Saturday, October 19, 2013

Project Runway Season Twelve Finale: Sabotage!

Heidi Klum: “For the first time in Project Runway history, the best designer has won!”

That’s not true. It’s happened at least a couple of times before.

Heidi Klum: “Well, then, for the first time in Project Runway history, I have made an incorrect statement about something happening for the first time in Project Runway history!”

OK, Heidi’s being sarcastic. But the point is, Dom won and I think the judges made the right decision and I’m a little surprised by that. In fact, given the track record of the judges, I felt I had to take matters into my own hands in order to make sure we got the correct result. I’m not proud of the things I did, and ultimately I don't think they made any difference, but I’m in a confessional mood so let me just get this off my chest.

First of all, I’m the one who dumped coffee all over Bradon’s model. I know. I know. It was a horrible thing to do. 
It's not as bad as it looks. New Tide Pods will get that right out.
Bradon: “I specifically told my models not to go to the senior prom and get elected prom queen and go up on stage and stand under that big bucket of coffee! But would they listen to me? No!”

I actually don’t want to be negative, so I’m just going to focus on the positive aspects of Bradon’s collection. And if I think of any, I’ll let you know.

Nope. I'm not saying a word.
Next, I had to make sure Justin was out of the way. I thought his collection was nice, but I felt like the best part of his show was the accessories. So he shouldn’t have been a problem except that his final gown, made out of plastic test tube vials, was probably the biggest statement piece of all the collections. 

So, I took out one of his models. I didn’t plan to do it! It was impulsive and I feel guilty about it! Besides, when I tell you the whole story, you’ll understand why I did it:

Like I said, I was a little worried that the judges might be so blown away by Justin’s one amazing gown that they might ignore the fact that the rest of his collection was not as strong as Dom’s. So I followed his model, Gina Gershon, to her job as the headliner in “Goddess,” the topless show at the Stardust hotel in Las Vegas, where my friend Molly works as a seamstress. After the show, I was following Gina down the stairs to her dressing room. We were talking about how sexy I am and she was obviously attracted to me so I leaned in for a kiss and then she pulled away and called me a whore! Well, no one calls me a whore and gets away with it, so I pushed her! I was angry and I pushed her! I didn’t mean for her to fall down the stairs and break her ankle. That was an unfortunate accident and you can’t prove otherwise. 

Anyway, to make a long story short, I’m now the headliner at the Stardust hotel and I had to fill in as a model in Justin’s runway show. And even though I have the exact same measurements as Gina Gershon, I’m just slightly longer waisted, so the dress didn’t fit perfectly. Again, it ultimately was not the deciding factor so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. 

It's a Versase
Gina Gershon: “I’ll be fine. There’s always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs behind you.”

The shocking thing was that Alexandria turned out to be the biggest threat of all. I was going to have to be creative if I was going to sabotage her.

I ultimately decided to let her sabotage herself. I thought long and hard about what would send her over the edge and then it finally came to me. What’s the most evil thing in the entire world? What will single-handedly bring about the end of civilization? What makes children cry and adults pray for the sweet release of death? 

Yes, phone books. I honestly didn't even know phone books were being produced anymore. I haven't seen one in years and they don't get delivered to my house. But, apparently they still really upset some people. So, I had thousands of them delivered to Alexandria’s studio and it had the desired results. She started freaking out. Yes, she did create a dramatic, if costumey, garment out of them. But she also created hundreds of other decent pieces instead of concentrating on ten outstanding looks. As with Justin's collection, her monotone looks blended together into a forgettable mush, in my opinion. But some of her pants were really cool and most of her pieces were definitely wearable and sellable and the judges sometimes think that’s the most important thing, so I was still a little worried. 

This is great
This is horrifying
So I had done my part. That just left Dom to follow through with the great collection we were expecting from her. And she did. I admit I wasn’t blown away by the entire collection, but several pieces were spectacular, the styling was perfect, and the looks were cohesive, young, fresh, and fun.

not the best photo, but I love everything about this
probably the best of the washable looks
The designers give their final speeches about why they deserve to win:

Justin tells us that he should win because he wants to prove that a deaf person can be a fashion designer. And in case you were wondering, a deaf person can also compete on the Amazing Race:

well, duh
Bradon tells us he should win because he used to be a dancer:

Bradon: “Did you know that I used to be a dancer?”

You might have mentioned it once or thirty times before.

Bradon: “Well, then you must be able to understand how excited I am to know that I can be just as amazing at everything I do.”

Yeah, I can totally relate.

Alexandria tells us she should win because she works hard and she has already accomplished so much and she already knows how to run a business because she already has two successful businesses and what the hell does she need our help for?

The judges are moved/scared/exhausted by listening to Alexandria.

So I think the winner was always clear, but with these judges it’s better to be safe than sorry. Congratulations, Dom! Although you didn’t need my help to win, I’m so proud that I could be a part of it by sabotaging your competition.
Congratulations, Dom!


Ellen said...

Spot on analysis, as usual. I must say that I was happy that Dom won, since I live just outside of Philly and wanted the hometown girl to win.

After all the crap that Alexandria made during the season, I was quite surprised at her collection. Though I was glad she didn't win since, on the whole, she is one of the most annoying contestants.

Justin played the deaf card one too many times. But some of his looks were not so bad.

Bradon, who we all thought was the shoo in, choked. And I'm not surprised.

I will, once again, look forward to your comments in future seasons. Thanks for the chuckles.

kelly said...

Thank you for all your wonderful, and spot-on accurate, recaps.

eric3000 said...

Thanks for reading!

Cathy B. said...

That's great. Loved Dom this season.