Thursday, October 19, 2006

Project Runway Season Three Finale: what the hell just happened?

So we pick up from last week:

Jeffrey: "Gosh, I just love Laura! I really appreciate the fact that she accused me of cheating because it gave me a head start on replacing the garments I won't be allowed to use in the show!"

Laura: "Well, I only did it because I care about you so much! Here, give me a big hug!"

OK, I think we missed something.

Tim: "Jeffrey, we need the receipt for your shorts and you're going to have to cut something because you're over budget."

Jeffrey: "Well, I didn't think I needed receipts because I have all my work done by Sanford and Son and that was a really popular television show that you can still see on Nick at Night so I thought that would be all the evidence I would need.

Tim: "Nope. We still need receipts."

Jeffrey: "OK. Well, here's my plan for what to cut: I was thinking maybe the models' heads. I mean, they don't really use them and that way I wouldn't need the wigs. Ha ha, I'm just kidding! I was thinking about the headless model thing way before I found out I was over budget."

Later on:

Tim (sniffling): "Designers, please gather 'round."

Jeffrey: "Tim, why are you so emotional? Are you having your period or something?"

Tim: "No, (sniff) it's just that this is the last time this season I'll say (sniff) 'gather 'round' and I'm going to miss you. You're all just like the children I'm so glad I never had."

Designers: "Awww!"

On to the runway shows!:

Wow, look at that crowd! The tent is filled with thousands of previous Project Runway contestants! Oh, yeah; and also Brandy and that annoying girl from The View!

The world of fashion changes so quickly. Do you remember last season when all the models were goose-stepping like they were late for an SS meeting? Well, it's only a few months later but that style of walking is completely auf. Apparently now you are supposed to shuffle like a zombie who is too lazy to even look for brains. Seriously, what's wrong with those models? I know they are hungry but shouldn't all the cocaine give them more energy than that? Other Eric suggests it's the weird platform heels but I can walk better than that in those shoes. Oh, you know I've done it!

After the shows the crowd is asked who they want to win. The consensus seems to be Uli. I agree. Wait, did Michael's new girlfriend, Brandy, just say she's rooting for Uli? Ouch. [OK, after reading other blogs, she apparently said Michael, not Uli. Am I going deaf? I played it back three times and I thought she said Uli.]

Back in the studio, the judges talk with the designers:

Heidi: "Uli, your collection is beautiful, innovative, wearable, sexy, and fun! You really surprised us! I would wear every single piece! Obviously we're disappointed; we expected more from you."

Michael Kors: "Michael, I love your street-walker collection!"

Michael: "Um, that's 'Street Safari.'"

Michael Kors: "Oh, in that case, I don't get it."

Nina: "Laura, you know what I would have liked to have seen in your collection? Maybe an outrageous chartreuse coat."

Michael Kors: "Oh yeah, that would have been nice."

Laura: "Son of a bitch."

Fern Mallis: "Jeffrey, what was with that long blue dress? It looked like something that exploded out of a baboon's ass."

Michael Kors: "True dat!"

The following scene had to be cut and re-shot but I think it explains what happened:

Heidi: "And now we have a very special guest to announce the winner: Jack Palance!"

Jack: "And the winner is . . . oh shit, where are my glasses? . . . Um, Marissa Tomei?"

Heidi: "Mr. Palance, the winner cannot be Marissa Tomei. It has to be either Jeffrey or Uli."

Jack: "Oh, OK. Then the winner is Jeffrey!"

Heidi: "Alright, whatever."

Nina (to Michael Kors): "What the hell just happened?"

Well, that's the end of the season! Thanks for reading! I may be blogging about Top Chef so check back if you are interested. Otherwise, I'll see you in nine months!


Anonymous said...

We now know that being "innovative" (i.e. having a great story of how japanese color & style lead you to your own personal circus) is more important than wearable (i.e. everyone can own one for the right price). I wanted fun. I wanted to be wowed. I should have gone to Cirque de Solei instead.

Steven said...

Marisa Tomei.

That was too funny.

Make sure Jeffrey gets a hold of the envelope with his name printed on it, just to make sure.

Steven said...

Oh, that reminds me, drop me a line, Eric.

Tbone said...

"see you in nine months"...are you expecting Eric?

Eric said...

Even if you don't Blog about Project Runway, I'm sure your readers would love your thoughts on any number of things like, "who are the Others?"

wildflower38 said...

Your recaps are so funny....I have a question... Why does the world need more grapefruit?

eric3000 said...

Thanks for reading! So many questions!

Yes, I drank the water at Parsons and now Nina Garcia and I will be pregnant at the same time! We'll have so much fun together shopping and going to Serendipity for frozen hot chocolate!

As for grapefruit: I just love grapfruit! There is so much unrest in the world and it is also so hard to find a good grapefruit cologne. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Anonymous said...

Brandy said Uli.

You're all just like the children I'm so glad I never had.

Always giving him their little runway turtle turds.

Michael said...

Hilarious! Your judges comments had me laughing out loud. I'm so going to miss your PR recaps. I may have to actually watch Top Chef just so I can read your take on it.

Ms. Place said...

OMYG, hilarious. You are too funny.

Look, Kewpie Doll Jeffrey won just because his collection was cohesive. Yes, it looked fabulous for September 2006. But how will it play in 2008?

Laura's collection was so timeless, so tasteful, so full of fun and joie de vivre, how could they have overlooked her? Oh, and Uli's clothes were nothing to sneeze at either!