Friday, July 20, 2012

Project Runway Season Ten. And We're back!

OK, I'm sorry but I just don't have time to fart around this season, so here's what's gonna happen: I'm going to make some hilarious comment like "I guess I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue" or maybe a timely reference to the "Charley bit my finger" video, then I'll tell you who won and lost this week's challenge, which you will already know anyway, and then we can all go home and get some sleep. Sound like a plan?

Oh, alright. Fine. Let's talk about what we saw. First the commercials, which are usually the best part of the show. So, you know when you're nude modeling and then the woman who is painting your portrait notices that you have toenail fungus? Yeah, it's really embarrassing. Fortunately, a company has developed a new product specifically for nude modeling toenail fungus. Problem solved!. But now we have an even bigger problem:

Lifetime Television: "Lindsay Lohan IS Elizabeth Taylor!"

OH, MY GOD, NO SHE ISN'T! Why would you even say that?

Lifetime Television: "Seriously. Please watch it."


OK, on to the designers. You call these All Stars? I've never even seen these people before!

Gunnar: "You've seen me before, girlfriend. And I'm a huge star!"

Well, yeah, I guess I do remember Gunnar. But, seriously, this season of All Stars is even worse than last season."

Heidi: "This isn't All Stars, you dumb-ass. It's just the regular season. Now, watch this fascinating clip about my photo shoot posing with a bunch of scissors. It's from an eight-part documentary miniseries produced by Ken Burns for PBS. I think you'll learn a lot about how amazing it is to be me."

I smell an Emmy.

So, first we have the Road to the Runway, which was OK. Zanna Roberts Rassi tells us that there were moments of comedy during the audition process. I think they went something like this:

Daniel Franco: "AHHH, MY SPLEEN!!!"

That never gets old. Then Zanna does one of her famous five-second interviews:

Zanna: "Thank you so much for being here, Anya."

Anya: "It's my pleasure."

Zanna: "Well, we've enjoyed catching up. Good luck with your career."

That was fun. So, in between the segments where we meet the new designers and the segments where they show their racks of clothes to the judges, we also get these really annoying segments with Nick and Mondo bickering and telling us how great all these designer are:

Nick: "[So and So's] work immediately made me think that this is what you would get if [this one famous designer you've never heard of] and [this other famous designer you've never heard of] had a baby. That's how good it was!"

Wow, Nick, that was so insightful.

Anyway, back to meeting the designers. So, yeah, we have Gunnar. And then we also have his arch enemy/best friend/who gives a crap Christofur (I spelled it that way because he really likes fur. Isn't that clever?) These two are going to get into some serious catfights:

Gunnar: "meow"

Christofur: "meow"

[photo credit: jhartenfeld]

By the way, I don't know if anyone has ever noticed, but there are some really cute pictures of cats on the Internet.

And speaking of cats, we have Andrea, a genuine radical feminazi and reluctant cat lady. Love her!

We also have Dmitri, who is from Belarus and looks very familiar, for some reason. Does that count as being an All Star?

Heidi: "Will you shut up already about the All Stars?"

Fine. Lantie likes to stick a lot of crap on her dresses. I'm already not a fan.

Ven is from a country you've never heard of. Don't even bother asking what country it is. You haven't heard of it. What? He's from Guyana? Oh, never mind. We've heard of that. Apparently the other designers are completely intimidated by his talent. They don't actually appear to be intimidated by his talent, but that's how you can tell they are.

Sonjia can make clothes out of an old couch. So that's pretty cool, right?

Elena makes really great clothes. But I'm not convinced they aren't just copies of costumes from video games or cartoons. I don't play video games, but I have seen Aeon Flux.

Beatrice lives in Los Angeles. Judging from the footage they are showing us, she apparently lives on a boat. She is also the first person to ever work her way through college.

Kooan is from Japan. He's a puzzle. There is a fine line between crazy-fun and ugly-for-the-sake-of attention-seeking. I'm willing to give him a chance, though.

