Friday, December 14, 2012

Project Runway All Stars Season Two, Episode Seven: The duchess, the singer, and the very big watch!

It's that time we've all been waiting for! Everyone will be celebrating and talking about shopping and decorating and fashion options!

Carolyn: "That's right! It's Christmas and time for everyone's favorite challenge: unconventional materials!"

Oh, nobody cares about that, Carolyn. I'm talking about the fetus that will one day be King or Queen!

Isaac: "The most famous couple on earth are expecting the world's most eagerly-anticipated child!"

Ivy: "It is the most wonderful news!"

Uli: "People are over the moon about this! It's like it's their baby!"

Emilio: "The royal baby that will become the future monarch of Britain!"

Laura Kathleen: "The biggest celebrity child on the planet!"

Anthony Ryan: "It's mind-blowing to think about just how famous this baby is going to be!"

Casanova: "And we can't wait to see it!"

Joshua: "There's no way this baby is not going to be good looking!"

Yes, the Duchess of Cambridge is over a week pregnant so it's time for a two-hour special with speculation about who the baby will be wearing and expert analysis explaining that this baby will be both bigger than and completely different from Suri Cruise!

Carolyn: "You're right! This is so much better than dumb old Christmas!"

Yeah, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say this is the most important pregnancy since Rachel Zoe gave birth to Skyer! So, thanks to forensic science and digital imaging, we will now be able to predict what Kate will look like when she is nine months pregnant and we will also be able to figure out exactly where she will be shopping for baby clothes and how she will decorate the nursery! And India Hicks will show us the good china:

Peach Carr: "WHAT?!!!"

Don't worry, Peach. That's not a euphemism.

India Hicks: "My godfather, Prince Charles, gave me this beautiful china one piece at a time, for Christmas and birthdays. It was confusing as a child to get a single piece of china as a gift, but now I have a full set."

Yeah, you do.

India Hicks: "Thank you. My godfather is Prince Charles."

Yes. You mentioned that. But what kind of amazing presents can we expect in honor of this royal baby?

Fawad Gruosi: "I have this very big watch I'm trying to unload?"

That will do. OK, so now that we have a fabulous prize let's go to the South Street Sea Port to learn about the challenge. Obviously, the challenge has something to do with the maritime industry and jewelry design will factor in, with Fawad Gruosi as the guest judge, right?

Carolyn: "You're so close. The designers will be shopping for Christmas decorations and the guest judge is Kylie Minogue."

That doesn't make any sense, Carolyn. What the hell does any of that have to do with a royal pregnancy?

Anyway, we do love us some Kylie, but this challenge was pretty mediocre.

Laura Kathleen, Uli, and Anthony Ryan basically made the same dress. Anthony Ryan's looked the most expensive and well-made. But Uli's looked the most comfortable and wearable. Uli won.

Uli tries on her new watch
Emilio made a dress out of ribbon, Joshua made a dress out of Christmas ornaments, Ivy made a dress out of twigs, and Casanova made a dress out of bullshit.

The designers argue about what the judges are looking for in an unconventional-materials challenge:

Casanova: "I just worry that my dress is too conventional."

Emilio: "Right. I think for an unconventional challenge you need to make something non-conventional."

Joshua: "Exactly. Unconventional means non-conventional. As in it shouldn't be conventional."

Casanova: "That's why I'm worried."

Joshua: "No, seriously. It shouldn't be conventional."

Great. Now we've clarified what 'unconventional' means, could someone explain to Anthony Ryan the meaning of the word 'infamous'?

Anthony Ryan: "You mean like my infamous birdseed dress?"

Never mind. Anyway, after an unexciting Project Runway first, in which three designers were named as possibly being safe, Ivy and Casanova were the bottom two.

Casanova is out.

Laura Kathleen: "What? Casanova? So why the hell am I hugging Ivy?"

1 comment:

Cliff O'Neill said...

I was really bummed that Casanova was out instead of Ivy. I really thought he has been one of the three strongest designers this whole wretched season, that dress to one side, of course.