Friday, December 21, 2012

Project Runway All Stars Season Two, Episode Eight: Parsons Abbey!

The war is over, but intrigue, crisis, romance, and change still grip the beloved estate of Parsons Abbey in this thrilling new season of Project Runway All Stars.

But first a reminder of what happened last week: Casanova was accused of murdering his crazy wife and he left Parsons Abbey in order to prevent Ivy from being involved in the scandal:

Ivy: "I know you, Casanova. You're doing something gallant here, making a sacrifice for my honor, but I don't want you to. I don't care. Don't you understand? I don't care what people say. I'd live in sin with you. If they're threatening to ruin me, then let them. It's nothing to me. The only ruin that I recognize is to be without you!"

Casanova: "huh?"

Casanova is dragged off to prison, while Ivy sobs uncontrollably.

At the beginning of this challenge Carolyn enters with envelopes for the designers:

Emilio: "It's from Lord Grantham."

Joshua: "Really? What on earth does he want?"

Emilio: "He wants to change our lives."

Joshua: "He wants us to inherit Parson's Abbey?"

Emilio: "No, a Nine-West capsule boutique."

Lord Grantham: "If I'd made my own fortune and bought Parsons for myself it should be yours without question, but I did not. My fortune is the work of others over at Bravo who laboured to build this great dynasty. Do I have the right to destroy their work or impoverish that dynasty? I am a custodian, my dear, not an owner. I must strive to be worthy of the task I've been set. If I could take Project Runway out of the Lifetime schedule Parsons would have to be sold to pay for it. Is that what you want? To see Isaac Mizrahi a landless peer with a title, but no means to pay for it?"

Emilio: "You know what? We're happy with the capsule boutique thingy. Don't worry about it."

Carolyn: "Terrific. So, for this challenge you will be creating updated looks inspired by the 1920s, because the 1920s are so hot right now."

Lady Grantham: "But it's only 1919. The war just ended. We barely have enough servants to entertain properly as it is. I very nearly had to have a lady's maid serve wine at dinner the other night. I mean, really! This is just too much! How can we possibly be expected to create updated looks based on a decade that hasn't even started yet?"

Carolyn: "I believe season three of Project Runway All Stars will be set in the early 1920s. So you'll just have to do your best for now."

Lady Grantham: "I suppose that's all we can do in these trying times. Where's O'Brian?"

O'Brian: "I've prepared your bath, m'Lady. And I've left the soap right where you won't be able to miss it."

Lady Grantham: "Oh, thank you, O'Brian. What would I do without you?"

The women of Parsons Abbey engage in a fashion face off:

Uli: "This is totally my challenge."

Laura Kathleen: "Well, I don't need feathers to compensate for my design."

Anthony Ryan: "I'd give Ivy's dress a seven or eight."

Ivy: "I'd give Anthony Ryan's dress a five."

Lady Mary: "Edith, darling, your hat is hideous."

Lady Edith: "Oh, yeah? Well, you're a whore."

Then we survive a cholera epidemic, a floral competition, a political rally, and a surprise visit from someone we thought was gone:

Daniel Franco: "Hi, everyone!"

What are you doing here, Daniel? We thought you died on the Titanic!

Daniel Franco: "Oh, no, I just hit my head and completely forgot to audition again this season. By the way, I've been living in Canada, and that's why I talk funny. Anyway, I don't actually have any proof that I'm not dead, so I'll just leave now."

Bye! It's been great seeing you, Daniel!

Now it's time for the women of Parsons Abbey to model their new looks:

The Dowager Countess goes to an after-hours speakeasy:

The Dowager Countess: "Oh, I don't think so. I've heard those places have electricity. And Americans. No, I'll just stay here, thank you very much."

It's just as well, because she looks bad in the dress Ivy made for her. The fabric is nice but it makes the Dowager Countess look fat. And that is not a fat Dowager Countess:

The Dowager Countess: "You know that's right. I've won the title of Sexiest Dowager ten years in a row."

Cousin Isobel: "I believe you pay for that competition."

The Dowager Countess: "I will cut you, Isobel."

Lady Edith wears a dress by Emilio and attends the annual Parsons garden party. She's hoping to receive a proposal from Sir Whatshisface, at whom she's been shamelessly throwing herself. As usual, she ends up looking like a fool:

Isaac: "That fabric is terrible. And the silhouette is more 1930s than 1920s."

Emilio: "I was going for the late 1920s. The extremely late 1920s. Like 1935."

Isaac: "Oh, by the way, Edith, I just spoke to your suitor and he had to leave. Suddenly."


Lady Mary wears a feather capelet designed by Anthony Ryan. The capelet becomes a metaphor for her engagement to cousin Matthew:

Isaac Mizrahi: "I think it should be on. No, no, I've changed my mind; it should be off. Well ... let's try it with it back on again ..."

Lady Mary: "Oh, for the love of God, will you just tell me if I'm getting married?!"

It looks like it's back on again, and Anthony Ryan wins the challenge.

Finally, Lady Sybil attends the evening soiree wearing trousers designed by Laura Kathleen. Everyone is shocked. Lady Grantham faints:

Lord Grantham: "Sybil, look what you've done! Your mother, my darling Cora, has fallen face first into her soup! Your attire is shocking! Shocking, I say! How could you wear trousers?! . . . Again?! You wear the same damn giant palazzo pant for every evening soiree we have! Well, I won't stand for it! You are cut off from the family and no longer welcome at Parsons!"

Oh, no! Lady Sybil and her designer, Laura Kathleen, are out!

Shirley MacLaine: "Through war and peace, Parsons still stands, and ..."

You're too late; the episode is over.

The Dowager Countess has had enough of this bullshit

No comments: