was teased mercilessly by the other babies, who claimed that I was crying in a phony South African accent. Babies can be so mean!

The second thing we learned is that Kimberly is really annoyed at Laura for saying she doesn't like her clothes. She doesn't seem to want to let it go. Well, I have a private message for Kimberly:

Kimberly, if Laura says she doesn't like your clothes, TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT!


Cliff O'Neill said...

I preferred the episode where the castaways had to make outfits for The Mosquitos.

eric3000 said...

Yeah, that's supposed to one of the best episodes. I watched the show but I honestly don't remember very much.

lovemesomenobody said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the laugh! Gotta love Gilligan's Island. I confess to a crush on the Professor, both on the original show and the one you lovingly made up. Yes, Anya deserved the win, with good ole Bert's help, of course. It's a shame the final 3 weren't Anya, Viktor, and Bert. Now we have Queen Ginger shrieking at us for even longer. Sigh.

Laura K said...

Awwww... Thanks for the shout-out. I'm glad SOMEONE is listening to the podcasts... OXOX

Sewing Siren said...

I think Laura Kathleen should be the Millionaire and Viktor should be Lovie.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

The Gilligan's Island theme was playing through my head all day thank to you. Lol.
It was kind of fun because I had to be the chairperson of an uber serious group and I could still hear Gilligan's Island music in the background.

Okay I surrender!
Please pass me the Anya Kool-aid.

I drank it.

Wow I am feeling the effects... I have a strange desire to wear long flowing garments and shave a side of my head.

Ellen said...

OMG, using Gilligan's Island was "shear genius!" (yes, I know I used the incorrect spelling) How come the professor could make anything out of the crap they found on the island, but couldn't figure out a way to get them rescued? I still can't figure that one out.

Anonymous said...

Howlingly brilliant--thanks so much for the recap!

Anonymous said...

How much do I love you for doing this recap in this way?


Thank you.

You are showing the humor and creativity that many jaded bloggers have lost. They should give up, and you should MOVE up.


Anonymous said...

Having the Harlem Globetrotters show up may have made this my favorite recap this season. I always loved when I assume a guest would cancel and they'd show up on Scooby Doo.

ePastor James said...

Anya's collection pissed me off, primarily because it's not even her aesthetic. You can tell those are Bert's clothes, not hers.

The massive steps taken to ensure Sex Tape Beauty Queen's win are despicable.

Vic said...