Saturday, March 02, 2013

Project Runway Season Eleven, Episode Six: Pods: The Movie!

We start the episode with Tim Gunn retrieving mysterious pods from Central Park. What is in those pods? Is he a drug runner? I don't want to be involved in criminal activity, but he's willing to pay cash to rent my taxi and I really need the money. I'll just do a little snooping and see if I can figure out what Tim is up to:

Tim Gunn

Tim: "I'm not going to eat your face off. Is that some sort of earth delicacy? Anyway, I think I owe you an explanation. We're Parsoneans. We're from the planet of Parsonea."

Well, that makes sense.

Tim: "About ten thousand years ago we built a Parsonean outpost right in the middle of Manhattan Island. I believe your people called it Atlantis. Everyone told me I should put the outpost in Greenwich Village, but I didn't listen. Sure enough, they built this giant park right over the school. What can I say? Every ten or eleven thousand years, I make a mistake. Anyway, we were able to move the campus, but we didn't have enough life force to get everyone out. We left some of our people behind in these pods and now we've come back for them. Now, I suppose you could alert the authorities and do something else to make things hard for us, but all that would change is that we would end up renting another cab."

So, you're not going to hurt me?

Tim: "We're not going to hurt you. We just want our friends."

OK! I'm in!

Tim: "Great! Parsoneans, your challenge this week is to team up and get these pods to the Brother Life-Force Regeneration Room."
The Brother Life-Force Regeneration Room
Michelle: "I just hope I don't get teamed up with Patricia. Ninety percent of her life-force regeneration attempts are crap. Why am I the only one who can see this?"

Meanwhile, the residents of the Sunny Shores Rest Home are getting bored and they break into the Parsonean campus:

Adorable old ladies
Tim: "Yikes! What the hell are those adorable old ladies wearing? I'm probably going to regret this, but Parsoneans, we've added a twist to this challenge. You need to create some modern, age-appropriate garments for the residents of the Sunny Shores Rest Home."

What good will that do?

Tim: "It's all about life force. On the planet of Parsonea, if you have the right outfit, it will keep you from getting sick, you won't get any older, and you'll never die."

Sounds like a plan.

Tim: "Besides, everyone knows there isn't anything more adorable than old ladies talking about sex."

You know that's right.

So, the Parsoneans get to work created outfits for the adorable old ladies, who are busy goosing Stanley and advising Kate on how to be a slut:

Stanley: "I just got sexually harassed by an adorable old lady! Is there anything more adorable than that? I don't think so!"

Kate: "Yep, that's pretty adorable. I don't really want to be a slut, but how can I argue with an adorable old lady?"

You can't. You have to take her advice. I don't see how you have any choice.

Anyway, the ladies get their makeovers and some of them look pretty damned good. Stanley's purple suit is terrific and he wins the challenge. The judges also like Daniel's black suit and Richards dress. In fact, they look so good, suddenly everyone wants a piece of the fountain of youth:

Everyone, get out of the Brother Regeneration Room!
Oh, no! There are too many old people in there! There isn't enough life force to go around!

Michelle: "The judges loved my dress but I wasn't even eligible for the win because someone sucked all the life force out of our team."

Patricia: "Yeah, sorry about that."

Kate: "It really demonstrates that no matter what you do, if someone else sucks out all the life force, it can ruin it for everyone on the team."

Patricia: "Right. I'm sorry."

Michelle: "It's just so frustrating when you try to regenerate an adorable old lady and one person sucks out the life force."

Patricia: "I get it! I suck! Let it go!"

Amanda and Benjamin are the bottom two. Amanda had a nice print fabric, but she made a really ugly dress out of it. Benjamin created an awful formal dress that even Queen Elizabeth would find frumpy:

Joan Rivers: "She looks like she just stepped out of a regeneration pod after ten thousand years and she's still wearing what she had on when she went in!"

Benjamin is out. Sorry, Benjamin.

Tim says goodbye to Benjamin
Tim: "We couldn't save him. Now I understand the pain of losing someone close. Ironically, this has made me more sympathetic to the people responsible. You can all come with me to a place where you will all lead productive lives."


Tim: "We don't know what 'forever' means. Parsoneans only know that one week you are in and the next you might be out."

Before we go, Wilford Brimley would like to give some advice to those being left behind:

"Eat your damned oatmeal, kid!"

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