Project Runway Season 3 Reunion Episode: the return to innocence.
In the most surprising twist of the entire Project Runway series the designers all appear to be sober at the season 3 reunion special!
Anyway, here's what happened:
The designers showed up. Keith took complete responsibility for his actions and understood why he was kicked off the show. Jeffrey apologized to Angela for his inexcusable behavior toward her mother. The designers all hugged each other and went home.
Oh, alright; that didn't happen.
Let's start from the beginning:
Heidi recaps: "We started with 15 designers. Each week one designer was sent home. Except that week when no designer was sent home. Oh yeah, and that week when three designers were sent home. Oh, and what about that week when Keith was sent home in addition to another designer; does that count? Oh, forget it!"
Heidi is joined by Tim:
Tim: "Mitigate faux bois consternation sturm und drang circuitous ambivalent placate Constructivist consternation amorphous misapprehension anemic egregious idiosyncratic caucus!"
Keith: "Ha ha, he said caucus!"
Vincent: "That turns me on."
Laura: "There is some serious ugly going on in this room!"
Robert: "It's boring!"
Bradley: "boop, boop, boop."
Stacey: "Remember me?"
Uli: "I can't even go to the toilet without being followed. Let's get vasted after the show. Fahrvergnugen!"
Kayne: "I'm all about pageants my sisters were in pageants I'm from Tennessee lets cut to the chase what I envision for this reunion show is something gorgeous I haven't decided on colors yet I would love to see this set in olive green that's the look and whole feeling I want it's going to look gorgeous it's going to look like a million bucks!"
Angela: "Jeffrey, I think you and I could have been friends if we had never met."
Alison: "Animals make me happy!"
Vincent: "I don't want my fucking clothes fucking fluffed and folded. Is that too fucking much to ask? This shit isn't cheap shit! What the fuck is wrong with you fucking people?!"
Now we're getting somewhere. Tell us more.
Vincent: "The show is full of amateur designers. It's my opinion and I'm entitled to my opinion, and I'm proud of my opinion, and I stand by my opinion. I'm not calling you amateurs. I'm just saying it takes a certain level to be at a certain level of design and I stand by that, yeah."
Tim: "Fortunately we have Guadalupe Vidal standing by on the phone. Lupe, can you translate that for us?"
Lupe: "I agree, as well."
Tim: "Thank you."
Michael Kors and Nina Garcia come out with a big, obnoxious poster check.
Michael Knight is crowned Miss Congeniality. Kayne wonders why he wasn't asked to make the gown.
The scoring is explained:
Heidi: "First we score the garments from 1 to 5."
Nina: "Then we ask questions of the designers."
Michael Kors: "Then we just pull decisions out of our asses."
The designers ask questions of the judges:
Angela: "Would my Jubilee Jumbles outfit have been better if it had a better story?"
Nina: "Not even if the story had been written by Alexandre Dumas."
Kayne: "If I had made my couture dress in a different color would it have been better?"
Michael Kors: "Anything is possible."
Kayne: "People love that dress!"
Michael Kors: "There's all kinds of taste out there. Have you seen some of Heidi's outfits this season?"
Previous designers are asked who will win. Jay has it all figured out.
Jay: "The first season the gay white guy won, the second season the Chinese girl won, so the third season the black guy will win."
OK, but Chloe isn't Chinese.
Jay: "I don't care if she's Chinese, Japanese, or Chuck E. Cheese; the point is she's Asian."
The season four winner will be a Mexican hermaphroditic dwarf.
See you next week!
(Legal disclaimers: Jay never called Chloe Chinese. I made this up in order to use the Jaime Presley line from My Name Is Earl. Please drink responsibly.)