Friday, March 08, 2013


Project Runway Season Eleven, Episode seven: A sticky situation!

The producers of Eric Three Thousand would like to apologize for last week’s post. Market research suggests a Golden Girls parody would have had broader market appeal. However, so much time and effort had gone into viewing that damned Cocoon movie, that it was too late to abandon the project. You would not believe how hard that movie is to find! It was like the quest for the Holy Grail. I encountered killer bunny rabbits, rude French people, and shrubberies. And that was just while trying to log into iTunes. The good news is everyone wanting to watch the sequel, Cocoon 2, which is exactly zero people, will have no problem at all finding that movie, for some reason.

We start this episode by meeting Fred the Duck. Tu is terrified:

Tu: “Ducks scare the hell out me! They make me think of that insurance commercial, which makes me think of Ben Affleck and that brings back terrible memories of the time I was viciously attacked by Jennifer Garner while waiting in line at Starbucks.”

That’s ridiculous. All of us have had violent encounters with Jennifer Garner at Starbucks, but that’s no reason to blame Fred the duck. He’s so cute!

Anyway, Fred the Duck was just a clue to the challenge. To actually explain the challenge, Tim introduces us to Bill from Duck brand duct tape:

Tim: “This is Bill. I know you are probably noticing how cheap and ill-fitting his suit looks, but you will be impressed when you learn that it is made entirely out of Duck brand duct tape! Isn’t that fun?”

Bill: “Actually, only my tie is made out of duct tape.”

Tim: “yikes. so that’s a real suit?”

Bill: “yes.”

Tim: “I see. Well, this is what I would call a sticky situation.”

Yeah, that was a little awkward, but I’m sure Bill will get over it. I doubt the duct tape industry is supposed to be very fashionable. So why are we meeting Bill?

Bill: “I’m here to tell you about this challenge. As you know, the duct tape industry is all about fashion.”

OK, I guess I was wrong.

Bill: “Prom dresses are now the second most popular use for duct tape, just behind car repairs and slightly ahead of taping ducts together. There is a whole tradition now called Stuck at Prom and a bunch of new fashion colors and patterns that don’t look anything like duct tape and completely defeat of purpose of making clothes out of duct tape.”

Right. So people can make clothes out duct tape that looks like fabric. I don’t get it. Wouldn’t it make more sense to make fabric that looks like duct tape?

Bill: “Ooh, let me write that down!”

We have a real team challenge this time, with teams pairing up to collaborate on one dress per team. 

Stanley won last week so he gets to pick his teammate first. He picks Layana and stabs Richard in the heart:

Richard: “Et touché Brute?”

Yes, that romance was short lived. Well, Stanley will be sorry when he finds out Richard’s speciality is making gold prom dresses out of duct tape. Or, more likely, he won’t be sorry.

Stanley and Layana make a cute dress from black and zebra print duct tape. They created a full skirt using panels that give the skirt movement, despite the stiffness of the material. The giant pink bow was perfect and the little crinoline made from original duct tape was adorable. 

Kate picks Tu because she has grown so fond of his willingness to do everything she says.

Kate: “I feel like he’s my soul mate. A soul mate is like your servant, right?”

Kate and her assistant make a blue denim duct tape gown. It looks more like a pageant or red carpet gown. I think many girls do want long dresses for prom, but I don’t think many want stiff mermaid gowns you can’t dance in.

Michelle picks Amanda and they make a really fun dress with their own very cool duct tape houndstooth textile. There is math involved in creating the print, so Michelle is in heaven. I agree with some of the other designers that it is perhaps a bit costumey, but I still think it’s pretty great.

Richard is on the rebound and he picks Daniel as his new partner. They work well together, but they feed off of each other’s obsessive self praise and are unable to objectively critique their own work. Also, they selfishly took all 250 yards of gold duct tape just to make sure nobody else could use it. We know the number of yards because Michelle did the math for us. Of course Richard knew there was another designer who would want to use the gold:

Richard: “If Layana thinks she can get away with stealing my man, she has another thing coming.”

Obviously, it turns out they did everyone a favor by taking all the tacky gold tape, but it was still a little rude.

Patricia and Samantha get paired up and they do their best to work together, despite the fact that each is completely bewildered by the other. Patricia creates another interesting textile but I do not at all understand the silhouette of the dress. It’s certainly strange, which I appreciate, but it looks to me like a craft project or possibly a stage costume. I can’t imagine it as a prom dress.

The designers head back to high school to show off their creations and also break up a drug ring:

The designers under cover at prom
The high school students vote on their favorite dress and this will supposedly count for twenty percent of the score for the challenge. I don’t think we are ever told the outcome, except for the dress that received the most votes. For some reason, the high school students love the bizarre blue dress Patricia and Samantha made. I blame it on the drugs. The judges love it, too, but not enough to give it the win.

The win goes to the dress made by Michelle and Samantha. The students didn’t seem to like it much, but apparently that didn’t really have anything to do with the judging, after all. Michelle wins the challenge! Congratulations, Michelle!

The bottom four are Richard, Daniel, Kate, and Tu. The judges think both dresses are dated and clichéd. Richard and Daniel took a beating but they are safe and still loved working together:

Daniel and RIchard
Nina and Zac argue over whether girls want to wear long dresses to prom. It starts getting ugly and then something surprising happens:

Nina: “Girls do not want to wear long dresses to prom!”

Zac: “You have no idea what you’re talking about, old lady!”

Nina: “What do you know about what girls want, sissy boy?!”

Zac: “I dress girls for prom all the time! When was the last prom you went to?”

Nina: “Actually, I never got to go. I had to ... this is hard for me to talk about ... I had to drop out of high school and support my family by becoming the assistant editor of Vogue.”

Zac: “Oh, that’s so sad. I’ll go to prom with you, Nina.”

Nina: “This is the most magical night ever!”

Well, I hate to break up this love fest, but we have to get to the hard part. Shockingly, both Tu and Kate are sent home. I knew that it was probably Tu’s time to go, but I thought Kate would make it to the end.

Next week the designers go under cover again, this time at a Chippendale's Male Revue:

And they are serious about it!

2 comments:

lovemesomecrazycatstache said...

"All of us have had violent encounters with Jennifer Garner at Starbucks, but that’s no reason to blame Fred the duck."

THIS is why I love your blog. Bwhahahaha!

And I kinda liked Zac getting all up in Nina's face. Of course, we all knew La Nina would win that argument and get her way. The gold dress was much worse, so I'm on Zac's side. Don't tell Nina.

eric3000 said...

Thanks!