Buffi tells us the exciting news that we can, in fact, mix prints! So, yay!

Fabio has lots of hats and empty picture frames and he's a freegan, which is a real thing.

Alicia makes clothes for lesbians, so I'm pretty much in love with her.

Melissa lives in a flat because apartments are just not Gothic enough for her.

Nathan's relationship with his father was saved by Project Runway. Well, if just one designer's relationship with his father has been saved, then watching this show for ten years has all been worth it.

Raul. I don't know what to say about Raul.

So, they are celebrating the ten year anniversary of Project Runway. For this challenge, the designers were told to send in a look they made at home. Then they have one day and $100 to make a second look that relates to the first look. The runway show is in front of a huge crowd in Times Square, which is pretty exciting.

Heidi: "I have to say I was very impressed ..."

Because it's in your contract.

Heidi: "Because it's in my ... hey, stop that!"

Sorry, I think I make you tell that joke every season.

Patricia Field and Lauren Graham are the guest judges. Christofur wins and Beatrice is out. And that's it.

Oh, I forgot to talk about the clothes. Well, some of the garments the designers sent in were pretty good, but pretty much everything actually made during the challenge was garbage:

Fabio: "Mmmmmm, garbage."


Cliff O'Neill said...

Delicious! So glad to see your 'caps again! ... Only Lanti wasn't the one sent auf the runway. But, boy should she have been!

Cliff O'Neill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lovemesomevenandsonjia said...

Welcome back Eric! Looks like it's gonna be another entertaining season. First, I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't get Uncle Nick's references, and any reference to Daniel Franco is always appreciated.

Ven is this year's Rami, so I have to love him, right (although Rami is still my number one forever)? I love that beautiful classic style. So call me an old fart, I don't care. There's also something about Sonjia that I dig. I want to start making clothes from my couch. They were the 2 that struck me in the show where we met everyone.

In the challenge show, I started loving Christofur (love the spelling - stealing it!) because he put Gunnar in his place, and I am all about that. Gunnar, we already had Joshua last season. We don't need another one. I also adore Kooan although I know they will tire of him and kick him off soon, but he is all about the love, so what's wrong with that? It's better than the bitchy drama.

And in my subconscious, Lantie is already gone, so I can see how you'd just dismiss her. Beatrice is the one actually gone, but I didn't have a good feeling about either from the get go, so I guess I don't care.

eric3000 said...

Thanks Cliff and lovemesome... I fixed the name of the eliminated designer. Naming the wrong person wasn't intentional. Ha ha! But I would have been fine with either one of them going home.

suzq said...

I think you should have owned your alternative reality where Lantie gets shown the door. I much prefer it. We were robbed of another chance to get to see Melissa v. the Brother Sewing Machine Torture Room.

In other news, I think Lindsay Lohan needs to make an appearance on Dance Moms.

Monica said...

God, I missed this.

Not the show, really. Just this.

Lantie is pretty much the worst, and I sort of hate that her name is "Lantie," because what could that possibly be short for, Lantern?

I'm pulling for Kooan to get his own spinoff show. I also don't think he understood a single thing that Nina Garcia or LifetimeAcheivementAwardKingOfTheWorld Michael Kors told him.

Ohhhh, Gunnar is going to get on my first and last nerve this season, I can tell. It ain't cute, kiddo. It's just mean.

Ellen said...

You're back and I'm happy to be reading honest assessments of the show.

Something tells me that Season 10 is a train wreck waiting to happen. The show needs to go back to Bravo where they know how to produce a much better show. Oh, and they need better guest judges.

Brian @ PWYJudges said...

That picture of Christofur and Gunnar's epic kitty battle had me cackling. Thank you x1000.

eric3000 said...

Thanks, Suzq, Monica, Ellen, and Brian! Good to be back!

Anonymous said...

"Mmmmmm love garbage."

Whee! You're back! Some clever banter to look forward to every week. Thanks!

Andrea said...

I am basically only watching the show anymore so I can come here and read your hilarious posts with proper context.